Unbeautiful

by Jessica Sorensen

  “She might have mentioned it when I ran into her the other day.” He reaches over and moves my hand away from my mouth, stopping me from biting my nails. “But I was planning on seeing you already. I wanted to surprise you and give you the good news. And I thought we could go to a party tonight. The son of one of my father’s associates is having one.”

  My mind races a million miles a minute as we exit the doors and step into the campus yard. A light drizzle falls from the cloudy sky and puddles soak the ground.

  “Emery, are you okay?” He stares at me like I’ve lost my mind. “You look like you’re going to be sick.”

  I wrap my arm around my stomach. “I feel like I’m going to be sick.”

  “Well, you need to get your act together. We have a party to go to tonight,” he says with a glance in my direction, more focused on the people fluttering around us than anything. And, as usual, a few cast glances in our direction, at the beautiful couple that’s so perfect for each other. So perfect, so in the past, so unwanted by me anymore. “You sounded strange on the phone the last time I talked to you.”

  “So, did you... I mean, you said all those things about me being a traitor for moving here, and now you’re suddenly moving here?”

  “I told you it’s because my father wants me here,” he says, his tone harsh. “Besides, I need to keep an eye on you. Your mother says you haven’t sounded like yourself lately.”

  I chew on my nails again. “I’m fine.”

  “I’m sure you are.” He grabs my hand and tugs it away from my mouth again. “That’s such a disgusting habit. I wish you’d stop.”

  I want to scream at him. It’s the same way I felt during the months that led up to my escape. After all that work to get away from Ralingford and the people in it, now he’s here, taking over my life again.

  He stares ahead at the people hanging out under the trees, contemplating something deeply as we cross the grass toward the parking lot. Part of me wishes he’d stay silent forever, but as always, Evan has something to say.

  “So, I’ve been thinking that we should make a plan about what sorority you’ll be joining.”

  I hug my books closer to my chest. “I’m not joining one.”

  “Yes, you are. We’re going to go right back to the plan we had before you ran off.”

  I bite down on my tongue until I taste blood.

  “Did you by chance try out for cheerleading?” he asks as he retrieves car keys from his pocket.

  “I went to it a couple of days ago.”

  “And what sorority do the girls on the team belong to?”

  “I don’t know.” My eyelashes flutter against the light rain as I stare up through the cracks in the tree branches canopying above us. I feel like a caged animal. “I haven’t really talked to any of them yet. I’m not even sure if I’m going to officially join the team, either. I just went to the tryout because I was bored.”

  Evan pauses, gripping my shoulder and forcing me to halt so abruptly I trip over my own feet.

  “Em, look. I get it. You’re on your own now, living in your own place away from your parents, but don’t fuck up our life, okay? We had plans back in Ralingford, and as long as you’ll cooperate, we can make those plans happen here.” He flashes me a dimpled grin. “Together, we’re going to be fantastic, just like we were in high school. Everyone will envy us. But it needs to be a mutual thing. You’ve got to be on the same page as me. You’ve got to put in as much effort as me to keep on the right path.”

  “What if I want to change that plan?” I clutch my books, seeking something to grasp onto because I feel like the ground is about to open up and swallow me whole. “What if I don’t want that anymore?”

  “You do want it,” he states simply, leaving no room for discussion. “Now come on. I’ll drive you home before I go to practice. Then I’ll pick you up for the party afterwards.”

  He ushers us to start walking again and snatches hold of my hand, forcing me to move with him.

  “I can’t go to a party tonight.” The lie falls from my lips.

  He cocks a brow at me, his features hardening. “Why not?”

  I shrug. “I have homework.”

  “On the first day?”

  “Yep.” I stare ahead at the sea of bodies parting a path for us. “And I want to stay on track because soon my job will be starting, and things are going to get a lot more difficult to stay on top.”

  He studies me from the side, my profile, my chest. None will give him the answers he’s searching for, though. “You don’t have to work, Emery. My father’s going to pay for us to get an apartment.”

  My muscles wind into tight knots. “I have my own place already.”

  “Yeah, I’ve seen that shithole and the trash that lives in it. We’re not living there. We’re going to get a nice place. We’ll be perfect together. We’ll have sex all the time, and I can keep an eye on you.” He flashes me his infamous grin, the one that can stop hearts, but it nearly kills mine right now, and not in a good way.

  I think about running, sprinting across the grass and disappearing, but as we stroll up to his car, I realize I have another problem to deal with.

  “You brought Larel and Taggar?” I shake my head, annoyed at the sight of the two large men standing beside Evan’s car. “What? Are they moving in with us, too?”

  “You know I’m not allowed to leave the house without my bodyguards,” he says smoothly.

  “I’m not getting into the car with them. At not with Taggar.” I dig my heels into the muddy grass, refusing to budge.

