Different as Night and Day

by Lennon, Leigh

  “What the actual fucking fuck is this, Maguire Parrish?” Her face turns up from the tiffany blue color in the paint can. “I said yellow.” She stands and it actually doesn’t matter I’m holding Scottie.

  “You’re right, you said yellow, but honestly, you’re living in the past. Believe me when I say I won’t ever forget Scott, but you have to move forward and painting this truck a color you love is the first place to begin.”

  Holland’s eyes grow bigger and bigger along with the scowl now covering her face. “This is my decision, you control freak. I told you yellow. And I don’t care about fucking moving on. I heard you the first fucking time you brought this topic up and I shot you down as I am now.”

  “Darlin’,” I begin, pulling Scottie close to my body.

  “Don’t you dare darlin’ me. You’re going to cancel the painter tomorrow and I will order the fucking paint.” She reaches for Scottie and I give in. “You only want me to move on so I’ll choose you.” On her way out of the garage, she turns around to say, “Oh, and dinner is fucking canceled. Good luck explaining to Christine why she won’t be getting snuggles with her grandbaby tonight.”

  It had been a wild card with the paint color and my intention wasn’t self-serving. Not at all. I want Holland to find her life, what is right for her. Living in the past will never give her the closure she needs.

  I’m sitting on my porch, hiding from Christine, though it’s as cold as a witch’s titty, when Ned joins me on the deck a while later. Handing me a beer, I grab it. At least I can drown my sorrows in something good.

  “So, the paint choice went over pretty well with Holls.” He’s smiling, a little chuckle drips from his lips.

  “Yeah, did you hear her?”

  Clinking his beer with mine, he begins, “The girl is loud on normal days, but when she says the F-word more times than I can count, yeah, I heard it in the house. You sure can drive the girl mad.”

  “It’s a talent, really.” I pull back on my beer, happy to have Ned out of the back bedroom for the first time in days. “You know, Ned, I only want what’s best for her and if it’s not me, I want her to find her happy spot with someone.”

  “I know, believe me, I know.” With his simple but wise words, we sit in the quietness, both of us still mourning from losses we won’t ever get over.

  “Was Holland over here earlier? I was on the phone and someone was yelling?” Christine asks, walking out into the living room an hour or so after Holland’s little temper tantrum over the paint.

  “Yeah, she’s upset with me. We’re having a little bit of a disagreement about the paint color.”

  She sits down on the opposite end of the couch. She’s been a wonderful comfort to Holland but I’m happy as a lumberjack in a new flannel that there’s an end in sight with her visit.

  “Well, thanks for pissing her off, since she left with Scottie. Man, I could spend all the time with our chubby little baby and it’s still not enough. I know I’m not Holland’s favorite person, but I love Scottie more than life itself.”

  Christine has barely parted with the baby since she’s been here. “Yeah, Chris, I know what you mean.”

  “Look, I know you’re going to tell me to fuck off, but am I reading something more than a father-in-law type of relationship between you and Holland?”

  Oh, how I want to tell her to fuck off, like she had suspected. But because she’s not wrong; I attempt to gloss over it. “Hell, Christine, are you for real?” I pull for my Academy Award in acting, performing so well I hope I achieve the whole shocking facade.

  “Good, I’m glad I’m off base then.” She pauses briefly and then continues. “So,” she starts and I know this won’t be good. Every time Christine ever begins a sentence with So, I normally don’t like it. “Evan Waltry was speaking with Holland after the funeral. I told her she deserved to be happy. I think it’s about time and since she’ll listen to you, encourage her to date again.”

  Yeah, right as fucking rain, I don’t like what has come out of Christine’s mouth.

  Cookies are in the oven and I’ve folded all our laundry for the week. I woke up this weekend with renewed faith and hope. While Scottie scoots around on her butt throughout the entire apartment, I’m constantly grabbing her to keep her within my eyesight.

  I have my whole day planned and at four, Irene, Maguire’s secretary, will be here. The woman is so excited to watch Scottie tonight. I don’t think it’s right to ask Maguire while I go out on a date with another man. Teagan offered but Irene has wanted to get her hands on my baby since she’s been born.

