Home for Good

by Nickie Nalley Seidler

  “Paisley, stop.” He was breathing hard keeping up the power walk behind me.

  I stopped in my tracks and stared ahead of me, not ready to turn around and look into those dangerous eyes. My breath blew out, exasperated.

  “I’m walking home. I need a cigarette.” I wavered my voice on the edge of desperation.

  “Why’d you start that?”

  “Tate, please don’t. You don’t get to walk back in my life after ten years and ask why I smoke. You don’t know me anymore.”

  Still facing forward, I refused to face that beautiful man. But he got the hint and walked around to look at me, dead in the eyes. Like time had stood still, there we were ten years ago, very much in love. Tears immediately watered my face while his gaze burned into me.

  “I don’t have a right to know you. I don’t have a right to ask questions. But,” he stepped up to me, our bodies almost touching, “I saw and felt how you kissed me back there and I didn’t need to remind you of how that felt. Because you know and I know that we both felt that.” His hand trailed my arm sending shivers up my body. Desire coursed through my veins taking me way back. Thoughts I wanted to forget, or tried to over the years but nobody ever compared. Not one.

  “Tate...” I whispered barely audible while his hand smoothed my cheek before leaning his head in as he claimed my lips with passion. The same passion we shared moments before.

  He pressed his tongue to the entrance of my mouth begging and pleading, I let him in happily. My hands moved to both sides of his face while I deepened the kiss.

  A soft moan escaped me when his hands traveled down my body before scooping me up under my butt. My legs wrapped around his waist and I felt his length between my legs pressing into me. I knew what I did to him and what he did to me. We were thinking with our hearts and emotions and not our minds. That familiar old feeling resurfaced, yet blew our mind at the same time.

  “My house is two blocks down.” I let out breathlessly before he started to move his legs and shifted me, carrying me like I was his child.

  “I can walk.”

  “I’m afraid you’ll walk away.”

  Smooth move slick. Way to make me feel terrible.

  “Ouch.” I sighed, feeling the hurt. “Guess I deserved that.”

  “No, baby, you didn’t deserve any of it. I walked away, too. I never should have though.”

  “Tate. You don’t need to say that. We both made choices that day.” He let my feet hit the sidewalk as we continued to walk toward my house.

  “Mistakes. We made mistakes.” He huffed.

  “It was what was meant to happen I guess.”

  “No.”

  “Tate, you can’t tell me otherwise. It’s been ten years, not ten days, or ten months, ten long years went by.”

  “I tried to write you. Your mother refused to give me your address and my family, well you know my family.”

  I shook my head shocked. “What?” My heart sunk.

  “I tried.”

  “For what, a month or two? That isn’t trying for ten years.” I exaggerated it out.

  Silence ensued while we hurried up the block to my house.

  There were kid’s bicycles laying up against the house and outside toys clearly not my own. His eyes widened before looking at me with a warm smile.

  “These are yours?”

  “My children’s.”

  “Are you married?”

  “Do you think I’m that crazy when we’ve been making out and you’re walking me back to my home?”

  “No...”

  “Good, now grab the door.”

  His hand swung the screen door open and held it while I unlocked the top bolt and bottom lock, letting us into my ranch style home.

  “Sorry it’s a mess, wasn’t expecting company.”

  “Jesus, it’s hot as hell in here.” He groaned while he moved around making himself at home. Boy it was really strange having Tate inside my house and alone on top of it.

  “My a/c broke, sorry.”

  “My Goodness Paisley, it’s hotter than a whore in a confessional.”

  I giggled and rolled my eyes at his bad joke.

  “Show me the house?” He grabbed my hand weaving his fingers through mine.

  I could tell he was nervous at the bar by his demeanor and stare, now he almost looked as though he was comfortable. Which scared me. Part of me wanted him to feel that way and part of me wanted to punish him for all the time wasted. And the small part, well big part of me was scared. Scared he wasn’t ready, and able to process my life now. Two kids, divorced, own home. It was going to be a lot to take in. But as far as I knew he was single. Never settled down.

  I kicked off my sandals and started the tour. The living room was where we stood now so I moved to the next room, the dining room, medium sized with a large dark wooden table sporting six chairs, two on each side and one at each head of the table. Pictures of my kids scattered the walls but I kept the lights off. I wasn’t ready to fully expose them yet. We passed through the kitchen and porch off the back with a small sitting room before down the hallway where the bedrooms were. His feet planted when we had come across my room with the big king sized bed. Didn’t have much else in the room that would fit but clearly it was mine. Mental note to take better care of it. I grabbed my cigarettes off the night stand that I forgot to take with me and he pulled them out of my hand gently.

  He tossed them on the night stand and his lips collided to mine again. Sliding back on the bed he pinned me beneath him and his lips didn’t stop peppering kisses across my skin. The feelings he made me feel in the moment were strong and I wasn’t about to say no.

