by Shawn Hill
CHAPTER 4 - THE REPEATING
A strong sensation of warmth causes Thomas to raise his arm and cover his face. Where? He wonders. Where are the sounds I fell asleep to? Where are those noises that I tried so desperately to ignore? He doesn’t want to open his eyes and see that damn hospital room again. It was just too much, so Thomas remains still, trying not moving at all. What is this heat on my face? He keeps thinking. Is someone shining a light at me on purpose? The temperature seemed to be increasing and the room was clearly becoming brighter. Finally, his eyes open and he sits up, extending his arms back. OH, My God, what a nightmare.
Thomas looks around until a familiar clock on the wall catches his attention and draws him into full consciousness. Man… I hate those clocks, he thinks. After rubbing his eyes he lies back, turns to his side and reaches for a cell phone beside the bed. The screen shows 8:37am. Fantastic! In my nightmare it was 8:36.
Everything seems normal as he reaches for Juliandra and pulls her close. The embrace is a little more snug than usual; as if he wants to make sure her body is really there. Gently, he caresses her cheek then slowly runs his hand down her arm as he begins to whisper.
“Hey, I need your help with something. I think someone slipped me one of those…” His words suddenly stop as a strong sense of déjà vu overwhelms his mind.
Juliandra turns slightly. “Those what? What the heck are you talking about?”
Déjà vu again? He thinks. Nah, she always says something like that.
“Oh, nothing, I had a joke and forgot how it went. You know, I think we should just go at it until we can’t anymore.”
Juliandra turns to face him and replies with a smirk, “Go at what? Just what is it that we would be going at until we can’t anymore?”
“You know what I’m talkin’ about. Remember that article in Men’s Health magazine? The one that said men need to basically do it all the time to prevent prostate cancer.”
He begins to loudly kiss Juliandra all over her face.
“My health is at risk woman and you must save me!”
The humorous sounds and giggles slowly change to a softer more romantic tone when the two pull the comforter up and over their bodies. As the morning progresses they remain in bed holding each other and talking.
“It was so real!” Thomas says. “So real. You’d been shot and I couldn’t do anything to save you, I lost you.”
“I’m right here.” Juliandra replies. “You haven’t lost me at all. Besides, could you have made love to a ghost? I mean, you must have realized I was real during the entire thirty seconds of romantic love making, right?”
“Thirty seconds! I lasted at least ninety seconds! I think you need to check your clock girl! I mean I don’t think you could handle much more than that.”
Both laugh for a bit before discussing what they might do during the day, but each time an idea is brought up, Thomas feels as if they’ve already talked about it. He then tries to change the conversation to a subject that doesn’t seem familiar.
“Hey, remember last weekend when we were at your mother’s for the barbeque? After we left I asked about your conversation with Carol. You mentioned it was deep, and I never got a chance to hear what you guys were discussing.”
“I did? Yeah, I guess it was pretty deep. She was really interested in my past. Dating and boyfriends, stuff like that.”
“Ahh, the ‘ex’ discussion. Did you tell her about Craig?”
“I did actually; I don’t know why, but I told her all about him.”
“That must be a female thing because none of the guys in my little world tend to ask or even bring up past girlfriends. It’s kinda like the women in their lives don’t even exist. Come to think of it, I never hear much of anything about current or past girlfriends from the guys. Except Richard; he’s always talking about his ex-girlfriend, who was supposedly really hot and how he should bang her again.”
“That’s nice. How romantic… Not! Richard is something else.”
“Yeah, he is. Pretty hilarious sometimes to. So, how detailed did you get?”
“Umm, not too much, just a bit about how we got together, how he affected Brighten, and how the whole experience helped me find you. We didn’t talk about sex if that’s what you’re driving at.”
“No sex talk! I’m amazed. It seems like women always talk about sex. I mean, come on, that’s where all the measurements come up, right? Don’t you guys carry stat sheets around with measurements and times?”
“Wow, that would just be nasty. But you know what, that’s not a bad idea.”
