“He didn’t tell you? He came over before his flight, and we talked about how we all seem to be into her, and maybe that was something we could carefully explore.”
I leaned back, my eyes fluttering closed. This really was a mess.
“If this is your understanding of the word ‘carefully’, you need to pick up a dictionary. Let’s rewind. Am I understanding you correctly? You’re proposing we all pursue Adeline? At the same time?”
“Yes. But, I may have blown whatever chance I had with her.”
“I’m sorry, I’m still not quite there. You’re interested in this idea? I didn’t take you for a guy who shares.”
He sniffed. “Cole explained it to me, and… Well, it kind of makes sense. Specifically, with us and Adeline. I don’t know, man. She’s different.”
It’s funny how after knowing someone for over a decade they still had the capacity to surprise you.
“Do you disagree?” he asked when I didn’t say anything.
“Oh, she’s definitely different, I’m just shocked you’re considering what Cole is suggesting. He really can talk someone into anything.”
“We’re all attracted to her. Why fight amongst ourselves when we can join forces?”
That was a really simple way of looking at it, but sometimes it was the simplest argument that was the most illuminating.
“And anyway, I thought she may feel the same…until she ran out of my apartment. She kissed me back initially, for just a second.”
My eyes flicked open. “Wait, she kissed you back?”
“Yeah, I was trying to take it really slow…”
That, I found hard to believe.
“But she pressed right up to me, took me by surprise, before literally running away. She was upset, and I feel awful. I apologized, but I was so fucking agitated and confused that I don’t think it came off as very sincere.”
I sighed into the phone. “Okay, I’ll handle it.”
“I’m not sure if you should bring it up directly. It might just make it worse,” Silas said. “Fuck. I can’t believe I misread her so badly. I’m usually good at picking up signals.”
I mulled this over. Did she push Silas away because she wasn’t interested? Because she was worried about complicating their working relationship? Or because of something else? I wondered if she was drawn to us the way we were drawn to her…and if that confused her. The arrangement Cole and Silas had discussed was so far out of the ordinary… There was no way Adeline could be thinking about it in the same way.
“I won’t bring it up, but I’ll tell her you’re an idiot if she mentions it first,” I said to Silas.
“Okay. Thanks man. I really do feel like a piece of shit.” He paused for a long moment. “So what do you think about the idea?”
“It’s…” I trailed off, trying to find the right word.
“Cole used the word ‘intriguing.’”
I scoffed lightly. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”
“We’re all affected by her. It’s weird. Something dislodged inside of me the moment I saw her on that stage, and it’s only grown.”
“You’re still an idiot for acting on your feelings,” I quipped, not wanting to let him off the hook. “It’s pretty fucking unprofessional. But, yeah, I know what you mean. There’s something special about her, and I’d be more than willing to experiment if she showed any interest. That said, this stops now. We’re not making any more blatant moves unless she does. You think you can keep yourself in check for once?”
Silas sniffed. “Yes.”
“Good. All right, I’m going to try to check in with her tomorrow. Please don’t do anything insane like showing up at her house in the middle of the night.”
Silas couldn’t even protest that because it had happened before.
“I won’t. I’m going to order some takeout, eat, and call it an early night. I’ve done enough damage for one day.”
Ending the call, I hung my head and rubbed my eyes with the heels of my palms.
This day really had gone from bad to worse. My morning had started with paying a visit to my father in his nursing home. That place repulsed me as much as it seemed to delight the people in the ads plastered on every wall of the reception area. They all looked so happy to be locking their parents away and having someone else take care of them.
I, on the other hand, felt like the shittiest son in the world.
My relationship with my dad was complicated, but we had gotten to a good place by the time I had to leave home to start Bleeding Moonlight’s first tour. We had a few solid years before he started to deteriorate.
My twin sisters were a few years younger than me and had been in their second year of college when it started to get bad enough that we couldn’t leave him home on his own. It wouldn’t have been fair to ask them to come back, and the band had toured non-stop during those years. So I did the only thing I thought made sense. I signed the papers for Shan Valley Nursing Homes, a luxury facility for the elderly. My dad had moved in a week later.
Now, whenever I came back to River Valley and saw him, those goddamned posters taunted me. Each time I said goodbye, I felt just like one of those disingenuous models, hiding all the pain and guilt behind an insincere smile.
I had failed him, just like I’d failed Charlie.
Standing up and grabbing a glass of water, I pondered if I was going to fail the rest of the band.
It would have been so much easier to take a step back and let the dominoes fall where they may. If Abel got his wish and we broke up, I’d be free of this responsibility over them that had felt like a noose around my neck ever since Charlie’s death.
It was my decision to put some space between Charlie and the rest of us. I thought I was protecting the rest of the guys from his negativity, his bleak outlook on the world, but instead, I’d simply isolated him from the people who could’ve helped him.
My gaze landed on the photo of us I had framed above the couch. It was from a Rolling Stone photoshoot a few years ago. Charlie’s face stared at me, his lips in a smirk I’d seen a thousand times.
“You were always smirking at the world, Charlie,” I whispered. “You’d tell us how much you hated everything but act like you were above it all. I didn’t know how badly you were hurting, friend.” My eyes drifted shut. “I didn’t know.”
