“Don’t stress,” my dad said. “We’re here to help.”
I smiled at his offer, and I knew I would need them for some things, but neither one of them had an income now. I needed to do this on my own.
I was sifting through the help wanted ads on my mom’s phone when another visitor arrived. This one was expected, although not at this time of day. “Hey, Kylie. Slow day at the beach?” Nerves began poking holes in my stomach as my sister sat down on the couch beside me.
Mom looked up from her book with a frown. “She doesn’t do that anymore.”
Kylie rolled her eyes at Mom while I said, “Oh, why not? You were so good at it.”
She shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “My heart just wasn’t in it.”
I could understand that. “So what do you do now?”
She started picking at a thread on her shirtsleeve. “I’ve been bouncing around, a little of this, a little of that.”
Mom’s eyes narrowed. “She’s had six jobs. Her longest one lasted three weeks.”
“Yeah, well, none of them were the right fit for me,” she countered, lifting her chin.
“None of them would let you get away with drinking on the job.” Her eyes grew more intense while mine widened in surprise. That didn’t sound like Kylie at all.
Kylie pursed her lips in annoyance. “That was one job, Mom. And I learned my lesson. No more day drinking. On workdays.”
She’d lost her job because she’d been drinking? My guilt compounded as I realized just how right Steph was about Kylie. She hadn’t just fallen apart—she’d broken apart. “Oh . . . Kylie . . .”
Kylie twisted her head to frown at me. “If you’re about to start in on a lecture, don’t worry about me. Yes, I went through a hard spell when you and Jake . . . but I’m better now.” Her lip trembled, and her eyes watered. “Jesus, Val, I thought you were dead, and I thought it was my fault. I’m the one who convinced you to go.”
I wrapped my arms around her in a hug, and she broke into tears. “I’m so sorry,” she said.
She was sorry? God . . . this was so much harder than I’d thought it would be. And I’d thought it was going to be hell. “It wasn’t your fault, Kylie. You couldn’t have known. Who would have ever imagined that happening?”
I felt miserable as I held her. And guilty. I should tell her the truth about Jake and me. I should be honest about what happened on the island . . . and off the island. But she was so broken that all I wanted to do was ease her pain and maybe get her help before I steamrolled over her heart—before she lost us again.
Pulling away from her, I put on a smile and changed the subject. “I thought you’d be at dinner last night. I missed you.”
The redirect worked. She cringed. “Yeah, sorry. Jake wanted to spend time with his parents, and I wanted to be with him, so I had dinner over there. Please don’t be mad.”
I shook my head as pain washed through me. You’re the one who should be mad. “It’s fine. At least you’re here now.”
Kylie sighed as she sank back onto the couch. “Yeah . . . last night was kind of . . . weird.”
Ice shot up my spine. “Weird? How?”
She tilted her head as she looked between Mom and me. “Jake was . . . off. Kind of distant . . . preoccupied. And he didn’t want to stay at my place. That was so weird to me. I thought for sure he’d want to . . .” She let that trail off as she looked over at Mom.
“You thought he’d want to crawl all over you?” Mom said.
Kylie flushed with color and laughed a little. I felt a bit of nausea run through my entire body at the thought of her and Jake together. It quickly turned to remorse. Jake had been crawling all over me last night.
“Yeah, but maybe it’s just too soon,” she said, her eyes returning to me. “You guys did go through a lot. He told me how he saved you.”
I swallowed a sudden lump in my throat. “It was awful . . . I’ve never been so scared.” Not wanting her to dwell on my time with Jake on the island, I told her, “But we’re fine now, and we’re home. Everything is exactly how it’s supposed to be.” I squeezed her hand as I said it, knowing that while I was trying to be encouraging, I was also being incredibly misleading. Things might be how they were supposed to be, but they also weren’t how they used to be. Kylie just didn’t know that yet.
Mom was watching both of us with critical eyes, but then she smiled. “Valerie is right, honey. Jake just needs time to adjust to how things are now. We all do.” Then her gaze shifted to just me, and I felt like she was telling me something. Whether she knew or suspected, I wasn’t sure, but she was definitely warning me to not hurt my sister.
