Risk

by Jaime Johnesee

  I wanted to do a little dance, but, just in case, I held tight to the door.

  “Understood. Out. Okay, next one.”

  Ben and I were stuck for a bit longer, but freedom was coming. I let go of the knob only to see it twist. I quickly grabbed it and pulled back just before they pulled forward.

  My face was in Ben’s sternum and he smelled so good. My jaguar wanted me to take advantage of this moment and before I knew it I was rubbing my face against his chest. As soon as I realized what I’d done I leaned back away from him, still holding tight to the door.

  I was about to whisper an apology to Ben when voices from the hallway interrupted me.

  “What are you doing, Dave?”

  “I thought I’d double check.” The knob rattled once more, stilled, and then their footsteps shuffled up the hall a few feet.

  Their voices grew fainter as they moved forward checking every single door. I took my hands off the doorknob and realized I was somewhat stuck for a little while longer, we both were.

  “Fuck,” I whispered, leaning back against the wall behind me.

  “Um.”

  “Not an invitation.” Not really, but why does he have to smell so good? Like a home I never had.

  “My nose itches, can I have my arm back?” I realized then that he had his right arm trapped between me and the wall. Our bodies moved to allow for that to happen and as he brushed against me I bit my lip. It felt so good having his body against mine.

  Stupid sire bond or whatever the fuck this was.

  He freed his hand and scratched the tip of his nose. “Much better.”

  “We’ll wait until they turn the corner and then duck out?”

  “Sounds like a plan.” He was still scratching.

  “Before we go, I’m calling Quinn.”

  “Okay.” The scratching stopped and he drew in a breath as I brushed against his hip to get my phone from my front pocket.

  “Sorry.” I dialed Quinn’s number and left him a message telling him where I was heading and what was going down. I ended it with, “Ben’s with me. Don’t freak, I’ll explain when I see you.”

  I put the phone back in my pocket which brought another small gasp from Ben. “Sorry.”

  The voices stayed close and I was more than ready for them to turn the corner so we could get out of there. Ben and I were both feeling a little warm at this point and it was rapidly turning awkward. Ben looked me right in the eyes and I felt the world drop away. There was only us. Such a horrible 80s hairband cliché, I know, but it was happening.

  “Hiya, you there, mister.” I realize I am not world-renowned for my smoothness, but even I have to admit that was rockier than usual.

  “Hi.” He leaned closer to me and held my gaze.

  See, self, that’s how you do it.

  “You, uh, you smell nice, what cologne are you wearing?” Nonchalance, thy name is not Sam, but I’d already rubbed my face on him, so how much more embarrassed could I get?

  “Abercrombie and Fitch, Woods.”

  “It smells really good on you.” His face reddened at the compliment.

  Don’t jump his bones.

  Don’t jump his bones.

  Don’t….

  “Thanks. I wore it for you.”

  My turn to go red. “Oh, thanks.”

  “Anything for you, Sam.”

  “Um. I can’t do this. I can’t.”

  “Do what?”

  “Pretend everything is okay. Pretend that I don’t have this undeniable pull toward you. I can’t pretend like I don’t want you, because I do. So bad. But it’s not right. It’s not me. I want to give in so badly, but I don’t want to at the same time.”

  “I don’t want you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.” He shifted trying to give me some space in the tiny broom closet we were sharing.

  “I just want to know what this is,” I said as I pointed between him and I.

  “Me, too. I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since I first met you.” He reached out to touch my cheek and stopped himself, letting his hand drop to the side.

  “Why’d you stop?” I was curious.

  “I don’t want to pressure you into doing anything you don’t want. Right now, I don’t think you would want me to touch you, even though your pheromones are practically begging me to.”

  “You’re right. Alex has been there for me through so much already and I know the love we share is real.”

  “You don’t think this is real?”

  “It’s real chemically and it’s real supernaturally.”

