Confessions of Felix Krull, Confidence Man: The Early Years

by Thomas Mann

  By way of the avenue de l'Opéra and the rue des Pyramides I returned to home territory in the rue Saint Honoré. Before entering the hotel I removed my gloves, for, together with the various other improvements in my toilet, they seemed to me possibly a trifle provocative. Nobody paid any attention to me, however, as I rode up to the fifth floor in the lift along with a number of guests. When I entered the room one flight higher, Stanko showed his surprise as he examined me in the light of the hanging bulb.

  'Nom d'un chien!' he said. 'He has adorned himself. And so the affair went well?'

  'Tolerably,' I replied, while I took off my jacket and stepped in front of his bed. 'Quite tolerably, Stanko, I might venture to say, even though all our hopes were not fulfilled. That fellow is by no means the worst of his kind; he's really quite affable if you know how to handle him and if you keep your guard up. I forced him up to nine thousand. Now permit me to pay my debt.' And climbing on to the edge of the lower bed in my button shoes, I counted three thousand francs from my overflowing lizard-skin wallet on to the flannel blanket.

  'You swindler!' he said. 'You got twelve thousand.'

  'Stanko, I swear to you —'

  He burst into laughter.

  'My pet, don't excite yourself! I don't believe you got twelve thousand or even nine. At the very most, you got five thousand. Look, I am lying here and my fever has gone down. A fellow gets weak and sentimental from exhaustion after a bout like that. And so I'll admit to you that I myself couldn't have squeezed out more than four or five thousand. Here's a thousand back. We're both honest fellows, aren't we? I'm enchanted by us. Embrassons-nous! Et bonne nuit!

  CHAPTER 9

  THERE is really nothing easier than running a lift; it can be mastered in almost no time. As I was very pleased with myself in my handsome livery and as many a glance from those members of the beau monde who rode up and down with me showed they were pleased too; as, moreover, I took genuine pleasure in my new name, the work at first was decidedly fun. But child's play though it was in itself, when one had been at it with only short interruptions from seven in the morning until nearly midnight it could become decidedly fatiguing. After such a day one clambered into one's upper bunk rather broken in body and spirit. Sixteen hours at a stretch, it lasted, with time out only during the brief intervals when the staff went to be fed in relays in a room between kitchen and dining-hall. Wretched meals they were, too — little Bob had been only too right about that; stewed up out of all kinds of unappetizing left-overs, they were a constant cause of grumbling. I found these dubious ragouts, hashes, and fricassees, stingily accompanied by a sour petit vin du pays, most offensive; in actual fact I have never been so disgustingly fed except in jail. One stood, then, for all that time, without being able to sit down, in an enclosed space, heavy with the perfume of guests, manipulating the controls, glancing at the indicator, stopping where directed, taking in guests, letting them off again, and being amazed by the brainless impatience of the ladies and gentlemen who would stand in the lobby ringing incessantly when anyone ought to know that you could not instantly dash down for them from the fourth floor, but first had to get out, there and on the lower floors, and with a polite bow and your best smile admit those wishing to descend.

  I smiled a great deal and said: 'M'sieur et dame -' and 'Watch your step', which was quite unnecessary, for it was only on the first day that I was occasionally guilty of a slightly uneven landing; after that I was never again responsible for a step that required a warning, or if I was, I immediately rectified it. I gently supported the elbows of elderly women, as though they might have difficulty in getting out, and received in return the slightly bewildered glances of thanks, tinged sometimes with a melancholy coquetry, with which the aged repay the gallantry of youth. Others, to be sure, repressed any sign of pleasure, or had no need to since their hearts were cold and empty of everything except class pride. Moreover, I was equally helpful to young women, and in these cases there was many a delicate blush accompanied by a murmured 'Merci' for my attentiveness. This sweetened my monotonous day's work, for I really intended these courtesies only for One, and in a sense was simply practising them for her. I was waiting for her who bore me, featureless, in her mind and whom I bore most distinctly in mine, the mistress of the jewel case, the provider of my button shoes, my umbrella-cane, and my Sunday outfit — the woman with whom I lived in sweet secrecy and for whom, unless she had suddenly departed, I should not have long to wait.

