Dark of the Moon

by Rachel Hawthorne

  I felt his muscles relaxing, knew he was about to surrender. I loosened my grip—

  He had me on the floor, his body pressing down on mine before I could blink. I stared up into his blue eyes. Maybe he thought he had me where he wanted me, but the truth was that I had him exactly where I'd always wanted him—so close, skin on skin.

  I watched as his gaze wandered over me as though he was trying to figure out exactly who I was. His head dropped just a fraction, his nostrils flared, and I knew he was inhaling my scent. I had an urge to say something stupid, like, "Let's make love, not war." It would be just like me to ruin an intense moment with a cheesy one-liner.

  But luckily my survival instincts were on high alert, controlling the part of my brain associated with speech. Instead, I just said, "I'm done here."

  Connor's heated gaze settled on my mouth with more intensity than it had last night. Then it shifted up to my eyes. His brow furrowed. Finally, he nodded and rolled off me. He held his hand out to me and I wrapped mine around it, feeling the strength of his hold and roughness of his palm. Both sent pleasure rippling through me as he pulled me to my feet.

  "Okay," Connor said, looking past me. "She'll do."

  "What?" I jerked my head around to see Lucas, arms crossed over his chest, appearing incredibly pleased with himself. Beside him, Kayla smiled at me.

  "Connor's in charge of his own group of Guardians," Lucas said.

  "Yeah, I saw the list on the wall," I told him.

  "Every leader needs a second in command he trusts to guard his back," Lucas said. "I suggested Connor select you, but he had his doubts. Think you just beat those into the ground."

  I glared at Connor. He was running a towel over his slick skin as though he had no idea of the magnitude of what I'd felt pinned to the floor beneath him: the way my heart had pumped with more force than it ever had, how I'd thought he was actually becoming more interested in me as…a girl. I swung back and slammed my fist into his arm.

  "Hey'" He rubbed his arm. "What the hell?"

  "You were testing me? Testing me? God, Connor, you've known me forever, and you had doubts about me?"

  Anger burned in his eyes, but I had a feeling it didn't come close to what he was seeing in mine. "Sorry if you're offended, but I've never seen you in warrior mode, so yeah, I wanted to confirm what you're capable of."

  I got right up in his face. "Don't you dare try to test me in wolf form. If you do, you won't be getting up from the mat." It was a lie, bravado that I couldn't back up with action, but I didn't care. I wasn't going to let anyone force me into revealing my dirty little secret.

  The challenge darkened his expression, turned his anger into something primal—and my body reacted strongly to the message he was sending. Suddenly we were breathing heavily as though we were near the end of a workout, our hands tightened into fists—not to fight but to control the impulse to touch. It took every bit of willpower I possessed not to pounce and take us both to floor. I could tell he was engaged in the same battle. He was scenting me again, and I was afraid my fragrance was laced with the heat of passion.

  "Oookay," Lucas said, putting his arm against Connor's chest and pushing him back. "We get it. No more tests."

  The awareness between us broke. I felt like I was coming out of a trance.

  "I mean it," I snarled, before storming through the room. Shifters moved out of my way as though I were made of silver.

  In the hallway, I heard the patter of rapid footsteps.

  "Brittany, wait up," Kayla said.

  I spun around so fast that she staggered back. I could only imagine what my expression was showing: the hurt, the anger, the disappointment.

  "I take it you knew about this…test or whatever the hell it was."

  She looked startled by my vehemence, but as far as I knew no other Guardian had ever been tested. Why me? Did they sense that the moon had betrayed me? Were they afraid I'd do the same to them?

  Kayla appeared uncomfortable. "In a way. I knew if Connor saw a chance to assess your skills, he was going to take it."

  "And you didn't think to give me a heads-up?"

  "I tried," she said flatly. "But you wanted to go running."

  Damn. She had tried. Now I felt bad for taking my frustration out on her. She was new to our society. She hadn't grown up in it. She didn't understand the subtleties, didn't know everything we were capable of. The fury seeped out of me. "The girl stuff, the wolf stuff? You couldn't have been a little less cryptic?"

