Timothy and the Phubbers

by Ken Kwek

  “Horrorlogy?” said Timothy, thinking of demons, ghouls and other supernatural creatures.

  “It’s the study of time and things that measure time,” explained Bella. “Chronometers and watches and things like that.”

  Rudy blew a raspberry with his lips. Nearly two minutes had passed and nothing was happening. Half the film reel had been used up. He released the record button and sat up from behind the camera. He looked over at Gilbert and Wacky, who were frantically waving their spring rolls at him.

  Rudy shifted back behind the viewfinder and started recording again. Bella appeared to be studying every detail on the watch. She seems so genuinely interested, thought Rudy.

  But Timothy wasn’t falling for it again.

  “I know what you’re up to, Bella.”

  “Sorry?” said Bella. She fluttered her eyelashes and cocked her head, trying to look surprised at the accusation.

  “You’re a pretty good actress,” said Timothy. Bella smiled at the compliment. “But you’re also a spoilt brat, thinking you can always get what you want.”

  Bella narrowed her eyes and leaned in so close that her nose touched Timothy’s. She slowly began to wind the watch chain around her fingers. Timothy could feel it tightening around his neck. Bella kept on twirling her fingers, twisting the chain tighter until she could see the panic in Timothy’s eyes. He gasped for air like a goldfish at the surface of a fishbowl.

  “Give me the watch, Timothy,” Bella hissed.

  Rudy tried not to blink – he didn’t want to miss a millisecond. Bella was throttling his friend and he had it all on camera. This was golden!

  “Fine,” Timothy choked. “Take it.” And with that, Bella released her grip on the chain. As the chain unravelled, Timothy weakly pulled it off and handed it over.

  Bella threw the watch around her neck and paraded off as if she was wearing a gold medal. She glanced back at Timothy. “You’re such a loser,” she said, blowing Timothy a sarcastic kiss. Then she skipped off back to her friends.

  Timothy felt his knees wobble, he’d gone limp from fright. He turned towards Rudy and smiled at the camera, throwing his hands up in the air, jubilant at their victory, and yelled: “Cut!”

  23

  Victory

  Oh, victory was sweet! Bella’s viciousness was all caught on camera and the team could not wait to expose her to everyone at the Triple S Fair.

  Uncle Russ Tee bought some fresh snacks and drinks specially to celebrate with Timothy and his friends. He laid out a platter of fish balls, squid skewers, curry puffs and chicken wings that he’d picked up at Old Chang Kee.

  The teammates cheerfully clinked their bottles of pop. Uncle Russ Tee joined in too but swapped his bottle of Sinalco for a Tiger beer instead.

  Rudy eyed up all the delicious treats set out on the carrom table. All this success had made him exceedingly hungry.

  “I hope the footage turns out okay,” said Rudy, pulling the gnawed bone of a chicken wing out from his mouth and adding it to the mountain of bones on his plate. “I guess we won’t know until Uncle Russ Tee works his magic in the darkroom.”

  “I’m sure it’ll be great,” said Timothy. He pushed a fishball into the spiked end of a squid skewer, then dipped it in sweet chilli sauce and presented it to Rudy with two hands. Rudy received the dripping kebab like a small trophy.

  “Yes,” agreed Wacky. “Timothy, you’ve been ‘chapatied’ by the older boys and strangled with a watch chain. And, Rudy, you did all the camera work. So, Gilbert and I have been working on the presentation for our booth at the science fair.”

  “Excellent!” said Timothy. “So that’s the project all wrapped up.”

  “Come Wednesday, the whole school will see Bella’s true colours!” said Gilbert, socking his right fist in his left palm. “BAM!”

  At this, Uncle Russ Tee choked. He was in the middle of a generous swig from his second bottle of Tiger. White froth spewed from his nostrils. “WEDNESDAY?” he cried.

  “Yes, the fair is on Wednesday,” said Timothy, suddenly worried.

  “I thought you shaid it was on FRIDAY!” said Uncle Russ Tee, slurring slightly. He rarely drank alcohol and the second bottle of beer was making him tipsy.

  “No, we said Wednesday!” said Wacky, cupping her face in alarm.

  “Noooooo!” howled Uncle Russ Tee.

  “Yeeeeeeeessss!” screamed his four friends.

