by Fanny Finch
Her face fell and her red lips formed a pout that could only look that lovely on Alexandra.
“Oh, I remember. You used to get terribly sick then. You would vomit for days and never come up to deck.”
He knew she was talking about that one trip they had made to Ireland, once, out of impulse. It had been his first.
Sadly, it had not been his last. He had made two more for business purposes, and he had been miserable each time.
After the third, he had decided on sending delegates for matters that had to be handled overseas.
Only his mother and Alexandra knew of his sea sickness. Aware that Winston was close by, listening in on their conversation, filled him with mortification. He cleared his throat.
Why am I still here? I should have ended this and been on my way long ago.
“You would understand that those are times I never wish to recall.”
“Oh, but of course. I apologize if I embarrassed you with the memories.”
“No apologies necessary. It was not intended, I know. Well, I must welcome you back to England once again. I hope it does treat you well, and that you enjoy your stay. For how long it may be. I am afraid I must be on my way now. Good day, Alexandra.”
She dazzled him with a sweet smile, and he surprised himself yet again when nothing stirred in him.
Such seductive smile, and all he could think of was how it paled greatly in comparison to a certain innocent smile that often crept its way into his mind, every now and then.
Alexandra dipped into a curtsy. “Still kind as ever, Your Grace. Good day to you too. I look forward to running into you yet again.”
He did not. However, not wanting to hurt her feelings with the truth, he simply gave a curt nod and climbed into his carriage.
***
That day was the first of many run-ins he had with Alexandra. He seemed to meet her everywhere after that afternoon by the court house.
He saw her at the market, the library, the pavilion, the park, even one of his firms. And when they had their family night at the theatre, they ran into her yet again.
Each time, she approached him and tried to make small talk. The conversations were often filled with memories of the past, so subtly hinted at. Also, he could swear that he heard too often, a declaration of interest to pursue what they once had.
She was becoming a thorn in his sole, but there was no way he could avoid or send her away without seeming rude.
Soon, she begun to take the better part of his thoughts. Not that he thought of her in an untoward manner. Goodness, no.
He was no longer that man. But he thought of her nonetheless, simply because he kept seeing her everywhere he went. And finally, he made the decision to stop fighting against it.
He decided that he could extend a hand of friendship to Alexandra, only after making certain that she understood there would never be more between them.
Beyond that, he was certain she would serve her purpose. A welcomed distraction, from Eleanor.
That woman, Eleanor, she had filled him with envy beyond that which he had ever thought himself capable.
Every ball, men flocked to her side and she gave them attention. She replied to them warmly, and granted them more than a few dances.
And as for that gentleman, whom Charles now knew to be Peter… She gave him too much attention. They had grown close and rumors of a courtship were beginning to circulate.
It hurt, truly, it did. It gave him an ache that seemed incurable. It did not help that his mother still would not speak to him - at least, not in the easy, jovial way she often did before.
His sister and best friend had taken the Countess’ side too. He was the bad person in all of this. But if it meant his heart would stay protected, he was happy to remain the bad person.
He had lied to himself for a while, that if he had not left her side, she still would have gone to the side of another man.
He was not done lying to himself. He would simply play the game she was playing.
He met Alexandra next at a ball, and that evening he had a drink, conversed, and danced with her, ignoring his family’s upturned noses, and relishing all the stares that Eleanor gifted him that evening.
It was glorious and, as the evening came to an end, he made the decision to keep Alexandra closer - but still, only as a friend.
Chapter 29
Peter was not a man who enjoyed plays, or orchestras for that matter. However, he had agreed to go with Eleanor to see “The Needle in The Haystack”. She had been surprised by his agreement, and also very happy.
Since the moment Edwin and Frances begun to court officially, they had had less time for her. And Eleanor, she disliked imposing on them.
Knowing that she would enjoy this play with an escort of her own had filled her with thrill.
Whatever had changed Peter’s mind, she knew not. She was simply grateful for the change. Now that the play was over, it was only right to express her deepest gratitude. He had not enjoyed the play, she knew this.
However, he had remained a true gentleman and paid rapt attention. A good man, he was. The kind of man that would cherish a woman and make her feel loved, all of her days.
It was only a pity that he did not awaken feelings of love in her.
A pity.
As they exited the theatre house and gained some distance from the crowd that was quickly dispersing, she broke the comfortable silence.
