The Grayson Trilogy

by Georgia Rose

  “When did you decide then?”

  “You caught my attention during our first conversation, before we’d even met. But my interest was inexplicably raised the first time I saw you in those ridiculous overalls, then when you went for me over the dog that sealed it. Anyone who showed that much passion on behalf of their dog was definitely the one for me…it just took a long time to make you realise you felt the same way.”

  “It certainly did. Particularly after one of our early meetings when you came across as a misogynist,” I recalled, still baffled by the behaviour he’d displayed.

  “Yeah, I wanted to wind you up but realised I’d taken it too far that day,” he grimaced uncomfortably.

  “Why did you want to wind me up?” I frowned, confused by his desire for a reaction generally best avoided.

  He looked away, deliberating on his explanation before looking back at me a little sheepishly. “I’d been surprised by the strength of my attraction to you when you defended Susie, seeing your passion rise, colour coming to your cheeks, anger lighting your eyes, your breathing…” he swallowed, “…and I imagined for a moment that passion in you rising for me. I couldn’t stop thinking about it…wondering if I’d exaggerated it in my mind, so when the opportunity came along to get that reaction out of you again I took it.”

  “And did it meet your expectations?”

  “More than…” he grinned.

  I smiled at his explanation, thinking how deeply depressed my mind and body must have been at that time. “I didn’t actually realise you were chasing at all, I thought you were just trying to irritate the hell out of me,” and I smiled at him as I said this.

  “Very funny – and to think I wasted my best flirtation techniques on you!”

  “Oh boy, are you in trouble if that’s the best you had – no wonder you’ve been on your own for so long!” I was enjoying teasing him.

  “I didn’t want to scare you off by unleashing my full powers on you, that’s why I reverted to playing hard to get,” he said, laughing as he turned his attention back to his food. A little while later he said casually, “While we’re on the subject, what about you?”

  “What…my history? Not much to tell, only Alex actually.”

  He went quiet at this, thoughtful for a moment, and then added, “I know it’s ridiculous at our ages, and incredibly possessive of me to feel like this, but I wish there hadn’t even been him. I wish you were all mine,” he added wistfully. I understood his possessiveness; I’d felt a pang of jealousy when he’d told me of his past, yet how could I be jealous of relationships that had happened long before I’d even met him? It was completely irrational but I realised I didn’t like the fact that he’d been with anyone else before me either; I, too, wanted him to be all mine. However, that was what Alex and I had had and he hadn’t appreciated how special that was at all, – clearly it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be – and I pushed my possessive thoughts to the back of my mind thinking that they wouldn’t lead to a healthy relationship at all.

  I woke early the next morning to find Trent still asleep beside me. He looked relaxed and I enjoyed having this time to watch him. He was truly beautiful, his dark, full eyelashes swept down towards his high cheekbones, his full lips relaxed, his skin darkening towards and across his jawbone where he needed to shave. I realised in our short time together I’d fallen for him completely, though the reality was I’d been falling for him since the first time we met; his patience in waiting and desire to understand me had drawn us inexorably towards this point where we were wrapped up in each other as close as it was possible for us to be.

  I’d felt considerably safer since he’d been back, realising after fighting against it for so long that I appreciated his protectiveness, so much so I’d all but forgotten the fact that somebody out there might want to hurt me, especially as there had been no further incidents. My thoughts were interrupted as Trent stirred, opening his eyes and smiling when he saw me watching him.

  “Morning,” he said sleepily.

  “Morning,” I responded, as leaning over I gave him a quick kiss and made a move to get up, only to find myself suddenly pinned on the bed, Trent looking down at me.

  “I think we can do a little better than that can’t we,” his lips finding mine.

  The rest of the week passed quickly. The insurance assessors came out, together with some structural engineers who confirmed the garage was still sound. The insurers gave the all-clear for my car to be taken away then Cavendish arranged for the boys to clear out the rest of the garage, and scrub the walls and ceiling to remove as much soot as possible. A local carpenter came to measure up for new doors, which he then went away to make. There was no rush for these as I had no plans to replace my car anytime soon.

  There had been one awkward moment with Carlton when they were cleaning up the garage. He’d come over to the stables to chat to me while I was grooming Regan. I knew I was going to have to deal with this at some point but hadn’t yet worked out how to handle it, so I took the easy option and left him to ask.

  “Am I right in thinking you won’t need us to pick you up on Friday evening?”

  I looked up at him, frowning a little. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead actually but I guess not.” He hesitated for a moment.

  “So the rumours are true then…you and Trent.”

  “Yes, they’re true.” A long silence followed, during which he continued to look at me as I tried to think of something to say to lift the moment, ending up gabbling much too perkily.

  “I hear you and Greene are getting on well. I’ve always thought you two suited each other.”

  “Yeah, we’re having a good time together.” He paused, before adding, “I hope you didn’t mind me asking, Em, only I wanted to hear it from you. I hadn’t realised that was where your feelings lay.”

  “I hadn’t realised either, Carlton. But I’ll still see you here and at the pub on Fridays – that’s not going to change.” He smiled at this, a little ruefully, then nodded before disappearing back to the garage. I exhaled with relief that that was over before returning my attention to Regan.