“You should, I know all the guys do. Heck, I have my sheet around here somewhere.” Thomas starts looking around, pretending to hunt for an imaginary paper.
Juliandra smiles and nudges Thomas. “So you’ve got a sheet do you? Got my measurements on it? I’m curious; do you put my time on there or your time?”
“Just kidding, just kidding! No sheets exists. Let’s just all forget about times and sheets. There’s no times written anywhere. What is time anyway? Who really cares about silly things like time?”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
Thomas reaches over and hugs Juliandra. “Anyway, tell me about your conversation with Carol.”
“Ohh no, that’s girl talk. Besides, you’ve heard it all before.”
“Not really, plus I like hearing your voice, but you don’t have to talk about it. I understand it was a part of your life that wasn’t really that great and I tend to leave my early days in the dark to.”
“Well, I’d like to think I’ve made peace with my past. It is what it is and nothing will change what happened. Without having gone through it, I wouldn’t be who I am today.”
“That’s so true; sometimes I think about what I’d be like if I hadn’t been exposed to so much turmoil in my youth.”
“Yeah,” Juliandra says, “it changes you, makes you see things differently and in some cases, opens your eyes to different paths.”
“Indeed, it does! Before my parents divorced when I was ten, my brother and I were on a fast track to trouble. We were always causing mayhem. But, after they split, David was sent away to live with my dad and I became a lone soul. My whole world changed. I wasn’t getting in trouble anymore because I was thinking for myself and seeing things my way for a change.”
Juliandra puts her hand on Thomas’s chest. “Oh baby, I’m surprised you don’t do more with David now that you live in Maine.”
“Yeah, me too, but everyone gets caught up in their own little world and time goes by so fast. It’s not the same as when we were kids. We don’t really have anything in common anymore. He grew up in Maine and kept getting into trouble, and I got stuck with my mother and I was constantly trying to avoid trouble. That woman exposed me to some terrible people and situations. I was dragged into bars where she would meet guys, brought to prisons to visit them when they got arrested for beating her or stealing, and I witnessed all the alcohol and drug activity I ever want to see. I’m so lucky I escaped that life without being physically abused in some way, it’s not even funny. All those experiences though, have shaped and molded me. I have zero tolerance for drugs, alcohol or for anyone abusing another, and I try to be a decent role model for kids through the martial arts, so they can see that good people do exist. I‘m not sure I’d be this way had I not been through all that.”
“I think you would’ve turned out good no matter what, but probably you’d be doing different things. Maybe not really conscious of being a role model to kids or not going out of your way to be so protective of women.”
“Maybe, I just feel what’s right and what’s wrong, and I don’t like the wrong. Not in the least bit.”
“I know Thomas, that’s one of the reasons I love you so much. I could sense that when we first met. I knew that you would always protect me and always be there for me. Experiencing poverty most of my life makes me appreciate everything I have now, and experiencing all the not so great moments in my past really makes me en
joy the good times. It hurt losing my father at sixteen; it hurt me bad. I was kinda lost for a while and didn’t know what direction to go. I just thought he would always be there. That changed me quite a bit and I made some poor choices back then. One of those poor choices was Craig, and I paid a high price for it. But, I’ve accepted that past and made my peace with it. The physical abuse from Craig and the trouble he caused by getting Brighten involved with drugs was horrible. Just like you though, those experiences molded me.”
“And that’s one of the reasons I love you so much. I could tell you were grounded and real, if you know what I mean. What I was seeing was the true you. There was no false image.”
“Aww Thomas, I never knew that. You never told me that before.”
“I never knew it before to be honest. It’s taken years for me to understand why I love you the way I do, and talking about all this stuff made me think.”
Juliandra kisses Thomas twice on the lips and pulls him out of bed and into the kitchen where she starts heating water for tea. She proposes they share some silly unknown facts about themselves, something each has yet to tell the other. This prompts Thomas to look at the microwave’s clock. It’s 9:16am, and with an odd look on his face he suggests taking the tea into the living room. The two grab their drinks, walk out of the kitchen and sit on the couch. Thomas starts to become distracted and preoccupied with thought. Anxiety begins to set in, and he keeps staring at a clock Juliandra put above the end table.
