Different as Night and Day

by Lennon, Leigh

  Though Maguire and I are at least on speaking terms, there’s the kiss we’re avoiding talking about like the flu going around Coral Creek. And I don’t want to spend a good portion of our time together dodging twenty questions like am I dating finally? Is there something between Jase and me? And then, of course, the best one, the one he’s not given up on—when am I going to move back into the garage apartment? On top of it all, it’s only two weekends before the big date with Evan. I keep on reminding myself how my body reacts to him every time sadness creeps into my life concerning Maguire.

  I’m in the driveway and I have Scottie out of her car seat when I see Maguire pull onto their street. Well, hell. Just my luck. I still have time to pass her off to Elise quickly, making it to my car around the time he parks. I open the door. Elise isn’t at the island sipping her coffee as she usually is in the mornings. She’d texted me last night, telling me she’d meet Teagan and me after the child swap, as she calls it, to help in the search. I’d love nothing more and I’m surprised not to see her dressed and ready to go.

  “Elise!” I cry out and there’s nothing. I’m expecting, I’ll be right there, sweetie. I enter the large sunroom, making my way down the hallway and up the stairs to her room, still holding on to Scottie. “Elise, you up there?” I knock on her door and don’t hear a response. I put my ear to the wood to listen for water running and hear nothing, again. Pushing the door open, I see her small figure in the bed. Ah, she must be tired. Part of me wants her to sleep. Though her chemo is done and over, for now, it still has taken its toll on her. I can hand Scotland off to Maguire, since he’s here already, like the freakin’ grown-up I am. But what if she thinks I didn’t want her with us. After all, this is a huge decision and I covet her advice. Deciding to give her a choice, I tiptoe to her side of the bed.

  “Elise, are you feeling okay?” I haven’t known her to sleep this late, not even during chemo. Nudging her a little, I speak up. “Elise, wake up, you sleepy head.” She doesn’t move, not a peep. I probe her a little more and afterward, I almost shove her to wake her.

  When she doesn’t budge at all, Maguire calls for us from downstairs. “Elise, darlin’, little darlin’? Are you all hiding from me?”

  I turn back to Elise, my fingers shaking, my body trembling, I fear dropping my baby. “Come on, Elise, this isn’t funny. I know you don’t like being the go-between with Maguire and me, so wake up.” I say it loud enough Maguire must hear me from downstairs.

  “Holland?” he calls.

  I had known it before I almost yelled at her, but now, I know. Shit, I know why she’s not waking up. “Maguire!” I shriek so loud I startle Scottie and she begins to scream. “Maguire!” I yell again so loud this time, Scotland mimics my screams.

  Loud stomps barrel up the steps and he’s in the room in a split second. “Darlin’, what’s wrong?”

  I don’t know I’m crying but I see the tears falling as I turn to the lifeless body of Elise. “She’s gone, Maguire.” I don’t remember anything, and Maguire has his large and robust arms encasing me as he takes Scottie.

  The coroner has her body in the vehicle when Ned’s truck flies into the drive. By this time, Teagan has come to get Holland and the baby. I even called Jase, who was on the road before we hung up. But getting ahold of my friend, who’d been at the gun range with a buddy—was almost impossible. By the time I got him, I simply said, “You’re needed at home.” He doesn’t have to be told, not when the letters “County Coroner” are on display for him to read. He emerges from his truck, looking at me. I wait for him on the steps in the cold California winter with the doctor positioned by his own vehicle. Ned stands for a second, not sure what way to walk. He searches my face and then the doctor who has probably been witness to the realization of a loss so profound, he’s lost count.

  “No, M! Fuck, man, tell me it’s not true.”

  I’m standing now, walking toward him but I know where my friend is going. But it’s not casual. It’s a sprint to the van. To his girl, to the woman he’d freely give his own life for. The doctor opens the door willingly. This certainly isn’t the first time he’s dealt with denial and it’s what Ned is in right now. I get it—shit it was me less than eighteen months ago.

  I’m behind Ned when the doctor pulls Elise’s body out and pulls the sheet from over her. “Sir, I need identification. Is this your wife?”