  Chapter 19

  On the following Friday evening there was quite a crowd from the estate at the pub. We’d pulled an extra table in towards the one in the booth and everyone squeezed together to fit round. Trent and I were squashed in next to each other and the evening was getting fairly raucous. I felt, rather than saw, the door open, but something made me look up and there stood Alex. My mouth actually dropped open. What the hell was he doing here? Hastily pulling myself together I let go of Trent’s hand from under the table and stood, putting my hand on his shoulder. Alex had spotted me from the door and walked over to our table.

  “Hello, Emma.”

  “Hi,” I replied quietly, increasing the pressure through my hand into Trent’s shoulder, discouraging him from standing up. I hesitated but then turned to the others, who had all gone quiet, all looking at the newcomer.

  “Um, everyone this is Alex, my ex. Alex, this is everyone,” and with that I pointed to a table in the corner that was empty, indicating that Alex should go to it, wanting to get him away from the others as quickly as possible. I followed him, taking my drink with me and glancing back at Trent, smiling reassuringly before sitting down with my back to him and the others.

  “Can I get you a drink, Em?”

  “I already have a drink,” I replied quietly as he went to the bar and came back with a pint for himself and another glass of wine for me.

  “I got you a glass of red, Cabernet Sauvignon, Em, I assume that’s still your favourite?”

  “I said I had a drink. How did you find me?” I sounded cold.

  Alex appeared to be a little embarrassed as he mumbled, “Letting agent.” I’d left strict instructions with the agent that my address was not to be given out, so I knew he had to have used some subterfuge to have obtained it. I sat there for a moment watching him, and as he leant forward to reach for his drink he looked up from
his glass to me through his eyelashes and that was all it took for the reminder of Eva to hit me. Nothing had changed in that respect, despite our time apart.

  I looked away as I muttered, “What do you want?”

  “I wanted to see how you are.”

  “Now you’ve seen when are you going?” I was curt and I could see he was irritated by my abruptness but trying hard not to show it. He took a deep breath.

  “I also wanted to update you on the court case.”

  I was silent. This had nothing to do with me. Alex had decided to sue the hospital that had treated Eva. I was not involved. He carried on regardless: “We won the case, Em. The hospital has admitted liability, admitted their negligence and we’ve received a payout.”

  “You’ve won the case, Alex, you’ve received a payout. It was your crusade, not mine. I already know who was responsible for her death.” I was trying to keep my voice low so as not to attract attention but my anger at him being here talking like this was growing, and I was finding it difficult to control myself. He snapped right back at me.

  “It was not your fault – how many times do you have to be told, Emma? You have to allow yourself to recover from this, get over it and move on.” That did it.

  “I have moved on, this is me moving on, and just because you’ve managed to find someone to use as a scapegoat, someone to take the blame, do not deem to tell me to ‘get over it’ – and I will repeat, what do you want?” My teeth were clenched as I said this, my voice still low as I suppressed my anger. He tried to pacify me, opening his arms wide and resting them on the table between us, his hands relaxed, palms upturned. A gesture of calm, meant as much for him as for me.

  “Sorry, Em, bad choice of words. I know neither of us are ever going to get over it but please….just stop for a moment and listen.” Presumably taking my silence for agreement he pressed on. “There was no scapegoat, Em, the investigation was thorough, right from the doctor who shouldn’t have fobbed you off by sending you home, to those who didn’t take your fears seriously at the hospital…the whole system was found to be at fault. An inadequate triage system, too few doctors covering too many patients, the list goes on. But the good that has come out of it is that all this has now been investigated and systems have been put in place so no one else should ever have to go through that again.”

  My eyes were fixed on my hands in my lap. I became aware he’d stopped and was now sat watching me. I didn’t know what to say, what to do with this information at that moment. I looked up at him and could feel his empathy as he continued, his voice subdued, “I feel guilty as well, Em, because I, like them, thought you were being too cautious, thought you were an overly anxious mother when all of us should have listened to you. I should have trusted you, supported you better. I don’t know why I didn’t and I can’t tell you how much I regret not doing so.” This was quite an admission and a lot to take in, certainly too much for me to deal with at that moment.

  “Thanks for coming and telling me all of that, Alex, it’s given me a lot to think about.” I sat in quiet contemplation. He shifted uncomfortably on his chair and I knew he wasn’t done.

  “You look good, Em.” His voice was soft and looking up at him I raised one eyebrow – surely not, I thought, but I knew him too well.

  “What do you want, Alex?” I had a sneaking suspicion that I knew what was coming.

  “You, Em…I want you.” Crap.

  “Oh dear, trouble in paradise?” I queried, although I couldn’t have cared less.

  “We tried to give it a go but I guess the way it started it was never destined to last. I realised what I’d lost and thought I’d come and see if we could give it another go. We were great together, Em, you know that. We could go back, start again…What happened…what I did…it doesn’t mean it has to be the end.” He gazed at me pleadingly.