  The fact that I was still chanting don’t jump his bones in my head couldn’t be ignored; it was real alright, but it wasn’t me.

  “You still think there is a sire bond at play? Don’t you have a ton of research showing they don’t exist?”

  “Yes and yes. But just because it’s not been documented doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. These feelings I have for you are too intense to be real. They’re not me.” Even as I pushed him away verbally, all I wanted was for him to touch me.

  “I’ll respect your wishes, Sam, but I hope you figure it out soon. Being around you and not being able to be with you is killing me.”

  “I’m not trying to lead you on.”

  “I know. You’re not leading me on. It’s just, well, it’s difficult for me, too. All I want when I’m with you is to touch you, kiss you.” I realized I was leaning toward him as he spoke.

  “I want that, too, but I also don’t want that at all,” I whispered.

  “Sounds confusing.”

  “It is.”

  “You could just give in to the feelings and see if it’s real.”

  “I can’t.” I made sure to relay all the pain and confusion I was feeling over this into that last word.

  “I’ll be here when you change your mind.”

  “How do you know I will?”

  “Because I have never felt this way about anyone else. There’s a hole in my soul that I didn’t know was there until you came along.”

  “Oh. Say, that’s pretty slick. Been practicing that one?” I grinned at him trying to lessen some of the emotion of the moment.

  It’s my big bad habit.

  “Yes, actually. Been practicing this, too; I believe you’re my soulmate and I love you. I want you in my life. You’re the most amazing woman I have ever met and, more than want, I need you in my life.” He held my gaze the entire time he spoke.

  My jaguar was being her usual happy trollopy self around him.

  “I don’t know how to respond to that. I know what you would like me to say, but, until I know whether these feelings are actually real and not just some supernatural bond, I just can’t.”

  “Sam, I lov—”

  “Oh, listen! They’re gone. Time to move.” I didn’t say the thank God I wanted to, but it was heavily implied.

  Instead of voicing my relief, I just opened the door a smidge and peeked out. Nobody was around so I opened it wider to confirm. We moved down the hall, to the elevators, and out the exit door before anyone could see a thing. From there we hauled ass back to my car, since it was parked closest, and drove to a park where I called Quinn. He answered this time.

  “Sam, where the hell are you? I’ve got agents on their way to that building and Alex is worried about you.” He sounded rather worried himself.

  “Hey, Q, I’m with Ben. I was tracking down a lead and we ran into each other. I need you to come and get him. We’re at Avondale Park.”

  “I’ll be there in twenty. You owe me an explanation, pard.”

  “I know. Thanks, Q.”

  “Yeah, be careful, sis.” He hung up and I turned my attention to my maker.

  Careful was definitely something I needed to be these days, especially around Ben.

  Chapter 11

  QUINN PULLED INTO the lot closest to where Ben and I sat at a picnic table, Frescas in hand.

  “Really? What is it with those?” Quinn asked, motioning to t
he sodas.

  “I told you, they’re really refreshing.”

  “So you’ve said.”

  “She’s not lying.” Ben took a huge gulp of his.

  “You, stay,” he said, motioning to Ben.

  Then he looked at me. “You, come over here and tell me what is going on.” Quinn looked angry.

  Ben stayed put and I followed Q as he asked.

  “I needed to ask Ben a question and James sent me a lead while we were together. I ran it down and got stuck, Ben saved my ass and now here we are.”

  “Why do I feel like that’s not the whole story?” He put his hands on his hips and reminded me so much of his wife that I burst out laughing.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You look just like Kelly doing that.” I mirrored his current look.

  He dropped his arms and chuckled. “Nice attempt at switching topics, pard. I picked up more than Kelly’s gestures, you know. You’ve got my bullshit meter in the red.”

  “Okay, so there’s a little more to it. After he followed me to the lead, I handcuffed Ben in his car. He slipped the cuffs and managed to save me from some AWFA assholes. I had to hide in a closet with him. It was a small closet and I had a hard time keeping my hands off him. But I love Alex, not Ben. So all of these feelings are confusing the ever-living fuck out of me. And that’s the long and short of it, Q.”

