Finding Serenity in Seasons of Stress

by Candy Paull

  In fact, it was the music, and my love of music, that moved me into all kinds of wonderful adventures. One reason Nashville has been so transformative for me is that I have found so many kindred spirits who also come alive when they make music. It creates a tight-knit community built around the incomparable “high” of writing songs and performing them for a group of appreciative peers. I have a passion for creating the perfect song, offering a moving performance. I also have a deep appreciation for those who do it well. Nashville is a particularly rich place to hear the best of the best, whether it is at a casual writer’s night or a formal performance in a world-class auditorium. Best of all, I am surrounded by people who understand this passion for music, who celebrate excellence, and who feel that life would be dry and dead indeed without making music in one form or another. For me, being involved with music is essential to feeling fully alive. My choice to move to Nashville to follow my musical dreams brought rewards and relationships beyond anything I could have imagined. It also brought its share of heartache and loss. But I still continue to follow that dream by making courageous choices and trusting the inner voice of my heart.

  You don’t have to be a musician to appreciate the aliveness that music represents. Scientists have confirmed that the nature of the world is musical. The Greeks defined music’s most beautiful sounds as arising from certain fixed mathematical relationships—the fingerprints of the gods. Pythagoras, a Greek mathematician, had a school that taught not only the mystery of numbers, but also the use of sound to affect and heal the body, mind, and spirit.

  Just as there is a spectrum of light, only part of which we can see, so there is a spectrum of sound. Dolphins can project and receive frequencies more than ten times beyond our limit of hearing. Dogs hear sounds we cannot. In most spiritual traditions, there are many stories of saints, sages, and mystics who sought to cultivate hearing celestial sounds through spiritual practices.

  Waves, harmonics, and octaves are some of the ways the electromagnetic spectrum is measured. Johannes Kepler, a seventeenth-century astronomer, believed that each of the planets is alive, inhabited by its own guardian angel, and has its own song. In 1976, two Yale University professors took Kepler’s laws and musical notations, fed the information into a computer connected to a synthesizer, and came up with a thirty-minute tape representing one hundred years of planetary motion. The deep structure of music is a reflection of the deep structure of everything else.

  If music can bring harmony to the heart and energy to the body, then choose the kind of music that makes you feel most alive. Or choose whatever it is that makes you feel like life is worth living. It could be a career in the arts, running a business, raising a family, working with the land, pursuing a sport, or using your gifts and talents to make the world a better place. Make choices that are deeply resonant with your heart and that lead in the direction of hope. Listen for that which sings within, that which makes you feel more alive. Listen to the music of your heart. Let your choices be in harmony with your highest aspirations. Then, no matter what happens, you will know that you have lived fully and fearlessly.

  The Courage to Choose Life

  When we struggle through difficult times, we wrestle with questions of “Why me?” and “Why this?” and “Why now?” It takes faith to believe in the outworking of God’s intentions for our ultimate good. Doubt and fear can overwhelm us in the face of our own fragility and mortality. It takes great courage to affirm life when loss, sorrow, and death enter our lives. When we choose faith over fear, trusting that God can make a way where there is no way, we can persevere through the changing seasons of life.

  If you are in a season of loss, you can still make life-affirming choices. When you are not sure what decision to make, which path to take, or where to invest your life energies, set an intention to live life more fully, no matter what happens. Allow yourself room to grieve your losses, but do not stay locked in your own sorrow. Be positive and proactive. Take care of yourself as you take care of others. Believe the best. Pray and affirm that you are guided and that healing can happen in every circumstance. In tangled situations, trust God to untangle the mess. Be willing to take risks. Dare to embrace life.

