The Ascension Trial

by CJ Embers

  He said nothing, and I was relieved. After some time had passed, however, I broke the silence. “Do you think Syida’s death will help them realize how evil the Tehji are? It has to, right? I don’t want to turn her death into some sort of weapon, but maybe a byproduct of it will be them realizing how horrible the patriarchy is.”

  “Some, sure. But I think it will take a while for others to get used to all the changes, even with the knowledge of her death,” Oren responded.

  “But how could any of them continue to support the Tehji after finding out about the horrible things they’ve done? There’s no way they could be that stupid. They, especially the women, will hopefully quickly come to realize the amount of freedom they now have.”

  “Freedoms or not, a way of life, and traditions, are things that are rooted deeply in people. You may have hated your cage, but for many people, the cage becomes a source of comfort. I suggest to be on your guard.”

  I glanced sharply at him. “Are you suggesting they would attempt to harm me?”

  “It’s possible,” he said calmly. “Uncertainty and anger can make many people irrational.”

  I snorted. “Not only did I beat the Trial and become an Adeptus, but I am also under the protection of Helis. They can try, but anyone who does will be slaughtered and fed to Kain.”

  Without another word, I got up and stormed into the palace. Oren’s words had stoked the fire I had been trying so hard to dampen, and I had to force myself to not punish him for even suggesting such a thing.

  I wanted someone as my second in command who would give different perspectives; I just had to get it through my head that different perspectives didn’t mean my second was being treasonous.

  Throughout the rest of the day, I explored the rest of the palace. My wolf would often accompany me, only to go off for a short while to do some exploring of his own.

  When I found a huge library, a grin plastered on my face. During my days as an Iuni, I had missed reading. I didn’t get to do it very often because my mother’s home didn’t have many books, but it was one of my favourite things to do nonetheless.

  I spent the remaining hours of the day tucked away in the large room, curled up on a couch under a heavy fur blanket and reading a book.

  * * *

  When morning came, I realized I had fallen asleep in the library. The book I had been reading had dropped to the floor, and I picked it up and dusted it off even though the floors were spotless.

  There was a bathroom attached to the library, so I quickly did my business before going back to the couch and settling under the soft blanket again.

  I stayed there for a while, deciding against getting up to start my day right away. It was so peaceful and cozy here, and I didn’t want to be disturbed for a while.

  My silent wishes were tossed when Kain came into the library followed shortly by Oren.

  My second in command looked relieved and slightly annoyed. I didn’t move, so he knelt by my head to speak with me. “The guards and I have been worried. You weren’t around last night and all this morning.”

  “Can I not just have a moment to myself?” I mumbled through the fur.

  He chuckled. “You’ve been leader for three days and already wanting a break?”

  “It’s a big change from what my life used to be, and an even bigger change from being an Iuni. Give me a break.”

  Oren smiled softly. “I’m just teasing. Just let someone know where you will be next time, okay?”

  “If I must,” I said with an exaggerated sigh and roll of my eyes.

  As his brown eyes searched mine, I couldn’t help but ask, “Do you have any children down there?”

  “No.”

  I propped myself up on my elbow. “The Tehji didn’t find you suitable, or…?”

  “I guess so, yeah. I never showed particular interest, so there were many other men who were more willing. Willing men almost always got picked over those who weren’t.”

  “Why no interest?”

  Oren chuckled. “Well don’t get me wrong, I was willing to do the part that led to children, but the part after just felt wrong. I didn’t like the idea that I was basically just being used.”

  “Hmm, well, now you don’t have to worry about that. You can be with who you want, or do all those fun things just for the fun of it.”

  “Be with who I want, eh? Like… you?”

  I tried to hide my shock, but knew I failed miserably. I stuttered for a moment before Oren chuckled again. “I managed to make the great Adeptus and leader Kena speechless. I’ll mark that down as my first success under your rule.”