I knew the band needed me now. Was I willing to walk away solely in hopes of protecting myself?
My mind jumped to Adeline. She hadn’t walked away from her sister. She was one of the most courageous people I had ever known.
You should tell her that.
Despite the bombshell from Silas, I was glad I now had an excuse to seek her out tomorrow. The idea of spending time together with her lifted some of the darkness in my head. Calling now would be too obvious, but I had a feeling I knew where I’d find her tomorrow morning.
I also needed to have a talk with Cole when he came back from LA. Getting Adeline to consider what him and Silas had dreamed up required a subtle touch, something our guitarist completely lacked.
Thankfully, I knew just what might work.
ADELINE
The next morning, I trudged back to the gym, needing an outlet for the uncomfortable emotions still swirling in my mind. As I made my way between the various pulley machines to the bench press, I spotted a familiar head of hair.
Ezra was in the middle of a set, and I waited for him to finish before coming up to say hello.
“Look at what the cat dragged in,” I said to him, looking for any hint he’s heard what had happened with Silas and me.
His lips pulled back into a charming smile, showing off his pearly whites. His forehead was wet with sweat, and he grabbed the towel slung over his neck to wipe himself off.
“You inspired me to come more often,” he said, drawing a shy smile from me. There was nothing off in how he was acting and looking at me, and I allowed myself to relax.
“How’s your weekend going so far?” he asked, standin
g up from the bench and coming closer. I caught a whiff of what must been his sweat, and my thighs clenched at the musky scent.
I gave him a brief rundown of my session with Silas, obviously omitting the kiss, and shared a few factoids about my evening at the bar.
“What are you doing after this?” he asked as I lowered myself to take his earlier spot on the bench.
“I was just gonna hang out at home. I have a few hours before my shift starts.”
“Want to go for a walk with me? I wanted to visit a couple of old haunts,” he offered while I used the opportunity to appreciate the brilliant blue of his eyes.
I knew that if I went home and sat alone for a few hours, I would undoubtedly replay yesterday’s events in my head. After doing that for most of the sleepless night I’d just experienced, I was ready to be done with self-loathing.
“Sure. Let’s meet in the lobby in an hour or so?”
Ezra insisted we drive in his Jeep with the top down, so I left my car in the gym parking lot after he promised to drop me off there when we were done. It was around noon, four hours until my shift was due to start, and the air was filled with the smell of honeysuckle and the indescribable scent of the sun.
“Perfect weather, that post-workout feeling, and a beautiful woman by my side. Could this day get any better?” he joked and shot me a mischievous look as we sped onto the highway.
Pleasure surged through me at his words, but I tried to play it off by swatting him on the shoulder. “No flirting, or Abel will feel it with his sixth sense.”
Ezra laughed, and the sound was nearly swallowed up by the wind. “You’re probably right. If he calls, we can ignore him.”
“He can’t yell at us to get back to work on the weekend,” I added.
“I think he’s just jealous at how easily someone like Cole can get people to like him.” Ezra shot me a curious look, “And are you falling for Cole’s charms?”
“Please, I’m your coworker. I’m immune,” I joked, feeling blood rushing to my cheeks. I wasn’t about to tell him that I was falling under the charms of all kinds of people.
“Hmm, share your secret with our roadies, because the immunity certainly never extended to them.”
Lucky roadies.
“I don’t want you to think Cole is some kind of a life-long player,” Ezra rushed to add. “I’ve known the guy since we were kids, and I’ve seen him settled down before.”
It was hard to imagine. Cole had this wild streak in him, that defied being tamed. Whoever the girl was, she must have been very special.
“Oh yeah? Was it serious?” I knew I was being nosy, but I couldn’t help myself. I was growing more and more curious about all of them with each passing day. What events in their lives had led them to grow into the men they were now? The desire to discover more had only intensified after I’d told them about my parents. It felt like we had crossed into the deep end that afternoon, and I wanted to spend a bit more time there before swimming back to safety.
Ezra sucked on the inside of his cheek in thought. “Yeah, you could say that. But she wasn’t right for him. It blew up in the end, but it was for the best.”
“And what about you? Any serious girlfriends?” I asked, not feeling right about prying further about Cole.
“Not really. It’s hard to maintain something real when we’re constantly on the move. We don’t know where we’re going to be next year, fuck, next month, even. There aren’t a lot of women who understand what it’s like to be in a successful band and the sacrifices we have to make to continue making good music.”
We took an exit labeled “Crossbow Drive,” and a memory from two years ago popped up in my mind.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Gravehurst Park. My old high school, Middlemar, is just on the eastern border, and Cole and I used to come here almost every day after school to hang out. It’s beautiful in the summer.”
We pulled into the parking lot and got out of the Jeep. To the left of us was an ornate stone arch engraved with the words “Gravehurst Park” at the top and marred with pink graffiti tags on its sides. Once we passed through the arch, a concrete path ran a dozen or so feet ahead of us before veering off to the left.
“You’ve never been here before?” Ezra asked, looking at me over his shoulder.
