Until The Stars Fall: A Just The Way You Are Novel

by Kade, Abigail

  If I hadn’t been going through an existential crisis and reliving my almost death, I would have been mortified by my aunt. As it was, I was thankful for the distraction.

  “Ms. Eldridge, this is Connor, I’m calling to let you know that Ladd had a little accident and he won’t be making the meeting.”

  “Oh, my God! Connor, is Ladd all right? Where is he? Are you on the way to the hospital? I’m leaving now!” Aunt Helen was in a panic in two-point-two seconds. It would have been funny if it wasn’t almost true.

  “Aunt Helen, I’m fine really, I just had a scare. I almost fell over the second story railing, but Connor caught me before I went over. I’m just really shaken up, and I think I need to calm down a little before I can drive.”

  “Well, of course you do, honey. You take a little while and calm down. Will you be able to make the meeting late this afternoon? Mr. Davenport wanted your input on the new library addition. If you can’t make it, I can reschedule for next week, but I know his schedule is tricky.”

  “Yes, I’ll be able to make it. I should be fine by then. I’m just still jittery right now. Thank you, Aunt Helen. I’ll see you in a little while.”

  “Think nothing of it, honey. And Connor, thank you for saving our Ladd. You have my eternal gratitude, my boy.” And with that, she hung up.

  Connor, who was still holding me tightly, gave me back my phone, squeezed my hand and asked, “Are you good to stand on your own again? I think I can let you go without a panic attack now.” He gave me a rumbling chuckle I felt through my back pressed against his chest, and the feeling settled into me with one final piece of calm and safety. I nodded my head, not trusting my voice for a second and stepped away, immediately missing his heat and solid presence against me, then turned toward him. As I scanned his handsome face, I remembered I had made a decision as I faced my fate over the railing. I would start to take chances if I made it. I played my life so safely for fear of being hurt that I hadn’t really begun to live at all. I wanted a family, a man of my own and to be happy. None of those things would happen without risk. And standing in front of me, this was the first risk I was willing to take.

  “Connor, I can never thank you enough for catching me. I would be dead now if not for you.” I reached out and grabbed his large hand in my smaller one. Squeezing his fingers, I took a chance. “Can I take you to lunch tomorrow? I know it’s not much, but I’d like to at least do something to show my gratitude.”

  If his smile was anything to go by, Connor was very happy with my proposal. “That would be great, Ladd. I’d like that very much. But for now, why don’t we walk down the street and get you a coffee. Getting out of all this construction and getting some fresh air will do you good.”

  I nodded my assent, and he gently put his arm around my shoulder as we turned toward the staircase. “I want to make sure you don’t trip down the stairs.” He nodded toward his arm, “Is that okay?” He looked uncertain, and I had no words to tell him how all right it was, so I just nodded and walked down the stairs with him holding me close.

  The walk to the coffee stand was quick, and the coffee was delicious. We strolled around the square for a little while consuming our drinks and simply talking. I told him the history of a few of the buildings we passed. It seemed like everyone who knew me was out and about this afternoon, so I made quick introductions and small talk with a few passersby. It was a small town, so I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone in the family knew by the end of the day I was seen strolling with a gorgeous man in the square. As we were making our way back to the building, I looked at my phone and knew I would be late, again, if I didn’t get going. “Listen, I really have to go, but I’ll text you where we can meet tomorrow. Can you do early lunch, maybe at eleven?” He nodded, and I headed down the sidewalk, very carefully, and made my way to the office. I had a lunch date with a wonderful man tomorrow. Now I just needed to decide what to do about it.

  * * *

  The next morning, I was giving Taylor a brief rundown on the day’s schedule before I left for lunch. I told him about my near miss the day before and then went on to tell him about my experience the last two weeks working with Connor. “Tay, I can’t tell you how great Connor was yesterday, actually the last two weeks. He’s really focused, but he’s listening to every one of our plans and willing to compromise where it counts. I swear if all of our clients were this easy, we’d never go over budget or miss a deadline.”

