by Scott, S. L.
Slipping off his lap, I kneel in front of him, resting my cheek on his leg. “I know you would, but I don’t want you to feel anger on behalf of my past. I want you to know what I went through to be here now.” I rest my chin on his knee and look up at him. “I’m just grateful to be here with you.
“I’m grateful for you.” My favorite of his smiles appears, gentler than usual, but still genuine.
He’s changed over the course of the tour. The first night at the Outlaw’s dinner, I thought he was like every other guy. Now I know he was just good at hiding, keeping himself from getting close to anyone. Maybe he was waiting for me to come along, like I was for him. Either way, there’s one thing I know for sure. I love him. “I love you.”
He pushes the hair that’s fallen on the side of my face behind my ear. “I love you.”
“As for my scar, I tried to get rid of it. Talked to tattoo artists, but because of the raised skin, they couldn’t make any guarantees. I tried every lotion and cream. A plastic surgeon would have to do a skin graft, and I couldn’t have hidden that cost from my parents.”
“Fuck. I know this isn’t going to be good.”
“You’ve seen it. It’s ugly and . . .” I sit back and bring my knees to my chest, needing to hold on to something.
“Nikki, I don’t know what to say.”
“It doesn’t hurt,” I rush to tell him, as if I have to answer some unasked question.
He remains quiet, searching my eyes for the answer I’m not sure he’s ready to hear.
“I can be who I am today because I’m no longer tied to him. No longer owned by him.”
“No longer marred by him.”
“Exactly.”
“Will you show me again?” I can hear in his tone that he’s being cautious but curious.
I stand and unbutton my shorts. He’s seen it, so I don’t have any fear when it comes to showing him. I don’t have to hide the ugly side anymore. “Every time I put on a bathing suit or showered, I saw it.” I take my shorts down on that hip, enough to see the rough and pinkish skin. I run my hand over it. “Every time I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw his name in the reflection. I finally had enough. I was tired of hating my body.”
Moving to the edge of the chair, one of his hands touches the back of my leg. The other reaches forward and replaces my hand on my stomach. Though the nerves are damaged, I can feel his touch everywhere else.
Connection and love. I close my eyes when my scar tingles under his touch. Tulsa has the power to not just heal my body, but also my soul. “It looks like a burn. Did you burn yourself?”
“You know I wasn’t trying to hurt myself, right?”
“You were trying to destroy the hold he had on you.”
“I tried. I did a little, but I couldn’t do it. Tequila wasn’t strong enough to deaden the pain. My brother found me at the beach, at this place where we used to hang out. I begged him to help me.”
I try to force these damn tears back into their ducts. Swallowing my fear, I look down at him, but horror isn’t there. Turning his eyes toward me, he says, “I would do anything to help my brothers.” He gets it. He gets me.
With a shaky hand, I reach out to touch his cheek. “I know you would.”
“He didn’t ruin you.” He leans forward and kisses the scarred tissue. “You’re the strongest most incredible woman I know. Nothing will diminish who you are, Nikki Faris. The real you shines through. God, I love you.”
Tears fall this time, because he loves me and because he understands. The anchor that tied me to a part of my past releases, and for the first time in years, the taste of freedom fills my soul. I am free to be. Finally.
21
Tulsa
I’ve done a lot of crazy shit in my life: bare-ass bungee jumping, blowing up an old Chevy outside of Marfa, and getting higher than a kite and dancing on stage at ACL during the Sunday night headliners set. All three got me close to being arrested. I hope tonight has a different outcome.
I never set out to fall in love. Hell, I don’t even know that I understood what love was outside of my family. But with Nikki, the words come easy and natural even though I’ve never said them to a woman before.
This tour has been a blur of shows and cities, but one thing remains clear—her. I go to sleep holding her and wake up with her wrapped around me. Her smile is one of my most favorite sights, and the melody of her laughter is the sweetest song. She shares her fears and worries, her happiness, and her thoughts on the wings of trust.
This has been the longest stretch without actual sex for me, ever, but I don’t feel empty or like I’m missing out. If we add up our time in minutes, hours, or days, we fell fast and hard, but my heart fell slowly as we took the time to get to know each other. I liked her, a lot, but when I remember back to the start of us, I know when I fell for her. She was wearing the tiniest of panties and no bra at all. As much as I loved her body, it was the moment I saw her without any makeup.
That was her—the unmasked woman who would change me forever, not because she asked me to change or wanted me to. No, my heart altered to match hers that day, and I became someone new, someone who didn’t need a fling when I’d finally found the real deal.
She’s a flower that blooms at midnight under my touch, her beauty staying throughout the next day. Her happiness is contagious, and I love the way she can’t keep her hands off me.
For fuck’s sake, I’m doing yoga with her two times a week. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is. Seeing her in skintight clothes getting all bendy with me doesn’t hurt. We rarely make it past downward dog before we get down together.
She jogs with me on the other days. Besides staying in shape together, we shower off the sweat right after, and then I get her wet all over again. Making her come, watching her face when she falls apart in ecstasy is something I dream about when I’m not with her. She’s so goddamned beautiful.