  “When did you shay Wednesday?”

  “A dozen Mondays ago!” cried Rudy, pulling on his cheeks like the dude in Edvard Munch’s famous painting, The Scream.

  “Then I’ve got to start developing the shootage – I mean, the footage – NOW!” he cried.

  Uncle Russ Tee drained the rest of his beer bottle and tossed it at a bin but missed. Instead, the bottle hit Mrs Pong’s Korean vase that for months had sat untouched on top of the chamber pot. Both the beer bottle and vase shattered, but Uncle Russ Tee didn’t seem to notice.

  “We have less than thirty-shix hours! Who’s gonna help me?”

  Timothy, Rudy, Wacky and Gilbert shuffled and murmured among themselves. They had managed to completely ruin all the rehearsal reels. They didn’t want to wreck the single most important reel of film ever.

  “WELL?” said Uncle Russ Tee, then hiccupped.

  The teammates eyed each other awkwardly.

  “I’ll…I’ll help,” said Timothy. Then he looked at Rudy and added: “Rudy and I will help.”

  “I will?” said Rudy, nearly gagging on a half-chewed fish ball.

  “Okay! Lesh get to it then!” cried Uncle Russ Tee, whose garbled words now had a military undertone to them. “The rest of you, party’s over! Lesh move move move!”

  Timothy grabbed a broom and dustpan and started sweeping up the constellation of broken glass and vase fragments into the bin.

  Rudy, still hungry, grabbed the last of the snacks on the carrom table. He popped fish balls into his mouth, wedged squid skewers behind his ears and stuffed chicken wings into his pockets.

  “Enough, you bottomless pit!” said Uncle Russ Tee as he nudged Rudy aside. He opened a black rubbish bag and swept everything on the carrom board – including the carrom pieces – into it. Then he shoved the heaving black rubbish bag into Wacky’s arms and bundled her and Gilbert out of the shop.

  “Thirty-shix hours!” he huffed, pulling down the shutters. “Bananas! Absolutely bananas!”

  Wacky and Gilbert peeked through the tiny gaps in the shutters and saw Uncle Russ Tee charging from one end of the shop to another, babbling orders at the others.

  Timothy and Rudy grabbed large bottles of chemicals from various shelves and cupboards, then disappeared into the Spoilet after Uncle Russ Tee.

  “Think they can do it?” asked Gilbert.

  “They’ll be fine,” said Wacky. Just then a loud clatter and crash came from inside the shop.

  “Oof!” cried Rudy.

  “Ouch!” yelled Uncle Russ Tee.

  “Sorry!” called Timothy.

  After a brief silence, Wacky said again, “They’ll be fine.” This time she had her fingers crossed.

  24

  Litterbugs

  Wacky and Gilbert were busily sticking the charts they’d made to the walls of the booth. One showed the transition from black-and-white to colour movies. Another described how the rapid projection of individual stills or frames created the illusion of movement. It was impressive, thought Timothy.

  In front of the booth stood a standee poster which announced the screening of Class 1B’s short film, Thief of Time at 11.30am.

  Wacky’s and Gilbert’s parents were among the first guests to show up and were proudly taking photos of the kids at work. Rudy’s parents were held up at their hawker stall, detained by hygiene inspectors who had received complaints of their “toxic Curry Feng”. As for Timothy’s family, there was no sign in the days before that they were even aware the fair was taking place.

  But Timothy did not seem to mind as he gazed aro
und the crowded assembly hall. The fair was buzzing with chatter and excitement, with forty booths buzzing with activity.

  Class 3D had created a “system to scientifically reduce environmental pollution” by subjecting litterbugs with electric shocks every time they dropped rubbish on the floor.

  A boy who was notorious for littering in school was standing in 3D’s booth. He twitched as he was handed empty soda cans which he dropped on the floor one by one. Every time he dropped a can, one of the team members zapped him with an electric prod.

  Another class had tried to convert dog poo into fuel to power vehicles. Their project was unsuccessful but they had chronicled their experiments in disturbing detail. A dad who had stopped to look at the stand turned a pale green and had to swallow down his breakfast for the second time that day.