  Taylor gave me a patronizing smile and looked down at me like he was looking at something amiss. “Watch out, Ladd, I think your crush is showing.”

  I wasn’t sure if I was ready to tell Taylor about my decisions regarding Connor. If I said it out loud and nothing came of it, I didn’t think I’d be able to handle the pitying looks from him. “Shut it, jerk. I do not have a crush. Connor is a client, nothing more and nothing less. He just happens to care about the building as much as I do, and I admire that about him. He’s sincere, professional…”

  “And sexy as fuck with a hero complex, you forgot that one.” He huffed his exasperation at my stubbornness, “Brother, if you don’t open your eyes, you’re gonna miss out. That man is a huge wall of fine that I would give my best pair of Tom Ford loafers to climb, and you know how much I love my quality footwear. And believe me, I’d be all over that if he didn’t already have his sights on you. So, get your head out of your ass for a hot minute and start sending the guy some smoke signals before I decide to break the bro code and climb Mt. Connor my own damn self.” Then he was out the door. Huh, Taylor was seriously miffed.

  I thought about the last two weeks and decided he was right, as usual. Connor had been sending me subtle and not so subtle signals, but I had been ignoring them, or trying to anyway. Getting involved with a client was always iffy at best. If it went bad, it could compromise the whole project. And there lay the crux of the situation, even more than my emotional issues and personal hang-ups. This project was important to me. I didn’t want to compromise the integrity of the building or the finished product. I hadn’t told Taylor, or anyone really, but I had been debating the Connor situation since the moment I met him. I wanted to climb Mt. Connor, too. I wanted to lick him, bite him, and ride him like a fucking bull. I wanted him to pick me up and then hold me down. I wanted to feel his strength and not have to worry about him using it against me. My thoughts where Connor McDaniel was concerned were anything but professional. I’d never felt like this about anyone before, and the thought was equal parts exciting and scary. It felt like we were opposite ends of a magnet, and I constantly felt pulled toward him, especially after he had saved me and held me tight. I couldn’t get that feeling of safety out of my head. I was tired of fighting. I had thought through all of the consequences of starting something with Connor and finally made a decision. “Fuck it. I want to take a chance for once.”

  And I was going to start today. I really wanted something real for once, but my track record with guys was shit. I knew what I looked like. I had bright red wavy hair, pale skin with not one freckle, and blue eyes. To say my looks were unique was a gross understatement. I’d had so many men over the years seem really interested in me at first, but as soon as they had gotten what they wanted, they quickly faded away. It was almost like they all had a Ginger Twink on their gay boy Fuck-It List, and once the box had been checked, they could move on. I was so tired of feeling like a novelty.

  Just before eleven, I pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant I’d chosen for our lunch, then went around to the huge patio overlooking the water to get us a table. I was on time for once, but it looked like Connor was late. Figured one of the only times I wasn’t late there was no one there to see it. The patio was empty this time of the morning before the lunch crowd arrived. I liked the peace and quiet. When the server came over, I ordered us both sweet teas and quickly adjusted the umbrella at the table so it would give me some more coverage from the sun. It would be really attractive to be Lobster Boy when Connor finally got here. As I waited, I
stared out over the water, sipped my tea and hoped against hope that I wasn’t going to be making a huge mistake. I noticed a shadow approaching and turned just in time to see Connor approaching the table. I smiled up at him and admired his outfit for the day of light wash jeans and a tight blue t-shirt that looked painted onto his broad chest. Yeah, I definitely wanted to climb that.

  “Hey, Ladd, hope I didn’t keep you waiting long.” Oh, that deep rumbling voice saying my name gave me shivers every time I heard it. Damn, Connor could probably make me come just by demanding me to in that voice. I was watching his handsome face smile back at me, but then he narrowed his eyes, “Are you okay out here, Ladd? Do you want to move inside? I know I texted I’d like to sit on the patio, but I don’t want you to get sunburned. Your skin is so nice and pale. I’d hate for you to risk burning on my account.” I was getting a little sun on my cheeks, but I had slathered on sunscreen before heading out this morning. Connor reached his hand out toward my face like he wanted to touch my cheek—where I probably had gotten a little sun already—before he caught himself. He balled his hand into a fist and shoved it into his pocket like he was embarrassed by his involuntary motion.