I’m entranced by her vulnerability and in awe of her bravery. The more I learn about her, the more I want to protect her from evil and shield her from the bad. I want to give her sunshine and spoil her by helping to make her dreams come true. Nikki Faris has become everything—my world, my journey, my life. And I finally understand Rivers’s pain and Jet’s joy.
Adjusting my tie in the mirror, I make sure it’s the way Jet taught me many years ago. I don’t wear one often, but if there was ever a reason to—tonight is it.
After texting my brothers that I’ll see them later for dinner, I shove my wallet and phone in my pocket and head out. Keeping my head down, I hope I’m not recognized. That would screw everything up.
I slip into the car and say hello to the driver.
He replies, “Big night, huh?”
“Yeah. Big night.” The flowers I ordered are on the seat next to me; the pink hue matches the color of her cheeks right after she comes. They’re perfect and pretty, just like her.
But damn if I don’t wish it was a shot or two of whiskey. I’m tempted to loosen the tie, but I resist, not wanting to mess up the look. I want everything to be perfect for her. I have him turn up the air, so I don’t start sweating on the outside like I am on the inside.
Tonight will either be the best night of my life or will go down as the worst. For as well as I think I know Nikki, every once in a while, she throws me a curveball and keeps me guessing.
The driver says, “I’ll be picking up Miss Faris right after I drop you off.”
“Thank you. Remember this is a surprise.”
He chuckles, and the response makes me nervous. “I won’t ruin it, but can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Is this the kind of surprise she’ll like?”
The lights from the brightly colored signs pass by while I think about it. I don’t know why I hesitate. I’ve been thinking about this for weeks. The concept isn’t new to me even if it is to her. I always come back to the same conclusion. She loves me. She’s accepted me. “She’ll love it.”
When I don’t finish, he says, “She will. You know her best.”
“I do.” My two-word response is telling. I can play live in front of twenty-thousand screaming fans, but only one woman holds the key to my destiny. So yeah, I’m a little anxious. But unlike him, I don’t have any doubts. Our souls make sense. She’s given me a purpose to each day, a will to be more, and a drive to be the best.
I’ve always winged my way through everything and lucked out. Now I want to do what’s right, to be proud of what I accomplish, and to make a life that she wants to share. I’ll do anything to be the stars she needs.
When he pulls into the parking lot, I look at the place before we stop. There is so much I need to think about, but only one thing comes to mind—please say yes.
* * *
Nikki: An hour and a half earlier . . .
After returning to the room, Lauralee has already showered and dressed. While she puts on her makeup, I hop in the shower.
Steam fills the room, and I hear her voice over the downpour of the water. “How’d it go?”
I peek around the curtain because this news deserves it. “I’m even more in love with him, Lauralee.”
“Guess it went well then.” Her hands stop, and our eyes meet in the reflection of the mirror. With a mascara wand in hand, she points at me and says, “I’ve been thinking.”
“About?”
“You.”
I laugh while ducking back under the water to wash my hair. “Me? What about me?”
“I can see the change in you. It’s not fame. It’s Tulsa. He’s good for you.”
“Don’t let him hear that. His ego is already as big as Texas.”
Even while rinsing my hair, I can still hear her laugh. “I mean it. I’m seeing the girl I grew up with this trip. You’re happy. You’re smiling, and even though you’re sneaking around, I think you’re having fun doing it.”
“He’s not threatened by the band or the media attention. He’s got his own fans and attention to deal with. He’s okay with me being in the spotlight. It’s not a competition with him.” His words echo back. The real you shines through.
“You don’t need my stamp of approval, but I approve of this relationship. You also don’t need a man to make you whole or support you. You need someone who makes you happy, and Tulsa does. He makes you happy, and that makes me happy.”
The soap runs over my body, and I say, “Aw, sweet friend, that means a lot to me.”
“The big question is, when are you going to tell Laird? You seem to be in a good place with Tulsa, so you should think about telling your brother.”
“He knows Tulsa has slept around.”
“Pfft. So does your brother. Heck, I’m sure every single guy on this tour does. So that’s no reason to have to hide your feelings.”
“You’re right. I know you are.” I peek out from the curtain once more. “I just need to find the right time to tell him.”
On her way out, she says, “Let’s just hope the right time doesn’t come after someone else tells him.”
She’s right again. I think about when the right time and place will be when I get a text.
Tulsa: Wear something that makes you feel pretty.
I’m smiling as I type: What time, handsome?
Tulsa: Eight. Don’t be late, babycakes.
Me: I’ll be right on time, honeybun.
Tulsa: *winks*
Leaning against the bathroom counter with the phone in my hand, I realize that this is our first official date. I set my phone down and begin to get ready. There’s no way I’m going to be late for this date.
* * *
“Keep Laird occupied and do not let him know who I’m with or where I am.”
“That will be easy. I have no idea where you’ll be.” We move up in the cab line. Lauralee adds, “But don’t worry about your brother. I know how to keep him occupied.”
“I owe you big for this.”
Our pinkies wrap around each other’s, and we nod twice just as a cab pulls up. “See you later. And don’t rush the sex.”
