Summer of the Loon

by Deanna Lynn Sletten

  Ben sat in his chair in the living room, letting the day wash over him, reexamining every word he'd said. How could he have done this again? How was it possible that a man could be so stupid not only once, but twice in his life?

  He remembered the day he'd found out that his Jen was pregnant as if it were only yesterday. He'd felt anger, sure, but most of all, he'd felt betrayed. He had taken it personally. Instead of feeling compassion for his daughter and asking her what he could do to help, he'd turned on her. And he'd been paying for it ever since. He and his Lizzie. They'd both paid for his angry words that day.

  "And I did it again today," he said aloud to the empty room. "Lizzie. I did it again."

  Ben dropped his head in his hands and closed his eyes tight, trying to conjure up his Lizzie. She'd know what to do. She'd know how to fix this. The last time, she'd been unable to bring Jen back, but this time, she'd know how to bring Ali home. No matter how hard he tried, the vision of his Lizzie would not appear. All he saw in his mind was Ali's tear-stained face looking back at him.

  'You're the same mean, angry man you were when I first came here,' Ali had screamed at him. 'You just want to wallow in your lonely, loveless life and keep it that way.' Ali was right. He'd held onto his pain like a trophy, and it had made him angrier and meaner through time. He'd let Jo into his heart only so far, but he'd failed to let her in completely. He hadn't wanted Ali to come and live with him in the first place. In fact, he hadn't ever expected to meet her at all. But here she was, and she'd found a place in his heart, too. Yet he'd refused to trust her completely. Refused to believe that maybe she'd be different from his Jen. Now he might lose her.

  Angrily, Ben stood up and stomped into the kitchen. He reached up into the highest cupboard, pulled down the half-empty bottle of whiskey, and set it on the counter. Ben stared hard at the bottle. Just one drink, that was all he needed. One drink to get him through this terrible night. He'd stop at one because he couldn't risk Ali coming home and finding him drunk. He'd promised her.

  He unscrewed the lid and raised the bottle to his lips. He could smell the sweet liquid inside. It called out to him. Slowly, Ben set it back down on the counter again.

  Looking at the bottle, Ben sneered at it. For years he'd been using this bottle of whiskey as a crutch. He wasn't going to find Ali in this bottle of whiskey. He wasn't going to find his Lizzie or his Jen in there, either. And he certainly wasn't going to find happiness in there. Happiness had been found with Jo. He'd found happiness spending time with Ali. That damned bottle of whiskey would never make him feel warm or cared about like the people in his life did.

  Ben raised the bottle over his head and threw it into the sink. It shattered and sprayed whiskey all over the counters, walls, and floor. A shard of glass flew back at Ben and sliced his cheek. Ben just stood there, his anger spent, watching the amber liquid run down the sink and drip off the counter and onto the floor.

  Feeling a trickle of something warm run down his cheek, Ben frowned and stared at his reflection in the window over the sink. Blood oozed out of the long cut. He raised his hand to the wound and touched it. Drawing his hand away, he saw blood on his fingertips. Ben grabbed a dishtowel that was hanging over the cupboard door, wet it with cold water, and placed it over the cut on his face, pressing hard. No cut, however deep, could hurt as much as the words he'd thrown at Ali today.

  Ben walked through the cabin back to his chair and sat down heavily. He sat there waiting. Waiting for the storm to pass, waiting for daylight, waiting for the pain in his heart to subside.

  ***

  The first rays of sunlight fell across Ben as he sat in the chair. His eyes flew open. Despite his fear for Ali, he'd somehow fallen asleep and the sun was already coming up.

  Ben stood and stared out the window. The storm had passed, leaving behind huge puddles of water that had turned the gravel road into mud. Looking at the sky, he estimated it to be around five-thirty a.m. Fishing time. Right now, he and Ali should be fishing on the lake, but instead, she was gone.

  "Where could she be?" he asked aloud. "Where could she have waited out the storm?" Ben walked toward the bathroom. He'd throw cold water on his face to wake up, and then head out looking for Ali.

