by Sandi Lynn
“How the hell am I going to tell my mom?”
“Your mom will understand, Emma. You’re twenty-four years old. It’s not like you’re sixteen.”
“Don’t you see? This is history repeating itself. This baby isn’t going to have a father just like I didn’t.”
“You’re not going to tell Max?”
“You read the letter, Kara. He left me. He couldn’t even say goodbye. He can’t even commit to one woman. Do you think he can be a father to a kid? And besides, he’s gone. He’s not even in New York anymore and I don’t think he has any plans on coming back.”
Molly walked in the room and handed me a cup of tea. “Did I hear you right that you’re not going to tell Max? I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t tell that piece of shit either. You’re going to be fine, Emma. Oh my God, we’re going to have a baby!”
“Who are you going to say the father is when people ask?”
“I’ll just tell them that it was a one-night stand with some guy I met at a bar. Let people think I’m a whore. Whatever. Thanks you two for taking care of me, but I’m really tired right now and just want to go to sleep.”
“Okay. Text us if you need anything.” Kara and Molly hugged me goodbye and left.
As I lay in bed, sipping my tea, I placed my hand on my belly, still in shock there was a baby growing inside of me. I didn’t want to be like my mom and raise a kid alone. I had a vision where I was married and we’d find out together that I was pregnant. We’d go through the pregnancy together and the love of my life would be in the delivery room when his child was born. I wasn’t supposed to be a single parent. Was I even ready to be a mom? I could barely take care of myself, let alone a baby all on my own.
Chapter 21
Thanksgiving was in a few days and I booked a flight back to Miami. My mom had been bugging me to fly home for Thanksgiving because she desperately missed me. School had ended yesterday for break and I was more than ready to leave the cold weather behind, if only for a few days. I had told Hannah and Austin that I was pregnant and they flipped. When they asked who the father was, I told them with shame that it was a one-night stand.
I packed my suitcase and took a cab to the airport. Kara and Molly were staying back in New York for Thanksgiving because they had to work on Friday. They were going to cook a turkey for the first time and I wished I was there to watch them. But I needed my mom more than ever now and I needed to tell her about the baby. I was so scared.
When I stepped off the plane, I took in a deep breath as I walked through the airport.
“Emma!” I heard my mom yell as she waved both hands in the air.
The minute I saw her, I started to cry.
“Oh, baby. Let me look at you.” She smiled as she placed her hands on my face.
“Hi, Mom.” I hugged her tight. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too, sweetheart. Come on; let’s go home.”
To keep myself from having a total breakdown in the car, I asked my mom to tell me all about Danny. The way her eyes lit up when she talked about him made me happy. I had never seen her like this before over a guy. For everything she’d been through in life, she deserved to finally be happy.
I took my bag to my room and sat down on the edge of the bed. I was exhausted. Exhaustion had become my best friend these days. As I sat there with my face cupped in my hands, my mom walked into the room.
“Emma, what’s wrong with you? You don’t seem like yourself. Did something happen in New York that you’re not telling me about?”
I could never keep anything from her, even if I wanted to. All she had to do was look at me and she knew when something was wrong. My shoulders began to move up and down as I started to cry in my hands.
“Oh, honey. What is it?” she consoled me as she wrapped her arm around me.
I lifted my head and looked at her. Teary eyed, stuffy nose, and the overwhelming feeling of disappointment she’d have in me.
“I’m pregnant, Mom.”
She pursed her lips together and stared at me with her big brown eyes. It wasn’t a look of disappointment. It was a look of empathy.
“Emma,” she whispered. “Who’s the father?”
I laid my head on her shoulder. “It’s such a long story, Mom. There’s so much you don’t know.”
“Then tell me.” She squeezed my hand.
I told her how I had met Max at the club the night before I left and then about the email from Parsons.
“All I had to do was pretend to be his fiancée and he would pay for my tuition at Parsons. It was only for three months, Mom.” I sobbed. “And then I had to go and fall in love with his dumb ass. He couldn’t even say goodbye. He slipped a letter under my door. Who does that, Mom?” I continued sobbing. “I really thought he loved me or at least cared enough to stay.”
“Sweetheart, it probably hurt him too much to say goodbye in person. Men are cowards and they run. Look at your father.”
“I don’t know what to do, Mom. I’m so scared.”
“And so was I, sweet baby girl. But I never once regretted having you. You are the one good thing that happened in my life and this baby will be for you too, but you have to tell Max about the baby.”
“I can’t. He’s gone and he’s starting over. He’s making something of himself on his own. If he truly loved me, he never would have left. But he did. I won’t destroy his dreams and life with the responsibility of a child.”
“Emma, he has a right to know. Let him make his own decision.”
“He made his decision the day he slipped that letter under my door and walked out of my life. I obviously didn’t mean anything to him and I won’t have him come back out of obligation. I couldn’t handle it. So it’s best that he never knows. You raised me alone and I can raise this baby alone too.”
She placed her finger on the butterfly pendant that Max had given to me. “Did he give this to you?”
I nodded my head as I continued to cry on her shoulder.
