by Fanny Finch
“Please, Charles. Shed that cloak. Step away from the cloud. For good, this time. For good. This is no way to live. There is nothing as beautiful as a life of love.
“Even Mother, as much as she loved Father, has found love again.”
He looked at her in awe. “You know?”
For the first time that evening, Rachel chuckled. “They think they are doing a great job hiding it, they do not know their romance is as the sun.”
Charles laughed. It was a small laugh, but it came from the depths of his heart and it took away some burden with it.
“They are a good match.”
“Yes. I could not agree more. They shall make one another happy.”
“I will see them settled in a nice home, with their own people to govern. I suppose, I shall have to start searching for a new butler.”
“Eleanor’s butler is a fine man. He would be happy to leave with his madam to a new home.”
He knew what she meant. Slowly, he turned to look at Thomas.
“What if…”
His friend stopped him with a hand in the air. “No doubts and questions. Tomorrow will always be unsure as the next minute. All we have is now. Would you sacrifice the joy of this moment, for the uncertainty of tomorrow?
“You are miserable without her. You were happy with her. The way I see it, the choice is quite clear. Quit living in fear. It’s time to try something new: hope.”
Do I dare hope? Do I? Yes. I can. I will.
“Hope,” he whispered.
“That is right, brother. Hope.”
In that moment, he stepped out of the cloud, he shed the cloak, and that part of his heart where fear had lain for years, he opened it and purged himself.
As he became clean, he let the rays of sunshine pour through, filling him up with a new feeling. A blessed feeling.
The feeling of hope.
All of his pain melted away, his heartache, his hurt. He smiled, finally.
His best friend smiled back at him. “Go and get your woman, dear brother.”
***
He met her in the gardens, tending the flowers. He stood at the balcony, a safe distance from where she was, at a vantage point where he could watch her freely, without being seen himself.
Today, she wore a yellow dress. As bright as the sun, yet it paled in comparison to the way her eyes twinkled as she sighted a butterfly.
She made a move to catch it, but it quickly flew away, on to the next stalk of flowers.
She followed it, paying no heed to the skirts which threatened to drag her down. She perched and waited for the butterfly to relax, to forget the threat it had perceived. When she felt she had an opening again, she struck.
Apparently, the beautiful insect was a wise one, for it moved its colorful wings and fluttered away on to a farther stalk.
Its witty escape had his lady holding her belly as gales of laughter spilled from her lips in a sound that filled his ears, mocking the loveliest of harmonies he had ever heard in his entire lifetime.
She threw her head back, letting it all out, until the bout ended. Then, she bent and plucked a lily, brought it to her nose, closed her eyes, inhaled, and exhaled a sigh of peace and bliss.
Her hair was combed back and done in a simple hairdo, while a sunflower sat prettily on her left ear. Her left hand held a basket which contained more flowers. He had never beheld a more beautiful sight.
A sigh escaped his lips as he recognized his foolishness. How had it occurred to him, to let such a wonder go? How?
He only hoped that he had not accepted his folly too late, and that she would be willing to forgive him.
It had been his prayer all night long, and all through the carriage ride to her place this morning.
Summoning the last ounce of courage he knew he would be needing, he took the last few steps to winning his woman back.
She did not look up until he was no more than six steps away. He watched her as she startled. He narrowed his eyes to observe carefully the emotions that would dance over her face.
There was surprise, then recognition and then, there was withdrawal.
His heart thudded in his chest. Surely he could not lose her before he had a chance to win her? The Lord had to give him a chance. He knew now, that no one was better suited for him than Eleanor.
From that first night he had held her in his arms, that first night she had fit perfectly, he should have known without a doubt that she had been meant for him, and he for her.
That that little incident at the market, had been the Lord’s way of bringing them together.
He finally reached her.
“Hello, Eleanor.”
She swallowed hard as she nodded. “Your Grace.”
He looked forward to the day she would call him by his Christian name freely. And mayhap, one day, she would pick up an endearment for him, and it would never leave her tongue.
“You look well, Eleanor.”
This closely, he could see tired lines around her eyes which implied worry and lack of sleep. Despite that, she still looked as beautiful as ever.
“To what do I owe this honor, Your Grace? I never thought I would ever see you here, in my home, again. What has happened that you have decided to grace my home with your presence once more?”
She kept her voice polite, her tone soft, but he could hear that it was guarded, and she was desperately holding back some emotions.
