Protecting His Beautiful Lover: Southern Soldiers of Fortune Book Three

by North, Leslie

  Not that being a biological parent made some unbreakable bond with someone. Hell, Ashley’s own mother had proved that point.

  “Dude, I’m running out to take care of a couple errands,” Levon called from the door. “Need anything?”

  “Nope. I’m good, thanks,” Clint called back, putting the phone down again and glancing around the office. “Where’s Noah?”

  “He left a while ago to run back to his place,” Levon said, sending him a funny look. “You didn’t notice?”

  “Obviously not.” Clint scrubbed a hand over his face, doing his best to cover his gaffe. “Been trying to get through these financial reports. Guess I got distracted.”

  “Uh huh.” Levon narrowed his gaze on him, his tone sounding thoroughly unconvinced. “You okay, buddy?”

  “Of course.” He sat forward and clicked on one of the multiple tabs open in the accounting software on his computer. “I’m fine. Why?”

  “No reason.” Levon hesitated a second, then shook his head and pushed out the door. “Don’t work too hard while I’m gone.”

  “I won’t.” Clint waited until the bells jangled, signifying the door was closed, before he looked up from his monitor again. For a couple of ex-SEALs, Levon and Noah were far too concerned with his love life for their own good. Clint liked to keep his private stuff private, but his friends had done nothing but hound him about Tara following his return to the office. He didn’t want to talk about it because he felt there was nothing to talk about. He’d done his job. They’d had a fling. It was over.

  Except every time he remembered those few weeks they’d spent together at her place, his chest constricted a little, his heart aching against his wishes. Man, he was an idiot. He’d known going into all of this that sleeping with her would be a mistake. Usually, he did well keeping his emotions out of sex, but Tara had been different. From the start, she’d touched something inside him, made him feel things he’d denied for too long, had him imagining what it would be like to be a real family with her, not just a temporary one.

  Which was nuts. Tara had made it clear she didn’t want him around anymore. She’d moved on.

  So why did she want Ashley to come over now?

  He glanced over to where his daughter was playing in the corner. He still hadn’t gotten around to hiring a new nanny. So between school, him and his neighbor Mrs. Crocker, they managed to keep his kid supervised as needed. Mrs. Crocker had had a doctor’s appointment today, though, so Clint had picked his daughter up from kindergarten and brought her here with him.

  “Daddy?” Ashley called, futzing with a Tree Top Explorer Barbie in each hand.

  “Yeah, sweetie?” he said, exhaling slowly. Man, he loved his child, more than life itself, but he was tired. Tired of doing it all on his own. He wanted a friend, a partner, a wife to share the burden, the joys and sorrows and everything in between with him. Clint never thought he’d say this, but he was lonely.

  Lonely for something he’d had and lost, before he’d even realized it.

  Dumbass indeed.

  Ashley set her dolls on the floor and walked over to where he sat behind his desk, her mouth turned down at the corners. “I miss Tara. When can we go visit her again?”

  Her quiet tone sucker punched him right in the feels. He missed Tara too, more than he could say. Missed her smile and her laugh. Missed the way she looked and the way she smelled. Missed how she’d opened her home and her heart to them, no questions asked.

  “I’m not sure, honey,” he said, staring at the phone on his desk again. “Tara’s awfully busy right now.”

  “They passed her bill,” Ashley said, climbing up onto his lap uninvited. “Did you know that, Daddy?”

  “I did,” he said, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her back into him. “But how did you know?”

  “It was in the paper.” She pointed to Levon’s messy desk, where the front page of the afternoon edition of the local paper half-hung over one edge. “I bet Tara’s so happy.”

  “I bet you’re right.” He kissed the top of his daughter’s head and smiled. He’d seen it on the news earlier that day and had spent far too long hypnotized by Tara’s grin on the screen. Once upon a time, she’d grinned like that for him. What he wouldn’t give to make that happen again.

  “Daddy?”

  “Yeah?” he said, shaking off his silly thoughts.