  Remember that this moment is the point of power. There is nothing you can do about what is past. Your choice here and now is what creates the future. Have the courage to make even one small choice to affirm your faith in life. Even if it seems like your entire world is dying, trust that this winter of the soul will one day become a spring of the spirit. Plant seeds of faith, believing in a resurrection and renewal that is beyond your limited understanding. Surrender to the greater rhythm of life, trusting that your affirmation of life, no matter how weak and trembling it seems in the face of death, does have life-altering power. You may not know when or how renewal will appear. You just have to trust that spring will return in your life.

  Concentrate only on what you are able to do today. Let go of trying to control or predict the outcome. Do your best and leave the rest up to God. Trust that a greater process is happening, that all this is working together for your good and your growth. Count difficulties as blessings in disguise, believing that you will one day understand. The courage to keep going may sometimes be the only blessing you can see, but remember that life goes on and reveals its secrets in time. In most of the important things in life, we are dependent on the nature of creation and time, the grace of Divine Love that carries us through the events and processes of living—and dying.

  Dying as Sacred Experience

  The dying have their own language, a symbolism that often speaks of their life experiences. In their book, Final Gifts—a compassionate guide to caring for the gravely ill—hospice nurses Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley offer insight into the special awareness that helps the living interpret the communications of the dying. There are parallels between being born and dying, and in hospice the caregivers are in some ways midwives to the process of leaving this world. Just as a midwife helps the mother bring a baby into this world, hospice caregivers help families get through this difficult time of transition. Even in a seemingly dark passage, in this difficult good-bye, there is light, beauty, and blessing to be found.

  Dame Cicely Saunders started the modern hospice movement in London in 1967. She said to dying people, “You matter because you are you. You matter until the last moment of your life, and we will do all we can not only to help you die peacefully, but also to live until you die.” When it is time to walk with a loved one through the valley of the shadow of death, hospice is there to help the whole family through the process. If you are willing to walk with an open heart into the mystery of death and dying, hospice will teach you how to live.

  Every person is unique, and every death has its own story. Though there may not be a clear path through, somehow each step leads to the next, and it is only in looking back that we can see how we were guided so that all things could work together in mysterious ways.

  Each one of us is born for a specific reason and purpose, and each one of us will die when he or she has accomplished whatever was to be accomplished. The in-between depends on our own willingness to make the best of every day, of every moment, of every opportunity. The choice is always ours.

  —Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

  Saying Good-Bye

  If you are saying good-bye to a loved one, the sacred dying experience means that it is time to focus on the spiritual even as the loved one’s physical body begins to shut down. Loved ones must respect the experience of dying, and while the person who is dying is still alive, we must recognize that it is a process that the living cannot fully understand. Simply acknowledging that death is a spiritual process can be healing for all concerned. It can be a celebration of life as we join hands with the ones we love.

  Find Serene Strength Within

  You have a secret spring within your heart. It is the hidden gift of inward grace, springing up like an ever-flowing fountain, a deep well that will quench your thirst when li
fe seems like a desert. Moment by moment, this unseen power sustains you through every trouble and trial and through all the changes of a lifetime. Rely on this inner serenity to help you deal with the challenges of life. Grace will appear in your life just when you need it most.

  Coping with Physical and Emotional Exhaustion

  Dealing with the death of a loved one is hard work, especially for the caregiver. It can leave you emotionally depleted and physically exhausted. If you are a caregiver, allow others to share the burdens and responsibilities and don’t feel you have to be responsible for everything. It may be difficult, but try to do your best to replenish yourself by getting plenty of rest and eating well. If possible, do things that relax you and help you stay calm and focused, such as listen to music, meditate, do affirmations, and pray. Make time to be with supportive friends and if that’s not enough, consider counseling or a support group

  The dying can be teachers to the living. They show us how to make the passage between life and death. And they inspire us to embrace the lives we are given, to live more fully, and to be less afraid. “What, I pray you, is dying?” Saint John Chrysostom asks. “Just what it is to put off a garment. For the body is about the soul as a garment; and after laying this aside for a short time by means of death, we shall resume it again with more splendor.”

