by K. C. Crowne
She let out a sigh and muttered something I couldn’t make out, likely talking to someone else, not me. “You should call your dad, Eva.”
“I haven’t spoken to him in fifteen years.”
“Yeah, I know, but it’s time. Or else you’re going to run out of it,” she warned. “Listen, I have to go; this isn't my news to break to you. Call your dad.”
She said goodbye and hung up on me. My cheeks were wet with tears as I stared down at the phone in my hand.
My heart felt like it was crushed in a million pieces. If I thought I had a lot on my mind before, the bomb she’d dropped was almost too much.
I couldn’t call my dad; I didn’t even have his number. So I did the next best thing. I called my brother.
As soon as he answered, I blurted out. “Matt, is Dad dying?”
There was silence on the other end, and I was about to repeat myself when he finally answered. “Yes, he was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer two months ago.”
Even though I’d spent most of the last fifteen years trying to forget about him, it still felt like my entire world came crashing down around me.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” My voice cracked.
“Because you didn’t want to talk about Dad. Ever,” he said. “And Dad thought it was best since you clearly want nothing to do with him. He didn’t want to upset you.”
“But don’t you think I would be more upset that he died, and I never even knew?”
“Again, Eva, you made it very clear that you didn’t want to know about Dad. I don’t know what you want me to say. I was respecting both of your wishes,” he said. “How did you find out anyway?”
“Mom told me.”
“You talked to Mom?” While I had avoided Dad for years, Matt had never forgiven Mom for walking out on us as kids; they still hadn’t reconciled.
“Yeah, I called her. She wasn’t very nice, then told me—” I paused, thinking about the words she’d used, that I only ever cared about myself. I hadn’t seen it that way. I’d been busy living my life, and I figured the rest of the world would just always be there for me when – and if – I decided to revisit it. As much as it pained me to hear it, she was right, but I didn’t want to rehash it with my brother. “She told me about Dad.”
“I’m sorry you had to find out that way,” he commiserated. “But yes, he’s dying. The doctors say he has maybe two months left, if he’s lucky.”
All the years I’d stayed away, I never once thought about what I would feel about his death. I never wished ill upon him, I just wanted nothing to do with him. But knowing that he was dying, that any time to make amends with him was running out, sat like a stone in my heart.
“You know, he would love to see you,” Matt said softly.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, unable to put into words how I felt. I didn’t even know how I felt.
“I—I don’t know what I want to do, Matt. I just don’t know,” I stammered, the tears flowing again. “I have a lot going on…”
I always had a lot going on.
That was always the excuse.
But I had two months, if even that.
Two months before my dad would be gone forever.
Chapter 9
Declan
Matt slid into the booth across from me, staring down at the table. He had dark circles under his eyes that hadn’t been there when I saw him in New York.
“Everything okay, man?” I asked.
He grabbed a menu. “Yeah, just tired. Dealing with some family issues that I’d rather not talk about.”
“No problem,” I said. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop by before I flew out. I was running a bit late.”
Matt met my gaze. “Oh yeah? Big night?”
There was a coldness to his voice which took me by surprise.
“Well, kind of, yes…” I didn’t know what Eva had told him and wasn’t sure if she wanted her brother to know about our night together. “But I also had a fairly early flight out and—”
“You can stop right there. I know you were with my sister, Declan. The media has been talking about you nonstop.” He leaned back in the booth, crossing his arms and staring at me with a serious look on his face.
And it made sense now, why he hadn’t returned my messages asking if he’d made it into town alright.
“I’m sorry. I thought that’s why you invited me out there, to reconnect with her and—”
“I didn’t invite you out there to have a one-night stand with my sister and then just leave,” he seethed, his voice barely above a whisper. “That wasn’t my intention at all, Declan.”
“It’s not like that. I didn’t just sleep with her and run away.”
“Have you spoken to her since you left?”
“Well, no, but that’s because she said it would be best if we didn’t try to force a relationship. I was respecting her wishes.”
Matt bit his lower lip and shook his head. “Unbelievable. I really thought you were different than most guys. I wanted to believe that you wouldn’t just use my sister for a random hookup.”
“It wasn’t like that. At all,” I defended. “I don’t know how to make you believe it. But I’m respecting Eva’s wishes.”
“I want my sister to come back to Liberty, at least to visit. The reason I invited you to New York in the first place was so maybe she could start healing from what happened, but now you just gave her another reason not to come back.”
Matt slipped from the booth. “You know, I decided to meet with you today, to maybe get your side and to find out that you and she were actually serious again. I could get behind that because I thought you were a good guy. Not sure what I believe anymore.”
“Matt, wait—” I turned to follow him out the door, but something stopped me.
Was he right? I went into the trip to New York knowing that a relationship would be a bad idea, but I thought Eva was an adult who could make her own choices. She was very clear about what she wanted as well, but Matt’s words stuck with me.
