Something Like Perfect

by Stephens, S. C.

  Pain, confusion, and gut-twisting guilt made me clamp my mouth shut and stare at the floor. We couldn’t do this to my sister. “What about just being friends?” I whispered.

  His voice was soft when he answered me. “I think a part of me will always care about Kylie, but I can’t deny the fact that I care about you too. You mean so much to me, Valerie, and I just don’t see the point in keeping ourselves apart anymore. Because let’s face it: there’s a real chance we’re never getting off this island. In fact, I’d say the odds of us staying here are about a thousand times greater than the odds of us ever leaving.”

  The pain in his voice made me look up at him. I was so used to him being the positive one that it was jarring to hear him talk like that. I wanted to argue, wanted to keep the hope alive . . . but that wasn’t how I really felt. “Yeah, I know,” I muttered, feeling devastation settle around me. We were most likely going to die on this island, just the two of us, alone until the end of our days. So did it really matter if we betrayed my sister? We were probably never going to see her again.

  He gave me a small smile as he shook his head. “So you see, that kiss does matter. It’s just about the only thing that matters now.”

  A soft sigh escaped me as I gazed at his glorious face. “Yes, you’re right; things are changing between us. You mean so much more to me now . . . and that terrifies me.” My heart was already too invested in him. He could devastate me in an instant if he changed his mind. Or if we did ever leave this island. He was the one with the injury, but I was the one who felt vulnerable.

  Jake’s face turned solemn, like he perfectly understood what I was saying. “Would you believe me if I said it terrifies me too?”

  I stewed on that for a while, then nodded. I supposed it was just as scary for him to not only admit to having feelings for someone else while still caring about his lost girlfriend but also to start the process of acting on those feelings—of saying it was okay for us to be together. God, what a messed-up situation we were in.

  “You should lie down and rest,” I told him, wanting to end the painful conversation.

  “Will you lie down with me?” he asked, his voice surprisingly timid.

  I frowned, and he held his hands up. “Just to rest, I swear. I just . . . want to be near you.”

  I sighed but nodded. How could I turn down a fantasy? I helped him hobble his way to the bed, then helped him sit down and prop his leg up on a stack of blankets. He patted the empty space beside him, and I timidly sat down. The change between us had been sudden and yet a long time coming—if such a thing was possible. But the months in isolation, with no real hope of reprieve, had escalated our natural feelings. I wondered if my sister would understand if she knew, or if she’d hate us. Maybe both.

  I had trouble sleeping that night. My mind twisted and turned, mulling over the things that had happened between Jake and me—the kiss we’d shared and both of us admitting the horrible odds of ever getting off the island. Most likely, we were never leaving this tropical paradise, but . . . even if we somehow did, things would never be the same. Too much was different. I cared for Jake—always had—and he was open to returning those feelings. I should be elated, but all I felt was guilty. I was betraying Kylie. Although if I was going to be a realist, Kylie believed Jake was dead, and she was currently letting him go in her heart. She was releasing him, and I was picking up the pieces. It didn’t feel quite so deceitful in those terms, but deep down I knew I was just trying to convince myself that what we were doing was okay.

  With a sigh, I gave up on the sleep that wasn’t happening and carefully crawled out of bed. Jake stirred a little as I left his side, a hand subconsciously reaching out for me. Soft smile on my lips, I bent down and kissed his fingers. It felt weird to do so—I’d been subduing my feelings for a really long time—but it felt wonderful, too, like it was meant to be.

  My heart was overflowing with mixed emotions as I slipped on my shoes. I was so happy that things were escalating with Jake—he was the only man who’d ever truly stirred my soul. But at the same time, guilt weighed heavy around my heart. I loved Kylie and would rather chop off my arm than hurt her—so why was I pushing against the boundaries with her man? Trying to cross that line that should never be crossed? She wasn’t even here, and I felt the weight of her eyes on me all the time.

  How could you, Valerie? I trusted you.

  I’m sorry, Kylie. I’ve loved him for as long as I’ve known him . . . same as you.