  "I didn't want anyone to overhear us and know that I was going against orders. Everyone around here has such incredibly sensitive hearing. I don't know how anyone keeps a secret."

  I shook my head, the fear of discovery spiking. "They don't usually." Now it was my turn to feel uncomfortable. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken my anger at Connor out on you."

  "It doesn't matter. I'd have been pissed, too. But, hey, you handled yourself better than anyone else would have."

  The results of the test finally slammed home. I'd passed. Connor was giving me a position of great responsibility. I'd impressed him—but for how long? Until the first time that he needed me to shift. And when I couldn't, all the respect I'd worked so hard to attain would dissolve. I considered going back in the gym and telling him the truth, but I was tough. I'd just proven it. I could be a valuable asset—as long as a situation didn't arrive where we had to shift. I didn't want to lose this opportunity to be with Connor, so I pretended everything was okay, that my nerves weren't suddenly jangling. I grinned. "I kicked his butt."

  "Almost.. .Until the end anyway."

  I didn't respond. What could I say to that? Deny what everyone had seen?

  "Don't let it get you down," Kayla said. "You put up a good fight. You should hang with Lucas and me tonight."

  "Yeah, getting scorched while you two get it on sounds like fun."

  She gave me an indulgent smile. "We'll behave. Lucas told me about the media room—that it has a huge flat screen hooked into a DVD player. A bunch of us are going to watch movies tonight. I'm hoping for something with Brad Pitt."

  "Good luck with that. These guys tend to go with the worst movies ever made."

  She shrugged, being a good sport about it. "That works, too. The main thing is to be part of the pack."

  And no doubt making out while the lights were low.

  The door to the dungeon opened, and Connor strode out. He nodded in acknowledgment as he went past me.

  Tremors cascaded through me. I was used to them happening after a hard workout, but I knew these had nothing to do with my exhausted muscles. They were all because of Connor.

  I'd seen him fight in wolf form when we encountered an animal in the wild that threatened us. I'd thought he looked beautiful, but lethal. But I'd never seen him in warrior mode as a human. He was as sexy as hell and even more dangerous.

  Especially because I saw in his eyes that he knew the truth about what I'd done. I'd let him win.

  SEVEN

  The long hot shower I took back in our room made my body go wonderfully languid. But it tensed right back up when I was toweling off and spotted bruises forming on my thigh and upper arm. In frustration I hit my balled fist on the counter. Any self-respecting Shifter would shift and heal those suckers right up. My solution was going to be carefully selecting clothes that didn't show too much skin.

  That's so not going to get Connor's attention.

  I couldn't believe that in less than an hour, after his ridiculous test, I caught myself looking forward to seeing him again. I couldn't deny that wrestling him had been a total turn-on—even if the reason for it had sucked.

  After our close encounter on the wrestling mat, I knew I'd finally caught his undivided attention and that result was more invigorating than being given a position of authority. He'd scented the pheromones my body had been releasing with his nearness. I wondered what might have happened if we hadn't had an audience in the dungeon. Would he have dipped his head farther for a kiss? Would
he have objected if I'd slipped my hands beneath his shirt and caressed the firm muscles of his back? Would he have pressed—

  A hard thud on the bathroom door made my heart leap into my throat.

  "Hey, Brittany, can I come in?" Lindsey asked.

  When did she get back to the room? And couldn't she have waited until I was finished with my fantasy to disturb me? "I'm not dressed," I ground out.

  "So wrap up in a towel. I need to get ready for Rafe."

  "Give me a minute." I didn't bother to hide my irritation. And I couldn't afford to take time to see where my fantasy might have led. Maybe tonight before I went to sleep. I gave my body a quick once-over and didn't see any other bruising.

  I wrapped a towel around my torso, but the bruise on my thigh peeked out like a naughty kid I'd once babysat. Great. Maybe Kayla wouldn't notice. Lindsey knew the truth, so my injuries wouldn't come as a surprise to her. I grabbed another towel and walked out rubbing it over my arm like I was drying it for the first time—hoping to keep the bruise hidden.