I’d always tried to be different than other men. I’d never been into hookups, and had it not been Eva, a woman I had desired since I was a teen, it would have been different. I never would have done it.
But maybe I was seeing what I wanted to see?
I pulled out my phone and typed a message to Eva.
Hey there. Just checking in, hope you’re doing well.
I didn’t know what to say, that was the problem. Did I tell her I hadn't stopped thinking about her since I got back to Liberty? Or how I still smelled her sometimes, when I least expected it, or find one of her hairs in my luggage, and that I’d think about her with a smile on my face? Or how every time I saw a dark-haired woman in a red dress, part of me secretly hoped it might be her?
No, that was too much. I sent the original message and stared at my phone as if maybe she would respond right away.
She didn’t.
That’s fine. Both of you know what’s for the best.
But I didn’t want to be another reason for her to never return to Liberty.
And yes, a large part of me wanted her in ways I knew weren’t possible.
I slipped my phone in my pocket with a sigh, and the waitress appeared to take my order.
“What happened to your friend?” she asked with a friendly smile.
“Uhh, he had somewhere else to be,” I muttered before placing my order.
Sometimes the past couldn’t be repaired, and I had to learn to be okay with that. Matt and I might not ever be friends again, but the last thing I wanted was to cause problems between him and Eva.
I pulled my phone back out and sent Matt a text as well, apologizing for misinterpreting everything and telling him I sent Eva a message, that the ball was in her court. If she’d meant what she said, she could ignore my message and that would be that. But if she did want more and I merely hadn’t seen it, we’d see what would happen.
I sat in my truck and stared at the ranch house. Matt’s
truck was parked outside, and I contemplated whether I should knock on the door. Ned Palmer didn’t care for me, especially after the photos of what happened with his daughter were leaked around town. Matt was likely still pissed at me. But I felt like I should make amends with him, at least apologize in person. It felt like I was the reason his sister was no longer part of the family, and I continued screwing things up well into adulthood.
I’d sent both Eva and Matt messages the day before. I’d tried to call Matt after he rushed from the restaurant, but it went straight to voicemail. I stared at my phone again, considering my options.
No missed calls or messages from either Eva or Matt.
I took it to mean that I had been right about Eva - she wasn’t interested in anything serious. I had tried to talk to her, but clearly, she didn’t want to talk to me. I would respect that from now on.
A car pulled up behind me, and I glanced back in the rear-view mirror. A BMW. Nicer than what you typically saw around these parts. Even those with money typically didn’t drive expensive cars; the people were more laid back than that around here.
I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t the sight of Eva getting out of the driver’s side. I turned around to get a better view, assuming there was no way it could really be her. It had to be another black-haired beauty with curves that rivaled the mountain roads.
She glanced at my truck, though she couldn’t see inside, and I knew it was her.
I expected her to go inside her house, but she stood there, off to the side, almost like she was trying to hide behind her car. She stared at the house, and I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
Drive off, Declan. It’s none of your business. You’ve done enough to this family.
But I couldn’t bring myself to do that.
There was something about the way she stood next to her car that concerned me. When I last saw her, she had straight posture, she stood confidently no matter the situation. Now she was slumped over more than usual, and her sleek hair was pulled back into a messy bun rather than falling down around her shoulders. Her mascara was smeared, and that was enough to force me out of the truck.
She’d been crying, and I forgot all about my promise to respect her wishes and leave her alone. I had to go to her, to see what was wrong, and what brought her back to Liberty after all these years.
As soon as I put a foot on the ground, her eyes turned toward me. Her eyes widened, and she backed up, looking around as if she wasn’t sure how she got there, outside of her father’s house in the middle of Liberty, Utah.
“Declan— I…” she started to say, but then changed her tune. “What are you doing here?”
“I was about to ask you the same question. Is everything okay?”
“This is my home,” she stated, some of her confidence in her tone. “Or rather, my dad’s home, but the fact remains. I have a right to be here. What are you doing sitting outside my dad’s house like some kind of stalker?”
“I’m looking for Matt, actually. I was just about to knock on the door.” I stared at her, not moving closer because she seemed ready to bolt at a moment’s notice.
“Oh, yes, right, I forgot he moved back in with Dad,” she said. “I’m sorry for assuming the worst. It’s just, I don’t know how I feel about being back yet and was hoping no one would see me.”
“I didn’t mean to cause you any anxiety. I was just worried about you. Is everything okay, Eva?”
“No, not really,” she said, finally taking a few steps closer to me. “Which is why I’m on edge. I am sorry for the way I spoke to you, Declan.” She sighed, her breath wavering. “Nothing seems to be okay at the moment.”
“What’s wrong?” I asked, my heart breaking for her.
Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she frantically wiped them away. My feet seemed to have a mind of their own and moved me forward, closing the distance between us. It took everything in me not to reach out and wipe the tears away myself. It was even harder to not take her into my arms and comfort her.