Chapter Sixteen
That night, I once again couldn’t sleep. And it wasn’t only because I’d gotten used to sleeping beside Jake and had trouble relaxing without him. Hanging out with my sister—knowing the things that I knew—had been difficult. Guilt and worry were swarming around me, and my heart was heavy with anxiety.
When it was just three or four hours before dawn, and I still couldn’t sleep, I heard a familiar tapping on my window. Smiling, I hopped out of bed to see Jake standing there, goofy grin on his gorgeous face. I unlocked the window to let him in. Once he was all the way inside with the window closed, I tossed my arms around him. Our mouths met, and I poured my heart and soul into the kiss.
“I missed you,” I murmured during a break.
“I missed you too,” he answered.
The kiss grew heated, almost frantic. You would think we hadn’t seen each other in years, not hours. Eventually, I pulled away from him. I was surprisingly breathless. His jade eyes were heated, his breath fast. He took a step toward me, like he wasn’t done kissing me. I held up a finger, and he backed off. Then he let out a quiet laugh.
“Sorry . . . there’s just something about you. I can’t get enough.”
I knew the feeling, but there was something we needed to talk about. Or rather, someone.
I sat on the bed with a sigh. “Kylie came over today.”
Jake sat beside me with an equally grim sigh. “Yeah . . . she mentioned that she wanted to catch up with you.”
A weird squirmy feeling washed through me at hearing him mention that he’d communicated with my sister. But of course he’d talked to her. They probably talked more often than Jake and I talked. In everyone’s mind, including Kylie’s, they were the couple. And Jake and I, we were just . . . well, I wasn’t exactly sure what we were. I knew what I wanted us to be; I just didn’t know how to get there.
“Kylie, she was hit hard by what happened to us. Really hard. Did you know that she stopped drawing caricatures at the beach?”
Jake’s eyes widened, and he shook his head. “No,” he whispered. “I didn’t know that.”
“Did you know she’s been bouncing around from job to job, not happy anywhere?” Again, he shook his head. A soft sigh escaped me. “Did you know she was fired once because she was caught drinking on the job?”
Jake raised an eyebrow at that. “Kylie? Was drinking at work? She didn’t mention that. Any of that.”
“I can’t imagine she’s too proud of it.” Disbelief flooded me as I shook my head. “It’s so bizarre, isn’t it? Not like Kylie at all . . . and that terrifies me.”
He tilted his head as he studied me. “Terrifies you?”
I chewed on my lip before saying anything. “I’m worried about how she’s going to handle our news. I’m worried she won’t handle it. I’m worried she’ll fall back into that despair that had her drinking at work. I’m just . . . I’m scared for her.”
Jake sighed, then grabbed my hand. “Do you want me to go?” His voice was so soft I almost didn’t hear his question.
Scrunching my brow, I shook my head. “No, I want you to stay. For a few hours at least.” I gently put my hand against his cheek. “I don’t want to end this. I just . . . I don’t know what to do about her.”
“Let’s sleep on it,” he said. “Maybe something will come to us.” I
lifted an eyebrow as he patted the bed. He grinned, then shook his head. “Just sleep, I swear.”
Suddenly feeling exhausted, I crawled under the covers with him. Holding him tight, our arms and legs wrapped around each other, I felt completely and perfectly at peace. I really hated that something that made me feel so good, so alive, was also something that made me feel horrible.
Jake was gone when I woke up in the morning. I’d been so out of it I hadn’t even heard him leave. He’d left a note on my pillow, though. It simply said, I love you. I clutched it to my chest and giggled like I’d never been in love before. And maybe I hadn’t been. All of this felt really new. New, exciting, and guilt inducing.
After tucking the note under my pillow, I sat up on the bed and stretched. I’d really hoped I would open my eyes and be suddenly struck by some wondrous solution to our problem, but that hadn’t happened. I still had no idea what to do.