  “Paisley Connor, I’m going to show you what I know we miss. You’re mine tonight.” His kiss trailed from my cheek, to my neck, back to my lips, and I felt at home. God how did he make me feel that way? This was grown up Tate and I freaking loved it.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  L ying in the middle of the bed, the covers were loose over my naked body. Tate’s restless limbs were flying throughout the night, but for once in my life, I didn’t care if I got kicked or groped because it eerily felt nice, as if time hadn’t passed. Now we didn’t have to sneak around sleeping at each other’s houses with our parents around.

  There were still secrets that lurked in the shadows. And it terrified me to confront the truth. So much Tate didn’t know about me anymore. What was last night? Mind blowing sex or was it potential for more? Could there be more? I wasn’t sure Tate was grown up enough to hear what really needed to be said.

  His arm swung and landed on my chest, which in turn woke him up suddenly.

  He shook his head almost like a wet dog shakes the water droplets out. He blinked his eyes a few times and smiled at me.

  “Good morning.” He groaned, sitting up in bed next to me. I could get used to that, with how sexy as sin he looked first thing in the morning, all scruffy beard and naked self.

  Returning a smile before pulling the cover up over my bare chest. “Hey” I responded.

  It’s funny what people said about the past. If you made sure you didn’t live in it, you had to let it go. You never were to bring it up. What they didn’t tell you was that your memories held the past and could very well determine what your future looked like. The past had a different meaning to everyone, even though they tried to make it out to be a general statement. We walked away from each other in the past, would it happen again when the going got tough? We also loved hard, and fully, so young in life that you wondered if that love could still hold as strong. Even after ten years and everything in between.

  Our love felt like glue. We were never coming apart, until we did.

  “So what’s a day like in the shoes of Tate Watson? What’s your job now?”

  He chuckled, “I do special ops now. Top secret kinda stuff. My days are about to get a whole lot better. I hope...”

  “Are you insinuating something?” I prodded.

  “Well, last night was...I felt hom
e,” He admitted.

  Tears immediately puddled in my eyes and made me feel a thousand times guiltier. I couldn’t form the words, but I wasn’t ready yet. Was that how I really felt too?

  “Last night was nice. I was really shocked to see you at the bar. In town in general. I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again.”

  “Come on, let me take you out to breakfast.” He slid out of the bed showing me his naked backside that was so perfectly shaped and chiseled, the army did him well. He tugged his shirt on over his head and started raising his jeans to his waist. I couldn’t help but stare at the man I deleted out of my life so many years ago. What made me do that anyway? Because I had felt hurt and betrayed? Had my love really stopped? Or was I just young and dumb?

  “Think you can keep your hands to yourself over breakfast?”

  He strolled over to me and squeezed my nipple through the sheets making me squirm and belly laugh. “Watch me.” He laughed playfully.

  Rolling my eyes, I giggled and climbed out of bed to get dressed. Glancing in the mirror above my dresser I caught what looked to be hair from hell. I pleaded with the unruly strands for a few moments gathering them into a messy braid. The closet was full of undesirable clothes, but I chose simple jean shorts, and a yellow, ribbed, tank top. It reminded me that my house was still undeniably hot, and I needed to get that worked on.

  I followed him throughout the house grabbing my car keys and headed out onto the porch while I locked up.

  “You can drive to breakfast and then drive me back to the bar to grab my truck.”

  I nodded in agreement and took off towards the only real good breakfast food place in town.

  “Maybe we should go somewhere else?” He suggested a slight look of concern on his face.

  “Why? You don’t want to be seen with me in public?”

  “Is that a crime?” Ouch. I looked over at him offended a little.

  “No, just didn’t know if you wanted the attention of the small town gossip being seen with me.”

  “Why, you got a bad reputation I don’t know about?” I quirked my brow at him.

  He shrugged his shoulders and I threw the car in park.

  He put a bad taste in my mouth and no amount of mouthwash would refresh it. Why was it bothering him being seen in public with me?

  The place was bustling with the usual weekend crowd. My best friend Tammy glanced over her shoulders and caught me and the ghost of a man next to me. Her eyes bulged out and she blinked like she couldn’t believe what she saw.

  “Go ahead and grab a seat. I need to use the ladies room.” I didn’t even look at him while I spoke. I followed Tammy’s eyes and silently gestured toward the bathrooms. She nodded and met me there. I turned once more before entering, making sure Tate sat at the table they gave us.

  “Holy shit! Tate Watson?!” She screamed once she had me to herself in the bathroom.

  My finger flew up to my mouth, “Shhhh, keep your voice down!” I sighed. “Yes, it’s him.”

  “Does he know about, you know, the elephant in the room?”

  “No. Nothing. So keep your mouth shut!”

  “Ouch! I would never out you or your kids like that!”

  “Sorry. I’m just nervous. He slept at my house last night after our surprise run in at Lucky Stripe last night.”

  “You slept together already? Damn it, Paisley!”

  “I know,” I whined.

  “We talked about this scenario how many times and you said you’d never put yourself in that situation again!”

  “I know. But then I saw him and the energy between us is alive, Tammy! I couldn’t help it. That old love resurfaced.”

  “His dick just didn’t slide into you, you could help it, you chose not to!”

  My hands flew to my hips with attitude rolling off my shoulders. “Whose side are you on here?”

