Phoenix Rising

by Lagomarsino, Giulia

  “It sounded pretty,” she said after a minute.

  “So do Cholera, Rubella, and Malaria, but you don’t see people naming their kids that,” I snapped.

  “I like Malaria,” she said thoughtfully. I rolled my eyes heavenward and prayed that this was all some cosmic joke.

  “What proof do you have that she’s mine?”

  “Proof?”

  “Yeah. How do I know that you didn’t just choose me at random? I don’t remember you, and frankly, I’m a little insulted that you’re insisting that I didn’t wrap it up. I always wrap it up.”

  “You did that night too, but I think my piercing tore a hole in the condom.”

  Flashes of a night that ended abruptly played through my mind. I remembered a woman, probably this woman, laying on a bed and me wanting to strangle her more than fuck her. But I was a guy and I wanted to get off. I remembered coming hard and something sharp piercing my dick, and getting out of there as fast as possible.

  “That was a fucking piercing? I thought you had a dysfunctional vagina!”

  “The backing on my piercing came off when you…got off. I think it tore the condom and the rest is history.”

  “Where exactly was this piercing?” Cap asked thoughtfully. I shot him a death glare and he shrugged. “What? It’s a valid question.”

  “Look, that’s not my kid. It can’t be,” I said in denial.

  “Just look at her. You’ll see what I see.”

  I eyed the car seat warily before leaning down and moving the sun guard out of the way. A sweet, angelic face looked up at me with the most gorgeous blue eyes. They had a dark ring of blue on the outside of the iris, just like me. Her eyebrows were shaped the same as mine and that was most definitely the same dimple that I had. She had a wobbly smile, like she hadn’t quite figured out how to do it yet, but her eyes never left mine.

  “Shit,” Derek whispered. “That’s definitely your kid.”

  I couldn’t move. I just stared down at her. Finally, I stepped back and cleared my throat, crossing my arms over my chest.

  “So, what? You want child support or something?”

  Hunter slapped my arm, but I was still reeling. I didn’t know exactly what to say. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be part of this kid’s life, but I was still trying to figure out how I suddenly had a kid.

  “Child support?” she scoffed. “No, I’m here to leave her with you.”

  “Whoa, just back up there a second. You can’t just drop off a kid like you drop off old clothes at Goodwill.”

  “Yes, I can. You’re already listed on her birth certificate, which I have here. You’re her father and I can’t do this.”

  “What do you mean ‘you can’t do this’? I’m a man. If anyone can’t do this, it’s me. I don’t know the first thing about babies.”

  “That’s not technically true,” Hunter said, clearing his throat. “You know how to deliver them.”

  “Yeah, that’s like ten seconds of caring for a kid. This,” I said, waving my hand down at the car seat, “is an entire lifetime.”

  “You’d do a better job than I have so far,” the woman said irritatedly.

  “She’s got you there,” Cap agreed. “She did name the kid Syphilis.”

  I guessed he was right about that, but damn, I would never have chosen myself as the guy to take care of a kid. The woman turned to leave and I panicked.

  “Wait! You can’t just leave. I know nothing about this kid or anything to...” I started freaking out, my hands waving around in jittery motions as I tried to get the words out.

  “All her things are in that bag.” She turned and walked away, leaving me staring after her. Someone slapped me hard on the back and I would have fallen forward onto the car seat if someone else hadn’t caught me.

  “It’s okay, man. We’re here for you,” Hunter reassured me.

  “Do you think you and Lucy could help me out tonight?”

  “Uh, you know, tonight’s not good for us.” He glanced down at his watch. “Oh, hey, look at the time.”

  “Wait,” I tried to stop him. “We’re in the middle of a meeting.”

  “Yeah, I don’t think that’s gonna happen anymore. So…you got this. You’re good.”

  Hunter practically ran away from me and the rest of the group of onlookers dispersed pretty quickly. I was left with only Cap and Derek.

  “Why don’t we take her into the office,” Cap suggested.

  I nodded and picked up the car seat, while Derek grabbed the bag. I set the carseat on the table and then leaned back, staring the little girl down. She just kept staring back at me.

  “I don’t really know what to do.”

  “I think the first thing you have to do is come up with a different name for her,” Derek said. “She’s been subjected to it long enough.”

  “How do I even begin to pick out a baby name? I mean, one minute we’re talking about our next mission and then suddenly I have a baby. She wasn’t here, and now she is. Not here. Here. Just me. Now I have her. Single man. Then single father. Only me-”

  “We get it,” Cap interrupted. “Chill out. You’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Just take a deep breath and we’ll figure this out.”

  I took a deep breath in and blew it out slowly. That was better. “Okay, names first. I can do this.”

  “Well, you’ll have to change her last name. Since the woman- what was her name?”

  I shrugged. I didn’t have a fucking clue and I didn’t think it really mattered at this point. “I’m sure it’s on the birth certificate,” I said absently.

  Derek started digging through the paperwork she had left and burst out in laughter. “Oh my God. You guys aren’t going to believe this. Her last name is Clapp. Two p’s, but still. Syphilis Clapp.”

  “Fuck, I need to get her a new name by tomorrow. How long do you think it takes?”

  Cap shrugged. “At least a few weeks.”

  I groaned and ran my hands over my face. “This is so bad. I have a kid named Syphilis.”

  “Okay, let’s focus on the positive. You have a brand new, slightly-used baby, and you can name her whatever you want. Go.”

  “Evelyn.”

  “Dude, she’s three months old and you’re making her sound like an old woman,” Derek remarked.

  “It’s the complete opposite of an STD. Besides, my mom’s name was Evelyn. I’ll call her Evie. Evelyn Rose Turner.”

  “It’s pretty,” Cap grinned. “Damn, you just went from being one of the last bachelors to having a little girl. Just like that,” he snapped.

  I nodded, still not overly enthused about the whole thing.

  “Aren’t you gonna hold her?” Cap asked.

  “What? Ah…no, I don’t think so. That’s probably not a good idea.”

  “Well, you have to hold her at some point,” Cap pointed out. “I think you should do it now while other people are around.”

  “What do you mean ‘while other people are around’?”

  “Well, we’re all going to go home at some point. Then you’ll be here with Evie all by yourself.”

  “But…” I panicked. “Other people are going to be here.”

  “Yeah.” Derek snorted. “But they’re not all going to take care of her for you. Just pick her up. I’m sure it’s not that hard.”

  I nodded. They were right. I had to do this at some point. I could do this. I slid my hands under her body, but she was strapped down. “Fuck, I forgot about all these straps. I don’t know how to get her out of this.”

  “Look,” Cap released a metal piece and pulled the straps forward, then pressed the button and undid the buckle. “Easy, right?”

  “Sure. Okay….” I blew out a breath and slid my hands back under her, pulling her up until she was eye level with me. “Yeah, she’s pretty harmless.”

  Her face contorted in pain and I panicked. “Oh shit, what do I do?”

  “Relax. Just give it a minute,” Cap smirked. Two seconds later, a la
rge squirt sound was made and a noxious odor filled the room. “And now it’s time for your first lesson in changing a diaper.”