Tears of the Silenced

by Misty Griffin

  Tears formed in Samantha’s eyes. “I am scared and do not know what to do,” she whispered.

  “I know, but we have to do something, Samantha.”

  After a couple of weeks, we would try one last time. Jacob and the Deacon had gotten together and decided that we would send a letter to say we were coming for a visit.

  The plan was that Jacob and the Deacon would talk to them like they did with church members to see if they would agree to be nicer to Fanny or let me take her. While Jacob seemed to like the attention he would get from all of this, Lillian balked but had little say on the matter. All I cared about was getting Fanny away from Mamma. I didn’t even care if she kept Fanny’s checks.

  Mamma wrote back that we could come for a visit. I thought she would refuse but her response back to Jacob was cheerful.

  “This is a trick.” Samantha’s face look terrified as she read the letter.

  I nodded back, my own face confused and more than a little scared.

  “I am not eighteen yet,” Samantha said again.

  I figured that Mamma wanted to convince Jacob and the Deacon that we were lying like she had done with the police. Why else would she appear to be so nice?

  In early July we—Jacob, Lillian, the Deacon, his wife, Samantha and myself—all piled into Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher’s van and headed towards Washington State. Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher were retired and loved to travel. When Jacob approached them with the idea, they had agreed: a cross country trip would be a good mini summer vacation for them.

  The trip seemed endless, only made worse by Lillian’s grumbling. She, like most of the church, was not happy with what we were doing. As we drove into the small town that was located at the foot of the mountain, I felt Samantha grab my hand. My hand squeezed hers until it was white; we were both scared.

  “If Mamma does not give me Fanny, I am going to kidnap her,” I said, my voice shaking. Everyone raised their eyebrows at me, but most managed to smile. They thought I was joking, but I wasn’t planning to come off that mountain without Fanny.

  “Mamma is never going to let you have Fanny.” Samantha’s face was getting paler by the second. “I don’t know where you got such a ridiculous idea. We are just here to talk some sense into them.”

  Samantha and I clung to each other as we neared our destination. All we wanted to do was turn and run back down the mountain.

  My heart beat fast and I swallowed several times to try and keep from crying as I saw Fanny walking out to the gate to open it. Mamma was standing on the porch yelling at her to hurry up.

  As the van came to a stop, Samantha slid open the van door but didn’t move. I gave her a little push and we both tumbled out together. Everyone else cautiously came after us. Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher said they would take a nap in the car. We only planned to stay a couple hours and then we would be heading back home.

  Samantha and I stood next to each other as Mamma and Brian walked slowly towards the van. Fanny still stood by the gate. She was talking to someone on the other side, someone only she could see. She had not even realized that Samantha and I were there.

  “Hello, Jacob and Ezra.” Brian extended his hand towards the men. They shook his hand but their faces were as confused as mine and Samantha’s. Mamma invited us all in the house. She was smiling but there was something unsettling. They were being too nice.

  As everyone walked to the house, Samantha hollered at Fanny to get her attention. Fanny turned; she stared at us blankly for a second. When she realized it was me and Samantha, she quickly pattered over to us. We both hugged her and she happily hugged us back. I tried not to cry as she reached up and put her chubby arms around my neck. She was so much like a small child.

  After everyone was in the house, Mamma made coffee and Brian kept the men busy talking about the weather and horses. So far, nothing was going as planned. Samantha and I tried to rouse Grandma who was asleep in her wheelchair. She woke up briefly and smiled at us. It was easy to see she did not recognize us.

  After coffee and pastries, Brian said we should all go for a walk around the property. The men walked ahead and the women behind. No one could work up the nerve to start the talk we were supposed to have.

  “What is going on ?” Samantha whispered to me.

  “I don’t know,” I whispered back. I was afraid that we were going to end up leaving without doing any of what we had planned.

  After about thirty minutes of walking around looking at the animals, the chicken yard and the small garden, we all ended up back on the front porch.

