Moonshine Wizard

by Phillip Drayer Duncan

  “I hope so,” Robert said as he put his truck in gear. “Take it easy.”

  “You too, and tell little man I said hi.”

  Robert nodded and drove off into the darkness. Bert thought about what he’d said. The stronger a wizard was, the more likely they were to sense powers at work. But it wasn’t something he could worry about for the moment. He headed back toward the house, meeting Hunter and Allie at the door.

  “Hey, Bert,” Hunter said with an easy smile.

  Allie chimed in right behind him, “Hi, Bert.”

  “Hey guys,” Bert said. “I was surprised to see you here.”

  “Yeah, when Kevin called me I pulled some favors to get the night off. It’s been too long, brother.”

  Hunter Louis was the same age as Bert and Neil. He, however, was not a wizard. In fact, he wasn’t a member of the supernatural community whatsoever. He had no idea what Bert really was. He was just a good ole boy from the country. There was a time when the two were almost inseparable. He’d become a cop in a nearby larger city, gotten married to his high school sweetheart Allie, and had a couple little girls. This didn’t leave a lot of time for hanging out, but they still did when they could.

  Hunter was tall and well built. He was dedicated to his job, and worked out every day. He kept his head shaved and didn’t have any facial hair, and generally had a pretty serious face that intimidated strangers, though people close to him knew it only served to hide his boyish smirk. A simple white t-shirt, old faded jeans, and work boots were pretty much the standard look for Hunter, at least when he wasn’t in uniform.

  Hunter had never been very close with the other guys, more of a close friend to just Bert. They’d spent countless hours shooting guns and honing their marksman skills. Hunter was a firearm fanatic. Even before he became a cop he’d had his concealed carry and was always armed. Bert had no doubt there was a .45 caliber Colt 1911 strapped in the back of his belt. There was likely another gun in his boot and another in his Allie’s purse.

  Hunter also spent a lot of time hunting, doing leather work, making his own knives, and liked shooting bows almost as much as guns. He’d tried to teach Bert, but he’d never gotten the hang of it.

  “It’s great to see you guys. I feel terrible about not getting here sooner.”

  Hunter and Allie both dismissed it with a hand gesture. In her typical sweet voice Allie said, “It’s no biggie, Bert.”

  While her husband at the same time said, “Shit happens!”

  She gave him a loving slap on the shoulder. “So rude, Hunter Louis!”

  He replied, “Don’t make me beat you in front of all the nice people, Allie.”

  “I would like to see you try, mister!”

  Bert couldn’t help but laugh. Hunter and Allie always play fought this way. Bert didn’t really understand it, but then again, he was perpetually single.

  “Anyway, Bert,” Hunter said, “we’ve got to get home. I’ve got work in the morning.”

  “Ah, damn,” Bert replied. “Well, it was really good to see you guys.”

  Hunter smiled. “Kevin said since you missed most of your birthday party we’re going call this your preliminary birthday party, and he is going to throw you another one next weekend. I’ll see if I can’t work it out.”

  “Cool. It would be nice to get to hang out. We need to do some shooting. I think I’m getting rusty.”

  Hunter nodded. “Yeah, and you weren’t very good to begin with.”

  Bert laughed and they said their goodbyes. Then he worked his way back into the house where several other people were doing the same in the living room. Working his way through the crowd, he made it back into the kitchen. The crowd had dispersed, and only Jim, Kevin, and Neil remained. They were his brother wizards, and it was nice to get a moment alone with them.

  Neil, being the most blatantly drunk person in the room, cried, “Birthday boy! It’s time for shots!” He reached for the cupboard and nearly stumbled. Kevin caught him, but Neil batted his hands away. “I’ve got this!”

  Jim shook his head. “Your famous last words.”

  “Shut...face,” Neil managed to say as he pulled out a mason jar with the words ‘Phillbert’s Magic Moonshine’ across the front. He then grabbed a few shot glasses. Carefully he poured a shot into each, though he managed to spill more shine than Bert would’ve preferred.

