by Candy Paull
Sometimes, as much as you want to say yes, no is a more appropriate response. If you’re asked to stretch your time and resources beyond wise limits, you need to say no. Be wise about where you commit your energies and whom you spend your time with. Listen for inner guidance in all situations and act on it, even if you have to say no to someone you care about. Real friends will take no for an answer and still stay friends. Understand that saying no is not a rejection of others but a way to value yourself. It is not only an affirmation of the value of your existence, but it also affirms the ability of others to tap into their own inner resources. Sometimes your need to help or fix others is a form of not trusting them to be able to help themselves. Though the demands of family, especially young children, cannot be ignored, it only adds to your stress—and the distress of others—if you are so busy being a martyr that you cannot take time to rest and renew. You will be more able to give meaningful assistance if you have the energy and perspective of your best self to offer.
The simple intention to bring your best to life will set in motion the very solutions you need for finding time for important self-care and spiritual work. The pleasures and perils of parenting, the intricate dance of intimate relationships, and the ever-evolving demands of life itself can become your mindfulness practice and spiritual discipline. Set your intention to create a window of time for spiritual practice and self-nurture, then see how the universe responds with opportunities. The answer could be grandparents willing to babysit, a mutual commitment to creating a more mindful relationship, or a circle of friends who encourage each other on this path to spiritual serenity and wholeness. No matter what your current condition and challenges may be, it is your intention to grow in strength and wisdom and serenity that will bring you what you most need in your unique situation. All of life’s circumstances demand fresh choices in each moment. There is that within you that knows what to do, and it is by learning to listen to and trust this inner guidance that you will find a loving equilibrium between caring for yourself and caring for others, finding time for spiritual nurture and finding time for meeting life’s many obligations.
Do something you love to do by yourself. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. It’s not being selfish; it’s working with the natural rhythms of giving and receiving. If you want to have the energy to be a positive influence in the world, you need to invest energy in cultivating yourself. Be your own best friend; a friend who is wise enough not only to recognize your own limits, but also to acknowledge the value of your needs. Set healthy boundaries and respect them. Then you will be able to meet your obligations and care for others with a rested body and a lighter heart. You will be strong enough to treat others well because you also know how to treat yourself.
Have a Good Cry
We’ve been told over and over that crying is a sign of unwanted weakness. We’ve been told wrong. Tears are a wonderful emotional release. Tears of sorrow cleanse physical as well as emotional toxins from our systems. Tears of joy allow emotion to flow through us to heal body and soul. Allow yourself to feel your emotions instead of stuffing or denying them. Tears are a natural stress release, and they help us process our emotions. Let the tears flow like cleansing rain. You’ll feel better after the storm has passed.
No matter how busy you are or how many obligations you feel you must fulfill, you also need to renew and replenish body and soul. Time away from the demands of life is a vital necessity. Retreating from the busy world is an opportunity to view your life from a higher perspective. Consider going away for a day, a weekend, or even a week for a personal or communal retreat. If it’s not possible to get away for a full day, make a date with yourself to spend one or two hours doing something you enjoy doing alone.
Give Yourself a Break
It’s easy to get caught up in a fast-paced environment at work during the day and forget to take care of your own needs. If you know certain meetings or professional activities stress you out, plan a stress break. It will allow you to return to work more focused. When your day feels hectic and out of control, it’s vitally important to give yourself simple time-outs for stress relief. Here are some quick and easy tips for you:
Refresh your spirit with a brief time of prayer and meditation.
Escape from the office for a short walk around the block or through a park, if one is nearby.
Buy some flowers from a shop or a little snack from a street vendor.
Drink a glass of water or fruit juice.
If you’re closeted indoors for too long, your thoughts get as stuffy as the closed rooms you’ve been working in. It’s time to get out and let the wind blow through your hair and the fresh air invigorate you. Rejoice in nature and let it remind you that life is larger and airier and freer than the enclosed world you’ve been immured in. Remember that life is rich and full and mysterious, and you want to be renewed in some way by experiencing nature’s secrets—a squirrel scrambling through the leaves, the beauty of a leaf—even if for a fleeting moment.
The Foods You Eat
The way you eat can energize or drain you. Forget the doughnuts and coffee. The artificial stimulants of sugar and caffeine will leave you depleted. Your body needs quality fuel to run on. Your mother was right when she told you to eat your vegetables. Raw vegetables and veggie juices can give you long-lasting energy, and fresh fruit offers a gentle boost of natural sugar right away. Nuts, whole grains, and lean meats provide balanced nutrition that will take you through the day. If you’ve been living on fast food and packaged snacks, try a healthier way of eating. You’ll discover new energy and feel good about yourself. Snack on fresh raw vegetables and delicious fruits instead of doughnuts, chips, and cookies. Try this for a week and see how you feel.
If you’re thirsty, grab a glass of water. According to nutrition experts, dehydration has negative effects on your metabolism. A decrease in water consumption contributes to fatigue. Water helps cleanse toxins from your system. Dehydration can have a profound effect on brain function and energy level. Start the morning with a glass of water. Sip water during the day to sustain energy and mental clarity.
