My Forever: An Epic High School Love Story with a Twist

by Kira Adams

  She reached out for me; I pulled further away. In that dark time, I joined an online chat room about suicide, and that is where Jacqueline came into the picture. She was a couple of years younger than me but could relate to my story because, like my brother, she had fallen victim to the darkness inside herself. Only, she didn’t succeed. I was so angry at Bo at the time. Jacqueline was like a godsend, helping me understand why he would ever do such a thing, helping refocus my anger, helping me find love and forgiveness in my heart for Bo again to help me move on.

  I spent months getting lost in conversations online with her. She would make me forget, for even just a little bit of time, that I’d lost my best friend and brother. I felt guilty for pushing Maddy away and building this new relationship with Jacqueline behind her back. There was no question that Maddy was head over heels in love with me, and prior to Bo passing away, she was the person I planned to spend the rest of my life with, just like she wished and our families had always hoped.

  When Bo passed away, everything changed. I changed. Being around Madalynne was gut-wrenching for me, too much for me to handle in my fragile state. So, my middle school days were spent behind a computer screen flirting with a girl I had never even met.

  BatGirl89 is away.

  BleaknDark84 just entered the chat room.

  GingerSnap47: Personally, my fav way to go would be drowning—I bet it’s peaceful and beautiful.

  xXTotalRecallxX: Ur retarded. Drowning wld b the worst way 2 go. Do ur research. It wld b so painful.

  Tanorexic19: Ouch. You just got P0wned @GingerSnap47

  BatGirl89 is available.

  BatGirl89: My preferred way would be carbon monoxide. It doesn’t feel real to me without the pain.

  Tanorexic19: You’re hardcore @BatGirl89

  Tanorexic19: @BatGirl89 Have you ever attempted before?

  Robotnerd_4u just left the chat room.

  xXTotalRecallxX: I’ve tried 3 times.

  Tanorexic19: Cool, was asking @BatGirl89. But since you brought it up, how?

  BatGirl89: Of course I’ve attempted before. Pills, wrist cutting…neither one worked for me.

  xXTotalRecallxX: How can I count the ways? Jumping off a bridge, pills, jumping out of a moving car.

  Absolution00: @BatGirl89 you probably did it the wrong way. People are complete novices when it comes to actually doing it. @xXTotalRecalxX: Good for you, seems like you have an affinity for jumping off or out of things. Do you enjoy the pain?

  Private chat window

  BatGirl89 has accepted your chat request. You are now connected.

  BleakNDark84: Hi. Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you might have a moment to chat real quick?

  BatGirl89: Sure! Nice to e-meet you. I’m Jac.

  BleakNDark84: You too. I’m Parker.

  BatGirl89: So, Parker, what can I do for you?

  BleakNDark84: My brother killed himself a few weeks ago and I have no one to talk to.

  BatGirl89 is typing…

  BleakNDark84: I’m sorry if that was TMI. It’s weird, but I thought people in here might have more insight than me.

  BatGirl89: Holy hell. I’m sorry to hear that. How did he do it?

  BleakNDark84: Hung himself. I was the one to find him.

  BatGirl89: Shit, that’s rough. I don’t know what to say…

  BleakNDark84: You don’t have to say anything. I’m just trying to understand why he did it.

  BatGirl89: Did he leave a note?

  BleakNDark84 is typing…

  BatGirl89: Sorry if I’m asking too many questions. You don’t have to answer them if you feel uncomfortable.

  BleakNDark84: He did leave a note, but it doesn’t make up for the fact that I should have known something was wrong.

  BatGirl89: People don’t wear neon signs on their forehead announcing they’re depressed. In fact, many hide behind fake smiles and false hope.

  BleakNDark84: Are you speaking from experience?

  BatGirl89: Always. I’ve just accepted the fact that I’m life’s reject.

  BleakNDark84: How do you keep going after so many failed attempts?

  BatGirl89: With the idea that someday it will get easier. That someday the pressure will cease.

  BleakNDark84: I’m just so angry I can’t see straight. I know it’s different because you’ve probably never been in my shoes…but why couldn’t he see that taking his life wasn’t the answer?

  BatGirl89: Sometimes when things are wrapped in darkness from depression, your vision is blurry.

  BleakNDark84: I have to go. Will you be around later?

  BatGirl89: I’m always here, day or night. Nice to meet you, Parker, and I’m sorry again about your brother.