  Taggar was the man who dragged me into the bushes that night I snuck out of the house. He roughed me up then ratted me out to my father because I’d been near the Shadows and had seen Tagger doing stuff to a girl against her will.

  “Come on, Emery.” He shoves me forward, and I stumble over my feet again. “Quit being overdramatic and get in the fucking car. Don’t cause a scene.”

  I open my mouth to throw a tantrum, but Evan cuts me off, snapping his fingers.

  Tagger strolls forward with a shit-eating smirk on his face, grabs my arm, and yanks me toward the passenger side of the car.

  “Do anything at all besides get into the car,” he warns in a low tone as he opens the car door, “and I’ll make you relive that night.”

  The scars on my back pulsates as I wrench my arm from his hold and then climb into the black Cadillac. Evan slides into the driver’s side while Taggar and Larel scoot into the backseat.

  “You got a new car?” I ask calmly, though I’m hyperaware that this car matches the car I’ve seen around the neighborhood, the one that was there the night the brick was thrown through my window.

  “I borrowed it from one of my father’s friends,” he replies, revving up the engine. “Mine is too nice to be driving in town.”

  “Maybe you shouldn’t live here then, if you don’t like it.” I draw the strap of my seat belt over my shoulder.

  “My mind’s made up.” He backs the car out. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  I stab my nails into my palms and keep them there during the drive to my apartment.

  “I’ll pick you up at eight for the party. Don’t worry, we’ll only go for little bit. Then I’ll bring you home, and you can work on your assignments.” Evan grins his charming smile, the one I’ve seen him use to get his way for almost every day in the last three years. “You should be more excited, Emery. Your very first party. And they’re serving drinks.”

  If he only knew what I’ve been up to.

  That the girl he knew a couple of weeks ago no longer exists.

  That I’ve been erasing her.

  I open my mouth to say no but then seal my lips, remembering that, in Evan’s book, no means yes.

  And yes means yes.

  Everything means yes if he wants it to.

  Besides, right now, Taggar is in the backseat.

  And, even though I hate that I do, I fear him; he’s as evil as my father.

  I
slip out of the car after he steals a kiss then trudge up the stairs toward my apartment on the third floor. As I fall back into the routine of my old life with Evan, my feet feel so much heavier than they did when I left my place earlier today.

  I want my freedom back, the brief freedom I tasted over the last week.

  I will get it back.

  I need to come up with a plan. There has to be something I can say that will push Evan away from me, that’ll scare him away from ever wanting to touch me.

  I consider knocking on Ryler’s door to ask him for help; but after him not showing up this afternoon, I’m not sure I should, so I pass by it and go up to my apartment.

  I find a note taped to my door when I get there. A smile touches my lips as I read it. A rain check, huh? I’m definitely going to take him up on that. Maybe after I get cleaned up, I’ll go downstairs and hang out with him for a little while. I could use his company, and it’ll mean I won’t be here when Evan arrives to take me to the party.

  Dropping my bags onto the floor, I walk down the hallway. It’s difficult not to run past the wooden circle, but this time I manage.

  When I enter my bedroom, I open my laptop, boot it up, and go to the discussion board to check my messages.

  My heart speeds up when I see a reply. Excitement bubbles through me. I might have discovered an answer to one of my mother’s secrets.

  But my excitement rapidly dissolves.

  “The pill you’re referring to, Unbeautiful,” I read the reply aloud, “is generally used for people who suffer from psychosis.”

  Psychosis?

  As in crazy?

  “Don’t believe anything, Emery, not until you ask the right questions. You can’t get the right answers until then.”

  I glance up from my computer at the outline of Ellis standing in my doorway.

  “Open your eyes. The world is only what we believe it is. Shut your eyes, and you’re admitting that our parents are right. Don’t let them be right, Emery. Don’t give in like I did.” The outline of him begins to fade. “Help yourself so you can help me. Find me, Emery. Stop leaving yourself with questions and get some answers.”

  “Wait.” I leap from my bed and dash toward him, but he disappears through my fingertips.

  My gaze scans the computer, the pill, then the spot where the outline of Ellis was standing only moments ago. I think of the cuffs I had to sleep in for months, the bars on my window, my strict schedule, the pills I’ve been on for as long as I can remember, the voices I’ve heard for practically forever.

  My brother’s words echo in my head.

  Open your eyes. The world is only what we believe it is.

  No, I’m not ready to give in just yet, to accept that I’m crazy. I’m not ready to accept that my mother was right, that I don’t belong in the real world.

  There has to be more to who I am than being a pretty ornament for Evan. And I’m going to get to the bottom of it, exactly like I’m going to get to the bottom of what happened to my brother. Until I do, I have to keep this discovery my dirty little secret. No one can find out about me.