  It was on the second day toward five in the afternoon — Eustache, too, had just brought his car down — when she appeared in front of the lift bank in the lobby, wearing a scarf over her hat as she had done before. My hopelessly commonplace colleague and I were standing in front of the open gates, and she stopped midway between us, looking at me; she widened her eyes briefly and smiled, swaying slightly, undecided which car to choose. There was no doubt she was drawn to mine, but as Eustache had already stepped aside and invited her into his with a wave of his hand, she probably thought it was his turn. Into his car she stepped and was borne away, but not without an undissembled glance at me over her shoulder and a renewed widening of her eyes.

  That was all, for the time being, except that at my next meeting with Eustache downstairs I learned her name. She was Mme Houpflé and came from Strassburg. 'Impudemment riche, tu sais,' Eustache added, whereupon I answered him with a cool 'Tant mieux pour elle.'

  On the following day at the same hour, when the two other lifts were under way and I was standing alone in front of mine, she appeared again, this time in a very beautiful long-waisted mink jacket and a beret of the same fur. She had been shopping, for she was carrying in her arms several fairly large, elegantly wrapped packages. She nodded in satisfaction at seeing me, smiled at my bow which, accompanied by a deferential 'madame', had some of the quality of an invitation to dance, and let herself be enclosed with me in the bright, suspended room. Meanwhile, there was a ring from the fourth floor.

  'Deuxième, n'est-ce pas, madame?' I asked, as she had given me no directions.

  She had not stepped to the back of the car nor was she standing behind me, but at my side, looking alternately at my hand on the control lever and at my face.

  'Mais oui, deuxième,' she said. 'Comment savez-vous?'

  'Je le sais, tout simplement.'

  'Ah? The new Armand, if I am not mistaken.'

  'At your service, madame.'

  'One might say,' she replied, 'that this change represents an improvement in the personnel.'

  'Trop aimable, madame.'

  Her voice was a very pleasant, nervously vibrant alto. While I was thinking of this she spoke of my own voice.

  'I should like to commend you,' she said, 'for your agreeable voice.' The very words of Spiritual Counsellor Château!

  'Je serais infiniment content, madame,' I replied, 'si ma voix n'offenserait pas votre oreille!'

  There was insistent ringing from above. We had arrived at the second floor. She remarked:

  'C'est en effet une oreille musicale et sensible. Du reste, l'ouïe n'est pas le seul de mes sens qui est susceptible.'

  She was astounding! I tenderly held her elbow as she got out, as though there had been any need for that, and said:

  'Permit me at last, madame, to relieve you of your burdens and carry them to your room.'

  Thereupon I took her packages from her one by one and followed her down the corridor, simply abandoning my lift. It was only twenty paces. She opened number twenty-three on the left and preceded me into her bedroom, from which a door opened into the salon. A luxurious bedroom it was, with a hardwood floor, on which lay a large Persian rug, cherry-wood furniture, a glittering array of articles on the toilet table, a wide brass bedstead with satin cover, and a grey silk chaise-longue. On this and on the glass-topped tables I deposited the packages while Madame took off her beret and opened her fur jacket.

  'My maid is not here,' she said. 'Her room is on the floor above. Would you make your kindness complete by he
lping me out of this thing?'

  'With great pleasure,' I replied, starting to work. While I was engaged in removing the silk-lined fur, warm from her shoulders, she turned her head. One ringlet of her thick brown hair, whitened before its time, stood out impudently over her forehead; widening her eyes briefly and then narrowing them in a dreamy, swimming look, she spoke these words:

  'You are undressing me, daring menial?'

  An incredible woman and very articulate!