  Ben passed the desk with the photo of Lizzie sitting on it. He stopped and lifted the photo, gazing at it tenderly. He wished his Lizzie could have met her granddaughter. She would have loved Ali immediately. She'd have never held back her love like Ben had. Ben thought about Ali's kind act of picking flowers and placing them in the lake as a remembrance of a grandmother she'd never met. Ali had even taken the time to find out that Lizzie loved daisies and had walked the woods to pick them herself.

  Ben's eyes suddenly snapped to life. Daisies. Ali had picked the daisies on the trail to the old dairy farm. She knew that trail. She knew the barn was there. Suddenly, he realized where Ali was. It was the only place she could have gotten out of the rain. It was the only place that made sense.

  Ben ran to his bedroom, pulled on his boots and flannel jacket, picked up his shotgun, and headed out the door.

  Jumping into his truck, Ben took off down the gravel road avoiding the muddiest parts in fear of getting stuck. Once he made it to the trail, he turned the truck onto it. When he and Chase checked the bear bait stations, they always drove down this trail. But today, it was difficult with the trail so slick and muddy.

  Ben frowned at the thought of the bait stations. They had two in the woods near the dairy farm. That meant that all types of wild animals were in that vicinity. Hadn't they just seen snapshots of a cougar and a huge male bear from the trail cams by the bait stations? He hoped that Ali hadn't run into any of the animals if she'd gone to the barn.

  Farther down the road, Ben had to stop the truck. The trail was just too muddy and he didn’t want the truck to sink in it. He pulled over on the tall grass as far as he dared so it wasn't sitting directly in the mud, grabbed his gun off the seat, and headed out on foot. Walking was tough. His boots slipped in the mud, and twice he almost landed on his face. But he trudged on, hoping he'd find Ali safe and sound at his destination.

  Up ahead, Ben finally saw the barn and his footsteps grew quicker. His eyes were fixed on the barn as he neared it. He hoped that if Ali did come here, she hadn't already left once the sun came up.

  A low, deep growl suddenly drew Ben's eyes to the edge of the woods. Ben stopped, his hand tight on the stock of his shotgun. He looked over toward the woods and there, not more than twenty feet ahead of him, stood a large, black bear. As their eyes met, the bear stood up on its hind legs and bellowed.

  Startled, Ben took a step back and nearly slipped in the mud. He positioned his shotgun in front of him. If he shot this bear in self-defense, he damned well didn't want to just hurt it. He'd kill it, or else it would kill him.

  The bear bellowed again and took a step in Ben's direction. Then another step. Ben lifted his shotgun, cocked it, and trained it on the bear. He positioned his finger on the trigger. One more step toward him, and he'd shoot it.

  "Grandpa. No!"

  Ali's voice came loud and clear from up above. Startled, Ben looked up. In that instant, his foot slipped out from under him and he fell over backward into the mud and grass. His shotgun fell down just out of his reach.

  The bear took another step toward Ben. Ben's heart raced as he stretched out his arm to try to reach the gun. He'd been near bears many times in his life, but this was the closest. Too close. The bear was closing in, and here he sat, defenseless.

  "Over there. Look! Over there."

  Ali's voice came from up above again. Ben looked up and there she was, standing in the open door in the loft of the barn. She was pointing down to the ground. Ben looked down, and then he saw them. Two bear cubs came bounding out of the barnyard and ran toward their mother. The mother bear had dropped to all four feet by now and stood there, staring at Ben, waiting for her cubs to come to her.

  Ben didn't move a muscle. If he tried to grab his gun, the b
ear would be on him. He'd never have time to shoot anyway. So he lay there, holding his breath, waiting, watching the bear.

  The cubs came running up to where their mother stood then ran past her into the woods. The mother bear threw one more long look at Ben, then turned and ambled into the woods after her cubs.

  Ben let out a long sigh of relief, but then he remembered Ali up in the loft and quickly picked up his gun and rose. He looked up to the loft and saw Ali still standing there.

  "Don't come down yet," he hollered up to her. "I'll come up. I want to make sure the barn is safe first."