  Rolling my eyes at myself, I pushed against the thick door to the bunker. It stuck a little, like something was blocking it. Fear shot up my spine. Oh my God, what if the storm had knocked down a handful of trees against the door, blocking our path? What if our only exit was sealed? Then we wouldn’t be in a bunker . . . we’d be in a tomb.

  Just as panic began to make my heart surge, the door popped open enough for me to get out. A long, relieved exhale left my lips as I stepped outside. Thank God, we weren’t trapped, weren’t doomed to starve to death. It had given me such a fright, though; my eyes started stinging, and my breath was still fast. As I put a hand on my chest to calm myself, I took a look around. Our little jungle was almost unrecognizable. Trees were broken, uprooted, or just completely gone. It was like a giant had come through with a broom, laying havoc on the land. That was way more than just a tropical storm, more like a hurricane. If we hadn’t found the bunker . . . if I’d left Jake outside to fend for himself . . .

  I couldn’t even contemplate either one of those scenarios.

  Not knowing what else to do, I cleared the debris away from the bunker door. There were two felled trees in front of it, the top of one making it difficult to open the door. Another couple of feet to the left, and I wouldn’t have been able to open it at all. That made our sanctuary suddenly feel like a potential prison. I’d have to fight through panic whenever a storm hit from here on out—I could tell already.

  Pushing that worry aside for another day, I began working my way toward the bonfire beach. It was a mess when I got there. There wasn’t even a hint of where our original bonfire had been. It would have to be completely rebuilt. As I stared at the sandy stretch of land, I debated whether we should keep trying to reach the outside world. They believed we were dead. They weren’t looking for us. They’d already moved on. Shouldn’t we?

  But even as I thought that, I knew we couldn’t stay here. Well, we couldn’t stay here without trying to leave. Every day, we needed to at least try. The day that we truly accepted there was no hope was the day we’d begin dying inside; I was sure of it. The bonfire, no matter how trivial a thing it was, was actually providing us with our only source of hope. We couldn’t abandon it. No matter how hard it was, we had to keep the hope alive.

  That realization made me push forward. Made me gather every scrap of wood I could find. It was all wet and would never light, but I gathered it into a pile anyway. Tomorrow it might be dry enough. Or the day after, or the day after. The when didn’t really matter; it was the act of doing it that was important. I wouldn’t let us give up. We would get off this island. And then . . . well, we’d deal with that part once we got there.

  Chapter Thirteen

  For the next few days, I went out and lit the bonfire while Jake rested. He hated it. He wanted to be doing something more substantial than just lying down, but as I kept reminding him, it was necessary. The longer he rested, the quicker he’d heal.

  On the morning of the fourth day, Jake had finally had enough of being benched. “The first day or two, I agreed with you, but now . . . I’m fine, Valerie.” Standing from the bed, he gingerly put weight on his ankle. He managed to stand upright, but he couldn’t hide his cringe.

  I shook my head as I studied him. “Nope, it clearly still hurts, so you’re still resting.”

  With a sigh, he crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s fine, and I’m coming with you.”

  I wanted to object again, but I could tell from the look on his face that I wouldn’t win the
argument this time. Jake was either coming with me now or trailing after me once I left. Since it seemed safer to be beside him, I grudgingly agreed. “All right, all right, you can come.”

  He grinned, and it was so adorable I just wanted to loop my arms around his neck and spend the next fifteen minutes kissing him. But we weren’t there yet. Actually, we hadn’t kissed again since the storm, and the fact that we hadn’t was kind of killing me. One taste wasn’t enough.

  “But don’t you do something stupid and hurt yourself again. I don’t need you permanently out of commission.” A horrible image of Jake bloody and battered came to mind, and I bit my lip as fear tightened my stomach.

  “Hey,” Jake said, stepping toward me. “I’m fine. Everything is fine.”

  He cupped my cheek as he stood before me, and the icy panic instantly subsided. Staring into his jade eyes, I felt my heart begin to race. “You didn’t limp,” I told him, smiling.