  Celestial Music

  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, the beloved German writer, philosopher, and artist, was born in 1749 and died in 1832. He wrote, “The thought of death leaves me in perfect peace, for I have a firm conviction that our spirit is a being of indestructible nature; it works on from eternity to eternity; it is like the sun, which though it seems to set to our mortal eyes, does not really set, but shines on perpetually.” Friends of the dying Goethe heard celestial music in the final hours before his death. Frau von Goethe, the poet’s sister-in-law, told a friend: “It’s inexplicable! Since dawn yesterday a mysterious music has resounded from time to time, getting into our ears, our bones.” Several witnesses compared experiences and confirmed that they, too, were hearing music in different parts of the house. One would hear fragments of a quartet, another a piano, others a choral chant or the sound of an organ or a concertina. It was as if there were heavenly harmonies playing as the poet lay dying. The mysterious music continued until Goethe’s last breath.

  Celestial music has been heard by others. Saint Thérèse de Lisieux heard celestial music on her deathbed. So did William Blake. John Wesley heard what he thought was the music of angels when he was at the bedside of a dying young woman, and wrote, “I firmly believed that young woman would die in peace; though I did not apprehend it would be so soon. We have had several instances of music heard before or at the death of those that die in the Lord. May we conceive that this is, literally, the music of angels? Can that be heard by ears of flesh and blood?” According to Dr. Joel Funk, a professor of psychology at Plymouth State University in New Hampshire, about 50 percent of those who have had near-death experiences hear music and describe it as a beautiful floating sound.

  Hearing music and seeing others who have passed on is common among those who are dying, but only in rare instances do the living share this experience. Musica universalis, or music of the spheres, is a medieval philosophical concept that regards the proportions in the movements of the celestial bodies as a form of musica (the medieval Latin word for music). The most frequent descriptions of the afterlife portray an unimaginably beautiful land of color, light, and music. A small percentage of those who have survived a near-death experience report visions of inner worlds, paradises, and cities of light with transcendental music. Dante wrote: “The heavens call to you and circle around you, displaying to you their eternal splendors.”

  Listen to Music

  Music can have a profound effect on energy levels and mood. It may even strengthen your immune system. Music can energize with an upbeat rhythm or soothe with mellow sounds. Music expresses the deepest feelings of the human heart. Through the centuries, music has been used to draw people closer to God. Create your own music therapy session by choosing soothing and uplifting music. Let the sound and the spirit of the music heal, comfort, and inspire you.

  Musical Therapy

  Today, many forms of sound healing are proliferating. Musicians and scientists are exploring the therapeutic value of sound and music. From singing bowls to gongs, chimes, bells, and chanting, ancient traditions are being revived, and new applications for healing with music, vibration, and sound are reemerging as a vehicle for healing, meditation, and self-transformation.

  Sound and music can help you process the events of your life, acting as a natural physician in times of stress. Western science has proven what ancient traditions have known for centuries: Sound has the power to heal and to affect the body as well as the mind. Music therapists use music as a healing tool to enhance natural self-healing capacities. Hospitals are using relaxation music to reduce stress and pain in patients. Chanting and singing has been proven to relieve depression. Listening to music uses both the left and right sides of the brain and can influence the frequency of brain waves. Sound is used as an energy medicine by sound healers. Singing bowls and other instruments facilitate meditation and meditative practices. Merely listening to soothing music can help relieve stress and calm your emotions.

  Music-thanatology is another one of the ancient wisdoms that has been revived in recent years. The Greeks practiced it; Benedictine monks in the Middle Ages used it. The Music-Thanatology Association International describes it as a musical/clinical modality that unites music and medicine in end-of-life care.