“My dad’s dying,” she said. “Matt told me yesterday that he has cancer, and before I knew what I was doing, I booked the first flight back here. I don’t even know why, after everything he did to me. I guess I still need to see him and say goodbye.”
“Oh Eva, I’m sorry,” I murmured.
She fell into my arms, and I opened my arms for her without a second thought. Her head nestled into my neck as her body was wracked with sobs. I stroked her head and whispered words like, “I’m so sorry,” but I knew it wasn’t enough. Nothing could ever make up for the fact that her father was dying. If I could, I would have made it all better for her, but I felt so powerless. There was nothing I could do and it killed me.
She looked up at me and tried to compose herself, wiping at her eyes and taking a few deep breaths. “It’s silly. I want to say goodbye, but I’m not sure if I can go in there, you know? I don’t know what to expect when I see him again.”
I pushed back a loose tendril of hair from her face and stared deep into those sad eyes. My heart ached for her, physically ached.
“If you want to do this, just know that you don’t have to go in alone. I’m here for you.”
Her body relaxed into mine for a second, and she offered me a sweet smile before separating her body from mine. She straightened herself and wiped the black smudges underneath her eyes, mostly wiping them away.
“No, I’m fine,” she said, clearly lying to both me and herself. “I think it would be better if I did this alone, but I appreciate the offer, Declan. I really do.”
I shoved my hands in my pocket, feeling more helpless than ever. “I understand.” Her dad never really liked me anyway, and it would probably make it more awkward for her. “I would never do anything to make your life more difficult, I hope you know that.”
“I know,” she said softly.
And I hoped Matt knew too. I never meant to hurt anyone.
She leaned in and pressed her soft lips to my cheek, taking me by surprise. “Thank you, Declan. You’ve always been a kind soul. I’ll tell Matt you were looking for him.”
She headed up the path toward her home, and as she reached the door, she looked back at me and waved. That was my sign to leave. I climbed inside the truck, but not without one more glance toward the house.
She was still outside, just standing on the porch.
It killed me to drive away, but I reminded myself I had to respect her wishes. She was a big girl now, and we were no longer together.
I took a deep breath and drove to the end of the street before turning to head toward my place.
Chapter 10
Eva
I took a deep breath. My hands were shaking as I reached up to knock. It felt surreal being in front of our old home after so many years away. Not much had changed; the exterior paint was peeling but was the same brick red that I remembered from childhood. The plants my dad used to tend to had long since dried up; most were withering and dying or completely dead already. The door had been re-painted and was now tan instead of the dirty white I remembered, but it was the same door I had slammed when I left. The scuff marks that I’d left when I kicked it were gone, but I remembered exactly where they used to be.
Tears filled my eyes again, and part of me wanted to turn around and leave. I also thought about calling Declan back. I didn’t want to do this alone, but the truth was, I was alone.
Besides, I would have to confront Declan eventually about the positive pregnancy test… and I wasn’t ready for that. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, but I couldn’t look in his face and lie to him either.
So I would do this. Alone.
I knocked on the door, which felt weird since I’d never had to knock on my own door before.
At first I thought no one had heard me, but then there were footsteps and the familiar voice of my brother. “I’m coming.”
When the door opened, I stared into the bewildered face of my twin brother. “Eva?” he asked, his voice cr
acking as tears filled his eyes.
Before I could respond, my brother pulled me into his arms. I buried my face in my brother’s shirt. It was easier than talking or explaining why I’d changed my mind about coming home.
When we pulled apart, Matt wiped at his eyes and offered a small smile. “Wow, I honestly never expected this. I thought you meant it when you said you’d never come home, but I’m so glad you did.” He lowered his voice and stepped outside, partially shutting the door behind him. “Dad isn’t doing well, sis. Not at all. The doctor he saw today said he has a couple weeks, at most. These are his final days, I’m afraid.”
I nodded and wiped at my eyes. “I know, which is why I’m here. I wish I had come sooner, but—”
“You’re here now, that’s all that matters,” Matt said, putting a hand on my arm. “Dad will be so happy to see you.”
“Is he— will he recognize me?”
During the trip, so many thoughts had crossed my mind. What if he didn’t even know I was there? What if I was too late to say goodbye? I’d watched a grandfather die from cancer, and the last few weeks, he was hooked up to so many machines and comatose for most of that time. The idea that my dad might already be too far gone had crossed my mind, and I wasn’t sure I would ever forgive myself if that were the case.
Matt nodded, though. “Yes, except for the oxygen and the fact that he can’t move much, he’s still very aware of what’s going on.”
“Does he know he’s running out of time?” I asked, feeling my heart ache at the thought. I couldn’t imagine the fear… knowing that your last days were ahead of you. But I knew dad, he liked to be informed of everything. Much like me, I had to admit.
“He knows. We’ve been honest with him throughout all of this,” he said.
Then came the most important question. “Can I see him?”
Matt’s smile wavered, but he nodded. “Of course. He’s probably not the dad you remember, but he’s still very much here with us, Eva.”