  Taking a deep breath, I knew that at last I had the strength to say what I needed to say and when the words came they came in a torrent, words I should have spoken to him years before but was too frozen by my grief to articulate them.

  “I can’t be with you, Alex, it’s difficult for me to even look at you. When I do it breaks my heart all over again. I see Eva in you, all the time. I remember the first time we held her together and the last, and all of our lives in between. I loved you so much and I thought you loved me but you destroyed my trust in you by adding to my suffering when we lost her, choosing to betray me when you knew how alone I’d been all my life. You knew I had no one else to help me, yet that still wasn’t enough to stop you from fucking her.” I was shaking, the tears that came a mixture of sadness and fury. Alex looked shocked – I had never been so open with him.

  “I had no idea of the depth of pain I caused you – I’m so sorry, Em, please forgive me. You always seemed to handle everything so well, and were so tough. Why couldn’t you talk to me like this before?”

  “Because by the time I was capable of talking, capable of finding my way back to you, Alex, it was too late, you’d already left me.” I saw the tears come to his eyes as they fixed on mine.

  His voice broke as he started speaking, barely above a whisper. “I thought you blamed me.”

  I didn’t understand – blamed him for what? I waited patiently for more. Confusion must have shown in my face as he cleared his throat. “When you couldn’t even look at me I thought it was because you blamed me for taking her away from you.” We were still and I knew we were both reliving the moment: the moment of him prising my arms open to take her body from me – I could feel it as clearly, and as painfully, as if it were happening right at that moment. I closed my eyes, reaching across the table to take his hand, which I clasped tightly, feeling his hand tighten on mine in response.

  I shook my head at him. “I never blamed you. Better you than someone else and I knew what it cost you. What have we done to each other, Alex? We have both been so damaged.”

  “I know…that’s why I think we could make things better by being together. Please think about coming back to me.” His voice was tight with emotion, his face a mask of misery.

  Throughout this conversation I’d felt Trent’s stare searing into my back and I thought I probably didn’t have too much time in which to make my point and to end this now. I stared at Alex steadily and spoke calmly and firmly, knowing my words would hurt but knowing I had to say them anyway.

  “The moment you chose to screw her, Alex, was the moment it ended and you lost me…forever. There is no going back – you ruined any chance of that ever happening.” I didn’t think I could make myself any clearer and yet he sounded astonished when he replied, still unable to believe my words and let it go.

  “Please, Em, I promise you we could make things right between us again if we spent some time together. I’ll wait for however long it takes.”

  I hesitated only a moment before saying, “Don’t,” then watched his face fall, as letting go of his hand Trent slid onto the bench next to me and I wondered how much he’d heard. I was shaken, my emotions scattered, which Trent picked up on immediately.

  “You okay?” he asked, concern showing on his face, not looking away until I nodded and he was satisfied.

  He introduced himself to Alex: “Hi, I’m the boyfriend, Trent,” and he held out his hand. They shook briefly then Trent brought his arm back and around me, running his hand up my back until I could feel his fingers lightly caress the back of my neck, soothing me, and that’s where he let them rest.

  It was clearly a proprietorial move but Alex chose to ignore it, responding, “That’s strange, I thought you were just introduced as part of ‘everybody’.” I could hear the challenge in his tone and was sure it was not lost on Trent.

  “Well, you know Emma, she likes to keep things on a strictly need-to-know basis and she obviously didn’t feel you needed to know. I, however, feel differently.” He was staring impassively at Alex, a small smile on his face.

  Alex looked back at me, ignoring Trent, and said, “Please think about what I�
��ve said, Em. I’m serious. You know where I am and you know my number if you want to talk.” With that he got up to leave and I watched silently as the door closed behind him. Trent was quiet and still for a moment, deep in thought, and then he glanced across at me.

  “Home?” he said, inclining his head to one side and looking serious. We said a brief goodbye to the others and left. The journey was silent. Trent was tense but I couldn’t tell what he was annoyed about. Should we talk about it? I didn’t really want to bring it all up again but I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know him well enough to know how best to deal with this.

  We checked the horses then went to the cottage. Trent had been staying with me every night; it wasn’t something we’d discussed it was just what happened, neither of us wanting to be away from the other, but as we headed off to bed that evening I thought it was unlikely we’d be able to sleep, the tension being almost palpable.

  “Is there anything you want to talk to me about, Em?” His voice was quiet in the dark as I climbed into bed.

  “No.” I wasn’t ready to talk to him about what I needed to yet. I had to find the time to process all that Alex had told me. To try to work out in my own mind how I felt about the result of the court case and whether it changed anything for me. I heard his sigh.

  “Then I have something. Why didn’t you introduce me to Alex as your boyfriend? Are you ashamed of me?” Ah, I thought, his ego was hurt. This I could deal with.

  “Of course I’m not, I just didn’t want to let Alex know who you are or what you are to me. It might have complicated the situation.”

  “How would it have complicated the situation?”

  “It’s nothing to do with him who you are, that’s all.”

  Trent was silent for a moment, then turning towards me he propped himself up on his elbow. “He came back for you, didn’t he?”