  "Thanks," Lindsey said as she scooted past me and closed the door.

  Kayla was zipping up a short jean skirt when I tossed the towel on the bed and started scrounging through my backpack. My bruised arm was hidden from her view. I dug out a pair of jeans. As for the shirt—

  "Is that a bruise?" Kayla asked.

  Looking down at my thigh, I feigned surprise. "Huh. Looks like."

  "So shift and heal it." She pulled a lacy green top over her head. "That's one of the coolest things about being a Shifter. How easily we heal."

  She grabbed a brush and started dragging it through her vibrant red hair.

  "I'll take care of it after you guys leave." But not in the way she thought.

  She stilled the brush. "I'll close my eyes if you're modest about shifting in front of me."

  "Thanks, but I'll deal with it."

  "I understand," she said quietly.

  I doubt it "Understand what?"

  "It's a personal experience. The first time I shifted in front of someone other than Lucas, I was so nervous I wasn't certain I could pull it off. I can't imagine what it must have been like growing up knowing you'd have this amazing ability. I don't know that I would have had the patience to wait."

  "It's not like we have a choice."

  "True." She put her brush aside, headed for the door, and stopped. "Sure you don't want me to wait for you?"

  "I'm sure. Besides, you and Lucas can probably get in a hundred kisses before I'm finished getting ready."

  "Or one long, slow one. My personal favorite." Opening the door, she smiled brightly. "Hey'"

  "Hey," Lucas said, his voice reflecting how glad he was to see her.

  She closed the door. How great it would be to have a guy waiting for me in the hallway. But only if that guy was Connor.

  I dressed quickly, before Lindsey came out of the bathroom. I didn't need more advice on how to handle my bruises, and I figured her solution would involve lecturing me that it was confession time.

  I tossed my head around and let my hair go free. I imagined Connor combing his fingers through it, over and over until it dried.

  I needed to stop thinking about him and get a life. Maybe the elders were right. Maybe my true soul mate resided in another state, another country even.

  Okay, so I hadn't shifted yet, and things were a little different for me but that didn't mean that I didn't deserve a soul mate—or at least a boyfriend. I didn't need a lifetime commitment. But a kiss would be nice. Connor's tongue sliding over mine—

  I sighed deeply. I didn't know if I could be happy with anyone who wasn't Connor. Could he be happy with someone who wasn't Lindsey?

  The bathroom door clicked open and she strode out, looking great as always. She was supermodel slender. I'd never been that thin. My grandfather had once told me that I had good bone structure. Yeah, that's the kind of compliment every girl longs for.

  "I heard that you're teaming up with Connor," Lindsey said, as she flung her bundle of dirty clothes into a corner near her bed.

  "It's not like it's a secret. It's posted on the wall outside the council room."

  "I want things to work out for you two, I really do. But Connor seemed…a little distant today."

  "Well, duh? You kinda made a fool of him, Linds. Something I'd never do."

  A deep red blush stained her cheeks. "I should have been as strong as you sooner—when I realized Rafe was the one. I just didn't want to hurt Connor. I mean, everyone thought we belonged together. Only we didn't."

  I didn't respond. There was nothing I could say to make her feel better. She left quietly, and I sat on my bed wondering how I should spend the evening. The girls I usually hung around with— Kayla and Lindsey—would be busy getting hot and heavy with their mates. Which left the only member of our team not tied to someone—Connor. But as much as I wanted to see him, my irritation with him was returning, and I wasn't in the mood to chase him. I was starting to feel that sting of disappointment that he didn't know me well enough to know I'd work my butt off to be the best Dark Guardian.

  Tonight I was on my own.

  After scooping up a tub of warm popcorn from the machine in the hallway and lacing it generously with butter, I slipped inside the media room that closely resembled a tiny theater. The lights were already out, the movie in progress. I almost reached for a small penlight that I usually carried in a pocket, before I remembered that I was now supposed to have great vision in the dark.