“I must thank you once again, Peter, for agreeing to come with me. You haven’t the faintest idea how much this means to me.”
He covered the arm she linked with his, with his free hand. His lips perked in a smile as he looked down at her.
“Oh, but I do. Your attention was on the stage, my lady. But mine? Mine was on you. You have such expressive face. Have you ever been told?”
Eleanor’s heart warmed and she nodded her head in response. “Yes. I have. A million times by my brother. My mother used to tell me the same. And my stepmother, after her… Frances says it sometimes too.”
And Charles… Charles had often told her. Remembering him, simply caused her chest to tighten and she quickly pushed him deep down her mind.
For it was impossible to push him away completely. He never left.
“Ah. I am glad. It means you would easily believe me when I say, I enjoyed watching every emotion you felt towards the play, play on your face.
“You loved every moment and if I had to watch the concern, the fear, anxiety, love and joy dance in their colors across your face all evening, I would gladly sit through a hundred more plays.”
She leaned into him, closed her eyes and sighed heartily. “Oh, Peter.”
He said nothing, but she felt his hand leave her arm, and come to her face to stroke a soft caress across her cheeks. She let him, and her eyes fluttered open afterwards.
Only, as those eyes came open, she wished that they never had. Right in front of them, was Charles and that red-haired woman who was always joined to him at his hip these days.
Four pairs of eyes locked, and she suddenly lost the ability to breathe.
She had seen them together at two balls now. They had seemed friendly enough and perhaps, too close. Now he was taking her to plays?
Apparently, this was more than she had expected.
No words were said… none were required. Sun stared at the sea, and the sea stared back. She knew she had become frozen and she hated it, desperately.
Thankfully, in that moment, the redhead rose on her tiptoe, and pressed a kiss to Charles’ cheek.
That did it. Eleanor thawed and quickly, turned to look at Peter.
“Help me on, will you?”
He nodded and without wasting time, helped her into their carriage.
She had a feeling Charles was still on his feet, right outside his carriage, staring after theirs, as it rolled down the streets.
The thought comforted her, but it did nothing to erase the image of that woman kissing him like she had a claim. Neither d
id it take away the throbbing pain that came with it.
***
She gave it a lot of thought. She considered every angle, and finally reached a decision. Even as her heart shook with uncertainty, she refused to go back on her decision.
It was about time. And that evening, outside the theatre had proved it to her.
Deep down, although scared of losing another loved one, she had never stopped wanting the life of love she had always craved.
A beautiful marriage, with wonderful children. Peter had yet to ask for courtship, but she knew it was only a matter of time. The man was simply biding his time, is all. Respecting her enough, to give her ample opportunity to reach a decision.
Now, she had. She only had to wait for him to ask. However, before he did, she would speak to her brother and her best friend.
She still had not told them what had happened between Charles and herself. They had respected her silence.
Now, she was ready. And afterwards, she would tell them of her decision concerning Peter, and only hope that they would support her.
So, as soon as they joined her in the drawing room where she waited for them, she told them all that had happened between Charles and her.
They listened quietly and when she was done, they empathized with her. Then, she broke the news.
“I have decided that I am going to marry Peter Manson.”
Their reactions were expected. Frances’s eyes widened, Edwin’s bulged and his jaw dropped.
“What?”
“You heard me, brother. I have decided that I am going to marry Peter Manson.”
“Ho… wh… when did he propose? How did this happen? How come you do not tell me things anymore?”
Eleanor carefully considered the last part. It was true. She did not run to her brother at the slightest heartache, anymore. She had also grown a thick skin against society and their words.
Many things bothered her no more. She was no longer the woman who had become a shadow of herself upon her return to London.
She was now Eleanor. The Countess of Grenshire. The one her people knew and loved. A woman of her own.
“I am telling you now, brother.”
“That is not what I mean, and you know this.”
“Indeed, I do. Your little sister has simply grown, Edwin. Finally. Shouldn’t you be joyful for her?”
His annoyance faltered, until it melted away. He smiled at her then, but she saw the concern that still laid underneath.
He would always worry about her, she knew this. She would simply try her best to make certain that he did not worry too much.
“Yes, Eleanor. I am glad. And proud too. You have come a long way. However, this business of marrying Peter Manson, I am afraid it is not the best of choices.”
“I know you have your reservations concerning him, Edwin.”