“What is up with you Thomas?” Juliandra asks. “Are you alright?”
His eyes move to her and back to the clock which he figures to now display 9:22. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Do you want some breakfast? I’ll go make you something.”
“No, no I’m good right now; let’s hang out in here. In fact, I feel like a little dancing.”
“Ooh, now you’re talking,”
Thomas reaches out with his left hand and as soon as Juliandra grabs it, he pulls her in for a slow dance. As he puts his right cheek to hers, the light smell of coconut from her hair alleviates his tension. “I love coconut,” he says.
“I know,“ Juliandra replies. “That’s why I use coconut conditioner.”
The two move back and forth while Thomas starts to softly sing the lyrics to her favorite slow song. He’s lost in her, and nothing else matters. It’s only the two of them, he thinks, alone together for a quiet weekend. Thomas leans away, looks into her eyes, and places his right hand on her left cheek, then kisses her as if for the first time. The feelings hadn’t changed and all he could think of is how much he wanted to be with her.
“Wow,” Juliandra says, “that was nice! What brought that on?”
“I love you, that’s all. I just love you more than you’ll ever know.”
“I love you too, Thomas. I love you very much. Now I am going to make some breakfast boy. What do you want?”
“How about some scrambled eggs? Ohh yeah, and you do know I lasted way more than thirty seconds.”
Juliandra laughs as she walks towards the kitchen.
“Yeah, you’re right; it was more like thirty five seconds.”
Thomas smiles, shakes his head and catches a glimpse of that dreadful clock on the wall he hates so much. It takes a few seconds, but he deciphers the time to be about 9:35. Just as soon as his brain figures out the time, he calls out to Juliandra, who’s almost to the kitchen. “Juliandra, come back for a second. Just real quick.”
Juliandra stops and turns around. “What? Don’t you want some eggs? Are you okay?”
At that moment, two windows in the living room shatter, raining glass onto the floor. Quickly, Thomas’s eyes move from the clock on the wall to Juliandra’s face then to the glass, and back to Juliandra. She’s two steps in front of him, only two steps away when the look on her face changes. Her body, as if in slow motion, falls to the floor in the exact spot Thomas had pulled her to in his dream. And just as before, he rushes over and drops to his knees desperately trying to stop the blood from flowing out. Juliandra’s life is fading quickly and with both arms, Thomas embraces her and yells out.
”No!”
He pulls back slightly to see her eyes as she tries to reach for him. Her arms simply drop to the floor. Her breath has stopped, her body is still, and her life is no more.
“Juliandra, no! Juliandra! I love you, Juliandra. Don’t leave me!”
Thomas stares at her face for a moment crying, and yells again and again. “What is this? What is this?”
He frantically looks for his cell phone and finally sees it on the nightstand in the bedroom. After grabbing it and dialing 911, he tries to explain to the operator what he needs, but makes no sense while speaking. The operator decides to send emergency units to the location of the call and tells him to remain calm while help is on its way.
An ambulance shortly arrives along with a police car. Two EMTs rush to Juliandra’s lifeless body.
Thomas is taken into custody by one officer and then brought to the local police station for questioning. Soon after arriving, he finds himself sitting in a plain room with a single table and two chairs. There’s a camera on the wall and a blank notepad on the opposite side of the table. A man wearing dark clothing walks into the room. Thomas looks over and calls out his name.
“Detective Davis, I know you.”
“You know me Mr. Lee? How do you know me?”
“You gave me your card. I had your card, with your name on it.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Lee, but if you had my card, I didn’t give it to you. Where is this card?”
“I don’t actually have it now, it was in my dream.”
“Your dream? I gave you a card, in your dream?”
“Yes! This has happened before; at least I think it has. I had a nightmare and this happened!”
“Calm down, Mr. Lee. Tell me what happened in your home today?”
Thomas begins to describe everything to the detective and during his statement, explains the dream he had and how the events seemed to come true.