  3

  “You’re making the biggest mistake of your life you know,” my best friend, Kendall Walker, states as we approach the front doors of our high school.

  “About what?” I ask, my hand on the door handle, frozen, waiting for an answer.

  “Pushing Parker away—you’re going to regret it, Maddy. He’s amazing and you know it.” Her green eyes twinkle when she speaks about him. Kendall has a soft spot for Parker because his best friend also happens to be her boyfriend. We all grew up together.

  “Kendall, you have no idea what I’m going through,” I snap, causing her to jerk backward, her blond curls whipping back with her.

  “Oh, I’m sorry I don’t know what it’s like to lose a brother in war…but you forget my mother died when I was four years old. Try experiencing that and then come back and tell me I have no idea what you’re going through.” Her tone is hurtful, and guilt immediately washes over me.

  “Kendall.” My fingers reach for her arm. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry.”

  She stares back at me, her icy green eyes piercing through me. I couldn’t move a muscle even if I tried. “You know what, Maddy? Save it. I’m tired of your bitchy attitude and your selfish ways.” She turns on her heel, tearing open the front door and stomping inside.

  It wasn’t my plan to have a confrontation with my best friend. School isn’t the best thing for me just yet. I don’t think I’m ready to be facing the human population, but my parents decided for me. They don’t want me to fall any more behind than I already am. It makes sense, but it doesn’t mean I’ve stopped resenting them.

  They have not gotten any easier to live with either. In fact, they’ve only gotten worse. My usual routine has become isolation and loud music. But I can’t avoid the world around me forever, so I pull open the big red door and walk inside. The hustle and bustle of my peers is a little overwhelming, so I keep my head down as I hurry to my locker.

  My stomach dips. I wasn’t expecting him to be here. I don’t know what to expect anymore. His dark eyes are sad and distant, and it tugs at my heart strings. “Parker…”

  “Do you really want to do this?” he asks, his lip quivering. My eyes avoid his gaze; he is going to break me.

  “Do what?”

  “Don’t play dumb. You know exactly what I’m talking about,” he hisses.

  “Parker.” I turn to face him. He looks as handsome as ever with a Quicksilver t-shirt and shorts on. He still makes me blush with just one glance, but nothing feels right anymore. “I don’t even know how to live right now…throwing a boyfriend in the mix is too much. I have so much on my plate.” I turn to open my locker and throw my books in.

  “That’s such a copout, you know that?” His sad expression turns to anger.

  “My brother just died…how dare you say that to me!” My finger juts out in front of his face.

  “I know! You don’t have to keep reminding me. I lost him too.” Parker swings the backpack he’s holding over his shoulders and begins to walk away from me.

  “So that’s just how it’s going to be?”

  He stops walking and turns to face me. His expression so sad. I swallow, my heart pounding wildly. I love Parker Grant with every inch of my being, but lately, all I want to do is curl up in a li
ttle ball and set things on fire. I can’t see past the rage of losing my brother. My mind can’t comprehend why two people had to be torn so roughly away from me in a short amount of time. Life is so cruel.

  “I still believe in us and believe we can get through this…but I’m not willing to put up with your bitchy attitude. Get over yourself and then come find me.” He turns his back on me once again.

  “Fine then! Go! It’s not like I care!” I shout the empty, mean words, my eyes stinging with tears ready to pour down. The few people in the hall are now completely fixated on me with shocked expressions on their faces.

  “What are you looking at?” I scream, and then I slam my locker shut, racing to the bathroom.

  As soon as I’m inside, I sigh and then fall against the door, virtually blocking the entrance. I sob uncontrollably for what feels like an eternity before hearing a noise from inside one of the stalls. The thought that I might not be alone never crossed my mind until now. I rise hesitantly, wiping off my jeans and picking up my purse. Rounding the corner further into the bathroom, I see them, a set of three urinals.

  No freaking way.

  Without realizing it, I sprung myself into the boy’s bathroom. Surprisingly, no other guys have entered since I made the mistake…but someone in here heard my entire breakdown.

  I’m not myself…as becomes painstakingly obvious when I begin pounding on the only locked stall. “I know you’re in there and you heard everything.”

  The door opens quickly, surprising me. Inside stands a guy around my age. He has blond hair and bright hazel eyes. His hair is shaggy, and he looks like a skater.

  “Look, I’m not here to judge,” he says softly, his hands in the air. Slowly reaching one of his hands into his back pocket, he pulls out a pack of cigarettes. “You look like you could use one.”