****
Thanksgiving came and went and it was time to fly back to New York. My mom and I had great conversations and I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Danny, from what I could tell, was an amazing man and I could see why my mom was so in love with him. He treated her like a queen and she deserved nothing less. Watching the two of them over the past few days hit a sore spot with me because I missed Max so much. But it was time for me to forget about him and the time we shared and move on with my life; the life I was supposed to live when I moved to New York in the first place. Now it would be me plus one. Aubrey was graduating in a couple of weeks and then moving to New York. It was going to be great to have my three best friends by my side once again.
“Goodbye, Mom. Thanks again for everything.” I gave a small smile as I hugged her.
“You call me if you need anything. I’ll be in New York in a flash.”
“Thanks, but I’ll be okay. I promise.”
“I’m going to miss watching your tummy grow.” She pouted.
“Go get yourself an iPhone and we’ll face time. Or learn how to use that computer of yours and we can skype.”
Danny chuckled. “Don’t worry, Emma. We’re going to get her an iPhone right when we leave here. I don’t want her missing a thing.”
“Thanks, Danny.” I hugged him tight. “Take care of her for me.”
“You bet I will. I love this little lady.”
My mom blushed. We gave one last hug and kiss and off I went, back home to New York to start my life on a fresh note. No more hiding in my apartment and away from life. This wasn’t about me anymore.
Chapter 22
Five Months Later…
As I stood in the shower, I placed my hands on my rapidly growing belly. Last night was the first time I felt the baby kick. It was the most amazing feeling in the world, and the fact that another human being was growing inside of me had become more real. After showering, I got dressed and headed over to Kara and Molly’s apartment. They both t
ook the day off to accompany me to my ultrasound. Since Aubrey had court, she was going to try and meet us there. The three of them had been so supportive of me, and even though I still thought about Max, it started to hurt less every day. I sometimes questioned myself whether or not I made the right decision by not telling him about the baby. Feelings of guilt settled inside of me from time to time, but I had to remember that he had left for a reason. I was finishing up my second semester at Parsons and things were going well. I had the support of Hannah and Austin and our circle of friends grew. I kept waiting for the day when I’d run into Fiona or Max’s parents. Thank God that hadn’t happened yet, but I did have my story all made up and ready to be delivered when the time came. Kara had met a man named Billy and they had been seeing each other for about a month. Aubrey had been on a few dates with Glenn, one of the lawyers from her firm. Molly was still waiting for her Prince Charming to show up and I had sworn off all men.
I lay on the table with Molly, Kara, and Aubrey by my side as Dr. Richardson, my OB/GYN, pressed the wand across my abdomen. Seeing my baby at this stage for the first time brought tears to my eyes. That was my baby. The one person that I would nurture, love, and teach for the rest of my life.
“Would you like to know the sex?” he asked.
“Really? You know?” I asked in excitement.
“Yes. I can tell you now if you’d like.”
I looked at the girls as they squeezed my hand and nodded their heads.
“Yes. I would like to know.”
“Congratulations, Emma. You’re going to have a daughter.”
Tears started to fall from my eyes as everyone in the room squealed. “Oh my God, we’re having a girl!” Molly exclaimed.
“She looks very healthy and she’s growing right on schedule. I’ll see you in a month for your checkup.” He smiled as he left the room.
Kara took my hand and helped me up from the table. As happy as I was to find out that my baby was healthy, I was secretly excited that I was going to have a daughter. Having the girls with me made for a fun day, but I couldn’t help feel a little sad that Max wasn’t there to hear the news.
“Now that you know what the baby is, we can start working on the nursery.” Aubrey smiled.
“Just think about how fun it’s going to be to pick out girly things,” Kara spoke.
****
I face timed my mom and held up the picture of the ultrasound. She started to cry when she saw it and even more when I told her she was going to have a granddaughter. Since the diner was short on waitresses, she couldn’t get to New York like she wanted to, but she promised she’d be here when the baby was born. As I sat up in bed, I placed my headphones on my stomach and played some classical lullabies by Mozart while I read my book What to Expect When You’re Expecting. My phone beeped, so I reached for it on the nightstand and my heart began to pound fiercely.
“I miss you, Emma.”
I stared at those four words for a long time before I deleted his message. Why was he messaging me now? I wasn’t going back down that road because I was finally healing and he wasn’t going to fuck with my life or my heart ever again.
The next day, I met the girls for dinner at Carmine’s on 44th Street. I had a huge craving for pasta and it couldn’t be satisfied fast enough. When I walked in, they were already sitting in a booth, sipping on their wine.
“Hey.” I smiled as I slid in next to Aubrey.
The waitress walked over and I ordered a water. “God, I can’t wait to drink alcohol again. You’re never going to believe what happened last night.”
“What? Are you okay?” Aubrey asked with concern.
“Max sent me a text message telling me that he missed me.”
“Shut up!” Molly exclaimed.
“What did you say to him?” Kara asked.
“Nothing. I deleted the message because I’m not responding.”