  I melted inside at his obvious concern. Guys in the past had always complained about my sensitivity to the sun, among other things. My skin was super pale and delicate. I never tanned, I only burned and peeled, and that shit was painful. It was just another in a long list of things guys hated about me, but Connor showed more concern for me in just two weeks than other guys had ever shown me even after months-long relationships.

  If I belonged to this man, I bet I’d never have to worry about anything ever again. I bet he’d be my dragon slayer.

  Yeah, I was being ridiculous, but deep down, I didn’t think I was wrong. I knew I had stars in my eyes when I looked up and met Connor’s sea glass gaze. “No, I’m fine. I moved the umbrella to shade the table, so I should be good for another hour.” I bit my lip and noticed him glance down at my mouth. Making a decision, I slowly licked my lower lip, watching Connor’s eyes follow the movement. Then I softened my voice, “That was very sweet of you, Connor. I really appreciate you wanting to take care of me.” I lowered my head and grabbed my tea glass, hand trembling slightly.

  I took a sip and set my glass down, then felt Connor’s heavy hand land on my shoulder. Looking back up, I was captured by the intense look in his eyes. I felt the heat from his hand on my shoulder slowly slip down my arm to stop on top of my hand resting on the table. Never breaking eye contact, Connor sat down in the adjacent seat curling his fingers inward to clasp my smaller hand in his. The contact was light, could even be seen as casual by a passerby, but this was anything but innocent. In conjunction with our intense eye contact, my suddenly racing heart and the heat building between us, this was arguably one of the most intimate moments of my life.

  “Ladd, I need to talk to you about something.” He looked for me to agree, so I just nodded, not wanting to interrupt the moment. “I don’t know what you’ve been feeling these last two weeks, but I have to tell you how I feel. I don’t actually know for sure if you’re gay, or even if I’m your type if you are, but I really like you. I want the chance to get to know you outside of work. Honestly, I think you’re sexy as hell.”

  Oh my God, he really likes me!

  I was so excited, and I could feel the flush spreading up my chest and face. I looked down at our clasped hands and couldn’t contain my grin. Connor moved his free hand and used just his index finger under my chin to raise my head back up to meet his eyes again. Leaning in, he left that finger under my chin and lightly caressed my jaw with his thumb while letting his eyes roam all over my face, a slight reverent smile emerging on his lips.

  “God, you’re perfect,” he seemed to whisper to himself softly. Finally meeting my eyes, Connor asked me, “Ladd Eldridge, would you go out with me tonight? Would you take a chance to get to know me? Would you give me the chance to get to know you?”

  I couldn’t believe the heat held in those beautiful eyes was all for me. I searched them for any sense that he was less than sincere, but I found nothing except honest desire. I slowly let out the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. Connor’s face was so close to mine that the air ghosted over his lips. After a couple of seconds, I finally got my brain back online enough to respond. “I would like nothing more in this world than to go out with you, Connor McDaniel.”

  Connor immediately let out a huge sigh, and I realized he had been bracing himself for possible rejection—as if I would ever turn down someone like Connor. My impression was confirmed when he said quietly, “Thank fuck. I have no idea what I would have done if you’d said no.” He let out a little laugh, and I noticed there was a nervous energy coming from him now with his relief. Wow, this gorgeous man was really that excited to go on a date with me.

  Then my mouth chose that moment to embarrass the hell out of me, “God, Connor, there’s no way I would have ever said no to you. You’re built like a Greek god come to life. Jesus, you could manhandle me for days and never get tired. You have seen yourself, right? I mean, look at you and then look at me.” All during my verbal vomit, I had leaned back taking careful inventory of all things Connor without realizing what I was saying. When I regained my senses, I slammed my mouth shut and shot my eyes back up to meet his.