  “Oh, I get it now. Your problem is worms.”

  “What?” I looked around confused.

  “Asking you the one question has opened up a whole can of them.”

  I grimaced. “Yeah, pretty much.”

  “Well, I think Kelly would tell you to follow your heart.”

  “I just wish my heart would stop pushing me away from Alex and toward my maker.” My teeth felt a little sharper and I took a few calming breaths and tried and push my jaguar back.

  Not now.

  She backed off and sat, watching me intently.

  “Is that your heart or your cat? Be careful making decisions until you know which is which.”

  “Wise advice and I plan to follow it.”

  “Good. Also, I like Alex. I’m glad cooler heads prevailed in the closet.”

  “Me, too. Despite what my jaguar wants, I want Alex.”

  “I really don’t envy you your situation. That can’t be easy to deal with.”

  “No, it’s a bit like craving chocolate and yet being allergic to it.”

  “Continue being careful. And, thanks, now I want a candy bar.”

  “No way, Mister. There’s cheating on your diet and there’s having a completely different diet when your wife isn’t around. I will help you sneak snacks, but I will not stand by as you replace entire meals with crap food.”

  “But rice cakes, Sam. I have to eat rice cakes at home.” His lower lip trembled.

  “Because of your piss poor diet.” I held firm.

  “Semantics.”

  “Facts.”

  He smiled at me. “I’ll eat healthy for dinner and then reward myself with a candy bar. How’s that?”

  “You already had a ton of junk food today.”

  “Fine, how about one of those small milk chocolate things?”

  “Agreed. One is all you get, though.”

  “Fair enough. Maybe two.”

  “No way. One.”

  “Fine.” He shook on our deal and looked at me all grumpy-like.

  “What?”

  “I hate this diet.”

  “What diet, Q? I mean, you had donuts for breakfast, a cheeseburger for lunch, and now you’re looking for candy? That sounds like one helluva horrible diet.” I rolled my eyes at him for full effect.

  “It’s not like I eat this way every day.” He flushed.

  “No, but you would be if you stopped policing yourself.”

  “I can’t argue with that.”

  “Good. Now, I’m going to go say goodbye to Ben.” I walked over to the picnic table.

  He looked up as I approached. “Hey, Sam. You okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m fine, thanks. Also, thanks for bailing me out back there, but that was a stupid move. Stupid, yet appreciated. Um, Quinn’s going to drive you back to get your car. I have to go back to the scene for debriefing.” I smiled at him as we walked to Quinn’s car.

  “Hey, no worries. I’ve owed you one since you bailed me out with Grisly when he came after me.”

  “That’s my job. Anyway, thanks, again.”

  “Hey, have you run lately?” He got in the passenger side and pulled the door closed.

  “No, it’s been a while.”

  “You should go. It might help with your jaguar. I’ll see you later.” He buckled his seat belt and I walked back over to Q.

  “His car is back in the parking lot at the building where they tried to kidnap me.”

  “After you called me, I called it in. Agents should be there now to check it out and scour for evidence.”

  “I’ll meet them at the scene then. See you there once Ben’s driven home. Make sure he does. I don’t want those creeps from before getting their hands on him.”

  “I’ll keep your friend safe. As your brother I have to tell ya, you need to consider not seeing him so much anymore. At least not if you want a relationship with Alex.”

  “I know, I know.”

  “Then listen to what you know. Don’t let this mess up what you have with Alex. Especially if you don’t think it’s real.”

  “I am trying, Quinn.” I threw up my hands in frustration.

  “I know you are. That might be the problem. It might be better for you if you just didn’t hang around Ben at all. Remove the temptation as it were.”

  “I know that, but I worry how my jaguar will take it. She sees him as a mate.”

  “All the more reason to cut ties.”