  “I told you I was fine,” he said, grinning.

  His thumb started caressing my cheek, and his eyes darted between mine. I could feel desire welling in me—an absolute need to press my lips to his. The guilt was nearly overwhelming, but I forcefully pushed it aside and allowed my feelings to sweep me away as I leaned up to kiss him. He immediately returned the intimate movement, and I wrapped my arms around him as I pulled him in deeper. My breath quickened as our kiss intensified. So did Jake’s. His hand on my cheek shifted to my neck, then my shoulder, and he ran both hands around my body, pulling me in tighter. He wanted this just as much as I did.

  When we finally separated, his eyes were blazing with need. I had to imagine mine looked the same. “Jake . . . ,” I murmured, wondering what I could possibly say after a kiss like that.

  Jake frowned as he studied my face. “Was that . . . too much?”

  His question made me smirk. “You realize I started that, right?”

  His face relaxed into a grin, and he laughed. “Yeah, I know, but . . . I just want to make sure . . .” The seriousness returned as his eyes bored into mine. “I want to make sure you’re okay with this.”

  “I am,” I said, bringing my hand up to cup his cheek. “To be completely honest, I’ve been wanting this for a long time. Wanting you for a long time. But I love my sister, and she . . .” Guilt and pain swelled inside me, and dropping my hand from his face, I looked away from him. “This is so hard. I want her to be happy, and you make her happy, but I want you too. Always have. And that made it really hard to be around you.”

  He briefly touched my chin, bringing my gaze back to him. “I’m sorry. I know I didn’t help with that, but I’ll be honest—being around you was hard for me too. When I was with Kylie, things were so good, it seemed like it was meant to be, but then . . . I’d see you, and all of a sudden, I wasn’t as sure. Down was up. Up was down. It was . . . confusing. But I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to hurt anyone.”

  Our eyes locked, and I found I couldn’t turn away from his gaze. Finally, after a few moments of silence, we both leaned toward each other, again seeking each other’s lips and comfort. As our mouths melded together, an emotion built inside me—one I didn’t want to ignore anymore. Love. I was so in love with this man. I poured my feelings into my kiss, letting him know what was in my heart, since I couldn’t say the words.

  Clutching his hands in mine, I began pulling us toward the bed. Jake broke away from our intense kiss when he realized where I was leading him. Heat was in his eyes as he glanced to the mattress, then back to my face. “Are you sure?” he whispered.

  Touched that he was always looking out for me, I nodded. “I am if you are.”

  His mouth drifted back to mine. “I’m . . . yeah . . . I am.”

  Once his mind was made up, things between us intensified quickly. He pulled at my clothes while I pulled at his. Shirts fell to the floor, followed quickly by pants, then underwear. When we were both bare, he pulled us onto the bed. His mouth shifted to my neck while his hands drifted along my body. I was so ready for him, for us, that everywhere he touched me felt electric. When his finger swept between my legs, I cried out and clutched him closer. Needing him, needing more, I pulled him on top of me. He groaned as he sank inside me. I held my breath as I was hit with multiple overwhelming sensations. I’d wanted this for so long. God, yes.

  Jake paused, breathing heavily against my neck. I turned my head to find his lips. I needed to feel as connected to him as possible right now. He kissed me eagerly, hungrily, and then he began to move inside me. A low moan escaped me as he stroked against all the right places. I’d never been with someone before who’d felt so . . . perfect. I could feel the need to release rising in me with each thrust of his hips, and I knew this wouldn’t be nearly as long as I wanted it to be. But that was okay, because we had all the time in the world to do this now.

  I didn’t hold back, didn’t try to stretch out the moment. It was coming, and I let it hit me. The wave of euphoria made my entire body tense up, stiffen. I cried out with joy as it swept me under. Then I felt Jake release, heard him curse under his breath and mutter something into my skin. Knowing he was experiencing this, too, intensified the moment. I felt like it would never end—I never wanted it to end.