  Ali nodded, then disappeared from the large opening.

  Ben uncocked the shotgun then headed cautiously into the barn. Daylight streamed into the old barn through broken boards, allowing Ben to see around it easily. He noticed the hay bales and loose hay on the other side of the barn and wondered if the mother bear had used this for her den last winter. He made a mental note to be careful in the future when approaching the barn.

  Once Ben felt sure there were no other animals in the lower part of the barn, he headed for the ladder. "I'm coming up," he yelled so Ali could hear him. Above him, he saw the trap door open. He wiped the mud off his boots onto the barn floor so he wouldn't slip, then headed up the ladder. Once he was through the trap door and safely on the floor, he called out. "Ali? Where are you?"

  Ali was beside him immediately with tears in her eyes. Ben raised his arms to her and she ran into them. "I'm so sorry I ran off," she said through sobs. "It was so stupid. I didn't know what to do, and then I saw the trail and came here to get out of the rain."

  "It's okay," Ben said, holding her close. She was still wet from the night before. "Here," Ben said as he pulled away. "You're cold." He slipped off his flannel jacket and wrapped it around Ali. "I'm the one who should be apologizing," he told her, looking down into her deep blue eyes. "I should never have attacked Chase like that and accused you of something you didn't do. I'm sorry, Ali." He pulled her close again, fighting back tears of his own. "I'm just so relieved that you're safe."

  Ali pulled away. "How did you know I was here?"

  Ben shrugged. "I didn't know for sure, but I gave it a try. I'm glad you found a place to get out of the downpour last night. You must have been cold, though, as wet as you are."

  Ali shook her head as she smiled through her tears. "I stayed pretty warm. I found an old horse blanket to wrap around me and I sat against those hay bales over there to stay out of the wind. It wasn't too bad, except for the bears downstairs. I heard a rustling sound while I was still down there, so I came up the ladder and closed the trap door. When I heard the mama bear growl, I knew it was the bears. That really scared me."

  Ben smiled down at Ali. "You did the right thing, coming up here. I'm so proud of you. You're a true Jenson, you are. You knew exactly what to do."

  Ali frowned. "But I almost got you killed by that bear. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I was so afraid you were going to shoot her, and then the cubs wouldn't have a mother. I'm sorry I put you in danger."

  "Ah, don't you worry about that, it ended up all right. I should have been paying more attention to where I was and my surroundings. I came between the mama bear and her cubs, and she was only trying to protect them." Ben stopped, then looked at Ali seriously. "Like I should have protected you. I should have listened to you, and not jumped to conclusions, then you wouldn't have run away in the first place. Ali, I'm sorry. You were right. I'm afraid to let people into my life. I was afraid to care about you because I thought you'd leave me and break my heart. Like when my Jen left. And my Lizzie. What I didn't understand was that I was the one pushing you away."

  "It's okay," Ali told him.

  Ben shook his head. "No, it's not okay. Because no matter how much I've tried not to care about you, you've still managed to find your way into my heart and if I lose you now, I'd be devastated. Yesterday you said you wanted to go home, back to California. I hope you didn't mean it. I know I'm not the easiest person to live with, and I can't promise I can change overnight, but I don't want you to leave. I'd really like it if you stayed. You're my Ali now. You're my family. I couldn't bear for you to leave."

  Tears sprang to Ali's eyes again. "I'm your Ali?" she asked.

  Ben nodded. "Yes. Does it bother you if I call you that? My Ali."

  Ali shook her head and smiled. "No, it doesn’t bother me. I love how you called my mom and grandmother 'my Jen' and 'my Lizzie.' I'd love to be thought of as 'your Ali.' I've never had anyone who thought of me that way before."

  Ben hugged Ali hard. "Then you'll stay? I'll do whatever you want to make it nicer for you here. We can build a room onto the house for you so you don't have to stay in the attic. I'll even put in electricity, if that would make living with me better."

  Ali laughed, her eyes sparkling. "You don't have to do anything different. I love my attic room, and I've even gotten used to the generator. All I want is for you to listen to me, and give me a chance to prove that I'm not my mother. I don't plan on doing anything stupid that will ruin my life."

