“They threw me in a trash can, Rand. They wanted nothing to do with me.”
A shiver walked across his spine, and he held Corrine tighter until he had a leash on his rage against the people who’d tossed her aside with little thought for how that would affect the child they’d brought into the world.
Then he made slow, sweet love to her, removing every stitch of her clothing first. Then kissing her from head to heels and back again. Her hands alternately returned his caresses and clutched at him as if she was afraid he’d leave her. He cherished every inch of her with his mouth, and when they both couldn’t stand another minute of separation, he slid into her body.
Only when he was buried deep inside her body and she was moaning her climax did he let loose the feelings pouring through him. Finding his own satisfaction with this woman who was too vulnerable for a man whose greatest accomplishment was that he hadn’t had a drink in almost ten years since he and Angelica had started working together.
He didn’t think that would be enough. Because he knew that Corrine needed more and he also was sure she’d never ask for anything more from him. Someone who’d been left time and again was used to being disappointed. And he had only just realized that he’d rather die than disappoint her.
Corrine woke up in the middle of the night with a feeling that all was right in her world. It scared her. She’d spent so much time protecting herself that Rand had slipped under her guard. Not unnoticed, of course, but his presence was shocking all the same.
It was funny, really, but she liked having him there. For so long she’d been lonely on a very intimate level. She’d had lovers before, but they’d never made her feel anything near as transcendental as Rand had made her feel. Even the memories of what they’d shared were more shattering than actual consummation with other men.
Lying on her side, she felt Rand curled against her back. He held her with a fierce tenderness that made her hope she affected him as deeply as he affected her. She was surrounded by him. And in the middle of the night with no one around to witness it, she wrapped her fingers around his wrist, snuggling back against him. She felt safe.
It was a new feeling and one that frightened her. Rand would leave, she knew this and she would mourn that loss. Because for the first time since she was six years old she really felt as if she’d found the seeds of a home.
Even just a temporary home would be fine with her. She knew he wouldn’t stay forever. From what she’d observed, few people did last longer than five to ten years together. She’d take whatever time she was given with Rand because tonight was the first time she felt as if another person really cared about her.
When she’d tied his arms and had her wicked way with him, she realized that fun was an important part of relationships and she’d never relaxed enough in the past to actually enjoy anything close to what she’d found with Rand.
Finally she understood her power as a woman. It wasn’t to dominate men, though it had been heady to have Rand under her and at her mercy. It was something different. Maybe just the knowledge that she had some power. That she didn’t have to wait for life to happen to her. She could go out and make it happen.
Rand moved restlessly behind her and she turned to face him. Touching his face gently, she felt the wild pumping of his pulse. He kicked the covers off the bed and he jerked and groaned. Then a scream was ripped from his throat.
“Wake up, Rand,” she said, leaning over him and stroking her hands down his torso. “You’re here with me. Everything’s okay,” she said, repeating the words until his eyes opened.
Sweat covered his body and tension gripped his wiry frame. He sat up and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. She was powerless to do anything to help him.
What did he dream about? Why hadn’t she realized he had his own demons? That a man who wanted something temporary wasn’t sometimes just looking for sex. Sometimes he was running from circumstances just as powerful as the ones that had shaped her.
“Are you okay?” she asked. Even to her ears the question sounded inane, but she didn’t know what else to say. She was dealing with too many things right now. Her own feelings of need and now her knowledge that she’d overlooked a very important part of this man who’d become so significant to her.
He pushed her hands away. “Yeah, fine. Sorry about that.”
She laced her fingers together and stared at the pillow, not his face. He was awake, but the feelings engendered by his dream still seemed to be with him.
“No problem. Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.
“No.”
“Sure?” Why couldn’t she just let it be? She didn’t know, but she hated seeing him this way. She wanted to pull him into her arms and comfort him. To soothe his troubles and promise him that everything would be okay, even though she knew such promises to be false. Rand made her want to vow she’d do everything in her power to protect him.
“Corrine,” he said. Just her name. A warning, she guessed, to back off.
She needed to do something. Her arms felt empty from not holding him the way he’d held her earlier when she’d confessed her dark, ugly secret. But she knew he wouldn’t welcome that embrace.
“Want me to get you some water?” she asked.
He nodded. “I’ll be fine in a minute.”
She slipped her robe on and went into the bathroom, and returned, bringing him back the drink. He’d put his pants on in the short time it had taken her to get the water. She wondered if his dream had left him feeling vulnerable.
Of course it had. She’d felt the same way when she’d brought him into her room and let him see she’d been waiting for him. “Here you go.”
“Thanks,” he said, stalking to the window and staring out at the world covered in shadows. He tipped his head back and drained the glass in one long swallow.
“I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep anymore tonight.”
She thought talking about whatever had woken him would be best, but it was clear he didn’t want to. She wasn’t sure what else to do until her eyes lit upon the thigh-high hose she’d had on earlier. She didn’t want him to leave. Didn’t want him to be alone now and didn’t want to be alone herself.