  “Mommy left us.”

  Clint winced, glad his daughter couldn’t see his face. “That’s true. She did.”

  “But Tara didn’t leave. She’s still here, in town.”

  Well, that was true. Proving once again that not all women were like his ex. Not all women left. But the situation was a whole lot more complicated than that. Ashley wouldn’t understand that, though, and rather than risk getting in over his head here, Clint agreed. “Yep, she is.”

  “Do you like Tara, Daddy?” Ashley scooted slightly to look up at him over her shoulder. “I like her a whole lot. She’s funny and smart and she lets me draw rainbows whenever I want and talk about all sorts of stuff like compost and butterflies and solar energy.”

  Clint snorted at his precocious kid. Where would he find another six-year-old like Ashley? Nowhere, that’s where. She was unique through and through and he thanked his lucky stars every day she was in his life. He nodded and gave his kid a squeeze. “You two had lots to talk about, huh?”

  “We did. When can we see her again, Daddy?” Ashley asked again. “Please? I’ve got more ideas for her social media I need to tell her too.”

  Reluctantly, he reached over and grabbed his phone again. Maybe it was fate, this invitation. Certainly seemed that way, given how Ashley was all but begging to see Tara again.

  “Daddy?”

  “Yes, kiddo?”

  “Why do you work so much?” she asked him. “You always seem too busy for me.” The simple, direct statement sliced him to the bone.

  He swallowed hard and scooted her around again so he could see her face. “I’m sorry, honey. I work a lot so that we can have a nice life and afford all the things you need.”

  “But I need more time with you.” Ashley kept her eyes lowered and gave a small shrug that broke his heart. Damn. He’d been staying busy, thinking that was the way to a better future, but maybe he’d gotten that wrong. Just like he’d gotten so many other things wrong over the past couple of weeks. “I want you to watch me ride my bike. I want you to read to me before bed. I want you to play dolls with me and help me compost and color and do all the stuff other kids in my class do with their dads.”

  So much for keeping a lid on his emotions now. Guilt welled up inside him, making him feel worse than he already did about the situation. Things had been easier when Tara had been around. He’d come to depend on her in more ways than he’d realized. Tara had become that partner, that friend, he'd been looking for and he’d just thrown it all away.

  The fact Ashley sounded so matter-of-fact about it all only hurt worse.

  He’d been neglecting his daughter. He’d been trying to give them a better life and in the process he’d done just the opposite. He’d walked away from the best shot at happiness for both of them.

  “Let me show you something,” he said, clicking on his phone and showing Ashley the text from Tara on the screen. “She invited you over to help her plant a butterfly garden later. Do you want to go?”

  Ashley squealed and clapped. “Yes, Daddy! Please, can I go?”

  Days ago, his reaction would have been no. It would be too messy and too complicated and too risky, considering his feelings for Tara. But now, how could he deny his baby girl this chance at joy?

  How can I deny myself?

  That thought brought him up short. His pulse raced and sweat prickled the back of his neck. Tara had given him joy. Joy and love and happiness. And now it was like the sun had gone out without her. He loved Tara Crumb. Loved her with every fibre of his being, and damn if he wasn’t going to try and win her back. He wanted to have the chance to pro
ve his love to her every single day for the rest of their lives.

  She’d invited Ashley over, not him. Tara had to know he’d be dropping her off, though, right? It wasn’t like she’d told him to stay away. Maybe if he was there, they could have a chance to talk and work out some of the issues between them. If nothing else, it might give him a chance to apologize and beg for her forgiveness.

  He found himself grinning just like Ashley as he nodded. “Yep, you can definitely go. Let me just text her back.”

  Clint typed out the word and stopped, his thumb hovering over the send button. It was just a simple text response, but it felt momentous, like a turning point or another threshold he was crossing. Once he clicked, he’d be putting himself out there, putting his heart and his emotions on the line.

  Was he ready for it? Not really. Was it necessary? Absolutely.