  “Well…,” Jacob eyed me and stroked his beard.

  An awkward silence followed. I was standing near the steps of the porch, not far from Mamma. Fanny was standing next to me and Samantha was behind Fanny.

  All of a sudden, I grabbed Fanny’s hand and pulled her close to me. Fanny grabbed my hand with both of hers. She did not know what I was doing, but she seemed ready to do whatever it was.

  “Mamma.” My voice came out with squeak.

  Mamma turned towards me, and that fake, sweet smile was gone. The real Mamma was there, looking at me daringly. My knees felt a bit weak. She had been playing so nice, it was as if she was not as bad as I had remembered.

  “Mamma,” I repeated more forcefully. “Would you let me take Fanny to live with me for a while?” I watched the anger building in Mama’s face. She was starting to chew on the corner of her mouth: that always meant she was furious but was trying to control it. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Brian squinting. His steely eyes were boring into the side of my head. Samantha and everyone else slowly walked backwards down the two small porch steps and into the yard. I was left to stand alone before a now-seething Mamma.

  “You can keep her monthly check.” I tried to keep my voice from shaking.

  Suddenly, Mamma rushed forward and grabbed Fanny. There was a tug of war. I held on to Fanny with both hands and tried to pull her down the steps. I was determined not to leave without her.

  In the midst of the struggle, I briefly turned my head to see why Samantha wasn’t helping. To my surprise, everyone was running for the van. Mr. Fletcher was yelling at me to run, but I wouldn’t let go of Fanny. And Brian just stood a few feet away looking at the van. He seemed to be aware that they had to be careful.

  Fanny was pulling with me against Mamma. However, I was much lighter than Mamma, so she managed to pull Fanny away. I tried to grasp Fanny’s dress but Mamma opened the door of the house and shoved her in. Fanny stared out at me through the window. I was stunned. I should have run but I couldn’t, even though I heard Samantha screaming for me.

  As if in slow motion, Mamma ran toward me, and I felt the wind go out of me as she shoved me into a porch post. Her fist started to pummel my chest and back, and I felt her hot breath as she screamed in my face. I couldn’t seem to push her off of me. I struggled and then started screaming and sliding towards the floor of the porch.

  After what seemed like an eternity, Brian came over and shoved Mamma off of me. When she started to come back at me, he punched her in the stomach. I heard voices from the van coming closer. I scrambled to my feet and fell down the porch steps. Suddenly, Jacob grabbed me by the arm, and I was hustled off to the van and shoved inside. Mrs. Fletcher started the engine and the van was racing down the lane before the side door was even closed.

  “No!” I shouted as I turned and looked out the van window. I saw Fanny still looking out the window. “No!” I shouted again, struggling to reach for the van door.

  “Emma, sit down!” Mr. Fletcher’s voice came from the front of the van. “We have to get out of here. These people are nut jobs.”

  The van was rumbling down the long lane, and I stopped struggling. Jacob was between me and the door. I watched Fanny’s face get smaller and hazy; I heard Mamma screaming in a strange horrifying voice: “I want that girl. I want that girl.”

  Every
time she tried to come off the porch, Brian stood in front of her and pushed her back. It was eerie how much Brian was trying to control the situation. Mamma had gone mad with rage, but Brian seemed to have realized that they could not be themselves with so many witnesses there watching.

  “We are going to the police station,” Mr. Fletcher shouted as we barreled down the dirt road towards town.

  To my surprise, no one objected. Lillian’s face was white as a ghost. Jacob, Ezra, and Annie looked like they had just found a monster in the closet. Unfortunately, Samantha and I had lived with those monsters for fifteen years.

  “Why did you guys run off and leave me there?” I asked as I turned around in the seat brushing away my tears.

  “Emma!” Samantha turned on me. Fear was being replaced with anger. “Have you lost your mind?” She bent forward from her seat behind me and yelled in my ear.

  “I should be angry. You guys left me up there.”