  Nodding his head, he turns to me and as he was there to catch me, I’m now a rock for him.

  I stand, my arm on his back, in the hopes my friend doesn’t fall over. We stay this way for what has to be ten minutes, with Ned holding her hand, speaking to her as if she’s going to talk back. My heart is broken for my friend because I know the hell the next year will be. I’m not sure how I pry him from her body but when I do, I’m able to get him in the house. Looking around the home, it has to have too many reminders for him.

  “I can’t stay here without her, M. I can’t.”

  Sitting next to him on the couch where Elise and I had shared way too many cups of coffee over the years, I clasp his back. “You don’t have to, bud. I got you. My house is yours as long as it needs to be.” I pause, giving him a chance to talk, to say anything. It’s been less than thirty minutes in his own little world knowing he’ll have to live a life without his wife being a part of it. “Just tell me what you want. If you need to leave or if you want to stay. Need me to get your clothes? Need me to pack anything? Just tell me.”

  “No, get me out of here.”

  We’re out of the house and in my truck, heading to my home—my mind on the loss that will forever be a part of all of our lives.

  Ned is in Holland’s old room. He’d walked straight back there without a word to me. I let him be but his cries aren’t muffled. Not one bit. On my porch, I call John, our foreman and plant manager. More so, over the years, he’s become our friend. I can’t leave Ned by himself but I need to get to my girl. The gray color of her face is imprinted in my mind, the realization Elise has peacefully passed in her sleep.

  When John is at my front door, I peek in and Ned is on his knees. He sees me for a split second and waves me off. I don’t say a word but point to the living space in case he needs me.

  “Check on him about every thirty minutes. He’ll be pissed but I want to make sure he’s not going to do anything stupid.”

  John nods his head and when I get to my truck, I’m on autopilot until I arrive at Holland’s.

  I notice Teagan’s car right away with the bumper sticker reading: I love cats but her meaning is hidden unless you know Teagan—understanding she loathes cats more than penises. But her humor, even away from me, is what I covet because this loss fucking hurts as though someone took a knife and cut me with it.

  I can’t miss the big beast of Josh’s truck in Holland’s parking spot with Jase’s BMW next to his brother’s vehicle. Shit, her SUV is still at Elise and Ned’s. Hell, I guess it’s not Elise’s, not anymore.

  Knocking lightly, I hear a come on in and giggles from Scottie. She and Teagan are on the floor playing peekaboo. Josh is on the couch, covering his face, too. “Mr. P,” he says upon seeing me.

  “Hey.” With my voice, Scottie is hunting for me, scooting past Teagan in search of me. “Well, hello, my little darlin’,” I coo. “Ah, you’re a sight for sore eyes.”

  Bending over, I scoop her up, giving her a little toss in the air. “Yo, girl! I’ve missed you.” Bringing her close to me, I’m looking around for her mother. “Hey, where’s Holland?”

  Teagan looks at Josh and he shakes his head at her as she does the same to him. “Please, Josh, just tell him. I can’t retell it, or live through it again.” She’s up and off the floor, grabbing for Scottie’s coat, bundling her up. “I’m taking her to the little park here to let her swing. She loves it.”

  When she’s gone, Josh looks at me but doesn’t speak.

  “Where’s your brother?”

  “Fuck, Mr. P. The last couple
of hours have been a cluster fuck. Teagan called me from the car and I got here shortly after she got Holland in the house. Then, she went a little crazy, for lack of a better term. She started throwing stuff, locked herself in her bedroom. I had to kick down the door.”

  From my vantage point, I see the door is shut but it’s cracked in many spots. “We thought she was going to hurt herself. Teagan left with Scottie, the second Jase got here. He called our old doctor, who’s his mentor. The doc administered a sedative. He’s sitting back there watching her in case she wakes. I mean, I think she’s out for a while but it was scary—very scary.”

  Upon looking around the house, I can see the destruction now as I’m surmising the damage.