Everyone turns to gawk at me. “Yeah, yeah. She said sex,” I say, rolling my eyes. Glaring at her, I add, “Go and I’ll see you later.”
“You look amazing. You’re going to knock ’em dead.” She adds, “And I want full details of your night, so remember everything.” I doubt I’ll ever forget a moment of my time with Tulsa.
I help her close the door so everyone will hopefully stop staring at me. The next taxi pulls up, but the hotel valet directs me to a waiting black Town Car. “This is for you, Ms. Faris.”
Tulsa. Sweet bastard. I’m careful when I climb into the back so I don’t mess up my silver dress or trip in these four-inch heels. As soon as we drive away from the hotel, I text Tulsa.
Me: The plan is in play.
Tulsa: You ready for your surprise?
Me: I hate surprises.
Tulsa: You love surprises. I know this for a fact.
Me: Fine. You win. Surprise me.
Tulsa: I intend to. The driver already knows where he’s going.
I have intentions of my own. Operation Seduce Tulsa Crow is on.
Me: Aye aye, Captain.
The driver’s toothy grin reflects in the rearview mirror. “The Strip is busy tonight, but I should have you there quickly.”
“Thank you.” I’m tempted to bribe him to find out where I’m going, but Tulsa’s right; I don’t want to spoil the fun. I hope I’m meeting him at a hotel. I’m seriously ready for it to happen already, and if he doesn’t make the first move, I will. Vegas is the perfect place for us to go all the way. When it comes to my man, we’ve done almost everything, so I have no shame in our sex game.
The driver says, “We’re here.”
“Where?” The driver points, and I lean toward the window to look out. The sign doesn’t make sense because this isn’t a hotel. It’s not even a motel. The front door opens, and Tulsa strides toward the car looking nothing less than dashing. Oh. My. God. My mouth falls open, and I stare because he’s already drop-dead gorgeous, and now he’s trying to kill me by wearing a suit and tie.
He opens the car door, and I swing my legs out. “Wow,” is all he says, looking me over. Then he runs his thumb over that kissable bottom lip, mesmerizing me with the motion. “You look stunning.”
As questions fill my head under the bright lighting of the porte cochère, he takes my hand, and adds, “Before you say anything, please let me go first.”
Stunned and stuck to the spot, it’s as if I can’t form other words, but I finally manage to ask, “Why are we at a wedding chapel?”
Tulsa’s arm wraps around mine, and he holds my hand as he leads me to a bench nearby. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
When we sit, I look at him, waiting for him to explain because this is not making any sense to me. I mean I would marry him in a heartbeat if he asked, but doubts creep in, making me feel insecure.
He puts them to rest. “You look pretty as a bride.” His demeanor is calm, his eyes confident. “I’ve never felt the way I feel about you before. You make me want to wake up each day in hopes of stealing a kiss or an hour with you. I know we’ve been crazy and our love has been spontaneous, but we’re more than a few stolen moments. Right now, we’re like the tides. We roll in to spend time together, and then we’re lost at sea by sunrise.”
My chest and face feel hot under his adoring gaze, and my heart is full of love, almost too much to contain. I touch his cheek and lean in to kiss him, when he says, “I don’t want to be temporary. I want you. Whatever that entails, I want you. I want to wake with you and fall asleep with you in my arms. I don’t want to make myself at home with you. I want to make my home inside you, like how you already reside inside me.”
He brings my hand to his mouth and kisses it twice. “Pretty Nikki, you don’t have to say yes to
marriage, but I want you to know that when I said that I’d marry you one day, that day can be today. I’m ready for that. Or it can be a year from now if you prefer. I’ll wait.”
“Don’t wait.” My words sound breathless, but they’re not rushed. I want this. I want him. God, yes. I want him with all my soul, heart, and body.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. I feel so sure about us, and I don’t want to wait.”
Tulsa gets down on one knee. “Will you marry me, darlin’?”
22
Tulsa
“Kiss me, Tulsa.” When I lean over, Nikki’s hands cover my shoulders. “At the end of the altar.”
I don’t think it’s possible to be happier than I’ve been in the past six weeks. I’ve had a good life. Sure, there have been shitty parts. Everyone has troubles and tragedies to deal with, but I’ve had a life that I’ve enjoyed to the fullest. Well, that’s what I thought, until now.
Sitting here with this incredible woman telling me she wants to marry me feels like the cherry on top of a Mt. Everest-size banana split sundae. As much as I want to run down that aisle with her, I don’t want to do it at the risk of regrets. “I have a room reserved in an hour. I want to marry you, but do you want to marry me without your family or your best friend? Do you want to wait? Do you want a big wedding or right here in A Little White Wedding Chapel with just the two of us? Tell me what you want, and I’ll give it to you. Anything. It’s not about rushing. This is about us being together forever.”
She looks down at our knees touching and drags her finger along the top of my leg. When she slips her hand back into mine, she looks into my eyes. “It’s not about them. It’s only about us. We can celebrate with everyone when the tour’s over. But if we do this, I don’t think we can tell anyone. They’ll freak out, and it could cause issues within the tour.” Her gaze drifts away as she mulls over something, and I’m nailed by the intensity when she returns to me.