Danny's Mind: A Tale of Teenage Mysticism and Heavenly Power
Page 10
Chapter 9
The “Adjustment Period”: Even in the coma, there was awareness of the old Danny as a shattered Humpty Dumpty. Pieces of memory, bits of personality, old beliefs: all chasing each other, getting nowhere. Assembly impossible. Just vast heavenly consciousness with all the unconnected story-stuff swirling through it. No pattern, no rhyme. No Danny. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put the old lie back together again. And so No-Danny subtly shifted to Heavenly-Danny, wearing a disguise: A human body, to experience the pleasure and the pain of the physical. A human mind, to enjoy the highs and lows of thought and feeling. And the pure heavenly awareness that I really am, supporting it all, wide open to whatever it brings. This will be a good day!
Eyes open. There’s Joe! There’s a finger! Danny’s finger! And it moves. Space! Fast and slow. Time! Wow. I’d almost forgotten how interesting I made this.
- From His Recorded Words
“Imagine you have no head!”
And that’s how it started—how Danny changed Michelle. (And later many others.)
“What?”
“Imagine you have no head. Chop it off. Dissolve it in your imagination.”
“How? What?”
“This is the experiment. We’re shifting from Head Mind to Heavenly Mind.”
“Did you do this with Aunt Polly?”
“I don’t know if I did anything. Aunt Polly found her own glimpse of Heavenly Mind, but she showed me a possibility. When you brought me to Aunt Polly, she was already exhausted with her own mind, all the head energies were spent and she was ready to give it all up. She just needed to finally, totally accept her own disintegration. When she did, that opened her. You can I can’t do that. We need help to explore the way to Heavenly Mind. I call it headlessness.”
“I don’t quite get—”
“Try this: Try seeing from the back of your head, or with your whole head. What happens to the way you see?”
“Okay, now I’m feeling it. It expands. It’s strange. I understand why you call it headlessness.”
“Now simply feel that space where your head used to be; feel how open it is. Relax into that space. Don’t focus on anything in particular. Don’t make it a mental exercise and say to yourself ‘I have no head, I have no head.’ Just see with this floating aware sense. Drop words. Drop thoughts. Drop your own little histories. Drop your whole sense of “I am Michelle”. Those are just the add-ons of your Head Mind; they’re temporary, and we’re looking for the mind that isn’t temporary. You are Seeing itself now—and nothing else—seeing, seeing, seeing.”
After a few minutes, Michelle said, “It’s like looking out of a fish tank.”
“That makes sense. Fish tanks have walls, though. Do you have walls?”
“I don’t know. No. It doesn’t. This fish tank holds everything. No boundaries? Is that right?”
“Trust your sensations, what it actually feels like. You’ll know. But no boundaries sounds real. So, now, you’re just awareness stretching out. Feel that awareness, see how it doesn’t need any head to support it. Look at your hand. Does it look different?”
Michelle giggled. “It looks weird. It feels weird. I see what you mean…about seeing 3D. It pops out, it’s more real. There’s a mysterious quality.”
“Describe it.” Danny sounded pleased.
“It’s very soft. Peaceful. Even with football noise around us there’s a really deep peacefulness in this…headless awareness.”
“Let’s go further. Point at yourself.” I had crammed my own solid head through the bleachers and could barely see Danny pointing a finger at his own face. “Before thought ever takes place, what does your immediate experience tell you the finger is pointing at?”
Michelle paused. “Nothing. Space. Absolutely nothing. It’s really pointing at awareness itself. No, it’s not pointing at…it’s pointing within awareness. This is strange, Danny. Even my voice feels like it’s coming out of awareness. And when I look down at myself, it’s as if this it’s someone else’s body; I’m just watching it from above. It’s a strange place. I’m almost getting dizzy.”
“Stop?”
“No, keep going.”
“Okay. What’s the emotion in this place? Is it happy or sad, or anything?”