“Come back to bed, Rand,” she said, holding out her hand.
“You need to sleep. I shouldn’t have come here tonight.”
“Yes, you should have. I don’t pretend to know what’s going on between us, but we need each other. Now, come over here.”
He still hesitated.
“I need you,” she said.
Still he didn’t move.
“Earlier I let you calm me.”
“That was different.”
“Why, because I’m a woman?”
He shrugged. She knew she’d struck close to the truth. She just waited.
“I don’t want comfort from you, Corrine.”
“What do you want?”
“Solace.”
She understood. She let her robe drop from her body and opened her arms to him. He took two steps toward her and stopped.
“That’s not fair to you.”
“Let me decide what’s fair.”
He closed the gap between them and picked her up, settling her in the middle of the bed. There was no slow-building seduction this time. Rand suckled her breast and his hands went straight to her sweet spots, arousing her to the flash point quickly.
He made her feel everything too intensely, but she was aware for the first time that there was a part of himself he was keeping in check. She tugged his face down to hers and kissed him, but he pulled back. And when their eyes met she saw the struggle inside him.
He rolled her over onto her stomach, kissed the length of her spine and then took the pillows from the head of the bed and piled them beneath her hips. He slid into her from behind, his hands gripping hers and his body covering hers completely. His breath rasped in her ear, hot and desperate, as he drove them both toward the pinnacle.
She came once
and felt him still hard inside her. He pulled out of her body and turned her over, tossing the pillows on the floor. Then lowered his head once more to her breast. He entered her again and moved with slow thrusts until she started to rise to meet him again. Then he increased the pace until they both climaxed with shattering intensity.
She closed her eyes and curled her arms around him. She held him tightly to her, never wanting to let him go.
Rand liked his office and enjoyed the fact that Corporate Spouses was the one place where he felt totally in control. Angelica was predictable, even though she’d started to get a little more emotional with her pregnancy hormones. Still, he knew how to handle her. Kelly, their secretary, could be counted on to be irreverent and sassy.
“Hey, boss man, Corrine is on line one for you,” Kelly said through the open office door. Despite being only twenty-two, the secretary kept the office running smoothly and the mood light, even when they were having a crazy day.
Rand reached for the handset. It had been two weeks since that night in Corrine’s bed when he’d awakened from a nightmare of twisted metal and bloody regrets.
Frankly, he wasn’t sure what to say to her. But she’d called at the office and this was one time he couldn’t dodge her call as he’d been doing.
“Hello, Corrine.”
“I know this is short notice, but I need to use our second date from the package I bought—tonight,” she said, all business.
“The timing is bad.” He had three classes this afternoon and he’d just fired one of only three of the men Corporate Spouses employed. There were more and more women executives who needed escorts to functions.
“I’m sorry for the short notice. Paul just gave me the Cortell account and mentioned the dinner. I could go alone, but this is really important to my career.”
“I know how important your career is.”
“So is yours,” she said.
“What time?” he asked. He wasn’t going to let her go alone. Even if he wasn’t sure of his own control, he knew that he still couldn’t willingly disappoint her.
“Eight at the Samba Room. It’s over near Metro West.”
“I’ve been there before. Want me to pick you up?” he asked.
He liked the Latin-flavored restaurant. He knew that Corrine would, too. It was just the kind of place that he should have invited her to. Would have invited her to on some semblance of a normal date if she hadn’t seen him sweating in the middle of the night.
But she had, and it didn’t matter that he knew where she was most vulnerable. He had to deal with her knowing his weakness, though he didn’t want anyone to know he wasn’t invincible. Especially not Corrine.
“Pick me up at my house. Angelica’s been to dinner with the Cortells before so she can brief you on them. Jeff Cortell just sold us his yacht-building company. I e-mailed the information I have on it to Kelly.”
“We’re set, then,” he said.
“I guess so.”
Silence buzzed on the line. He wanted to say something but felt inadequate to the task. He didn’t know what to say to reassure her and still protect himself. He hadn’t slept any better by himself than he had in her bed that night two long weeks ago.
“You still there?” she said.
“Yes,” he said curtly. He clicked on his e-mail icon and opened up his in-box. He needed a distraction. She wanted to talk about their relationship and he still wasn’t sure what had happened the other night. Was it Corrine who’d brought back the dream? He hadn’t had that one in almost ten years.
“I…”
He waited. He should make it easier for her. That’s what a gentleman would do. But hell, he knew the truth. Underneath his breeding he was a real beast. So he let her stammer her way through the conversation even though he wanted to put her at ease. Anything to keep himself safe.
“I’ve missed you.”
God, he’d missed her, too. His body craved her more than it ever had alcohol. He’d caught glimpses of her at Tarron when he’d been in the building to teach his training class. But he’d avoided her. She was a new weakness, and the only way he’d ever managed his weaknesses was to avoid them altogether.