“Not in this part, but my parents are buried in the cemetery to the north,” I admitted.
Ezra’s arm landed around my shoulders, pulling me into his firm chest as we continued to walk. I usually hated these sorts of comforting gestures at the mention of my parents’ deaths, but then he said, “So is Charlie,” and I understood that maybe the touch was as much for him as it was for me.
He let go of me after a few minutes and pointed toward a bench nestled between two enormous oaks just off the path.
“Cole and I smoked our first joint on this bench. Years later, we came back after our first tour and scratched the initials of the band on the back. I wonder if it’s still here.”
We walked around the bench and kneeled side by side to examine the wooden panels. After a moment, I spotted the faded letters. BM. The paint covering the top hollow of the B had peeled off.
“When you guys started, it was just you and Cole?” I asked as we started back on the path.
Ezra nodded. “Cole and I grew up together. Our families knew each other, and we were in the same class all through grade school. We met Silas in high school, after his family moved into town, then Abel in twelfth grade. He’d hopped between foster families for years and could’ve easily been placed in another shithole, but it was like the universe conspired to bring him here to us just when we were looking for a singer.”
I froze for a second, shocked to hear this revelation about Abel’s past. Ezra noticed the pause in my step and waved toward a fallen tree trunk to our right. We sat down, our thighs touching.
“I didn’t know that about Abel,” I admitted.
“He doesn’t like to talk about it, and it isn’t my place to share too many details, but I thought you should know. I’ve noticed things haven’t exactly warmed up between you two, and I just want you to know it’s more complicated than him being a regular ass.”
“I don’t think that about him,” I insisted. “I just assumed it was all because of Charlie. I know what it’s like to lose someone close to you, and how grief makes you become someone you don’t recognize. I wouldn’t judge someone who’s going through that. Not when I’ve been there myself.”
Ezra patted my knee, and the warmth of his touch seeped through the fabric of my black leggings. “I am grateful for that. We all are. Even Abel, in his own strange way.”
“Have you always been like this?” I asked. “Watching out for the rest of them?”
Ezra laughed, but there was something uncomfortable about it. “I guess so. I’ve always been the de facto caretaker for the people around me. I grew up with two younger sisters, and my mom was sick for most of their childhood. I had to step in and help out.”
“Did she recover?”
Ezra lifted his arm to shade his eyes as the sun journeyed out from a white cloud and washed us with its bright light.
“She died when I was eighteen from cancer. I remember the day it happened and worrying so much about my father. When she got sick, my pops started to fade. It was as if he wanted to stay as close to her as possible, and the only way to do it was to step away from us the way my mother was forced to. He wasn’t a bad dad, but he loved my mother too much. I really thought he’d off himself once she was gone, but seeing her cold body on the bed jolted something in him. Maybe he realized he didn’t want that for himself after all. At least not yet.”
The hairs on my arms rose. It was hard to reconcile the measured man sitting beside me with a boy who had to live through that.
“That sounds like an incredibly hard experience to go through.” I found his hand and laced my fingers with his. His eyes trailed down his arm until they landed on our intertwined hands, and he
gave me a soft squeeze.
“It was and it wasn’t. We all struggle, don’t we? Everyone gets their own flavor of it, that’s all. My father snapped out of it just in time for me to leave the family home and start on this crazy adventure with Bleeding Moonlight. Like Abel, the timing was just right. I was in a place where I felt comfortable leaving my sisters in his care while they finished school, although I still felt guilty about it for years after. I was practically their parent at that point, and even though they were supportive, it wasn’t easy to let go.”
I let out a long breath. “I feel the same way about Molly. Like I’m part parent, part sibling, part friend. It’s confusing as hell.”
Ezra turned and smiled softly. “She’s a sharp girl. I don’t think you have to worry about fucking that up.”
Only I did. I worried about it all the goddamn time. That’s why I’d spent the past two years prioritizing her over everything else in my life.
“So who’s easier to take care of, your sisters or the guys?” I teased him, trying to lighten the conversation.
He responded with a deep laugh. “They both come with their own set of challenges. Still, with the guys, we’ve mostly been on the same page. My sisters on the other hand…Dear God. You would understand if you met them. They moved away years ago, but they visit Dad from time to time, so maybe one day you’ll get a chance to witness what I managed to live with.”
He tugged on our intertwined hands, pulling me to stand. “Let’s keep going. I want to say hello to Mom before we leave.”
It dawned on me then that when he’d said on Thursday that he wanted to visit his mother, he’d wanted to go to the cemetery. Between the two of us, we knew four people buried here, a number that felt much too high.
As we walked down the path, making our way deeper into the park, Ezra didn’t let go of my hand. I knew I should pull away, that this felt too personal, but after the conversation we’d just had, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. He’d shown me something I didn’t think many people got to see, and choosing self-preservation in this moment would be unconscionable.
The wrought iron gates of the cemetery peeked out between the tall cypress trees as we continued our journey. For a moment, I was afraid the cemetery would be locked, but the gates swung open with a sad creak when Ezra finally let go of my hand to pry them open.
Taut Strings: A Rock Star Romance (River Valley Rebels) Page 13