Every night that week, Jake came in through my window and spent a few hours by my side. We didn’t make love every time, but we always cuddled. And fell even deeper in love. We’d need to tell my sister soon. We couldn’t keep meeting up behind her back, and Jake couldn’t keep sneaking in through my window. One of these days, a neighbor was going to see and call the cops on him. Or even worse, my parents would hear him stumbling inside and walk in on us while we were together. That would be absolutely mortifying.
Smiling, content, and comfortable in bed with him, I nestled against his chest. “Jake, you know we can’t keep doing this, right?”
He let out a satisfied noise. “Yeah . . . I know.”
Biting my lip, I traced a circle on his bare chest. “Kylie must be curious why the two of you aren’t . . . ?”
He turned his head to look at me; his eyes were more blue than green in the moonlight. “If you’re asking me if I’ve been with her since we came back from the island, the answer is no. You’re the only woman I’ve been with.”
His admission made me grin. Then frown. “She has to be wondering why. It’s been long enough that she has to know something is wrong.”
His gaze drifted back to the ceiling. “Yeah . . . she wants to talk tonight. I don’t know what to tell her.”
Fear and ice filled me, but I pushed it back. We couldn’t keep avoiding this. It wasn’t making things better for Kylie. In fact, it was probably making things worse. “I think . . . you should tell her about us,” I said. Then I sighed. “No. I’m her sister; I should be the one to tell her about us. I should have already.”
Jake’s arms around me tightened. “No . . . I’ll do it.” I twisted to look at him, and he let out a heavy sigh. “What happened between us, it doesn’t change the fact that I fell out of love with her. Regardless of you and me, I need to talk to her simply because I don’t feel the same way about her anymore. And that’s something I should have told her already.”
I nodded, then briefly closed my eyes. “This sucks.”
“At least it will be over soon,” he whispered.
I wasn’t sure if he was right. This would forever alter things between Kylie and me. She was going to hate me after this. Could I handle that? I really wasn’t sure. “I should go with you when you tell her.”
Jake sighed and shook his head. “No. The minute she sees you, she’ll know. I need to do this alone. It’s the only way she doesn’t . . .” He paused, then sighed again. “No, either way she’ll be hurt, but at least this way I can ease her into it.”
I nodded, then clenched him tight. I wasn’t ready. I was also overly ready.
He inhaled a deep breath like he was steeling himself, and then he kissed my head. “I should go. Your parents will be up soon.” We’d already had one close call, when he’d still been here after they’d woken up. I’d been terrified the entire time he’d snuck out the window, but my parents hadn’t said a word about hearing anything strange. Thank God.
I missed him more than usual once he was gone. Probably because of what he was going to be doing later. It made me nauseous to think about it. The feeling only intensified as the day went on, and by the time evening rolled around—and I knew they had to be together—my stomach hurt so much it was cramping.
Sitting on the living room couch, I started biting my nails, an old nervous habit from when I was young. Mom noticed my mood and sat down beside me. “Everything all right?”
I tried to smile, tried to look like nothing was wrong, but I failed. Miserably. “I’ll be fine, Mom. It’s just . . .”
“You and Jake?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
Dread numbed every nerve ending. What did she know? “What about Jake and me?”
She sighed, and then her eyes grew firm. I knew those eyes. Those were her don’t lie to me eyes. “It doesn’t take a genius to see that the two of you grew closer on the island. The question is . . . How close?”
That stare had made me admit to many things when I was younger. Surprisingly, maturity hadn’t dulled its power. “We love each other. We want to be together.”
She closed her eyes, then sighed. “I was afraid of that. I think Kylie probably is too.” She opened her eyes; they were ringed with sadness. “Deep down, she has to suspect something happened between you two. Being alone for three months, thinking you’d never make it home . . . she has to be wondering; she’s just too afraid to ask.”
Feeling defeated, I sadly shook my head. “I fell in love with him, Mom. And he fell in love with me too. What are we supposed to do? Ignore that and lie to her?”