“I guess I shouldn’t have said that.”
“I’m not good with this kind of thing,” he said at last. Her voice was usually cool and well modulated, but when she spoke to him he heard the nuances of her emotions. And it only happened when they were alone.
She’d kept so much of herself locked away he felt as if he’d been chosen for the grand prize that she’d selected him to let her guard down with. Yet at the same time he didn’t want the prize. The price he had to pay was too damned high.
“What kind of thing?” she asked.
What could he say? He knew men were supposed to be enlightened and more in touch with their emotions these days, but the plain truth was he felt better when he was just reacting. “Talking about how I feel.”
“I’m not asking you to talk,” she said.
But she was. He didn’t call her on it. More silence on the line and then she sighed.
“I’ll see you later.”
“Corrine?
“Me, too,” he said.
She sighed. “Was admitting you missed me so hard?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’ll have to reward you.”
“That sounds interesting.”
“You did say I could experiment with you.”
“Yes, I did.”
“Somehow I thought we’d be spending more time together,” she said.
He wanted her. Each night he went home and fought between his twin desires—that damned unopened bottle of Cutty Sark and his physical need for this woman who made him feel like the soft under-belly of a turtle. The rest of the world didn’t realize he had that vulnerability.
He hadn’t been sleeping well because when he closed his eyes he was plagued with dreams of her soft, sexy body, welcoming his. And he knew she wouldn’t turn him away if he showed up at her door in the middle of the night. But he couldn’t use her that way. Wouldn’t add more pain to a life that had already been filled with it.
“Work has been crazy,” he said.
“I know,” she said.
“Hell, that’s an excuse.”
She said nothing. He wished he were in the same room with her so he could see her. So he could touch her and put an end to this conversation he didn’t want to have.
“I wouldn’t hurt you for anything,” she said quietly.
“I’m used to being the strong one,” he confessed.
“Oh, Rand. You still are the strong one. Sometimes you need someone to stand beside you.”
She hung up the phone and he realized the truth of her words. But standing shoulder to shoulder meant being equal to the task, and he never knew when his own demons would spring out and render him incapable.
Nine
Corrine was nervous. And she didn’t like it. She’d worked hard to get respect from her boss and here she was about to blow it. It was ten till seven. Rand should be at her place any minute, and instead of running stats in her head about the Cortell yacht company, she was debating if she should wear her silver or gold jewelry with the Ann Taylor pantsuit she’d purchased on her way home from work.
And it wasn’t Jeff Cortell she was worried about impressing. Biting back a scream of frustration, she shoved her silver hoops in her ears and left the bedroom. She wasn’t getting changed again. Snap out of it, girl. It’s time to be an executive, not a woman.
Her perfect world was changing and she wasn’t sure she liked it. She knew there was little she could do to stop the change. Well, there was one thing she could do, but not seeing Rand wasn’t something she was willing to do. She liked him. She wanted him in her bed and in her life for as long as fate would let them be together.
She’d missed him the last few weeks they’d been apart. Especially late at night.
The doorbell rang and she collected her purse. She checked her appeara
nce again in the mirror. Damn, did she have time to go back and get the gold earrings? Instead, she opened the door.
Rand looked like a cover model for GQ as usual. His tie was the same striking green as his eyes and perfectly knotted. He looked as if he’d effortlessly put himself together. She’d bet he hadn’t stood in front of the mirror debating his appearance. She envied him that self-confidence.
“Hello. Traffic is heavy tonight so we’d better go.”
“I’m ready. Did you get a chance to read the info I sent over on Cortell?”
“Before we talk business…”
“Yes.”
He put his hands on her face and kissed her deeply and thoroughly. She was breathing heavily when he pulled away. He hadn’t touched her hair or her clothing so she knew she was still presentable, but inside she felt rumpled and wished they didn’t have to be anywhere.
“Nice outfit,” he said, taking her key from her hand and locking the front door.
“You think so? What about the earrings?” she asked before she could stop herself. What was she, sixteen?
But she hadn’t dated when she was sixteen. In fact, the men she’d had relationships with in the past had been more like ships passing in the night. One of the men had been an E.R. doctor who’d worked weird hours. The other one a traveling salesman who was only in Orlando two days each month.
This was a new type of relationship for her, she told herself. It was okay to be insecure. Except that Rand didn’t make her insecure—he made her want to be more womanly than she’d been before. And she’d never been sure of what that entailed.
“Your earrings are fine.”
“Just fine?” she asked. What the hell was wrong with her? She was about to have a panic attack over clothes. She couldn’t believe this.
It was more than wanting to be Rand’s equal. She knew that. It was more than wanting to impress Jeff Cortell for Paul, who was counting on her. Her job didn’t hang in the balance of this one dinner. It was…oh, damn, she thought it might be that her world was changing and she wasn’t ready for it.
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