  I huffed and smirked a bit. “So that was just a joke, then? Don’t play with my feelings,” I said, giving his shoulder a poke.

  His eyes sparkled with amusement. “Well, I wouldn’t say no if you decided I was worthy of being more.”

  I reached over to rest a hand on his neck. “Hmm, I think you just like me for my crown, Oren.” I leaned closer and pressed my lips against his.

  His surprise was clear, but he didn’t pull away. Instead, his hand lifted to my jaw, fingers pressing lightly into my skin. My heart thundered as he toyed with me, kissing me softly one moment, then fervently the next.

  When we broke apart, I felt flushed and my chest was on fire. Speechless, I shooed Oren away and he left with a smile lingering on his face.

  I flopped down onto my back as he turned the corner out of the library, and stared up at the vaulted ceiling.

  Kissing Oren was exhilarating. It was new, and it lit desires deep within me… But the entire time, it wasn’t him who was in my mind’s eye.

  The dark, swirling chaos of the Trial deity, shed of armour and faceless, was there instead.

  I rubbed my forehead and groaned, “What the hell is wrong with me?”

  * * *

  My second in command stopped me just before I was about to go into my room. The new armour he had received from Rorik suited his position much better, and I was pleased with the blacksmith’s work.

  I had been trying my best to not act weirdly around Oren since we kissed, but it was incredibly hard. Although Oren was gorgeous and would make a fine partner, the fact that I was apparently obsessed with Helis made me feel ashamed and stupid.

  When Oren stopped in front of me, I noticed he looked worried.

  “What is it?” I asked, my hand instinctively resting on the pommel of my sword.

  “There’s a fair amount of people in the village below who are riled up. They’ve somehow managed to convince themselves that the day when you were saved by Helis was somehow a trick, since he hasn’t been seen since.”

  “Let them be riled up, then,” I shrugged.

  The man shook his head. “They’re more than riled up, Kena. There are whispers of overthrowing you and freeing the Tehji.”

  Anger stabbed me like a flaming-hot knife in the gut. Feelings of betrayal surfaced, making my pulse pound beneath my jaw. Oren had warned me of this, but I hadn’t actually thought it would happen.

  Oren saw the fury in my eyes and put a hand on my arm. “Don’t be rash in your decisions, Kena.”

  I jerked my arm away and stormed down the hallway. The first guard I saw, I gave him some orders and said, “I want it done by the time I get down there.”

  The man gave me a nod and rushed off to recruit some help.

  Outside, I ordered another guard to sound the horn to bring people to the Ascension Ceremony stage.

  As I stood staring down at the village, I saw the citizens flowing down the streets towards the stage like cockroaches. My heart was pounding against my chest like a war drum. Bunching up my dress, I began the descent with my second in command beside me.

  At the stage, the villagers who were already there were looking at the scene behind me in uncertainty, worry, and fear. When everyone was gathered and the guards were done behind me, I spoke.

  “So it seems like my benevolence has been met with treason. I give you freedom, and you thank me by con
spiring to remove me from the throne?”

  Many of the villagers were shocked, but some simply looked at me in contempt and anger.

  “I know the knowledge of Syida’s death has spread. You all know the atrocities the former leaders have committed, and yet you still support them?!”

  I turned and pointed to the scene behind me, where both Tehji were strung up at stakes. “For your insolence, they will burn!”

  Chapter 13

  W ailing rose from the crowd and it fueled the beast inside of me. I ordered the guards to set the stakes ablaze. Fearing the fury in my voice, they didn’t even hesitate. The tinder below the Tehji’s feet was lit as the former leaders struggled and begged to be freed.

  As the screams of agony rose into the air as their skin charred, a villager leapt onto stage with a sword. Pulling out my own, I swung at him. His weapon glanced off mine and I shoved my shoulder into his chest. The man stumbled and fell. Raising my sword, I plunged it into his chest so hard it cracked the stone below.