  I look at my watch when someone knocks on my door. It’s not even two in the afternoon. Irene is excited but hell, this is rather early.

  Swinging open the door, it’s the first time I’ve seen Maguire since Wednesday when I lost my marbles over the paint color.

  “Hey, darlin’.” He walks in and I want to come back with a snarky remark, but I only let him through the door. Scottie scoots to him quickly and he swings her up in the air, tossing her a little.

  “Sarge,” I stammer and I’m back in the kitchen, finishing my cookies. “Did you get Christine to the airport?” Though, I’d not seen Maguire, I had more than enough of my mother-in-law. She stayed for the entire week, insisting on caring for Scottie at our apartment instead of taking her to childcare. Although the lady is invasive as hell, she takes great care of her granddaughter.

  His nod is all I get when he helps himself to my cookies—the greedy bastard. “Hell, I would have never guessed you’d turn into such a great baker, but these are hella good cookies.”

  I curtsy for him. My double chocolate chip mint cookies were the first thing Elise taught me to bake.

  “I’d say help yourself, but you kind of already have,” I tease.

  His mouth is full as he shares part of his cookie with Scotland. “I want to take Scottie off your hands for tonight. I’d like to spend some time with her.”

  I love to rain on his parade, especially after Wednesday night. I find pleasure in this. “Sorry, Irene beat you to the punch. I’m going out. She’s watching her.”

  He pushes out his bottom lip like a little kid. “I’m the gramps. I get the first chance to babysit.”

  I shrug my shoulders. “You’ll be breaking her heart. She’s wanted to watch her for so long.”

  “I don’t care. I want Scottie time.” He walks straight to her room, grabbing clothes from her dresser.

  “What are you doing?” I ask from the doorway, licking a spoon from the bowl.

  “I’m packing her up. And I’ll tell you what. I’ll break the news to Irene.”

  I toss up my hands, not needing yet another fight with Maguire. “By the way, I’m still waiting for the apology about the paint, Sarge.”

  Maguire turns around, Scottie’s cookie is now all over his t-shirt. “And you can continue to wait, darlin’, I stand by my decision. I have canceled the paint job, but I guess we’re at an impasse until you change your mind.”

  He has what he needs from her room when he passes me the baby, now in my kitchen, grabbing food, formula, and bottles. I hand him my keys, it’s what we do when he has Scotland. “Say goodbye to your mama, little darlin’.” He kisses my forehead and is gone in a flash, but not before saying, “Have fun with Teagan.”

  I don’t have the heart to tell him what I’m actually doing tonight.

  Chapter 18

  We’re back at the house for several hours when headlights shine into the windows throughout the front part of my home.

  “Ah, Ned is here, finally, little darlin’.”

  He’d been gone when I arrived back with the baby. He’s barely been out of his room. I’m not sure where he was, but my guess, at the cemetery talking to his girl. I won’t ask because of the bottom line, he’s finally facing the cruel reality he’s been dealt.

  I coo to her and she’s laughing at me. Her large bright hazel green eyes and almost pitch blac
k hair is too eerily similar to Scott’s baby pictures. But for one of the first times, I’m not sad. Sure, I miss my son. It’s the kind of pain which will never go away, but each memory with him doesn’t leave a void the size of the moon in my heart anymore.

  Ned slides open the glass door, and swoops Scottie out of my arms the second he’s in the house. “Did you get Christine to the airport alright? I’d been wondering if you’d get rid of your ex.” He’s jostling Scottie, making faces at her with her laughter filling the air. I nod but he’s right, I almost had to put my ex-wife on the plane myself.

  He’s still playing with Scottie when he continues, “Ah, I’d been wondering who was watching this beauty.”

  The statement is odd but I watch Ned for the first time with a smile on his face. After he sits down with Scottie, I remember his words. “What did you mean, you wondered who was watching the baby?”

  He closes his eyes and rakes his hand through his gray hair. “I saw Holland out in town.”