  But eventually the energy left our bodies, and we lay there, trying to collect our breaths and slow our hearts. I wasn’t sure if it was because I’d wanted him for so long and he’d always been unobtainable, but I’d never felt anything as intense as that. Never felt so completely satisfied. And yet as happy as I was, I still ached for him, still longed to do that again.

  Jake gave me a soft kiss, then rolled onto his back. I hated his absence and draped my arm over his stomach. We’d fallen into that so rapidly that I hadn’t had a chance to explore his picture-perfect body. That was something I’d have to rectify soon.

  I turned my head to look at him. He was smiling, his eyes closed. He looked so at peace; I hoped that was genuine. Peeking an eye open, he shifted to look at me. “How do you feel?” he asked, concern on his face.

  “Relaxed, amazed . . .” Completely in love with you. “What about you?” I bit my lip as he sat up on an elbow, worried he’d feel differently about it than I did. But his smile only grew as he stared at me.

  Reaching out, he grabbed a lock of my hair and twirled it in his fingers. “The same,” he said.

  “No regrets?” I asked, cringing.

  He studied my face for a moment, and nerves battered my stomach. “I really thought I would feel . . . guilty or sad, but . . . I don’t.” He leaned over and placed his lips against mine. “Being with you just feels too right,” he murmured against my skin.

  “I know what you mean,” I said, closing my eyes and enjoying the feel of him.

  His lips shifted to my cheek, then my neck. “All I am right now is . . . happy.”

  The sudden nerves instantly transformed, shifting from anxiety to need. “Me too. But we should probably go light that fire . . .”

  “I think I hear rain,” he murmured, his lips trailing across my chest.

  I sucked in a breath as his tongue swirled around my nipple. “Really?” I exhaled.

  “Oh yeah,” he said, his mouth closing around my nipple. “Sounds like a terrible storm . . . might last all day. We should stay inside.” His lips left my chest and began making their way down my stomach. My breath quickened with every inch he went lower.

  “Yeah, storm . . . we should definitely . . . stay inside.” His tongue swept between my legs, and the ability to form words failed me. Yes, there was nowhere else I wanted to be right now.

  We stayed inside the bunker all that day and all the next day, exploring every inch of each other over and over again. I was bleary eyed and a little wobbly when we finally got dressed and set off to do our chores, but I’d never felt so completely satisfied. I could definitely get used to this.

  Even though it had been a while since I’d brought home fresh fish, I decided to go with Jake to light the bonfire. He was walking around wel
l and seemed completely healed, but I still worried. All it would take was one wrong move out here, one misstep, and we’d have serious problems. That was a major reason why we lit the bonfire. As nice as it could be sometimes, we couldn’t live on the island forever. Whether through hunger, disease, or an accident, the odds of us dying prematurely here were far too great.

  Ax in hand, I followed Jake onto the bonfire beach. The stretch of ocean in front of us was overwhelming in scope. It was the only thing visible, and staring at it made it seem like the rest of the world was gone, replaced by an endless blanket of blue. I’d always enjoyed the water before, but right now, it just felt . . . lonely. Turning away, I helped Jake gather wood for the fire.

  It took a while to cut logs and branches and drag them down to the makeshift firepit. It was hard work, and by the time we had the fire lit and crisply burning, Jake and I were both covered in sweat.

  Wiping my face, I grimaced at him. “Want to go take a bath?” I said.

  Jake gave me a playful grin, one I was beginning to know really well. “What’s wrong with a little sweat?” he asked, pulling me into his body.

  I cringed and laughed as our wet bodies collided. As the scent of a roaring fire filled my nose, Jake lowered his mouth to mine. We were dirty and gross, but I suddenly didn’t care. I was reveling in the fact that he could be mine, nearly whenever I wanted him.

  Feeling joyous, I pulled on his arms as I sat on the sand. He laughed as he came with me, then laid me back on the beach and resumed kissing me. I’d never made love out in the open before—never even considered it before—because nowhere back home was completely devoid of people. But here . . . there was literally no one around for miles. We could completely and freely be ourselves.