  Ben nodded. "I'll do the best I can. It may take a while though, so you'll have to be patient with me. I'm an old man who isn't used to change. But I will change, if it will make life better for us."

  "What about you and Jo? Will you finally let her in, too?" Ali asked.

  Ben grinned at Ali. "Jo's been patient with me for a long time. It's about time I openly admit to loving her, too. Speaking of Jo, I bet she and Chase are going crazy wondering where we are. It was all I could do to keep Chase from searching for you last night in the storm. We'd better head home."

  Ali and Ben went down the ladder and out of the barn into the warm sunshine. The day was beautiful. The heat and humidity had been cleared away, leaving behind a bright blue sky and a delicious cool breeze.

  In the bright light, Ali saw the deep cut on her grandfather's cheek. "What happened to you?" she asked.

  Ben frowned and raised his hand to his cheek, remembering the cut. He chuckled. "I had a fight with a whiskey bottle, and it lost," he told her.

  "Your whiskey bottle?" Ali asked.

  "Yep. I realized that I couldn't find anything or anyone I needed in that bottle. So I let it go. It was stupid, actually, staring at it all these years."

  Ali wrapped one arm around her grandfather's waist as they walked down the wet trail toward the truck. "Let's go home," she said, truly meaning it.

  Epilogue

  Ten Years Later

  Ali sat on the porch swing at the back of the lodge gazing out at the lake. It was the middle of August and she wanted to sit and feel the lake's cool breeze on her face after the long, hot day. She smiled as she watched the sun make its way slowly below the cliff. Soon, it would be down, but for now, the sun made the lake sparkle like glitter.

  Chase came out of the kitchen and onto the porch. He smiled down at Ali.

  Ali started to get up. "I should help Jo with the supper dishes."

  "No, you stay there and relax. I helped her and she's almost done," Chase said. He sat on the bench beside her and took her hand. "How are you feeling?"

  "Fine. Just tired. I just wanted to relax a moment and watch the sun go down over the lake."

  They sat there together, slowly moving the swing back and forth. A boat driven by one of their guests came up to the dock and Chase stood. "Back to work," he said. He kissed Ali lightly on the lips and then headed out of the porch and down to the dock to assist in tying up the boat.

  Ali watched Chase with a smile on her lips. She remembered the first day they met when she'd moved here to live with her grandfather. He was handsome then and was even more handsome now that he was older. His blonde hair was still light from being out in the sun all summer, but now he wore it shorter. The teenage girls who came to the lodge still flirted with him, but he didn't even notice. Ali knew he only had eyes for her.

  Of course, it hadn't always been easy. They had hit a rough patch the first year he went off to
college in Duluth. He'd met so many new people there and at one point thought he'd even fallen in love with another girl. Ali had been trying to adjust to the high school in Auburn at the time, and although it had made her sad that she might lose Chase as a boyfriend, it made her sadder that she might lose him as a friend. But the next summer when he came home, he realized that Ali was the only girl for him and they'd been a couple ever since.

  Ali had gone off to college in Duluth the next fall so they could be together and she'd still be close to her grandfather and Jo. After his first year of college, Chase decided to change his major from Environmental Sciences to Business Management, the same major that Ali had decided upon. Chase loved the lodge, and he'd decided he wanted to continue working there and keep it in the family. Ali agreed, because that was what she'd wanted to.

  Ali's old life in California had become a distant memory to her. After that first year, she rarely heard from any of her old friends and although it was sad to lose them, she accepted the fact that life moved on and things changed. Her new life fit her fine, and she was just as surprised about it as anyone who once knew her.

  After college graduation, Ali and Chase were married in a small but beautiful ceremony beside the lake. It was the same spot where Ben and Jo had finally tied the knot a few years earlier. Ben and Jo now lived up at the cabin and Ali and Chase had the family quarters in the lodge. It made sense, since they were slowly taking over the business, although Jo said she'd work till the day she died and Ali knew Ben would, too. It was just their way.