“You were the officer in my dream. You were there. What is this? How is this happening? Ohh my God, Juliandra.”
Tears fall from Thomas’s eyes.
“Mr. Lee, I have a team at your home right now working to find out what happened. We will learn the truth, but you need to tell me that truth. Alright, Thomas? Dreaming about something doesn’t make it come true, do you understand me? People make things come true, not dreams. If you were involved in this I need to know now.”
Just as Detective Davis finishes speaking, a skinny gentlemen, about six and a half feet tall walks into the room with a small bag, hands it to him and whispers in his ear. Detective Davis looks up at Thomas and tells him that they have found three bullet holes in the home, all from different weapons.
“I’m told, Mr. Lee, that three separate weapons seem to be involved in the death of your wife. We’ve found two entry points in the living room and one in the kitchen. We have also found a 7.62x51mm bullet lodged in the refrigerator. Do you know anyone with a rifle? Perhaps a US issued M40 rifle?”
“No, I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. I don’t have any guns and don’t know anyone with a rifle.”
“Mr. Lee, your wife was shot three times with high powered rifles. Are you telling me you know nothing about it, nothing at all?”
“All I know is that I was dancing with her in the kitchen, I mean living room. The kitchen was in my dream. Next thing I know, she’s falling to the floor and dying in my arms. I couldn’t stop the bleeding. I couldn’t save her!”
“Here’s how this is going to work, Thomas. You are a suspect as of right now. Although, considering what you’ve said today, I don’t believe you had anything to do with it. What I believe, however, makes no difference. It’s the evidence that will tell the story. You will be placed in protective custody until we sort this out. Two of my men will bring you to a hotel where you’ll spend the night. You’re not to leave that
room for any reason. Do you understand?”
“Yes, yes I understand.” Thomas replies. “Put me wherever, I don’t really care anymore.”
Detective Davis leaves Thomas in the room by himself. Moments later, two uniformed officers walk in and escort him to the rear of the building and out through a rusty metal door which leads to a parking lot. As the sun hits his face, all he can think of is the warmth of Juliandra that he’ll never know again. They make their way to an unmarked police cruiser where Thomas is placed in the back seat. Without small talk or pause, the car is started and driven away. Shortly after, they arrive at the Vacation Inn, located only two miles from the station. Both officers escort Thomas to room 316 on the third floor. One officer swipes the card key downward through the lock mechanism, opens the door, and enters to look around.
“It’s all clear,” he says, “let him in.”
Thomas walks into the room with his head down and makes his way to the bathroom.
“We’ll be right outside, Mr. Lee,” explains one officer.
Thomas simply nods before closing the door. He looks in the mirror while reaching for the water faucet handle. A few splashes of cold water on his face and he looks again. Tears from his eyes flow down and become lost among the water droplets. What is this… hell? Am I going crazy?
“Regina!” he says out loud, “I’ve got to call her.”
The bathroom door opens and Thomas rushes out. A small wooden desk where the room phone sits comes in to sight. He picks up the handset and dials her number. No answer. She must be at the police station, he thinks. He sprints to the room door, opens it, and tells the officers outside that he needs to see his mother-in-law, Regina Jones.
“I need to talk with her,” he says. “She needs to know I had nothing to do with this. I need to speak with her as soon as possible.”
One officer calls in and chats for a few minutes before explaining that the Detective, Regina and Brighten Jones are on their way to the hotel, and they will be there within two hours. As satisfied as anyone could possibly be in his situation, Thomas thanks the officers and goes back into the room where he reluctantly lies back on the single queen sized bed. I’ve got to gather my thoughts, he thinks. I need to relax and think this through like a sane person. Tears fall again from his eyes as he curls himself into a fetal position. After several minutes, he notices the sound of an analog clock sitting on the nightstand.
This was the kind of clock where the second hand jumped to the next position and bounced a little before it moved again. A loud tick could be heard with each second that went by. For some strange reason, the consistent and steady beat became soothing to his mind. Tick Tick Tick Tick. As the sound fades into the distance, nothingness begins to encompass the room until darkness takes over.