  Snarling, I looked back up at the crowd. “Does anyone else want to challenge me?!” I yelled over the screams of the Tehji.

  Everyone lowered their gaze, not daring to look me in the eyes.

  “Anyone who dares to disobey me will be given the same fate as your precious former leaders!”

  I stormed past the now-limp bodies of the Tehji, stopping only to order a guard to leave their corpses hanging there for a while. Back up at the palace, I stared silently at the plumes of dark smoke. Most of the villagers were leaving the stage, while others stayed. I could hear their wailing from here, and my jaw tensed.

  My second in command had been quiet the entire time, and I turned to him. “Speak.”

  Oren hesitated, and when his brown eyes met mine, I could see a flicker of fear in their depths. “It was just… a lot to take in.”

  “I can hear in your voice that you disagree with what I did,” I said with an edge.

  “That was… the type of rash decision I was advising against before you went down there.”

  “I resolved the issue. Now they can’t get the Tehji back in power. How is that a bad thing?”

  “Them not getting back in power is not a bad thing, but how you went about it could be.”

  “Then tell me, how would you have dealt with it?” I demanded.

  “I would have tried talking to them first. If they were disagreeing with some of your new rules— which they clearly were— maybe diplomacy would have worked. You could have come to a compromise that left everyone happy.”

  I snorted in disbelief. “Yeah, because talking totally works.”

  “And fear does?” he countered. “What you did could have caused more issues instead of resolving them.”

  “There’s no way we could have come to a compromise on freedom, Oren. Why should I compromise on letting the women be equal? Does that not go against everything I stand for?”

  He sighed, and I dismissed him before he could respond. I was too angry to continue a conversation. I locked myself away with Kain on the back balcony of the palace that overlooked the forest.

  Up here, being able to see the wilderness instead of the village I had learned to despise, I finally felt a semblance of calm. I was beginning to regret accepting the dead Tehji’s offer, but there was no turning back now.

  Sure, I could technically just step down, but at this point, it was the principle of the matter. I needed to prove to myself that I could do this, and I needed to prove to the village that I wouldn’t back down from their pressure. If I left, the villagers would mend their broken traditions and everything would go back to how it was before. It would go back to the patriarchy, the hatred, the misogyny.

  When Kain began acting antsy, I opened the balcony door and let him back into the palace.

  Thinking of my wolf made a flicker of guilt resurface. I felt bad for taking him out of the wilds. I tried reminding myself that he could have stayed behind if he wanted, but it felt like I took away his choice when I essentially trained him to stick by me for food.

  But the idea of Kain leaving and going back to his forest home made my heart hurt. Even after all this time, I was still being selfish. Kain was still my only friend, and without him, I’d be completely surrounded by people who disliked me or disagreed with me.

  I stayed locked away on the balcony for the rest of the day, only leaving for bathroom breaks and snacks. As the day wore on, my anger slowly faded, and with other emotions allowed to show themselves, I ricocheted between uncertainty, guilt, and grief.

  When sunset bathed the clouds in beautiful colours, I was battling the latter. A knock on the glass door broke me from my lamenting for a moment, and I looked over to see Oren. When he saw my tear-stained cheeks and red-rimmed eyes, he opened the door and requested to sit.

  I waved my hand. “Do what you want,” I answered, wiping at a cheek.

  He was silent for a while, and I couldn’t help but chuckle half-heartedly. “I’m surprised you’re not chewing me out for being gone all day.”

  “I knew you were here. Kain had been coming up here often, and I followed him to see what was going on. I checked up on you regularly, but figured you didn’t want to be disturbed.”

  “You were right.”

  Oren stood to leave, and I pulled him back down. “I didn’t mean right now. I already said, do what you want.”

  “So, what’s going on?” he asked gently.

  “What isn’t? I thought they would be happy to have freedom, but instead, they conspire against me! You were right… Some become used to the cage…” I looked at him. “But isn’t that all the more reason to continue doing what I’m doing?”