  Timothy spotted Bella’s booth. It had a big sign entitled “A Perfect Formula for Perfect Polish”. Beneath the sign stood four girls, including Bella, doing a demonstration with chemicals and Skittles to create multicoloured, candy-scented nail varnish. Bella was wearing the pocket watch around her neck. As far as Timothy could see, the project had nothing to do with horology.

  There were other bizarre projects which boggled the minds of parents and gave the teachers who served as judges severe migraines. The principal, Mrs Agatha Oei, was absent as she had forgotten that this was the day of the fair.

  Rudy stood at the front of his class’ booth, presenting the Bolex 8mm camera to any visitor to the stand. He was now an expert on the subject. Most of the kids who came by had mistaken the camera for a megaphone or a laser blaster. They booed and walked off disappointed when they heard it was some useless old technology.

  “LET’S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!” thundered a voice, which unmistakably belonged to Miss Chin. Mr Devmu, a history teacher who had been studying one of the charts in 1B’s booth, jumped in alarm and dropped his paper cone of peanuts, prompting a student from 3D to rush over and zap him with an electrode.

  “WELL, TEAM? ARE WE READY TO SCREEN THE MOVIE?” asked Miss Chin, as she appeared in the booth.

  Timothy looked at Rudy, then at the crowd of parents and guests in the hall. It was already 11.45am and Uncle Russ Tee and the film were yet to make an appearance.

  Right on cue, TOOT TOOT beeped a car horn from outside. A green Volkswagen Beetle screeched into the school carpark followed by an enormous cloud of grey smoke.

  “Just setting up now, Miss Chin,” Timothy said, as he turned back to face her. But Miss Chin didn’t hear him. She was distracted by something. Her eyes followed Uncle Russ Tee as he clambered out of his car, carrying the projector.

  Uncle Russ Tee gave Timothy a wink. “Sorry I’m late,” he said. “But I had to make sure this bunch showed up.”

  When Uncle Russ Tee stepped aside to pass Gilbert the projector, Timothy saw his family squished in the backseat of the Beetle. Mr Pong was struggling to lower the front passenger seat, while Mrs Pong and Tara nagged him to hurry up.

  “How on earth did you manage to convince them to come?” Timothy asked.

  Uncle Russ Tee held up his left forearm and showed Timothy the digital watch strapped around his wrist. “Told him I’d buy his Casio if they all agreed to attend. I must admit, the timer function does come in handy when developing film.”

  Timothy smiled and hugged his uncle. The old guy had actually gone digital for him.

  “Hello, Timmy,” said Mrs Pong, kissing Timothy on the head as the Pongs made their way into the school hall. “We can’t wait to see your movie!”

  “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, IT’S MY PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE A SHORT FILM MADE BY THE STUDENTS OF 1B, AS PART OF THEIR CLASS PROJECT FOR THIS YEAR’S TRIPLE S FAIR.”

  Miss Chin’s voice was so loud, it sounded like she was speaking through a microphone. She wasn’t.

  Timothy and Rudy spotted Miss Chin smiling at Uncle Russ Tee as he loaded the reel into the spool of the projector. It was an expression the boys had never seen before on Miss Chin’s face. The boys looked at each other and shuddered.

  As the parents, teachers and students gathered in front of the screen, Miss Chin added: “KINDLY PUT AWAY ALL ELECTRONIC DEVICES AND MAKE SURE THEY ARE SWITCHED OFF OR TURNED TO SILENT.”

  She stared directly at Timothy’s dad as she said this. Mr Pong seemed to shrink two sizes in his clothes. He turned off his phone immediately and elbowed his wife, who also caught Miss Chin’s glare and thrust her phone into her bag. Tara was the only one who was still texting away. Mr Pong grabbed Tara’s phone and tossed it in a bin.

  “NOW WITHOUT FURTHER ADO,” boomed Miss Chin, “I GIVE YOU THIEF OF TIME!”

  The lights dimmed.

  25

  Thief of Time

  A boy walks into frame, holding a spring roll. He is in a schoolyard. All around him, groups of children are playing.

  But the boy is alone.

  The boy eats his spring roll and checks his watch, an old-fashioned pocket watch hanging around his neck. He glances over at a pretty girl playing jump-rope with a few friends.

  He wants to attract her attention but appears to be too shy to do so.

  The boy checks his watch again and now the girl notices him.

  She leaves her friends and approaches.