  Tara had helped him realize that too. She’d helped him in more ways than he could count, and now it was payback time.

  “All right, kiddo,” he said, putting Ashley down and standing. “Go clean up your toys and we’ll get going.”

  It was still early, but if Clint wanted to make a good impression tonight and show Tara that he’d really changed, he had some preparing to do.

  Twenty minutes later, they were walking out the front entrance just as Noah and Levon were walking back in. The guys stepped aside and held the door for him and Ashley as they headed out into the parking lot.

  “Where you headed to this early on a Friday afternoon?” Noah said, shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand.

  Clint started to say, “Got some errands to run and—”

  “We’re going to see Tara tonight!” Ashley said, cutting him off.

  She skipped off to his car, leaving Clint to stare at the guys as they both raised eyebrows at him. Cheeks hot, he scowled down at his keys in his hand. “Don’t say it.”

  The guys laughed and Levon shook his head. “Nothing to say, dude, except that it’s about damned time.”

  He mumbled something under his breath as he turned away and headed to his car, biting back a smile as the guys yelled from behind him, “Go get her, man!”

  Yep. That’s exactly what Clint hoped to do. Win back the woman of his dreams.

  21

  “We’re here,” Ashley yelled, managing to get out of her booster seat and out the door before Clint could stop her.

  He watched her race up the front walk to Tara’s porch from where he sat, still in the car, steeling himself. He shouldn’t be nervous, not after spending weeks with Tara, but he was. Probably because this was important to him. Maybe the most important thing in his life—second only to becoming a father.

  Clint glanced over and saw the front door open to reveal Tara, looking amazing as always in her jeans and a T-shirt. If he was honest, she looked better in casual clothes then any woman he’d ever seen in a full-out evening gown and jewels.

  Of course, he might be a little biased too.

  Tara bent and hugged Ashley and his throat tightened a little bit. He loved his daughter so much and over the years, he’d wondered if he’d ever find someone who felt the same about his wonderful little girl. She was a lot to take sometimes, with her strong opinions and her wicked smart brain, but he wouldn’t want Ashley any other way. To see Tara embrace her so completely, just as she was, only confirmed to him that he was making the correct choice.

  Right. Okay. Time to do this.

  Before his girls could disappear inside, he cut the engine and got out, waving from the curb before coming around the car and walking up to the house, trying to gauge her reaction with each step. It reminded him of the raids he did with his SEAL team, approaching an unknown situation where the risks were great, but so were the rewards—if they were successful.

  “Daddy, hurry up!” Ashley yelled, waving him up to the porch. “We need to start planting.”

  He stopped at the edge of the porch, afraid to cross the line until he was invited. He’d rehearsed a million different greetings, but what he ended up saying was, “Hey.”

  Brilliant, dumbass.

  “Hey,” Tara said, holding Ashley’s hand and looking at him with an unreadable expression. She wasn’t going to make this easy, but he’d never been a man to shy away from a challenge. They stood there staring at each other for a moment before she finally said, “Thank you for letting Ashley come over.”

  “You’re welcome.” Clint resisted fidgeting and stuck his hands into the back pockets of the jeans he’d changed into after work, rocking back on the heels of his work boots. “Nice day, huh?”

  “Yeah.”

  So much for rocking her world with his eloquence. Ashley was frowning up at him like he was the hugest dork she’d ever encountered, and honestly, Clint felt the same.

  Just say it already, dude.

  He took a deep breath. “Look, about what happened the other day—”

  “Why don’t you come inside?” Tara said, cutting him off and stepping aside to let him through the door. His heart thundered in his ears and his blood raced with adrenaline. If he didn’t get this out soon, he just might explode. If Tara sensed any of his inner turmoil, she didn’t show it. Instead, she let go of Ashley’s hand and closed the door behind him before leading them through to the kitchen with the patio doors leading out to the backyard. “Can I get either of you something to drink before we get started?”

  “I want to see where the garden is going to be. I need to start planning what goes where.” Ashley bounced on the toes of her pink sneakers. “Please, can I see it?”