  My second in command picked his words carefully. “Liberating them from their shackles is a good idea, but it’s how you do it. You essentially made the Tehji into martyrs, and I believe now it will be even harder to make them realize what you’re trying to do is good.”

  I sighed. “Maybe… But even despite the mess, I still don’t regret killing the Tehji. Maybe that makes me a bad leader. But I don’t regret it one bit… Well, actually… maybe I should have killed only one and kept the other alive.”

  “What for?”

  “To teach me leadership skills, and to be my servant as well.”

  “Shucks, getting your own food must be tough,” he replied, elbowing me in jest.

  I huffed, a smile tugging at me.

  “Are you hungry?”

  I shrugged and nodded.

  “Well, let’s go get something to eat before it’s time for bed.”

  I agreed and went to the kitchen with him. We had a couple of sandwiches, both of us too lazy to make something more exciting.

  As I picked at the bread, I thought of the kiss we had shared, and back to how my life used to be; before I stole Eldrik’s Ascension, before I faked the pregnancy.

  Back then, I desperately wanted and fervently prayed to have the freedom to go after who I wanted. The day in the stable, helping Kasiya with the horses, I daydreamed of the possibility of being able to have him.

  But now that I finally had that freedom, all it was giving me was grief. The people were ungrateful and acted like I was the enemy despite all I was giving them.

  Even the freedom for my own personal relationships was not how I imagined it would be. The kiss had been amazing, but it was overshadowed by thinking of someone else; a god of all people. And even if I did start having feelings for Oren, would it even work out? He was my second in command now, and I could imagine romantic feelings between us would eventually become a liability.

  Glancing up at Oren, I asked, “Will you ever betray me?”

  He looked up from his food, shock in his eyes. “Of course not. How could you ever ask that?”

  I sighed and rubbed my temple. “I don’t know. I just feel like everyone’s against me.”

  “Well you don’t have to worry about me,” Oren said. “And the villagers will eventually come around.”

  I nodded a
nd began picking at my food again. My second had finished his meal long before I had, but he stayed and talked with me, which I was grateful for. The idea of being alone right now was daunting.

  When it was finally time for sleep, I felt a bit better, and went back to my room alone; Kain wasn’t around right now, and I wondered what nook he had found to explore this time. All settled in bed, my mind wandered. If freedom had gone as planned, I could imagine I would have asked Oren to spend the night with me.

  There was no denying he was gorgeous, and the fact that he was loyal to me was the cherry on top. But despite it being less than a year since I had Ascended, it felt like I had aged twenty, and I barely had time or energy to think of anything other than the tasks in front of me.

  First, I had to focus on the biggest lie of my existence. Then, I was busy just trying to survive out in the wilds. And now, all my time was spent on leading.

  Sometimes I missed the easy life I used to have. I certainly didn’t miss being under the Tehji’s laws, but not having to worry about anything other than making sure I didn’t fall for a guy, not doing hard jobs, and hiding my private training sessions was so simple in comparison to what I had gone through and continued to go through since.

  In the morning, I didn’t want to get out of bed, and let myself sulk for a bit. It wasn’t until Oren came to retrieve me that I finally got up. He wanted to spend some time with me and go for a walk, and I begrudgingly agreed.

  I went to find my wolf to make sure he was okay, then after getting ready for the day, Oren and I met up in the throne room. The debris from the workers removing the thrones was a blemish upon the beautiful room, but they were thankfully almost done at this point.

  When we left the palace, the sunshine helped lift my spirits a bit. As we walked, I found myself wanting to entwine my fingers through Oren’s, but I refrained.

  Not only was I not sure the extent of how he felt about me and didn’t want to make it weird, but I wasn’t actually sure if I wanted to get that close to him. It almost felt like I liked the idea more than it actually happening. I did want to have a relationship, but when I thought about being romantically close to someone, thoughts of the Trial god always overtook any other thoughts.