  Taken aback, but full of determination, I managed to reply: 'Would God, madame, that time permitted me to accept that interpretation and go on as long as I liked with this enchanting occupation!'

  'You have no time for me?'

  'Unhappily not at this moment, madame. My lift is waiting. It stands open while people upstairs and down are ringing for it, and perhaps there's a crowd standing in front of it on this floor. I shall lose my job if I neglect it any longer.'

  'But you would have time for me — if you had time for me?'

  'An endless amount, madame!'

  'When will you have time for me?' she asked, alternating the sudden widening of her eyes and the swimming look, and she moved close to me in her blue-grey, tailored suit.

  'At eleven o'clock I shall be off duty,' I replied softly.

  'I shall wait for you then,' she said in the same tone. 'Here is my pledge!' And before I knew what she was about, my head was between her hands and her mouth on mine in a kiss that went quite far — far enough to make it an unusually binding pledge.

  I must certainly have been somewhat pale as I put her fur jacket, which I still had in my hand, on the chaise-longue and withdrew. Three persons were in fact waiting bewilderedly in front of the open lift. I had to make my apologies to them not only for my absence, due to an important errand, but also because, before taking them down, I had first to go to the fourth floor, whence there had been a summons but where now there was no one. Downstairs I had to listen to abuse for interrupting traffic. Against this I defended myself by explaining that I had been compelled to accompany to her room a lady suddenly overcome by faintness.

  Mme Houpflé faint! A woman of such boldness! That quality, I reflected, came more easily to her than to me because of her greater age and also because of my subordinate position, to which she had given so oddly a lofty name. 'Daring menial,' she had called me — a woman of poetry!'You are undressing me, daring menial?' This exciting phrase lay in my mind all evening, the entire six hours that had to be endured until I should have time for her. It wounded me a little, her phrase, and yet at the same time filled me with pride — even for the daring which I had not in the least possessed but which she had simply imputed to me. In any case, I now possessed it in plenty. She had inspired it in me — particularly by that very binding pledge.

  At seven o'clock I took her down to dinner: when she entered my car there were other guests already in it. She wore a wonderful silk dress with a short train, laces, and an embroidered tunic; around her waist was a black satin belt, and around her neck a string of flawless, shimmering, milky pearls which, to her good fortune — and the misfortune of Master Jean-Pierre — had not been in the jewel case. The thoroughness with which she disregarded me — and this after so far-reaching a kiss! — nettled me, but I revenged myself, as they got out, by putting my hand not under her elbow but under that of a bedizened, ghost-like old woman. It seemed to me I saw her smile at this charitable gallantry.

  At what hour she returned to her room I did not learn. Some time, however, it would have to be eleven, and at that hour service was maintained by one lift only, while the operators of the other two had the rest of the evening off. Tonight I was one of them. To freshen up after my day's labours for the tenderest of rendezvous, I first made my way up to our washroom and then descended afoot to the second floor. The corridor with its red carpet that silenced all footsteps lay already in undisturbed peace. I considered it discreet to knock at the door of Mme Houpflé's salon, number twenty-five, but received no answer, I opened the outside door of number twenty-three, her bedroom, and, inclining my ear, knocked discreetly on the inner one.

  An inquiring 'Entrez?' in a slightly surprised tone answered me. I obeyed, for I felt entitled to disregard the surprise. The room lay in the reddish twilight thrown by a silk-shaded night lamp, which was the only illumination. The daring occupant — it is with justification and pleasure that I return the epithet she had bestowed on me — was discovered by my rapid, inquiring survey in bed under the purple satin cover — in the splendid brass bed that stood with its head against the wall and the chaise-longue at its feet close to the heavily curtained window. My fair traveller lay there, her arms crossed behind her head, in a cambric nightgown with short sleeves and billowing lace-edged décolletage. She had undone the knot of her hair for the night and had wound the braids around her head in a very becoming, loose, tiaralike fashion. Twisted into a curl, the white strand lay back from her brow, which was no longer unfurrowed. Hardly had I shut the door when I heard the bolt — which was controlled from the bed by a wire — fall into place.