  The boy is so nervous he tosses his spring roll aside. (The audience laughs.)

  The spring roll lands on the floor.

  The girl walks up to the boy and says a few words to him. The boy seems too shy to respond but the girl holds up her hand. A little nervously, the boy takes her hand and smiles. (The audience smiles too.)

  The girl points at the boy’s watch and looks fascinated.

  The boy holds up the watch and makes a joke. The girl laughs and punches him playfully on the arm.

  Then, suddenly, the girl’s expression changes. She looks serious and cradles the watch in her hands. She says something to the boy with an earnest look in her eyes.

  The boy seems unsure.

  Then he says something to the girl that causes a look of distress to flash across her face. She looks saddened momentarily. She tightens her grip on the watch hanging around the boy’s neck and pulls him in towards her.

  Their faces meet as the boy and girl appear to share a long and lingering kiss. (The audience gasps.)

  When the kiss ends and the girl pulls away, the boy’s cheeks are red and he seems breathless. Very breathless.

  The boy removes the pocket watch from around his neck and presses it into the girl’s hands.

  Delighted to receive this token of love, the girl hangs the pocket watch around her neck and blows the boy a kiss as she turns and skips happily away.

  Finally, the boy turns to face the camera, which zooms in on his face. The boy is beaming. He throws his arms ecstatically into the air and lets out a silent whoop of joy as the image cuts to black.

  THE END

  26

  “Grumpy Cat”

  Timothy’s jaw dropped. Rudy did a face palm. Wacky and Gilbert threw their hands up in disbelief. But before any of them could speak, the assembly hall rang with raucous applause and wild hoots and cheers from the audience.

  Since everyone had watched the film standing up, a few members of the audience sat down to give the film a sitting ovation.

  The older students laughed while the younger ones ewwwed. Tara ewwwed the loudest.

  “WASN’T THAT A WONDERFUL LOVE STORY?” cried Miss Chin, wiping away a tear.

  “Like Romeo & Juliet but without death!” commented one parent.

  Miss Chin walked up to Uncle Russ Tee. She grabbed one of his hands in both of hers and shook it, a little too hard. “It’s wonderful what you’ve done for the children, Mr…”

  “The name’s Tee, Russ Tee.”

  Timothy searched the audience for his parents. His mum and dad were actually clapping, too. They had managed to watch the entire film without being distracted by their phones.

  “NO SOUND?” lamented Rudy, as he mano
euvred himself next to Timothy. “I can’t believe everyone thought it was a love story! A silent love story!”

  “It kinda did the job, though,” said Gilbert.

  “Yeah, Bella’s friends are still giving her hell back there,” said Wacky.

  All four of them looked across to where Bella stood in the crowd. Timothy noticed she’d taken off the pocket watch and was hiding it behind her back. She looked agitated as her friends teased her mercilessly.

  “Is that what happens when you fail to kiss Romeo?” one girl jibed. “You resorted to smooching a little boy instead?”

  “Did you change his diapers as well? Ewwwww!” said another as they all sniggered.

  Bella looked about as happy as Grumpy Cat. She was so flustered by her friends’ taunts she accidentally dropped the pocket watch on the floor. Before she had time to pick it up, an eagle-eyed member of the Class 3D team zapped her with a cattle prod.

  Timothy and Rudy looked at each other and smiled.

  “It was like a good old Charlie Chaplin film,” said Uncle Russ Tee, as the team helped him carry the projector back to his car.

  “Thanks for helping us with the project, Uncle Russ Tee,” said Timothy. “But I’ve gotta say, your old-school technology totally sucks. Even a camcorder would’ve captured everything, including all those nasty words Bella said when she was strangling me with your mother’s pocket watch.”

  “Which, by the way, we’ll never get back now,” added Rudy.

  Uncle Russ Tee had to hold in his sudden bout of wind as Timothy uttered the word “camcorder”. “You said you wanted to catch her doing something evil,” he shrugged. “You never said anything about recording audio. But don’t worry about the watch. >Ma would’ve agreed, it was worth the cause.”

  “I guess,” replied Timothy. “But why does victory always taste so bittersweet?”

  “I’m very proud of you all,” said Uncle Russ Tee. Then, turning to Timothy, he added: “I could tell your parents were really proud too.”