  He wore a smirk now and made a show of letting his gaze travel all the way down my body, then slowly back up again, making me squirm in my seat. His voice was a sexy rumble in my ears when he finally spoke, “Yeah, I’ve seen you all right, but I can’t wait to see more.” He let out a little growl, “Fuck, I love that smooth pale skin, that thick, fiery hair, and those eyes that are so blue I could drown in them. Yeah, I’ve seen you, Ladd. Fair warning though, I like what I see, but I’m not gonna stop until I see it all.”

  I was stunned speechless, and I might have even whimpered a little as eyes filled with unbanked lust met mine. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I was going to spontaneously combust right here on this patio. If I thought I was prepared for all things Connor, I was dead wrong. He was at a whole other level from the guys I had encountered before. His intensity was off the charts, but I abso-fucking-lutely loved it! I wanted it all, too. Connor’s hand, which had been holding mine on the table this whole time, lifted both our hands up to his lips and he placed a gentle kiss on my knuckles. His demeanor cooled, and he got more serious, “I more than like everything I see, Ladd. And the more I get to know you, the more I like. Believe me, this isn’t just physical for me, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a huge fucking part. I know this is a little weird and sudden, but I think I could see something more between us, and I’d really love the chance to see where we can go.”

  I had never met anyone so forthcoming with their feelings before. He was just the opposite of me. He didn’t mind laying his feelings out on the line. It was scary, but at the same time, I really liked it. He wasn’t giving me any bullshit, no games and no this is too soon crap. He knew what he wanted, and he was going for it full throttle. And what he wanted was me. I was one lucky son of a bitch and as I thought about it, really thought about it, I was all in. Having made my decision, I needed to unbend, as Taylor said, and tell this man how I felt.

  “Believe it or not, Connor, I feel the same way. Yes, it’s quick, and I’m a little freaked out by the intensity of my feelings, but I really like you, too, and I would love to see where this can go. I just have one request. Let’s take it slow. We seem to have this combustible chemistry, but I don’t want us to blow up quickly and then fade away. Can we take some time to really get to know each other?” I held my breath and waited for his answer. If he really was committed, then he would agree. Please don’t bail.

  Before I was even finished, Connor was already nodding his agreement. “I agree completely. I want this, all of it, and the thought of doing unspeakably dirty things to you has me so hard I can barely sit still right now, but I really want the whole package. I want to experience everythi
ng with you and enjoy the entire journey, not just the finish line.”

  I was caught in a haze when I heard Connor pour out his feelings, and I couldn’t hold in my excitement anymore. I launched myself at him, throwing my arms around his neck, surprising both of us. I quickly kissed his scruffy cheek before jumping back into my own seat, mortified that I’d just jumped the man. “I am so sorry. It’s just that what you said was so hot and sweet at the same time, you kind of melted my brain there for a minute and I went on instinct. I didn’t mean to…”

  Connor placed his thick index finger over my lips, silencing my rambling apologies. “It’s fine, Ladd, feel free to throw yourself at me anytime. But right now, I’m going to do my best to ignore this hard-on you’re giving me.” I looked down, and sure enough, there was a bulge growing down one leg of Connor’s jeans that made my mouth water. Oh, how I wanted to get ahold of that.

  I had a vision suddenly hit me. There I was on my knees, Connor was standing over me as he stroked that thick cock just out of my reach. Then he was grabbing me by the hair, tightening his grip until I felt the sting. My eyes dilated with the feeling. Then he was pulling my head back and slowly feeding his cock to me until it hit the back of my throat. He pumped it deep, again and again, and again, making me choke until tears slid down my cheeks. And I loved every second. He would fuck my mouth with his hands wound into my hair until he came, filling my throat with his hot seed. Jesus, I wanted to feel that control.