This was going to be harder than he had envisioned, and he deserved every bit of coldness she threw his way.
“I have come to see you, Eleanor.”
“Why? Are you no longer afraid that we would be seen together? And that society would murmur?”
He winced as her words hit him. “I truly deserve that. It is why I have come, Eleanor. To accept my wrong and mayhap, right it.”
“There is no wrong to accept or right, Your Grace. You did what you thought was right. I could hardly fault you for that.”
She began to walk away, and he followed her. She was yet to correct his use of her maiden name. He held on to the hope that gave him.
“No. That is not completely true. I did not think it was right. In fact, deep down, I knew it was very wrong. An awful thing to do. To make little of what we had shared. Yet, I did not stop myself. It was all because of selfish interest.”
She did not stop walking, and he followed her all the way to the balcony. Finally, as they reached it, she stopped and spun to face him.
“Yes. You were wrong,” she said fiercely. But her voice did not raise a bit. She stepped closer to him.
“And selfish, and hurtful.” There was a pause. “You hurt me. And you did it so smugly. You more than hurt me - you injured my pride.”
His head fell. She was angry. But beneath it, he heard her voice struggling to stay together, to not break. He heard pain.
“I am a terrible person. And nothing could excuse my actions. I was simply afraid. It is the truth, I swear it.
“I was afraid that I was beginning to feel more for you, to crave more, to need you. I was afraid that you did not feel the same. I was afraid that you would walk away…”
He held her eyes then, finally. The storm in them almost blew him away. “Like…”
He looked away. He could not say it. Coward.
“Like her. Elise, right? You were afraid I would betray you like she had.” There was disbelief in her voice now.
“How could you have ever thought that, Charles? After I had told you my story? How could you have thought me capable of hurting someone in such a manner. Especially when I know, more than any person, how awful it is to be hurt in that way?”
He shook his head. “I have no justification for my actions. I simply acted like a fool.”
“Forgive me if I do not care to argue that, Your Grace.”
“I was wrong.”
“Yes, you were.”
“I hurt you.”
“Yes, you did.”
“I ruined what we had.”
&
nbsp; “Yes.”
“I… I broke your trust?”
“Shattered.”
He let out a heavy sigh. When he dared to raise his head once again, he saw that her eyes had softened. And he had heard her call him Charles… he had.
“I cannot begin to quantify how sorry I am. I just know that I would do anything to make up for my actions. I only ask that you forgive me.
“Please, Eleanor. I pray thee. I beg of you. I am deeply, greatly sorry.”
Her eyes filled with tears and it took him all the strength he had left to hold his back.
“You cannot just erase the hurt with a few fanciful words.”
“I know.”
There was a short silence. “What do you want, Charles?”
“Friendship, companionship…” There was a pause as he wondered if now was the right time.
Then, he remembered Thomas’ words. Now was all he had. And there was nothing left to lose.
“Marriage, if you would have me. A family. Together. For as long as the good Lord keeps us alive.”
She took three steps back. Her jaw dropped, and her eyes widened.
“Your Grace…”
“Charles, please. For you, it’s Charles.”
“I… I do… I wa…” She took a deep breath and released it.
“I do not know what to say.”
“I would suggest that you say yes, you forgive me. And yes, to a lifetime of love together. But I understand these things take time, and I cannot hope to right days and weeks of wrong with a few fanciful words.”
She smiled as he threw her words back at her. It was a wry smile, but it was better than nothing.
“What about the enchantress? The redhead.”
Enchantress, seductress. What else was Alexandra seen as?
“She is simply a friend. No more. And Manson?” He held his heart in his hand.
“A friend. No more.”
Relief washed over him. He dared to reach for her hand then. She let him take it.
“So, Eleanor? Will you be gracious enough to give this man a chance to start over?”
“I do not know. My mind is muddled. I shall require some time to give it some thought. As for forgiveness, I do know that I forgive you, your… Charles. The Lord requires it. Perhaps, with time, I shall come to forgive you completely.”
He nodded, understanding. “And the other?”
She searched his eyes and when she began to shake her head, his heart fell and his stomach sank.
“It shall take a little while to ponder upon.”
“I understand. Take all the time you need.”
“Thank you.”
He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles.
“No, Eleanor, thank you.”
He left her home that day, a steadfast prayer in his heart.