  She widened her golden eyes for just an instant, as usual, but her face remained slightly disturbed in a kind of nervous deceitfulness as she said:

  'Why, what's this? A hotel employee, a domestic, a young man of the people comes into my room at this hour when I have already retired?'

  'You expressed the wish, madame,' I replied, approaching the bed.

  'The wish? Did I so? You say "the wish" and behave as though you meant the order a lady gives some minor servant, a lift-boy perhaps, but what you really mean in your unheard-of pertness, yes, shamelessness, is the longing, the hot, yearning desire, you mean it quite simply and straightforwardly because you are young and beautiful, so beautiful, so young, so insolent. . . . "The wish! " Tell me at least, you answer to wishes, dream of my senses, mignon in livery, sweet helot, whether you insolently dare to share this wish a little!'

  Thereupon she took me by the hand and drew me down to an unsteady perch on the edge of her bed. To keep my balance I had to stretch my arm across her and brace myself against the head of the bed, so that I was bent over her nakedness, so lightly veiled in linen and lace, and enveloped in its fragrant warmth. Slightly offended, I admit, by her repeated insistence on my humble state — what did she expect to gain by that? — instead of answering I bent all the way down to her and pressed my lips against hers. She not only carried this kiss to even greater lengths than the one that afternoon — with no lack of co-operation from me — she also took my hand from its support and guided it inside her décolletage to her breasts, which were very nicely fitted to the hand, moving it about by the wrist in such a way that my manhood, as she could not fail to notice, was most urgently aroused. Touched by this observation, she cooed softly with compassion and delight: 'O lovely youth, far fairer than this body that has the power to inflame you!'

  Then she began to tug at the collar of my jacket with both hands, unhooked it, and with incredible speed proceeded to undo the buttons.

  'Off, off, away with that and away with that, too,' her words tumbled out. 'Off and away, so that I can see you, can catch sight of the god! Quick, help! Comment, à ce propos, quand l'heure nous appelle, n'êtes-vous pas encore prêt pour la chapelle? Déshabillez-vous vite! Je compte les instants! La parure de noce! So I call your divine limbs that I have been thirsting to behold since I first saw you! Ah so, ah there! The holy breast, the shoulders, the sweet arms! Away then finally with this too — oh, la, la, that's what I call gallantry! Come to me, then bien-aimé! To me, to me ...'

  Never was there a more articulate woman! It was poetry she uttered, nothing less. And she continued to express herself when I was with her; it was her habit to put everything into words. In her arms she held the pupil and initiate of that exacting teacher, Rosza. He made her very happy and was privileged to hear about it as he did so:

  'Oh, sweetheart! Oh, you angel of love, offspring of desire! Ah, ah, you young devil, naked boy, how you can
do it. My husband can do nothing at all, absolutely nothing, you must know. Oh, blessed one, you are killing me! Ecstasy robs me of breath, breaks my heart, I will die of your love!' She bit my lip, my neck. 'Call me tu!' she groaned suddenly, near the climax. 'Be familiar with me, degrade me! J'adore d'être humiliée! Je t'adore! Oh, je t'adore, petit esclave stupide qui me déshonore…'

  She came. We came. I had given my best, had in my enjoyment made proper recompense. But how could I fail to be annoyed that at the very climax she had been stammering about degradation and had called me a stupid little slave? We rested, still united, still in close embrace, but through annoyance at this 'qui me déshonore' I did not return her kisses of thanks. With her mouth on my body she breathed again:

  'Quick, call me tu! I have not yet heard this tu from you to me. I lie here and make love with a divine and yet quite common servant boy. How delightfully that degrades me! My name is Diane. But you, with your lips, call me whore, explicitly, "You sweet whore!" '