  With the Guardians, several novices, house staff, and the elders here, almost every seat was taken. And of course, as fate would have it, at that precise moment our hero was staggering through a dark forest trying to outrun the full moon. Yeah, werewolf movies were on the top of our must-watch list. Hollywood's take on our kind was hilariously off-base. It became more difficult to locate an empty chair. I heard the door open and close too quickly to give me enough light to see.

  Then someone touched my arm and a jolt of pleasure rippled through me, and the earlier irritation I'd felt toward Connor dissipated. Even in the near-darkness without a clear vision of him, I knew it was Connor. I recognized his scent.

  "Waiting for someone?" Connor whispered near my ear, sending delicious shivers over my neck.

  Only you, corny as it was, popped into my mind. "Uh, no."

  "Then sit with me."

  Before I could respond, Connor wrapped his hand around mine and our fingers intertwined. My heart skipped a little bit at how much longer and stronger his fingers were than mine. I'd felt them running over my body while we'd wrestled, but for some reason this moment seemed much more intimate. Connor was a few inches taller than me and a little broader—and I remembered how that body had pressed down on me earlier.

  The scene on the screen suddenly brightened as it focused on the full moon, and I could see a little more clearly. Connor led me toward seats in front of Kayla and Lucas. Kayla had never had much of a poker face. Her eyes widened with surprise that I didn't think had anything to do with the movie.

  I fought not to feel the loss as Connor released his hold on my hand. Sitting down, I got comfortable before offering him some popcorn. Grinning, he took a handful before settling back to watch the movie, our close encounter this afternoon apparently forgotten.

  I wasn't sure exactly what I'd been expecting. His arm coming around me, his lips pressing against mine. I munched on popcorn that tasted like sawdust—not its fault. I'd just lost my appetite.

  The guy in the movie was suddenly sprouting hair in little weird tufts on his face and hands. Bad special effects began lengthening his snout. I had a feeling this movie had gone straight to video.

  "Give me a break," Connor muttered and started tossing popcorn at the screen. He wasn't the only one. Boos and hisses echoed around us.

  "Who found this one?" Lucas called out.

  "Daniel'" someone yelled.

  "It's definitely in the running."

  There was an unspoken competition to
find the worst werewolf movie ever made. We had an unusual sense of what qualified as entertainment. Usually I laughed along with everyone else and made fun of what we all consid ered a parody of our kind. But tonight, watching a transformation—even one that was so far removed from reality as to be comical—hit just a little too close to home.

  For as long as I could remember I'd defined myself as what I would become when I turned seventeen and faced my first full moon. All the insecurities that I'd felt because no guy had ever paid any attention to me would have melted away. In wolf form, I would have possessed beauty, confidence, and power. I'd never have to worry that some guy would abandon me the way my father had abandoned my mother and me.

  I was suddenly very much aware of Connor's arm on the back of my chair, his knuckles feathering along my cheek. The contact was such a surprise my whole body stiffened.

  "Hey, what's wrong?" His voice was low and deep, his mouth so near my ear that I could easily hear him in spite of the catcalls and whistles as the werewolf on the screen completed his transformation—without ever removing his clothes. Neat trick.

  I shook my head. "Nothing."

  He slid his hand around the back of my neck and began stroking the underside of my chin with his thumb. Heat pooled in my stomach. I was acutely aware of him studying me, while I tried to give the impression my attention was locked on the screen. I'd had so many dreams about moments like this with Connor, but now that one had arrived I didn't quite trust it. A few nights ago, he'd been prepared to commit his life, his heart, his body, his soul to Lindsey forever. Now he was giving attention to me as though she'd never existed, as though he hadn't had a symbol of her name inked onto his skin in an ancient ritual that was supposed to identify them as mates. And he'd felt a need to test me. Maybe I'd just test him back.

  His lips touched my ear and my resolve to be tough where he was concerned shattered. I exhaled in a jagged breath. I thought I was going to melt into the seat. "Let's go," he ordered.