  Bert made the shine in the old shop behind the house. The still was old, but it worked well enough. He didn’t make a lot, but what he did produce he was careful didn’t go to waste. He sold a bit from time to time for extra cash, but mostly he and his friends consumed it. It was a simple recipe but everyone loved it. Well, some folks, anyway.

  Kevin eyeballed him. “I know you didn’t pour one of those for me.”

  “Yes... Did... And going drink you are, too!” Neil slurred.

  Kevin shook his head, indicating that was most definitely not going to happen. Kevin didn’t do hard alcohol. Jim didn’t either, but he always reluctantly took a shot for Bert’s birthday. It was a tradition of sorts, so he didn’t refuse as Neil handed him the shot glass. As he looked at the glass, however, his face turned pale and angry. “Fuck you, Neil.”

  Bert glanced over to see what the problem was and realized Neil had handed Jim a shot glass with a picture of a clown on it. Jim was deathly terrified of clowns. It was his only true phobia and he didn’t take it lightly. Neil shrugged innocently, but the grin on his face gave him away.

  Jim growled and said, “Let’s get this over with.”

  Making another quick toast, the three hammered back the shots.

  Afterward, Kevin looked at Bert and said, “So, why so late?”

  Bert glanced toward the door to make sure no one else could hear and gave them a quick rehash of the night’s events. He followed it with an apology, saying, “Sorry guys, if I’d known you were throwing a birthday party for me I would’ve tried to be here quicker, but I can’t say I wouldn’t have gone to help that girl.”

  They all nodded in silence. Bert felt like he maybe should’ve left that last bit off. He knew as hard as it was for him to not have them working alongside him anymore, it was just as hard on them. They were probably the wiser for it. When they were still in their teens they all thought they’d spend their lives fighting evil with their powers. But things just didn’t work out that way. They all had lives now. They’d all moved on. All except Bert. He didn’t understand their drive to settle down, and they didn’t understand his drive to keep going.

  The awkward silence held in the air a few moments longer and Kevin looked up, smiling. “It’s all right, Bert. There’s still one more surprise we have for you.”

  “Oh yeah, what’s that?”

  All three of them grinned from ear to ear. Jim said, “Look over your right shoulder.”

  Hesitantly, Bert turned around to face the doorway. His heart skipped a beat. He thought his eyes were deceiving him. He closed them and shook his head before opening them again to take in the figure standing in the doorway.

  “Hi, Waylon,” was all she said.

  He stood there, speechless. He hadn’t seen her in a long time, and he certainly hadn’t been expecting to see her today... Standing in his kitchen... Looking right at him... And looking damn good at that. She was about his height, with shoulder length brunette hair, and curves a roller coaster couldn’t ride. Her eyes were a gentle brown that could bore straight into a man’s soul, and at the moment, that was exactly what they were doing.

  Quickly, he attempted to regain the use of his brain and mouth. He could feel his friends’ humor-filled eyes drilling into his back.

  “Uh...hi Lilith,” he managed to stutter out.

  She smiled at him and dove forward, wrapping her arms and legs around him. Being caught off guard he almost fell, but luckily there was a hard counter behind him to stop his fall. Amazingly, he managed to not drop her. She giggled, squeezing him like a stuffed animal. He could hardly breathe and wondered if his eyes were pop
ping out like in a cartoon. He fought to clear his head. Most of the blood had drained out and was relocating other places. He tried to think of anything that wasn’t sexual, but it didn’t seem to help.

  Lilith was there...in his arms. The girl he’d been dreaming about all this time. The one he thought he let get away. The one he thought he’d never see again.

  After a lifetime, she set her feet on the ground, but didn’t release him from the bear hug. She rested her chin on his shoulder and held on. He looked past her to Jim, letting his eyes pose the question, ‘What is she doing here?’

  He shrugged and answered with his eyes, ‘I don’t know.’

  She pulled herself back. “So, are you surprised to see me?”

  “Very much so,” Bert replied, still too stunned to completely get his thought process together.