  Tara glanced at Clint and he gave a curt nod.

  “Okay,” she said, opening the sliding door for Ashley. “Be sure you stay in the yard, though. I’m thinking of putting things in over in that far corner, near the big oak tree. See what you think.”

  Once the ball of energy that was his daughter was gone, an awkward silence fell. Tara was only a few feet away, but there could have been the Grand Canyon between them, for all the ground he needed to cover.

  “So, about what I was saying earlier.” He took a step closer, carefully, like there might be landmines beneath her hardwood. “I just wanted you to know that I’m really sorry about how things ended. And I completely respect your choices, both professionally and personally. But you should know that if you ever did change your mind and decide that you might want to see us again, that would be all right too.”

  She blinked at him a moment. “I am seeing you. Right now.”

  “No. That’s not what I meant.” He raked a hand through his hair, frustrated with himself that he wasn’t getting this out the way he wanted to. This was exactly why he hated getting his emotions involved. Except with Tara, it seemed he was nothing but a whirling, raging ball of emotions now. It both thrilled and terrified him. He took another step closer, biting the bullet and just spitting it out, eloquence be damned. “I mean, I really enjoyed spending time with you, Tara. I loved getting to know you. I loved having you get to know me. I loved that you love my daughter. I loved that you played with her and involved her and didn’t try to change her at all. I loved having dinner with you and working with you and holding you at night after you fell asleep.” He moved closer still, coming around the island in her kitchen so they were close enough that he could hear her breath hitch. Close enough for him to smell her sweet floral perfume. Close enough that he could see her cheeks flush and her pupils dilate. “I loved every minute we spent together the past few weeks, Tara.” Say it. Say it. Say it. “I love you, Tara.”

  At first she didn’t respond, didn’t move, didn’t do anything except watch him with that blank look on her beautiful face. Then her shoulders slumped and the corners of her mouth turned down and she started crying.

  Oh God. Clint knew he was bad at this feelings stuff, but he’d never meant to make her cry.

  “Shit.” He stepped back and held up his hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t… It wasn’t my intention to…”

  “Don’t,” Tara said, her
tone firm. “Don’t you dare apologize for what you just said or I might have to punch you, Clint.”

  Okay then. Confused, he gripped the edge of the counter to steady himself. “Sorry. I don’t—”

  “Which part of ‘don’t apologize’ did you not understand?” she asked, hands on her hips now, her expression shifting to annoyed in two seconds flat. “Listen to me, Clinton Buckman. You are the most irritating, irrational, incredibly inscrutable man I’ve ever met. I never know where I stand with you and you make appallingly bad choices where your love life is concerned. You put up walls faster than I can tear them down and you shut me out way too much, thinking you have to handle everything on your own. But you love your daughter with all your heart. You’re strong and courageous and brave. You’re not afraid to run headfirst into danger to save those you care for and you look far more gorgeous than any man has a right to in yoga poses.” She took another step toward him, erasing the step he’d taken back. “I needed some time alone to figure out where I stood and what I wanted, and now I know.”

  He waited, frozen, praying she’d say it was him.

  “I want to help Ashley nurture her talents and her interests in the environment and climate change.”

  Clint tried to be okay with the fact she hadn’t mentioned him at all, only his daughter. It was better than nothing. Ashley would love working with Tara. It would be great for her, even if he’d yearn for Tara until the day he died. He’d make it work. Maybe just drop his daughter off when the two of them met, keeping his distance. Still, his heart sank, and his chest squeezed tight.

  She moved closer still and put her hand on his arm, her touch sending showers of sparks through his body. “And I’d like us to try again. You and me, as a couple. Dating. Sex. Everything. I love you too, Clint.”

  His eyes flew to hers, shocked and stunned and seriously elated. “You do?”

  Her grin was brighter than the sun outside. Tara nodded, then squealed as he swept her up into his arms and held her tight. She buried her face in the side of his neck, her breath warming him from the inside out. “I do.”