Breathe Deeply
Explore aromatherapy. A high-quality, therapeutic essential oil has healing properties that can lift your spirits and heal your body. If you have never tried essential oils, buy a bottle of real lavender essential oil. Victorian ladies used it in their smelling salts. Its flowers have soothed people to sleep for centuries. You can enjoy a whole medicine chest of benefits in one small bottle of lavender essential oil. Called the Swiss army knife of aromatherapy, lavender is a great introduction to using essential oils for wellness. One or two drops of lavender essential oil can calm a headache or help you release the day’s stress and get to sleep at night. From soothing itchy insect bites to calming frazzled nerves, lavender eases stress on many levels. Buy a bottle of high-quality lavender oil (be sure it is labeled by its botanical name: Lavandula angustifolia), and is marked “therapeutic grade.” If possible, buy organic. And if you enjoy this taste of aromatherapy, there is a whole world of essential oils to explore. Some of my favorite must-have oils include lemon, peppermint, rosemary, spearmint, spruce, grapefruit, eucalyptus, tea tree, and bergamot. Aromatherapy is medicine for all seasons.
Sleep on It
The next time you’re wrestling with a problem or a big decision, sleep on it. You’ll have a clearer perspective when you’re rested. Your body is telling you what your mind refuses to acknowledge. So you pump yourself up with caffeine and keep going round and round in circles over the same old territory. Listen to your body. It’s time to take a break and get some rest. Take a catnap and see how it can freshen your perspective. The problem will still be there in the morning. There’s nothing more you can do about it tonight. If you are so stressed you are having problems sleeping, take a bath in Epsom salts, or meditate until you hit the relaxation response that allows your mind to finally let go. You’ll have a better perspective when you’ve gotten
some rest. Let the angels sing to you in your dreams and whisper wisdom for tomorrow’s decisions.
Explore the Artist in You
You are born creative. You don’t have to be labeled officially as creative—an artist, performer, or inventor—to express yourself in creative ways. You do it naturally, just by being you. Nurture your creativity. Pay special attention to the things that kindle your interest, and understand that a creative passion can become a wonderful and inspiring expression of the Creator who made you as you are. Think about ways you can fashion a better world with your mind and hands and heart. Be courageously creative. Have the courage to start something new, learn something new, enjoy something new.
You will have more ease and joy when you invest your energy in what you love. This heartfelt way of living is worlds apart from dry drudgery or frantic fearfulness. Inspired choices made in love move you beyond frustration. A gifted musician loves the music; an athlete, the sport; a teacher, the learning. It is not by spectacular leaps that we move more deeply into creativity, but by slow, incremental steps. Set aside regular times for nurturing your creativity. Build skills with simple daily repetition.
If something intrigues you or draws your attention, explore that interest. It may lead you to a whole new adventure. Find inventive ways to bring love, joy, and life lessons to you. Appreciate delightful surprises knowing you are guided every step of the way. Loving what you do and doing what you love will help you deal with obstacles and problems more easily. When you take inspired action, you’ll live life more fully. Working on a satisfying creative project can offer clues for living well in all areas of your life. Inspiration brings energy, vitality, and aliveness.
You can express your creativity with paint, clay, music, writing, or drama. But you can also express your creativity through building a business, making your home beautiful, planting a garden, or making a delicious meal. Delight in creativity. Learn new skills. Discover new ways of doing things. Enjoy the materials of creation and express yourself with them. Spend time working on a favorite creative project. Visit an art exhibit, a museum, or a crafts store for inspiration. Encourage your own creativity by taking a class or seminar that teaches you new skills and expands your creative repertoire.
God has given each of us our “marching orders.” Our purpose here on Earth is to find those orders and carry them out. Those orders acknowledge our special gifts.
—Søren Kierkegaard
Combine your creativity and inspired intention by practicing art as meditation. It isn’t about the quality of the finished product as much as it is about the process of creating itself. Slosh some paint on canvas or paper. Put your fingers in a mound of clay and make a pot. Make a collage of pictures from old magazines. Doing creative work as an active form of meditation can be healing and enlightening.
Art as a form of meditation can help you express yourself, understand yourself better, and contemplate the world around you. Pull twenty images that reflect your life or interests. Create a collage with them. What does your collage tell you about yourself? Over the centuries, art has also been a vehicle for meditating on the Divine nature. Great paintings, sculptures, and mosaics have been created to praise God, as an aid to worship, and as a way of expressing a unique vision.
Daily Gratitude
Practicing gratitude as a way of life can show you the richness of the blessings in your life. Simple things like birdsong in the morning, sunlight through a window, a phone call from a friend, a kiss on the cheek—all can color your day a brighter shade of love if you are aware of them. The big things in life are important. Births, graduations, weddings, promotions, deaths, and other life-changing events mark the changing seasons of life. But it’s the little things that keep you going on ordinary days. Scrambled eggs and coffee, a smile from a stranger, a job well done, a hard day survived with grace—small miracles are easily taken for granted but make up the stuff of everyday life.