  Knock. Knock. Knock.

  I’m startled from my thoughts by a rap on the door.

  Quickly shutting off the computer, I hurry down the hallway. I don’t head for the front door, but to the sliding glass door. My gaze rolls over the parking lot.

  Puddles cover the ground and rain crashes from the sky and onto the cars parked in the parking lot. In the midst of the vehicles, I search for Evan’s car, needing to know it’s not him at the door before I open it. His Cadillac is nowhere in sight, but my mouth plummets to a frown when I spot a Plymouth Barracuda underneath the carport area right in front of my building. The car is rare enough that I know who it belongs to.

  “Emery, open up.” My father bangs on the door. “I need to talk to you.”

  I grind my teeth together as I inch toward the door.

  “Emery, I have a key, so either you can let me in, or I’ll let myself in.”

  I shake my head. Of course he has a key.

  I unlock the deadbolt and open the front door.

  “Why are you here again?” My voice trembles, despite my bold question. I know what the man in front of me can do, have seen it too many times, and family isn’t excluded from his evil.

  “Again?” he questions, lifting his hat from his head. “I’m not sure what you mean?”

  I lean against the doorframe and cross my arms. “The note on my door that was written in your handwriting.” When he maintains his puzzlement, I continue, “Thou shall not break.”

  He rubs his jawline with his brows knitted. “I really have no clue what you’re talking about. I didn’t leave a note, but I’m not surprised you received something like that.”

  “Of course you’re not, because I know it was you. I know what your handwriting looks like, Father. I know you’ve been doing things to try to scare me back home and that you've been watching me or, at least, your men have.”

  “Emery, you will not speak to me like that. If I say I didn’t write it, then I didn’t write it. But you’re right about me watching you, in a sense. Although, not how you mean it.” Thunder claps in the sky, causing us both to flinch. “Now, are you going to let me in so I can explain why I’m here?”

  “You can explain from out there.” I hold my stance, knowing if I let him in, he’ll never leave, not until he gets what he wants.

  His gaze slides to the side of him then lands back on me. “Fine, I’ll make this short and simple then, if you’re going to insist on being stubborn.” He steps to the side. “I’d like you to meet your new bodyguard.”

  I open my mouth to protest, but all words get lost in the sound of the rain as Ryler steps in front of me. He appears drained, his black hair is disheveled, and his black jeans and grey are shirt wrinkled.

  “I’d introduce you two, but you already know each other,” my father says, way too pleased.

  I stare at Ryler.

  And he stares back at me.

  You know my father, my fucking gaze reads. You’ve known him this entire time.

  I wish his gaze said, I’m sorry. Wish it said something. But all I see is emptiness and my loss of freedom. He was supposed to be a part of my new life. He felt like he was, felt different. He made me feel different. Made me feel alive.

  “Emery, Ryler is going to keep an eye on you”—my father plops his hat onto his head—“until I can figure out who’s been leaving you the notes.”

  With a lot of effort, I tear my eyes off Ryler and look at my father. “Notes? You know about the other note?”

  “I told you, Emery, I’ve been watching you.” He leans forward and dips his head toward my ear. “You didn’t think I’d just let you move out on your own, did you?” My body stiffens as he grasps my shoulders. “Now here’s what you’re going to do; otherwise, I will tie you up and drag you home. You’re going to behave like you were taught. You will call me immediately if anything happens—if you get more broken windows, feel like you’re being followed, or if your life is in danger. You will allow Ryler to continue to be in your life and you will go to him if you need help.” He gives a weighted pause. “And you won’t hurt him, Emery, no matter how much you want to. You won’t hurt anyone ever again.”

  My eyes widen as he pulls away.

  His nails dig into my skin. “And you will continue to be with Evan. You don’t have to move in with him yet, but your relationship with him is important for business.”

  A causal smile touches his lips as he leans away from me. “I have to go. I have some business to attend to. But, just remember, I’ll be keeping an eye on you, as well.”

  He pats Ryler on the back, a friendly gesture he offers to pretty much no one. Just how well does Ryler know my father? And for how long?

  Ryler and I avoid eye contact until my father vanishes down the stairs then our gazes collide.

  “You know my father?” I say hollowly, even though my heart hammers in my chest. Even a
fter what I just found out, my body wants him. My mouth wants to taste him. My tongue wants to lick his ring, feel the coolness of the metal. My fingers ache to brush his skin and for his fingers to caress mine.

  “I know your father.” His expression softens. “Emery, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that you were… his daughter. Otherwise, I would have said something.”

  He seems genuine, but then again, he also seemed like someone my parents would look down on. No wonder my mother asked about him. She had to have known who he was. She was never a fan of most of the people my father works with, except for people who are higher up, like Donny Elderman.