She raised her hand up in front of her face again. “It doesn’t feel like either. It’s just very calm…amused, maybe, without the head-sense. What happened to happy and sad?”
“Sadness and happiness come from things outside you, right? Head Mind says ‘This is good’ and you’re happy. It says ‘This is bad’ and you get depressed. Nothing from the outside controls Heavenly Mind in that way, because it’s has no outside. It isn’t moved that way; but it knows Head Mind is. That’s why it’s amused.”
“It kind of comes and goes, Danny.”
“Headless perception is a delicate thing. It goes easily, but it will come easily, too. Don’t hold it too tight. That’s the hang-up of Head Mind. You know the nagging: I want this. I want that. I need to be popular. I’m happy, ecstatic; now I’m angry, bored. I’m a victim. I’m a superstar! Heavenly Mind never struggles with those demands. It floats and it’s sees and takes everything in. If it needs to act, it acts fast and then moves on.”
Michelle said, “Sometimes dumb thoughts pop into my head. Like, ‘Am I ready for the math exam this afternoon’ or ‘My elbow is itchy’ or ‘I’ve got to tell everyone about this!”
I have to admit this really bothered me, Michelle saying, “I’ve got to tell everyone about this!” Danny only laughed and said, “Go ahead and scratch your elbow. Thoughts and memories and itches pop into Heavenly Mind just like Head Mind. But they have no power over you.”
Michelle went silent for a minute, and then said, “I’m getting it, Danny. But headlessness is just a beginning, isn’t it? Don’t get mad, Danny, but I really feel like laughing. Like really cracking up, laughing.” Her voice became shaky. “There’s so much more. I can feel it. There’s so much…”
I was about to shout “Stop already!” afraid she was getting hysterical, but Danny put a hand on her shoulder and calmed her down. “Let’s quit now. You got a taste and that’s enough to know. You’re a good pupil.”
I winced at the word pupil.
After a minute, Michelle said, “I have a confession to make.” She pulled out a small device like a cell phone. “It’s my class recorder. I apologize. I was taping everything. I just wanted to be able to listen afterwards. I want you to take it, as a journal. Please! Record the things you’re feeling and experiencing—as they happen—things you might want to share later.”
“I’m not sure.”
“Well, you don’t have to, not right away. I don’t share my diary. Just record them. See what comes out.”
I thought he was going to give it back to her, because Danny and I have never accepted charity (except for Tim’s backpack, because Danny thought that was different). But he said matter-of-factly, “Okay” and put it in his shirt pocket.
“Thanks,” she said and stood up. “You’re staying?”
“For a bit.”
“Okay,” she said softly, without noticing me peering from underneath. Her face had that glow that Aunt Polly had after Danny had talked to her.
As Michelle down the bleachers back to school, Danny played with the recorder. “Testing, testing. What thoughts I should record? How about—come on up, Joe.”
“Snake!” I hauled myself up and sat next to him. “Did you hear me down there?
“I knew. Did you learn anything?”
“Naw. I wish I’d brought a Conan.” I snatched the recorder from his hand. “Are you going to use this thing?”
“I might.”
We walked down onto the field towards the school. Suddenly Danny’s hand shot out and pushed me back as a football bulleted past us into the stands. It hit with a thud and ricocheted away. It was no accide
nt. And only one person I knew could throw like that. I spun around to the football players, who were breaking up from their drills and crossing the field to school. “Hey!” I shouted, spotting Tim in the group. He just shrugged his shoulders and smirked, and they kept coming forward like a gang. Quite a few were snickering. Not Steve, I made sure; but then except for him, I had nothing near a friend in that group. Danny pushed me to keep walking. “Forget about it. We’re going to be late.”
I swore under my breath and shot Hanson a scowl. We continued to the door and to afternoon classes. I spent the rest of the day wondering if Michelle’s thing with Danny was ever going to wear off now I also daydreamed a lot about wiping that smirk off Tim’s face.