  “Yeah, with Teagan, right? I guess they’re shooting pool.”

  When he looks away, I know there’s so much he’s not telling me. “No, actually, she’s out with…”

  Okay, so she’s out with Jase, even though I know it’s one-sided. I’ve been readying myself for this.

  “She’s out with Evan. Apparently, before Christmas, Elise attempted to play matchmaker and well, they had set something up before she passed. Anyway, he came to town, specifically to take her out tonight.” A little chuckle leaves his mouth. “Leave it to Elise to play matchmaker beyond the grave.”

  Elise wanted Holland to be happy. “I’ve been ready for Jase, but not Evan.” He’s a good guy, it hits me hard, and I stand—not for any other reason than to get some air. “Shit, I’m not ready for this, Ned,” I say, staring into the gray eyes of my friend. “Oh, hell, listen to me when…”

  He waves me off, leaning closer to me. “Well, maybe you need to hear my take on this, and how I have a new outlook on life.” Scottie grabs for her bottle on my coffee table and I settle her between the two of us. “Listen, I know I’ve been hesitant about your love for Holland. But now with Elise gone, hell, I was wrong. Life is too fucking short and it’s hard and rough and mean at times. If you love someone, then circumstances be fucking damned, you hold onto it, because you only have a little while on this earth.”

  He stands, taking in a deep breath. “I’m going to head to the house. I need to face it, without Elise. And honestly, it’s where I feel closest to her.” He pats me on the back. “Have a good one, M.” He shuts the door behind him and as quickly as he’s been in my house, he’s gone.

  I pull Scottie to me, and feel her forehead. “Um, you feel warm to me, I think.” I then put my lips to her. “Oh, yeah, Scotland May, you have a low-grade fever and you miss your mama.” The baby is only laughing at me. “I think we better text her to let her know how much you need her home.”

  Last minute, I change my plans with Evan, just in case there’s an emergency, meeting him at the restaurant. But, mid-dinner, I’m having a hard time listening to anything he says. My heart’s not in this date. When Evan kissed me, meeting me at Maguire’s truck, it didn’t pack the same punch it had when he kissed me before Christmas. After last week’s kiss with Sarge in my kitchen, I’m not quite sure what could.

  He’s held the door for me and when every jealous girl in the restaurant turns their head to watch Evan, he only has eyes for me. Maguire Parrish has ruined every man for me. Shit, this man is going to be saving sick animal’s lives. What else could I want? Oh, yeah, the grumpy albeit hot grandpa of my daughter.

  “So,” Evan begins. “You want to go to school for design? Have you made any plans?”

  This is all service level stuff and I’m pleading with my body to let this man affect me in the same way he had before—before that last kiss. Shit, Maguire still has it. Most men you would think at his age have these fat beer bellies and a receding hairline. Why are Maguire’s genetics so freakin’ strong?

  “Earth to Holland,” he teases.

  “Oh, crap, Evan. Sorry. To answer your question, I’ve been offered a paid internship in San Francisco.” Besides Diane, no one knows this.

  “Wow, Holls, what a great opportunity. So, when are you leaving?”

  I take in a deep breath. “I probably won’t accept it.”

  He narrows his eyes at me. “Why not? It sounds like a great stepping stone.”

  I pick at my poached salmon. “Scottie has lost so much. I know she doesn’t know this, but, I can’t take her away from Scott’s dad.” Or is it I can’t take myself away from him?

  Evan almost has a look of pity on his face. It’s something I don’t appreciate and before I can address it, Maguire’s particular text alert goes off.

  “Sorry, Evan. I need to grab my phone. It’s from the person who has Scottie,” I explain but now his face changes to one of frustration.

  Sarge: Scottie is running a low-grade fever and is very fussy.

  I don’t respond to Maguire, but I stand, my purse in my hand. “As fun as this has been, I gotta go. Scottie is sick,” I say a quick goodbye and turn, making my way to the Sarge’s truck.

  All I can think is, Hold on baby. Mama is on her way.