  “Didn’t you see they still have the rifle by the door?” Samantha yelled back at me.

  “I saw it.” Lilian spoke up unexpectedly.

  “Me too.” Jacob turned towards us.

  I had seen it too, but I had seen it every day for years.

  “When Mamma started getting mad, I didn’t know what to expect.” Samantha was ready to cry now. “All I could think of was that rifle a few feet away inside the door.”

  “But Fanny,” I sobbed as the van landed on paved road that was on the outskirts of town.

  “Are you okay?” Mrs. Fletcher asked, opening the door. We were in front of the tiny police station.

  “Yeah,” I answered, and followed Jacob out the van. I was starting to feel sore from where Mamma had slammed me against the porch post and beat me with her fists.

  “You need to file a police report and have them arrested.” Mr. Fletcher nodded his head towards the police station.

  “She called them before. They didn’t do anything,” Jacob muttered.

  Jacob, the Fletchers and I were halfway across the tiny parking lot when I turned to find Samantha, Lillian, the Deacon and Annie had taken a few steps back towards the van.

  “Come on, Samantha,” I pleaded.

  Samantha’s anger had subsided; her face now looked terror-stricken. She shook her head, starting to look a little like when she had arrived at community. She seemed dazed and in shock.

  “We have to get out of here.” Samantha walked back towards the van. “The police are not going to do anything; we have to stop.” I was sad to see that our new Amish parents seemed to agree with her.

  “No!” I shouted. “I am not leaving this town without Fanny.”

  “Do you want to talk to the police, honey?” Mrs. Fletcher nodded her head in the direction of the station and turned to the rest of the group. “You should at least go in and support her.”

  I walked in the station. Jacob and the others followed. Inside the tiny station, Samantha and I were shown into a room. An officer that knew about me calling earlier listened to our story. Samantha was quiet and only nodded her head when the officer asked her if what I said was what had happened.

  Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher and everyone crowded behind us. The officer asked them a few questions and gave me a piece of paper to write down what had happened.

  “Those people are crazy,” Mr. Fletcher said, repeating everything that had happened.

  “Uh huh.” The officer was listening and also looking over our Amish clothes. He seemed perplexed.

  “Well, we were just up there like a month ago and didn’t see anything out of place. It’s your word against theirs.” He seemed to be asking what we wanted him to do.

  “You have to get Fanny out of there.” I put down my pen. “They torture her and starve her. Please get her out of there. Please, please,” I begged. Tears were streaming down my face.

  “Hey.” Mr. Fletcher seemed to be getting angry. “I saw that woman beating this girl.” He pointed to me. “That’s battery. Look, she has a scratch on her cheek from one her mother’s fingernails.”

  “Well.” The officer stood up and leaned over the desk to look at my cheek. There was a long scratch that ran down my left cheek.

  “Yeah.” The officer reached for his hat. “Not that I don’t believe you folks, but like I said, it’s your word against theirs. But me and my partner will go up there and check it out.” He put on his hat. “You all wait here.” He pointed to the small waiting room. “We will be back in about an hour.”

  I went numb. Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher seemed confused at the officer’s attitude. Samantha looked around blankly while Lillian, the Deacon, Jacob, and Annie stood in a circle with pursed lips.

  “We shouldn’t be here,” the Deacon muttered. “This is not what we told the Bishop we were going to do.” Lillian and Annie nodded.

  Jacob seemed nervous at how things were unfolding, and Samantha planted herself in a chair and stared ahead. I asked for more paper and wrote a summary of our entire childhood. Everyone else milled about and whispered. I was too busy to pay attention to anyone.

  “You know what?” I felt a nudge and looked up to see the Fletchers standing there. I put down the pen.

  “We were thinking,” Mr. Fletcher said, looking worried, “you should let this whole thing go. You were trying to kidnap your aunt.”

  I was startled. “But my mom is abusing her.”

  “I believe you, but your mom can still claim you were trying to kidnap Fanny.”