  Certified music-thanatologists use harp and voice at the bedside to lovingly serve the dying and their loved ones. This music is not entertainment but therapy that relieves pain, soothes agitation, and helps the patient through the dying process. It is called prescriptive music—live music played in tone and tempo in response to the dying person’s needs. The Chalice of Repose Project School of Music-Thanatology in Missoula, Montana, was started by Therese Schroeder-Sheker after she worked in a nursing home and saw the callous treatment of the dying and the dead. A priest suggested she incorporate lines from the sacred scriptures of the world in prayers at patients’ bedsides. Music was added, and the concept of music-thanatology and prescriptive music vigils was born.

  Music-thanatologists pledge to serve the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of the dying and acknowledge the inherent worth of each person with unconditional love and attention. They offer an intimate atmosphere of serenity and comfort that can be profoundly healing for the dying, supporting them in their process of releasing earthly life.

  Music-thanatology can make a profound difference in the way people experience the end-of-life journey. Encouraging the listener to receive on a deep level, the prescriptive music communicates without words. The harp offers resonant sounds that penetrate the body. The tones of the harp go through the bones. Music-thanatology students learn Gregorian chants and how they affect the body physiologically, as well as prayers and music from many faith traditions. Music creates a sacred space for death to take place or for the family and the patient to process their experience. The sense of hearing is the last to go—even in coma patients. The beauty and harmony of the music reaches past the bodily symptoms and straight to the spirit. The prescriptive live harp music vigils take people beyond the music into a silence that is deeply spiritual and profoundly comforting. No matter what losses you may be grieving, music is a powerful way to connect with the transcendent part of your nature. If the ancients who believed that music and harmony were reflections of the universal order are now being proved correct, you can be assured that music can be a helpful and healing modality for you and for a dying loved one. Sound is vibration, and the right sounds can offer a healing vibration that is felt in the body as well as with the emotions. While walking with a loved one through the valley of the shadow of death or for those mourning after their beloved has passed on, music can provide healing and inspiration. />
  Music is a reminder that just as there is the tone of a struck note—as well as the unstruck overtones that resonate around that tone—so the events of your life have a struck note, the event of saying good-bye to someone you love deeply. The unstruck notes (the overtones and/or higher harmonics) include grief, loss, and sadness. But there are other harmonics at work that heal and inspire. There is a greater wholeness, a healing energy, and a higher octave of love that is part of the harmonic equation. You may not hear those healing overtones in the first impact of your loss, but they are there, built into the very nature of the universe. You are supported in a sea of sound and vibration. Celestial music has been playing in the background of your life, and going through this passage with a loved one can open your ears to hear the music that has been accompanying you all along.

  The Lesson of the Seasons

  A tender, fleeting apple blossom is even more beautiful and luminous because it has such a brief appearance. I rejoice in it because it will continue to change and evolve in the life cycle of the apple tree. Winter’s bare branches give way to spring’s pink and white. Then petals fall like snow and blow away in the wind. Tiny, knobby apple buds appear, and the long, slow days of summer carry the fruit to full perfection. The green leaves of summer turn to russet and brown as the cold weather approaches and the days grow shorter. Autumn brings a red and gold harvest—crisp apples for eating off the tree, applesauce, and apple pie for Thanksgiving feasts and golden winter comfort. Looking out the window at the frozen landscape and empty branches covered in snow, I know that those branches will one day be covered in blossom as a new cycle of seasons begins.

  Let life be beautiful like summer flowers and death be like autumn leaves.

  —Rabindranath Tagore

  So it is with the seasons and changes in our lives. You may revel in the innocence of childhood, the joy of schoolchildren discovering childhood classics and favorite games. Though you long to stop the clock and hang onto those moments for just a little longer, you know that loving your child means you must treasure the awkwardness of adolescence, the move to independence, and the assumption of an adult life that may be very different from the fond dreams you had of her future back when she was a baby. A lace wedding dress, a home established farther away than you would like, and, if you are especially blessed, grandbabies: all are part of the growth and evolution of a family. You wouldn’t want to keep your child from reaching her full maturity. To control and constrain is to stunt growth.