  “Teagan tried to vacuum up all the stuff but I don’t think Holland has any dishes left.” He stands, brushing by me. “I’m going to check on Teagan. She’s very shaken as we all are. She loved Elise, too.” He’s at the door and turns. “I know this is a stupid question but how’s Ned?”

  I shrug. “As you’d expect.”

  “Yeah, shit, man. Why is it the good ones go and the world is littered with all the shitty people?”

  “I wish I could answer this.” And I know he’s not only talking about Elise but Scott, too. And I remember what Holland told me about Josh grieving for my son. “Shit, I wish I knew the reason.”

  “You and me, too, man.” He’s at the front door and I turn toward the hallway, making my way to Holland. Opening the door a crack, Jase is in an uncomfortable chair, watching the up and down movements of Holland.

  “Hey,” I whisper and he waves me into the room. “So, I heard it was a little rough.”

  He blows out a long breath. “Shit, man. I didn’t know what to do. But yeah, it was rough. Even a neighbor knocked on the door, about to call the cops. Josh told her this was the second major loss in a short time.” He’s shaking his head. “I’ve never seen her like this.”

  “Hell, I’m so glad you were here. Ned needed me. I barely got him in the house. But you did good, you did really good and I appreciate it so much.”

  “Yeah, well, as you know, I’ll do anything for her.”

  I nod, he’s not my competition. He’s just a poor guy sucked into the glow of everything Holland. “You and me both.” Everyone close to us knows we love one another. “Do you need a break? I can sit with her for a while but I do have to get back to Ned later. Can you stay with her tonight?”

  “No place I’d rather be,” he says, standing, giving me the chair. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

  When he closes the busted up door behind him, I’m left to watch the love of my life and the hurt that she’s sure to have to work through again when everything comes back to her. Until then, I won’t take my eyes from her seemingly peaceful body.

  Chapter 16

  Ranger’s tongue wakes me the next day. He’s sometimes better than an alarm clock. I’m thrust back to reality, the reality my dear friend has passed away. Leaving Holland last night had been brutal, but Ned needed me, too. And with Jase and Teagan, I understood she was in good care. I barely have my first sip of coffee when Kat’s at my door with a frantic Christine. It’s a catch twenty-two. Christine is one of Elise’s oldest friends and though the two had been on the outs from time to time, making the phone call to her had been excruciating.

  With Kat’s offer to help in any way, I gave her the unpleasant duty of picking up my ex-wife but she never flinched at the idea. And with Holland an utter mess, I knew Christine would be the help Holland needed with Scottie, even if the woman gets under her skin like a bad infection.

  She throws herself at me, her tears already staining my shirt. “I don’t know what to say,” she sobs into my side.

  I push back—we share a lot but right now, I can only handle Christine in small doses. I know this woman is lost. Who wants to learn of their closest friend, merely years older than the two of us, dying at such a young age? Plus, she’s still grieving for Scott. I gently tip her head toward me, and in her own eyes, the sorrow sits on her face, as though it’s taken permanent residence.

  “Ned’s here. He’s barely come out of the room. But somehow, we’ve gotta find a way to pull it together for him and Holland. Her and Elise were very close.”

  I’m waiting for her to question their closeness in comparison to the years Christine has known Elise but she doesn’t.

  “So, who has the baby?” she questions.

  The events of the last couple of years have taken their toll on Chris. Her once youthful appearance now presents itself with wrinkles around her face and eyes. I don’t have to search hard to see the gray that has cemented itself into her very dark brown hair. I get it, looking at myself in the mirror, I feel the same has occurred, but mine has been a little kinder.

  I find an even tone, one I don’t normally use on Christine but she’s hurting, too. It’s usually elevated with frustration but not today. “Teagan Erons is taking care of Scotland and the Elton brothers stayed, too, to help with Scottie and Holland last night. Holland took the news—not so well.”

  Kat is still at the front door when I excuse myself to walk her out. “Let me grab Christine’s bags,” I offer.