  “I know you’re right, but I still have questions that Al can’t answer for me.”

  “That’s some lame bullshit, Sam, and you know it. Stop making excuses.” He narrowed his eyes at me and ran a hand through his hair.

  “It’s not an excuse, it’s my reality.” I began to pace as we spoke. My teeth stayed on the sharper side of normal as my anger fueled my cat and a desire to shift. Methinks I’d been neglecting her too much lately.

  “Look, I love you, little sis, but you’ve got to either send Ben packing or break up with Al. You can’t keep leading both guys on.”

  “That’s not what I’m doing.” I stopped pacing and glared at him.

  “I know it’s not what you mean to do, but that’s exactly what’s happening.”

  “Look, it’s just that there are some things about my jaguar that I need help with.”

  “Like what?”

  “Oh, I don’t know, maybe rabbit season?”

  “So, you eat bunnies. Big whoop. A lot of people like rabbit meat.”

  “Raw, still squirming, and covered in fur?”

  He made the universally known ew face.

  “I’ll bet you find Al has some similar bunny cravings, too. Look, all I’m saying is talk to Alex. Unless you know for a fact that you’re in love with Ben, don’t let your maker come between you and Al.” He patted my hand, stood up, and walked to his car to follow Ben home.

  I hated when he was right.

  * * *

  THEY FOUND NOTHING at the building where I’d been taken and—after getting fingerprint, DNA, and fiber samples from the areas I pointed out that my kidnappers had been in—the ERT packed up and left.

  Agents continued interviewing employees, business owners, and those who lived in the apartment tower of the building. I stayed behind in a small conference room on the ground floor. I had someone in mind that I wanted to talk to.

  “Hey, Quinn. Can you pull in the receptionist on duty last night?”

  “Can do.” He left and went to bring the woman down.

  Luckily, the police had arrived not long after I’d escaped and the building had been locked down with a number of people inside. I waited, won
dering if this would be another dead end or if we’d make some headway. As soon as she walked in my gut screamed she was involved. I double checked to make sure it wasn’t the street taco I’d had for lunch.

  I set aside those feelings and said, “Hi.”

  “H-hello.” She was quiet and nerves made her voice a little squeaky.

  “Do you remember me?”

  She looked up at me and back down at the table. “Yes.”

  “Did you see anybody suspicious in the building last night?” Quinn asked her.

  The receptionist pointed at me. “I remember her. Nobody else sticks out. Why?” Her voice cracked.

  “Someone kidnapped a federal agent in your building.”

  “What?” She looked scared, I just wasn’t sure what part of it scared her.

  So, those feelings were definitely not the taco then.

  I narrowed my eyes and looked directly at her. She avoided my eye contact. It didn’t seem necessary, but I called my cat forth and she helped me scent for pheromones indicating deception.

  “Remember how I told you I was an FBI agent and then my boss called your boss and you gave me the okay to poke around?” I wasn’t going to give her a chance to answer. “Yeah, those people I was asking about, they kidnapped me. Right here. The thing is, they had quite an elaborate setup going, they must’ve had help. What can you tell me about that?” I leaned in and perched my chin on my hand staring right at her with my best cut-the-shit grin.

  Fear wafted off her and she refused to look up from the table.

  She definitely knew something. I pressed her. “Well?”

  She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “I can’t talk about that.”

  “Interesting. Maybe you should. You could be in for quite a bit of trouble. You know, the law says I can hold onto you for forty-eight hours before I have to let you go.” Quinn grinned. “Though I’m sure if we dug hard enough we could find something in those two days that’d stick nice and tight.”

  “I have to say, I really don’t think you’ll enjoy prison. But maybe you won’t ever have to find out. That’s really up to you. Choose wisely, as they say.” I hoped she heeded my advice.

  To say she did would be understating it. A stream of words poured from her that made me do a double take, cartoon-style. She was definitely no big bad, that’s for sure.