Aubrey placed her hand on my arm. “Listen, Emma, and please don’t get mad at me for saying this. You know how much I love you and you’re my very best friend. In fact, we’re all like sisters. You never confessed your feelings to Max. You never told him that you loved him and that you wanted him to stay. You never had that talk with him before the planned break up. Maybe if you would have told him how you felt, things would be different.”
“He knew, Aubrey. He even said in his letter that he knew he hurt me and he hoped that one day I could forgive him. He knew I was falling in love with him and he said he wasn’t the man for me. He said he was flawed and I deserved someone flawless. His words, not mine. Why would he say that if he didn’t know?”
“Maybe you’re right and maybe the two of you need to talk. You are having his baby.”
I began to get mad. What the fuck was Aubrey’s problem? She was supposed to be on my side. Not his.
“So you’re taking his side?” I snapped.
“No, Emma. I’m not taking anyone’s side. I’m just saying the two of you need to talk about your feelings before you can just dismiss him from your life forever.”
“Then he shouldn’t have been such a coward and left me a letter.”
“At least he gave you that. What if he just disappeared without saying a word?”
Kara and Molly sat across the table and didn’t say anything. They just watched us talk back and forth while they ate their dinner.
“Do you agree with her?” I asked as I looked at them. “Well, do you?”
“Some of things she said make sense,” Kara replied.
“I still think he’s an asshole and I’m one hundred percent on your side, Emma,” Molly chimed in.
“Thank you.” I held up my glass of water. I sighed. Maybe Aubrey had a point.
“Listen, I get what you’re saying, but I knew how he felt about relationships. He point blank told me he had no desire to be tied down to one woman for the rest of his life and play the happy little married couple with the perfect family. He said he didn’t need some girl trying to control him. How would I have looked if I told him that I was falling in love with him? It would have made things awkward between us for the time we had left and he didn’t give me a chance to say anything. I was going to tell him that morning how I felt.” I wiped a tear that started to fall.
“It’s not too late to tell him,” Aubrey said as she grabbed my hand. “He said he missed you. That should say something.”
“Things are different now. I’m over him and I have the baby to think about. I’m going to head home now. I’m really tired and my back is hurting.”
Aubrey reached over and placed her arm around me, pulling me into her. “I’m sorry if I upset you. I’m just looking out for you.”
“You didn’t and I’m fine. I just need some time to think, that’s all. I’ll talk to you all later.”
As I walked down the street, the window display at Baby Bellini caught my eye. I walked inside the boutique and over to the crib set that was displayed in the window; a mix of soft pink, gray, and white. It was love at first sight and the thought of mixing vintage-inspired accessories in the room flooded my mind. The kind saleslady and I talked for several minutes about the quality of the bedding as well as the crib that displayed it. There was no doubt in my mind that this was what I wanted. I purchased the bedding as well as the Simmons White Ambiance crib and matching Simmons White Ambiance double dresser. The bedding was available to take home and the furniture would be delivered in a couple of weeks. I left the store and stood on the sidewalk, trying to hail a cab with my large bags in hand. A black limousine pulled up and the passenger’s window rolled down.
“Emma?”
I looked inside and swallowed hard.
“Darren. Hi.”
He got out of the limo and walked around to the other side. He looked at my bulging stomach and then up at me. Tears formed in my eyes.
“Get in and I’ll drive you home.” He took the bags from me and put them in the trunk.
I slid into the backseat and thought of at least fifty lie
s to tell him.
“Is it his?” he asked as he pulled away from the curb.
“Yes.” There go my lies. I couldn’t lie to him. He was Darren and I always liked him. I always felt we had a special connection. “You can’t tell him, Darren. Please,” I pleaded.
“No worries, Emma. I won’t.”
He didn’t say another word after that. Once he pulled up to my apartment building, he took my bags from the trunk and carried them upstairs to my apartment.
“You can set them on the floor. Thanks again. Would you like some coffee?” I asked.
He looked at his watch and then at me with a small smile. “Sure. I have some time before I have to pick up Mr. and Mrs. Delaney.”
“Is that who you’re working for now?”
He took a seat on the stool at the counter and interlaced his fingers. “I work for a lot of people now. When they need rides, they call me directly. How are you truly doing, Emma?”
“I’m okay.” I set the coffee down in front of him. “Did you take Max to the airport that morning?”
He took a sip of his coffee and wrapped his hands around the mug. “Yes, I did, and believe me when I tell you that he was broken up. I’d never seen him like that before.”
I rolled my eyes. “I doubt that. He left a letter, Darren. A damn letter.”
“I know he did and I told him that it was the wrong thing to do and he should have spoken to you in person. But he’s Max Hamilton and nobody tells him anything. You’re not telling him about the baby?”
“There’s no point now. I’m sure he’s living his dream in Chicago and running his successful new business. The last thing he needs is to be tied down with the responsibility of a kid.”
“What about your dream?”
“I’m living my dream one day at a time. I have great friends here who will help out and I have my classes. Believe it or not, Darren, things are really good,” I lied. “Max sent me a text message last night, telling me that he missed me.”
“I see. Remember when I told you when I first met you that sometimes people need to fall on their own in order to learn a valuable life lesson?”