  Chapter 19

  I place the “feverish” Scotland down in the crib, moving down the hallway when Holland comes barreling in the front door.

  “I got here as soon as I could. How is she? What’s her temperature? Wait.” She’s looking around. “Where’s Scotland?”

  “Sorry, darlin’, I should have waited. The fever seemed to break and now she’s back in her crib, happy as a clam.” I don’t miss her legs in a short pencil skirt and a skin tight black blouse. Her legs, which I’ve always been a fan of, seem longer in her three-inch heels. Oh, she has most definitely been on a date.

  “Wait one friggin’ white monsoon minute.” She places her hands on her hips. “You saw Ned tonight, didn’t you?”

  I shrug, my non-committal answer.

  “I flipping knew it. He told you I was out on a date and you made up this fake fever.”

  She’s click-clacking back to the bedrooms and I run past her, blocking her way. “What are you doing?”

  Her voice lowers. “I’m grabbing my baby and we’ll be on our way.”

  “Look, darlin’, she really felt warm to me. Honestly.” I’m going to hell using my granddaughter to further my own agenda. “Please, don’t take her. She’s asleep. Let her be. Go home or call your date and meet him somewhere, just don’t take her.”

  She walks away down the hall. As I enter the living room, she’s sitting on the couch, her shoes are off.

  “What are you doing?”

  She looks up, heat in her eyes. “It’s no use, I mean, my heart knows where I belong.” From the entrance of the hallway to the couch, it takes me all of a split second to close the space between us.

  I’m on my knees, cupping her face. Her eyes connect with mine and I’m gone. We’re both gone when our mouths crash together.

  Can I deny him, this—us anymore? The answer is simple. I don’t want to, not a second longer. These thoughts rattle in my brain mid-kiss. When he withdraws from me, his forehead rests on my own forehead.

  “Darlin’, I can’t promise I’ll hold back once I have you—I’m not letting you go, so if this isn’t a done deal moving forward, walk away, walk away now, and walk away fast.”

  My hand has a mind of its own. Tangling it through his thick black hair, we stay like this. His hand is still on my cheek when my reply has to be one that tells him so much in so little words. “I love you—for you. Not because you’re so much like Scott. No, I’ve learned, you two are so different, as different as night and day.”

  My hand reaches around his neck. It’s apparently all the permission he needs when he stands for a brief moment, only to bend down and scoop me up in his strong arms. “I’m never letting you go, Holland, so hold on
tight. It’s going to be a ride, but with you, it’s my dream.”

  Making his way back to his bedroom, it’s the first time I’ve ever really been in his room. He places me down gently, oh so gently. He pulls me close to him for a second, only to unbutton my top and unzip my skirt.

  “We have all night, darlin’, and our whole lives, I want it special, not hurried. You okay with this?”

  Our whole lives. His words aren’t scary. “Yeah, Sarge, I’ve wanted you to worship my entire body for a long time.” With the last button, he throws my shirt on the floor behind him as I pull at his belt. His eyes never leave mine and they burn as hot as I do for him.

  Leaning his head behind me to unhook my bra, my breasts spill out with nothing containing them. “Oh, darlin’—no problem. I’ll lick, suckle, and kiss every surface of your body—no—strike that. It’s my body. You are mine.”

  Pushing his jeans down with his southern gentleman as he calls it, popping toward me, he leans in for my reply to quietly reach his ears. “Let’s face it, I’ve been yours for a long time.”

  His lips aim for my neck when his reply reaches my own ears. “Yeah, darlin’, no denying it. And now I’m marking every part of this body as mine.”

  He’s straddling my waist when he pushes me down. The only thing between Maguire and myself is the thin fabric of my black satin panties. My hands reach around his neck and he tugs them further down. It’s then, a whimper of Scotland is heard but she quickly quiets.

  “Oh, please tell me my own granddaughter won’t be cock blocking me tonight.”

  An out and out hysterical giggle escapes my mouth. “You, sir, are too funny for your own good.” But as quickly as this lighthearted moment occurs, he’s back to his steady stare, his intentions declared in the way his eyes rake over my body.