  “So how is my best friend in the world doing?” she asked, punching him lightly in the chest.

  “Actually...pretty damn good, now.”

  “Aww.” She smiled, hugging him again and adding, “I’ve missed you so much.”

  “Yeah, I’ve missed you too,” Bert replied.

  He didn’t know what to say, still too shocked. He was excited yet tormented at the same time. They’d been extremely close, and he’d always kicked himself for not making a move. She blew out of his life calm as the wind, and blew back into it like a raging tornado.

  “All right, then.” He was still a little flustered. Everyone in the room looked at him, expecting him to say something. As each moment passed things got more awkward. He tried to speak, but every time he opened his mouth he closed it again.

  He glanced at each of them in turn. Kevin’s face said he was trying not to notice the awkwardness, while Jim did nothing to hide his own humor. Neil was drunk. Fortunately for Bert, this worked out in his favor for once.

  “Yay, surprises!” Neil said. “Shots for everyone!”

  Kevin smiled. “Yeah, I think I’ll take that shot now.”

  So, they took another shot and things melded into place. Bert was able to overcome his awkwardness and they all fell into natural conversation.

  Several minutes later he found himself standing in the living room alone with Lilith. She was looking at the few pictures Bert and Kevin had gone to the trouble of setting on a shelf in the corner. She picked up a picture of Bert and his supernatural friends.

  She glanced up at him. “Happy times?”

  Bert smiled. “Yeah, they really were.”

  The picture had been taken several years before. When the world was still old but the wizards were young, he thought.

  The only reason they’d all met was because they were all under Carter’s constant watch. They’d gone to meetings together, where Carter lectured them for hours about obeying the Hand’s laws. Occasionally they’d even done odd jobs for the Hand together, under Carter’s scrutiny of course.

  Lilith pointed at one of the faces. “That was Simon, right?”

  Bert nodded.

  “So why isn’t he here?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know where he is. No one’s heard from him in a couple of years.”

  “Where did he go?”

  “I really don’t know.”

  She scrunched her face at him in way that made his heart melt. “So, he just up and bailed?”

  Bert nodded. “Yeah, pretty much.” Seeing she wasn’t satisfied with his answer, he continued, “Simon always kept his life fairly secretive. I guess he wanted to fight his demons alone. That’s just speculation, though. I don’t know where he went or why.”

  It was the honest truth. Bert, Kevin, Jim, Neil, and Simon used to do everything together. As time sky rocketed by and they hadn’t changed the world, the group began to slowly grow apart. Neil got married and started having children. Jim spent most of his time with his girlfriend. Kevin traveled around a bit, but he always came back. Simon never wanted to give up being a wizard, but he also couldn’t handle how the world worked. The Hand of Magic was the ruling body over the entire supernatural community, and a wizard had to play by their rules. That wasn’t easy for any wizard to do, and violations of their laws were met with swift and harsh punishments. Bert wasn’t sure if Simon had just gotten tired of trying to be a wizard, or if he just couldn’t handle the group growing apart.

  Bert had always had his own problems with the Hand of Magic. They were akin to a police state for the supernatural community. He could see both sides of the spectrum, and the lines between right and wrong could be blurry. The vampire’s den tonight had to be stopped. Carter was in the position to make that decision. The wizards took it down. Even though it had been just Bert, he was still working on behalf of the Hand of Magic for a commission. The girl, and countless future victims, had been saved. On the other side of the spectrum, Bert had to watch his every move, because the day Carter decided he’d broken the law, he would face terrifying consequences.

  He realized Lilith was staring at him while he stood lost in his thoughts.

  “You still here?” she asked.

  “Yeah, sorry,” he replied.

  “Sorry, didn’t mean to bring up a touchy subject.”

  Bert shrugged. “It really isn’t touchy at all. Don’t get me wrong, everyone, myself included, wonders where he is. Simon is a tough guy, though. I’m sure he’s fine.”

  “Well,” she started reluctantly, “since I’m on the subject... Have you ever heard from your dad?”