  Samantha turned to us, her eyes growing wide. I had not thought of that.

  A few minutes later, the officer walked in the station and walked over to us.

  “Well, we went up there. Your aunt and grandmother seemed fine. I asked your aunt if she was okay and she nodded yes. Your grandmother was sleeping but looked clean and in good health. The house looked clean.”

  “You have to look under Fanny and Grandma’s dresses.” I was clutching the clipboard in both hands. “The bruises are under the dresses.”

  The officer shook his head. “ That would be violating their religious rights; we can’t do that.”

  “Can you get a woman to do it?” I was desperate.

  The officer brushed back his hair. “They have a different story.” He turned to look at me. “Your mom says that you tried to kidnap your aunt.”

  Everyone was quiet a second.

  “We cannot just go around arresting people because people say so. We need some evidence.”

  “Like what kind of evidence?” I spat back. I was angry. Mamma and Brian kept the place clean and well kept. Nothing looked suspicious. By that time, the house and farm surrounding it were nothing short of breathtaking. No one could have guessed it was a house of horrors.

  The officer seemed to understand that there was no evidence to get and he seemed uncomfortable. “Leave your report here and, if something else happens, we will have it on file.”

  I nodded and handed him the report. Slowly, I followed the others out to the van.

  “I can’t believe this.” Mr. Fletcher fumed as we drove out of the tiny town. “Why can’t they arrest them?”

  “That’s it. I am not having any more to do with this,” Samantha blurted out.

  Jacob, Lillian, the Deacon and Annie nodded. It was over. There was nothing else I could do. I had lost the battle. Mamma and Brian were too good at their game and the officers were too cautious. The religious rights of Mamma and Brian were more important than making sure Fanny and Grandma were safe.

  Ancient Traditions

  Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

  —Aldous Huxley, Complete Essays 2, 1926-29

  Late summer approached and I tried to push thoughts of Grandma and Fanny from my mind. My days were full tending the garden and working in the slaughterhouse as the first waves of the butchering season came. Any spare time that we had was
spent in the hay and wheat fields.

  Despite all the work we already had, Jacob decided to buy an organic egg business. They offered five hundred chickens and an agreement to sell the eggs at the local supermarket. When he bought the business, the men from the community gathered to help build the chicken house. These were fun times in the summer sun. Many women came along to help with the noon meals. Of course, Samantha and Matty came to help as well. As the hot July sun shone down on us, we made pitchers of lemonade on a makeshift table we set up outside. When Matty went inside to get more sugar, I turned to Samantha who was cutting lemons.

  “Samantha,” I whispered, “what is this I hear about your family and Matty’s family are moving in the fall?”

  Samantha nodded, “We are moving to Wisconsin. I wanted to tell you before you heard the rumors, but I see you already heard.”

  I nodded with a frown. “Why are you guys moving?”

  Samantha sighed. “Mom’s family is there, and her dad is sick. We are going to take over the farm, and Mom’s parents will live in the Doddy house.”

  “Why is Matty’s family going?” I whispered, sad at the news of losing my sister and my best friend at the same time.

  “Matty’s uncle lives there and he has wanted them to come back and work in his furniture shop for years. It will be easier for us to move together. We are having an auction in the fall to pay for the move.”

  “Oh, Samantha,” I whispered, “I am so sad.” I put my arms around her.

  Samantha nodded. “I know. I will need to make new friends, but I guess it will be an adventure. We will write every week. Mom says it will be better for the two of us to be separated. We will fit in better, she thinks.”

  I sighed as Matty came back with the sugar. She looked at me and cocked her head. “Oh, you heard.” She looked relieved, as if she were not supposed to tell.

  I nodded. “Yeah,” I grinned playfully. “About a week ago already.”

  “I wanted to tell you,” Matty pretended to pout, “but we were trying to keep it a secret until later in the year. I really don’t want to go. I will miss you and my cousins. I am not going to make new friends so easily, and the youth group there is huge.”