“They are more than just reservations. I have always been uneasy around him. There is something about him that is amiss. You know that my feelings are never wrong.”
“There is always a first time for everything. I do believe you only need to give the man a chance, he is a good one.”
“Are you in love with him, Eleanor?”
The question took her by surprise. She might have laughed, but she found it more shocking than ridiculous.
“What? With Peter? Of course not. Not that he is undeserving of any of that. He simply does not affect me in such a manner.”
“I see. So, pray tell me, what has inspired this decision?”
“He is a good man, Edwin. I am aware that it is only a matter of time before he grows weary of this friendship and makes his true intentions known.
“Edwin, all of the men I have loved have left me. Mayhap, it is time I chose a man who loves me. Peter, I trust him to cherish and love me. To care for me.”
Edwin huffed. “Your trust is so easily given. I still do not like the man, and nothing you say can change my mind.”
Why was Edwin being difficult? “I am not getting any younger, brother.” And her patience was beginning to run thin.
“Eleanor, you have a number of men to choose from. They fall at your feet. Anyone else, not Manson.”
“I do not know them as much as I have come to know Peter.”
“That can easily be remedied. Shy of a month ago, Manson was but a stranger.”
“I want to have children. I am a woman and, presently, twenty-four summers. I am running out of time.”
Her voice broke as she relayed her deepest fear. She knew that for a woman, child bearing grew more difficult as she aged.
She loved children. Having a child of her own, witnessing the wonder of carrying life inside of her. It was a dream she had been unable to shake off.
That finally got Edwin’s attention, and he calmed like a kite settling on the grass.
Finally, Frances spoke.
“Children are beautiful and we know more than anyone how much you absolutely adore them. You will have children, Eleanor.
“However, is it not better to have them in a house filled with mutual love and respect? A love that would withstand the strongest odds, and endure through sunshine and rain?
“I know you would not enjoy that with Peter. And knowing you as well as I do, I also know deep down, you will always hunger for more.”
It was the truth and she could not deny it. Still, she protested weakly. “I shall come to love him.”
“A part of you know that that is untrue.” Frances shifted in her chair and reached out, until she held Eleanor’s hands in hers.
“Edwin has asked me to marry him and I have accepted. We want a small wedding. Only the people that matter would attend. We must have it after the season is over. When we return to Grenshire.”
Eleanor’s heart leapt for joy at such great news. She did not know when she shot out of her seat and dragged her brother and friend into a warm embrace.
She held on to them tightly, her woes forgotten as she rejoiced for the two most important people in her life.
“Goodness! Praise the Lord! Finally. I had begun to think that I would have to wait until I was old, grey and wrinkled. When did this happen?”
She released them and the love and joy on their faces was evident. It overflowed, and she hoped her face mirrored that she felt the same way for them in her heart.
Frances’ cheeks stained pink. “Two nights ago. I had not expected it.”
“Of course not. Two nights ago! And you waited this long to tell me? Goodness! Where is the ring, shall I see it?” she looked at her brother. “It is mother’s, is it not?”
He nodded, and she drew him in for a hug again. Frances took off her gloves. The sapphire ring suited her long, delicate finger.
“A perfect fit. Just like it had been made for you. Mother would be proud. I am proud. You two have given me indescribable joy today. Bless your souls.”
She fawned a little more over the news and the lovely ring, then they returned to their seats.
She blinked and a few tears dropped. They were tears of joy and she laughed as she dabbed at them with her kerchief.
“What you two have found is precious. Keep it.”
It was Edwin’s turn to take her hand. “I am convinced that you shall find something even more precious. The Lord is kind and just, He knows no one else is more deserving than you are of love like this.
“I know it is not with Manson that you shall find it. Wait a little longer, little sister. Wait. All shall fall into place soon. You will see.”
This time, when the tears poured, she let them flow freely.
Chapter 30
Eleanor
After the announcement of their engagement, preparation for Edwin and Frances’ wedding began in earnest. Eleanor was more than happy to drown herself in the activities.
Yet, these activities did not keep her from thinking about Charles, about the discussion with her brother and his bride-to-be, and about her decision to marry Peter.
She was lonely. It was the hones
t truth.
Seeing how blissfully happy her brother and Frances were, did not help matters either. They walked around her house, big smiles permanently residing on their faces.
Their feet barely touched the ground and Eleanor was certain that, in their heads, they reckoned they were floating on clouds.