  Bert shook his head. “No. Not a word.”

  “Any leads?”

  “Not one. He is just as good at disappearing as Simon and someone else I know.”

  “Poor Waylon Phillbert Drake,” she said with a smile. “Everyone just leaves you.”

  Bert threw open his arms and shrugged. “I would bail on me too if I could.”

  She winked and said, “You knew I was leaving, Waylon, and I don’t remember you trying to stop me.”

  It was true. Bert hated himself for not trying to convince her to stay. When it came right down to it, he was scared. Scared of rejection and scared she would’ve said yes. There was nothing he’d wanted more than the love of this woman. In his line of work, however, he always felt it was only a matter of time before he got himself killed. By all rights, he should’ve been dead a few times over by now. At some point she’d taken a traveling job with what Bert understood to be an ad agency of sorts. For the past several years she’d called him from time to time, but it was never more than a few minutes. Sometimes it was a few times a month, other times it was over a year between calls. It’d been at least that long since the last time they’d spoken.

  Bert smiled. “You’re right. I should have.”

  An awkward silence hung in the air between them. Stupid, stupid, he thought to himself, what a smooth ladies’ man you are, genius.

  She looked back at the picture of Bert’s dad. “Don’t give up hope, Waylon. I remember your dad. He wouldn’t have bailed on you for no reason. You’ll find him.” The awkward silence held in the air for a moment longer and she asked, “So what’s this business with your name? Why is everyone calling you Bert?”

  “When I started making moonshine I decided not to use my full name for the sake of discretion. I went with my middle name and called it, ‘Phillbert’s Magic Moonshine.’ Since I was trying to be discreet, my friends started calling me Phillbert. Apparently, Phillbert is too much of a mouthful, so eventually it just became Bert.”

  “I like it,” she said with a little laugh. “Bert.”

  “So, do you have stuff I need to carry in?”

  Giving him a playful smile, she said, “No, it’s already in your room.”

  “Oh,” he said. “Well sure, just c’mon in and take over my house!”

  She punched him lightly in the chest. “I had to put it somewhere. It’s not like I started redecorating.”

  “Yeah, well, feel free to take my bed. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

  “Bert, I couldn’t do that to you.”

  “
I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer.”

  They squabbled over the sleeping arrangements for a few more minutes, with Lilith finally agreeing to take Bert’s bed. They made their way back to the rest of the party. Bert hadn’t drunk heavily in a while. It seemed like an appropriate night to indulge.

  Chapter 3

  His eyes opened to a world full of pain. It felt like an army was marching through his skull. His stomach lurched and he fought the urge to vomit. When he looked up he saw nothing but trees, and they seemed to be spinning. He felt an intense urge to fall back asleep, but instead dry heaved over the wet grass and tried to remember what had woken him up.

  He glanced around the yard in front of him, not wanting to turn his head too much. The house was silent, everyone probably still asleep. The Beast sat about twenty feet away, the windshield covered in morning dew. It was not only early, but significantly earlier than he ever woke up. Why was he awake?

  “Bert! Dammit! Waylon Drake!” cried a shrill voice in his head.

  Now he understood. He was being yelled at. Worst of all, he was being yelled at by an inanimate object. Most people would find it strange to be yelled at by a sword, but most people didn’t have a sword that never shut up. He regretted his decision to leave Sharp outside the previous night.

  “Bert! Dammit, wake up!”

  “What?” Bert asked, irritated that his peaceful nap on the hard ground was ruined.

  “Behind you, dumbass!”

  He turned over and looked up. Standing pretty much right on top of him was one of the scariest men he’d ever seen. The man was easily a foot taller than Bert would be when standing. He wore a black robe which completely covered his huge frame. A black hood hung over his head, but Bert could see his face. He was dark-skinned, with a perfectly trimmed beard and mustache. His cheeks had large tribal-looking tattoos which met in a line above his nose. His eyes glowed with neon green power. He carried a long staff with glowing symbols that matched the green of his eyes.