Mom shook her head. “I don’t know . . . but I do know this will devastate her, Valerie, and she’s been through so much. I hope you take that into consideration before you . . . do anything.”
My eyes drifted to the ground as guilt and worry consumed me. Too late, Mom. And I’ve been through a lot too. I desperately didn’t want to hurt my sister, but she had to know about us. I needed her to understand what had happened . . . and hopefully she would give us her blessing. Fat chance, though. She loved him too.
As I sat there, stewing, I wondered if Jake and Kylie were done . . . if they were over. Should I call his parents’ house? See if he was home? We hadn’t gotten cell phones yet. Or jobs. Jake was driving his dad’s spare car, so he was doing slightly better than I was.
Wishing I could text him and ask him how things were going, I sat and waited. That was when a knock sounded on my parents’ door. Mom was busy in the other room, so I answered the door for her. “Jake?” I looked behind him, but he was alone. He looked worn to the bone, and his eyes were red, like he’d been crying recently. “Are you okay?” I asked, my heart breaking at the sight of him.
“Can I come in?” he asked, his voice raspy.
“Yeah, of course.” I opened the door wider, letting him come inside, then closed it behind him. He shuffled his way over to the couch and collapsed on the cushions.
Concern was shooting up my spine as I studied him. He was not okay. I’d known this was going to be hard on him, but I hadn’t expected this reaction. I should have gone with him. We should have shouldered this pain together.
Sitting down on the couch beside him, I started rubbing his back. “Hey . . . how did it go? Was she furious?”
He stared ahead blankly, his expression so weary it was devoid of emotion. “She . . . she’s never going to forgive you, Valerie. So long as you and I are together, she’s going to hate you. And me.” His dead eyes turned my way. “I’m fine with her hating me, but I can’t handle splitting up a family. I can’t handle her hating you for the rest of your life.”
Pain squeezed my stomach while ice shot through my veins. “I’m sure she’ll . . . someday, she has to . . .” I wanted to argue with him, but I knew he was right. I’d lost her. Tears filled my eyes, then spilled down my cheeks. “I should go talk to her. Tell her my side . . .”
Jake shook his head. “It won’t matter. If we’re together . . . it won’t matter.”
My brows furrowed as I stared at him. “What are you trying to tell me?”
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Jake let out a deep sigh, then twisted to face me. He grabbed my hands, and I instantly felt like pulling them back. My heart started pounding as he stared at me. “She’s basically making us choose. You and me or you and her.”
I shook my head, and my throat tightened so much speech was nearly impossible. “There has to be another way.”
His eyes watered as he stared at me. “There isn’t. She’s been through too much. She’s . . . not the same, Valerie.”
I closed my eyes, and more tears dropped onto my cheeks. “So I’ve lost my sister . . . she’s gone forever.” I could feel panic clawing at my insides, despair burning through my soul. I hadn’t wanted to hurt her. I’d tried so hard, but I’d still failed.
Jake leaned over and gently kissed my cheek. “No. You won’t lose your sister. It will take some time, but you’ll get her back.”
My eyes sprang open. “But you just said she’d never—”
He cut me off with the most painful words I’d ever heard. “We can’t see each other again, Valerie. We have to end this so you can repair things with Kylie.”
Fear and denial made me clamp onto his arms so tightly I knew I was bruising him. “No . . .”
The tears in his eyes fell down his cheeks. “I know. I don’t want to either. But I can’t live with destroying your family, and if you think about it . . . really think about it . . . I don’t think you can either. The guilt, the pain . . . you’ll end up hating yourself, and then you’ll end up hating me. We’ll break up anyway, only then it will be too late to save your sister.”
“You don’t know that,” I whispered, but even as I said it . . . I knew he was right. Having Kylie torn out of my life would change me. It would change us. My head dropped as the truth settled over me.
“You see it now, don’t you?” he softly said.
I released his arms and gently took his hands. “Yes.” Just saying the word made something inside me die. Hope. The tenacious hold I’d had on hope for so long was finally dying. “Do we really have to do this?” I murmured, already knowing the answer.
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