Chapter 33
Eleanor watched the woman seated right in front of her quietly. Those blue eyes were sharp and wise. The small smile on her face spoke volumes.
As much as Eleanor had come to love this woman, had come to admire and adore her, she found herself becoming uneasy in her presence.
Not that the Dowager Duchess had ever evoked such emotions in her. It also wasn’t entirely a bad thing.
No, it wasn’t a bad thing at all. All that she knew was that there was a reason for this sudden meeting. The Dowager Duchess had called her to discuss something… or perhaps, someone.
Eleanor was simply not certain if this was a discussion she was willing to have just yet. Nevertheless, the older woman seemed to be taking her time.
It had been an hour since Eleanor arrived at the park and all they had done so far was take tea, talk about the weather and play a game of cards.
The Dowager Duchess was not a woman of needles and thread. At least for that, Eleanor was grateful.
“It’s your hand, Eleanor,” the Dowager Duchess called out, startling Eleanor out of her thoughts.
Eleanor observed the cards before her. It was truly her turn to play. She looked at the cards in her hand, and found the perfect one to play next.
A small smile fleeted across her face as she dropped the card and the Dowager Duchess’s eyes lit in amusement and approval.
“Impressive. If I am not careful, you may win this hand too. It is very difficult to beat me at this game. You, my dear, are a skilled player.”
Eleanor brightened at the praise. “I had a good tutor.”
“Yes, that you did. Nevertheless, if all remains right in the world, years of knowledge will always surpass skills.”
Just like that, Eleanor watched as the Dowager Duchess dropped three more cards and won the game. Her jaw dropped in awe.
“Your Grace!”
She chuckled as she relaxed back into her chair. The look of satisfaction on her face warmed Eleanor’s heart, and she found herself smiling in return.
“It is Emily to you, child. For now… Never mind, I shall not rip you off your entire fortune. I only want a nice basket of fruit brought to the townhouse as soon as you can manage it.”
Chuckling, Eleanor dropped the cards left in her hands and tapped the table. “Done!”
“Ah, I knew you would not deny an old woman her guilty pleasure.”
There was a pause as the Dowager Duchess turned around to take in their surroundings. They were at the park, under a covered pavilion that had newly been erected.
The Dowager Duchess had sent a letter of invitation two days before for this meeting. Refusing had never crossed Eleanor’s mind.
“It is really a mighty fine day, is it not?”
More weather talks? “Yes, Your Grace. It is. You picked the day well.”
Should I inquire about the reason for this meeting? Or shall I just assume I have been called simply to have tea and play cards?
“I hear the questions in your head, Eleanor. Why do you not simply ask them?”
Eleanor looked at her eyes filled with kindness and knew that she should not be surprised the Dowager Duchess had fathomed what it was she was thinking. She hoped, someday, she would grow old enough to be so wise.
She cleared her throat and swallowed, then spoke. “I was simply wondering why you have called me here, Your Grace.”
“To drink tea and play cards. Spend some time together and take in the scenery. It’s always so beautiful here, is it not?”
“Yes, that it is.”
“Pshaw, you are a wise girl, Eleanor. I know that you know very well that I have not called you for exactly that. It is just as well. I have stalled for long enough.
“Indeed, I have missed you. Forgive me for deciding to steal some moments of pleasure before we begin to talk about serious matters.”
“I could never think to hold a grudge against you, Your Grace. And I have enjoyed the past time. It is always a delight to be in your company.”
“Ah, indeed. I feel the same. You must have guessed why I have called you.”
“In truth, I have. Nevertheless, I cannot be so certain it is the reason.”
“If the reason you are thinking of in this moment is the fool I have for a son, then you are very right, my dear.”
Eleanor’s heart skipped a beat. She had hoped to be wrong.
“I do hope all is well with His Grace?”
“I would not know how to answer that question, Eleanor. He hardly eats anymore these days. He doesn’t sleep well either.
“He thinks I do not know it, but I hear him roaming the halls late at night and in the early mornings. Gaius has heard him too.”
“Gaius?”
“The butler and a dear friend of the family.”
The way her eyes twinkled, the way her cheeks grew a few shades darker, told Eleanor that Gaius was more than that, but she let it pass. She was concerned about Charles.
“But His Grace has been by, almost every day for the past week. I have noticed tired lines around his eyes, but I simply assumed it was work. Besides that, he always seems to be in good spirit.”
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