  “Always yours. I need to get back to work. Text me later.”

  “I will.”

  We both left the bathroom within seconds of one another. It was a small town so I wouldn’t be surprised if Tate remembered Tammy from high school and that we were friends. We weren’t close then, but have become close over the years. Her kids are close to mine.

  I saw Tate playing on his phone, texting and scrolling through social media as I got near to the table. I grabbed the menu and plopped into the booth across from him.

  “I ordered you coffee.”

  “Thanks, I could use some.” Looking over the menu the waitress returned with a carafe of coffee along with some cream and sugar for the table. I knew what I wanted so I ordered my usual cheese omelet and hash browns, while Tate ordered a meat lovers skillet.

  Putting the three packets of sugar in my coffee and one half and half, I stirred the contents with my spoon and took a cautious sip.

  “I’m sorry I said that stupid stuff earlier. You know how I am with my family and word gets around. I don’t know how anybody will react to me being in town and with the woman who stole my heart so long ago.”

  “There hasn’t been any other women who’s done that?”

  He sighed, “None that I’ve loved.”

  My lips pressed together in a firm line. I wasn’t prepared to hear that.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  T ate and I had a rather relaxing breakfast that caught us up on the last several years, but also getting to know each other once again. He had a lot of stories about being in the army and several of them made me sad but proud he served his country. The job he had now though made me scared that I’d lose him all over again. We agreed to try to test the waters between us but slowly. Last night was inevitable, and we weren’t thinking about the slow but the now. I told him it was different now that I had kids that I couldn’t just have him sleeping over any time, and being naked in my bed. He understood but part of me didn’t think he did. He didn’t have a lot of questions for me yet, and I was able to slightly breathe with the fact I could hold on just a little bit longer before hell would break loose.

  I told him I wanted some space tonight for a few reasons but mainly to have time to comprehend what was happening and what my mind felt about the whole thing. I was extremely careful to try to not be attached so quickly. But, everything with Tate was always strong willed. My feelings were never light, they were deep. And this man had done things to my head I wasn’t sure I would ever recover from. He left an imprint, I just wasn’t sure if it was made of chalk that would wash away, or concrete and be permanent.

  After unlocking the doors in my house, I checked the time. It was a little after noon and I wanted to clean up some before the kids got home later. It was usually my peaceful time to clean and blast music and get things accomplished. I heard the gravel outside and a truck park and turn off the engine. I stood there for a moment before his sexy voice spoke through the screen door.

  “I know you said slowly, but I can’t help it, Paisley. I have missed you and I can’t do slow when I can’t stop thinking about you.”

  I turned in my spot off the kitchen and smiled at him. I guess this wasn’t going to go slow.

  “Come in.”

  “Let’s go to the pier and walk.”

  “Tate, were not kids anymore. I have stuff I need to do at the house.”

  “Come on just an hour or two I promise.”

  I sighed, “Fine.” I gave in.

  I grabbed my purse off the counter and went back outside locking up behind me. Tate wrapped me in his arms and kissed me long and hard. I grinned and hopped into his monster truck.

  We drove to the pier hand in hand and my mind was spinning with the parts of my life he didn’t know. There was no right way to come forward with the details. Digging into my past to start something fresh with him wasn’t going to be easy.

  He opened my door and helped me down from the huge step, his truck was so high.

  The sand warm beneath my toes, and the slight wind by the lake gave me chills. It wasn’t because it was cold but because I felt I was hiding when I shouldn�
��t be. Like a turtle wanting to escape into his shell. I was looking for my shell.

  Being ready was a understatement. It had been a day. What if by the end of today or the week he’d decided to leave again? My mind fought with me to wait it out.

  “So tell me about your kids.” We strolled through the sand, the path under the pier.

  “They’re great. Jared is a bit of a hot head but smarter than anyone. And Livy is gentle and sweet, my little mini and lover.” I got nervous speaking about them. I quickly changed the subject. “Does being home make you happy or do you wish you were away?”

  “Nah, I had my fair share of being away but something about being home feels right.”

  “Home is where they say the heart is.”

  “I’m home for good, baby.”

  He stopped and pressed his body into mine, closing any space there was between us. His hands melted around my middle, roaming under my shirt, and up and down my back. His tender touch made me desire more. It had been so long since I felt that way. So long.

  His touch was familiar and one I couldn’t ever forget.

  We walked down the beach in silence occasionally stopping to share a kiss. The wind blew around us and seagulls flew around our heads making for an interesting walk. Our hands were always entwined together and deeper feelings were arising. Gosh nothing was ever slow with him! Tammy was going to freak out.

  Looking at my phone and saw the time was nearing three pm, I knew our day had to come to a end.

  “I should get home, I need to do a few things while I still have some alone time.”

  “Ok.” He pulled my arm in the direction of the truck. Before long I was home.

  When he jogged up to my door like the new charming gentleman he was, it gave me shivers knowing he was treating me like the man he grew into. He was strong, confident and sexy as fuck.

  I leaned against the railing on my elbows and shyly smiled at him, not knowing whether I should kiss him goodbye or attempt the slow part.