Celebrate the small things in life. Celebrate what you accomplished today. Celebrate the first daffodil in spring, the last rose of summer, and the fact that you are alive and breathing. A daily gratitude journal can be a wonderful reminder of life’s little blessings. Just before you go to bed every night, write down five things you are grateful for. Happiness is found in the moment. Right now is the only time you have to be happy; don’t wait for happiness to come at some future date. So choose joy by creating happiness now—and by creating it for others. It takes a generous spirit and a deep trust in God to choose happiness, but a person who knows how to create happiness is a delight and joy to be around. Make every moment count. Cultivate an awareness of the splendors hidden in the ordinary moments as well as the special ones.
A happy life must be to a great extent a quiet life, for it is only in an atmosphere of quiet that true joy dare live.
—Bertrand Russell
Happy times are often fleeting and far between, and it’s easy to live in anticipation of a future pleasure that comes and goes far too fast. Have you ever noticed how often your mind dwells on the past or in the future? You’re in the midst of a conversation with a friend, but your mind is leaping ahead to the errands you still have to complete. You’re eating a delicious lunch, yet you replay a past argument in your mind. Enjoy the moment while it is here. Savor the meal you are eating. Be fully present with your friend. Be aware that every moment is a gift and a miracle. Celebrate each moment, no matter what it brings. Doing dishes can be a celebration of soap, warm water, and gratitude; getting a work project finished is a reason to celebrate; and the smile from a person smiling across the table at you is all the party you need right now. Make a contract with yourself to stay focused in the moment instead of worrying about the future or going over the past. Breathe deeply. Look at what’s around you. Be aware of the simple wonder of here and now.
When you catch yourself complaining, exchange your complaints for praise and thanksgiving. A grateful heart and a trusting attitude open the door for positive change, just as opening a window allows fresh air to circulate through a stuffy room.
Activity: Enjoy the Music of Silence
Ours is a noisy society. The six o’clock news offers a litany of war, horror, corruption, greed, and trouble. The front page of the newspaper details the latest scandal. The media offers a constant flow of chatter, opinion, and advertising. Though it’s important to know what’s happening in the world, you also need time to listen to your spirit. Ration your media exposure. Go on a media fast for a few days. Turn the TV off and let the silence soothe you. Instead of listening to the radio as you drive, turn the talk and music off. Shut the cell phone off, get off the Internet. Take a break from the chatter and noise, and drink in the sounds of blessed silence. Seek out places where you can find healing silence. Find a quiet church or sanctuary. Walk in the woods or experience a silent night under a starry sky. Set aside a quiet time to simply bask in the quietude. Let go of all the chatter and opinions and to-do lists; just be with God in the silence. Allow the silence to fill your inner emptiness. Create a personal mini-retreat for a morning or afternoon of silence, prayer, and meditation.
Three Affirmations
I honor my need for rest and renewal.
I enter into a state of grace as I rest in the Presence of God within.
My heart is at peace, my mind is at rest, and I love my life.
An unshared life is not living. He who shares does not lessen, but greatens, his life.
—Stephen S. Wise
Social media can be both a blessing and a bane. It can be a huge time suck; one minute you are logging on, two hours later you look up from the computer screen and wonder where the time went. But connecting to friends you have not seen in years can be a gift with unexpected blessings in its hands.
One day a Facebook message arrived from the daughter of my high school church youth leader. I had wondered how he was doing, and here was a message from out of the blue, celebrating his eightieth birthday. I remember him in his late thirties and ear
ly forties. Dick Klawitter and his wife, Lois, had moved to Seattle, following the call of God. His ministry at Glendale Lutheran Church affected me powerfully, and I am forever grateful for the good he and his family brought into my life. I found wonderful friendships, rich spiritual teaching, and a whole new attitude toward life because of the youth group activities. At the time, I was a rather lonely high school junior who discovered the joys of deep and meaningful friendships from these experiences. My love of music was nourished in the Commitment, a church singing group.
I still remember with great fondness the old purple bus, named Job, which was always breaking down. Yet even waiting around for Job to be repaired (on the first day of our spring break singing tour!) only meant that there was even more time to share with these friends of heart and spirit. I discovered the delights of Bible study, the beauty of sacred worship, and a spiritual relationship with Christ. And the good influence extended beyond graduation. I traveled with the Lutheran Evangelical Movement Gospel Crusaders in the summer of 1972. I was grounded in an open and optimistic faith that was nonjudgmental. And all this was rooted in the work of a man who had a vision of service to God that took him to the Pacific Northwest.
Looking at old photos, I see the faces perhaps more clearly than I ever saw them when I was with the people I loved. I see a picture of an eager young girl who loved her friends and found great happiness in the activities and relationships of that time. I also now see what I couldn’t see then: how young and beautiful we all were. It didn’t matter that I wore glasses, felt fat (photos show a slender girl), and was awkwardly self-conscious and self-absorbed in many ways. What teenager isn’t? The photos show that I was in embryo all the things I have always wanted to be, and so were my friends and family. I identify with the William Butler Yeats quote: “When I was young my mind was a grub, my body a butterfly; now, in my old age, my body is a grub, my mind a butterfly.”