  She pulls at my arm before I’m off the front porch. “M, I’m worried about you.” She doesn’t mince her words. “This is your loss, too. You're strong for everyone, while you hurt. Coupled with the fact you’re still grieving for Scott. And combined with your guilt you feel for—well, you know,” she whispers. In her expertise in dealing with exes, she understands Christine can never know about the bond Holland and I share. “Though, you shouldn’t feel guilty, about the two of you.” Her eyes widen, a little smirk showing behind her full lips.

  She’s standing close to me and it’s then I see the beauty of this woman, fully. Just not the outward beauty I’ve always known is present in Kat Stephens but her inward beauty, too. “Shit, Kat, why couldn’t I have fallen in love with you? You’re a good woman.”

  She smiles, pulling me in for a hug. “I know. I deserve to be looked at like you watch Holland or how Ned looked at Elise. I’ll get it someday. And through your friendship, you’ve shown me I’m worthy of it, in spite of how damaged my ex-husband left me.”

  She’s close to me, close enough I smell the orange body wash on her skin. When I don’t reply, she continues, “Is there anything else I can help with?”

  “Nah, I’m just…” I rub my forehead, hearing Christine rummage around in my kitchen. It sure hasn’t taken long for her to get acclimated to my house. “Shit, I don’t even know where to begin. The coroner has been calling me. Ned refuses to meet down at the funeral home. Teagan has called, Holland is holed up in her room. Now I have the ex-wife from hell….”

  She laughs and I need it. “One day when we have some time, you have to explain to me why you still treat her so well. You flew her out when Scotland was born, you sent her on a cruise in August so she wouldn’t be alone on the first anniversary of…well, you know. I don’t get it. It only confirms what I’ve already known, you’re a good man.”

  Shrugging, I respond, “Easy answer, Kat, she gave me Scott and for that I can overlook her bitchiness. But the long answer, I’ll leave for another day when we have a twelve-pack in us.”

  “It’s a date then,” she retorts as she pulls me into her. “I’ll be back in a little bit with some food and at any point, if you need help with the funeral or running interference with Christine, I’m your girl.”

  “Well, I’m leaving Chris here, to go check on Holland.”

  Understanding crosses her face. “Tell you what, go be with your girl. I’ll stay and keep Christine company.” I scrub my face again because I know Christine will want to come with me. “Take my car. I’ll grab your truck if I need to run anywhere. I’ll let you get out of here before Christine hears you’re going to see Scottie.” With a wink and a pull at her keys, I leave her with Chris’s luggage and I’m down the drive before my ex is ever the
wiser.

  My hand is about to knock on her door when Jase pulls it back. “Thank heavens you’re here.” Scottie is in his arms and she’s fussy—almost lunging at me. “Scotland wants to nurse, because she knows Holland is here. She won’t take a bottle or food.” Catching my girl in the air, she snuggles in close to me.

  “Mornin’, little darlin’, let’s go find Mama.” I turn back toward Jase. “Don’t leave. After I get her fed, I’m going to have you take Scottie to my place. Her grandma is going to rip me a new one if she doesn’t get her hands on this baby.”

  “Josh and I went to grab Holls’ Honda at Ned’s place.” He’s already in the kitchen putting together her diaper bag. Fuck, he’s a good kid. Ned once told me I’d be lucky to have Scottie and Holland end up with him. I understand this but as much as I know Holland loves me, I know she doesn’t feel the same way about Jase Elton.

  Knocking on the door, Holland is barely audible but is very clear when she says, “Go away.”

  When I open it slowly, Scottie is almost crying for her mama. “There’s someone who needs you and as much as losing Elise hurts, Scottie desperately wants you, darlin’.”

  Holland peeks over her covers, sitting up, a flood of tears falling from her eyes. “Oh, hell, I’ve neglected my own daughter. What the hell is wrong with me?” This only makes Scottie cry more as she takes off her top to nurse. I turn around, and it’s then Holland’s natural instincts return. “It’s okay, sweetheart, Mama’s got you.” She must be eating because it’s quiet in the room.

  “Sarge, you’ve seen them before, but don’t worry, I’m covered up.” A little of the sass returns to Holland’s words and I twist around. Her eyes are puffy and her nose is as red as a strawberry.