  Even though I’ve never been attracted to smoking in my life, I find myself welcoming the distraction, the new experience.

  “Thanks,” I say, reaching for one. And then without anything further, I run out of the bathroom as quickly as possible, throwing the lone cigarette in my purse and heading to my first class of the day.

  As I stare at the classroom door for a few minutes, my mind wills my legs to move…but I’m frozen in place. I’m already tardy. Would a full absence really be that bad? The answer becomes clear when my feet hit the pavement, headed toward my car.

  My palms are sweaty beyond belief knowing my first date is hours from beginning. I’ve pictured this night for years; Parker will meet me at the movies where we will awkwardly sit for hours, wondering who will make the first move.

  The other night, Parker surprised me by showing up unexpectedly and crashing a group date I was on, and then he took my breath away by kissing me in front of all our friends. It was my first kiss…and it surpassed anything I could have ever dreamed up.

  “You’re going to do great.” Mason peeks in at me from the hallway. “He’d be a fool not to realize how wonderful you are.”

  I shoot my brother a thankful glance before pulling my long, dark hair up into a tight ponytail. Mason’s opinion means more to me than anything in the world.

  “I have something for you.” He enters my room slowly, shielding his surprise in the palm of his hand.

  “What is it?” I ask, curiously eyeing his closed fist.

  “I thought you could use some luck.” His eyes twinkle as he slowly opens his fist.

  Inside is the tiniest, most delicate four-leaf clover. I’ve never seen one before in my life, and it fascinates me at my young age.

  “What if I lose it?” My eyes grow wide with the possibility.

  “I trust you, Mads,” my brother replies, calling me by his personal nickname.

  “Thank you,” I exclaim, jumping up from my bed to hug him tightly. I have been so fortunate to grow up with a loving and supportive brother who really is there for me through everything.

  4

  She thought I didn’t see her leave that day, but I did. Oddly enough, I saw her exit the boy’s bathroom then swiftly slip out the side doors virtually unnoticed. She continued to do that the next few days as well.

  She wanted space. I gave her space. But it doesn’t mean I stopped paying attention. Doesn’t mean I stopped caring.

  It’s Friday night and Dylan manages to talk me into going to a party with him to get my mind off her. I’m about as excited as I would be throwing myself into a pool of sharks…but he has a point. Ever since Maddy started pushing me away, I stopped caring about anything—my appearance, my friends, my studies, my life. I need this.

  For the first time in close to a week, I take time and care in picking out what to wear, even putting a little gel in my hair. I shave the small amount of facial hair that has accumulated in the last couple of days. Lastly, I put on the cologne Maddy gave me for Christmas last year—Fierce by Abercrombie and Fitch. Although it sucks to be reminded of her, it’s something that always gives me confidence.

  “You’re seriously like the equivalent of a woman,” Dylan drones from my bed. He’s lying on his back staring at a Rolling Stones magazine he found.

  “Shut up. Are you ready to go?”

  Dylan shoots up instantly. “Ready to go? I was ready to go thirty minutes ago, but you had to try on—”

  I throw my hand over his mouth, muffling his words. “Grab your jacket and let’s get out of here.”

  He follows my instruction without another word. Before I know it, we’re in his car on the way to the party.

  “So, where’s Kendall tonight?” I ask.

  “She and Maddy decided to have a girls night. Good thing too—this can be our bros night out.” Dylan taps on the steering wheel excitedly.

  I’m actually kind of relieved. Not having to worry about running into Maddy and just being able to enjoy myself for once is exactly what the doctor ordered.

  There are cars parked all over the grass. “It’s a barn party!” Dylan exclaims, parking quickly and hopping out of the car.

  My eyes take in the red barn in the distance filled with people inside and out. Taking a deep breath, I close the car door. You can do this.

  There is an odd assortment of characters milling about. The first thing that really catches my eye is the keg. That’s how to begin the night off right.

  “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Dylan asks, grinning at me as we close in on it.

  I nod, smiling back.

  Apparently, he has something else in mind altogether. I’m upside down on the keg chugging beer before I can stop it, until I think I might puke. When they put me down, all the blood rushes back through my body. Even though sickness is swirling around in my stomach, I feel like a champ.

  “That was fucking awesome, Parker!” Dylan slaps me on the back then jumps up to do one himself.

  I’m still unsteady when someone calls my name from behind me. “Parker? Parker Grant? Are you the Parker Grant?” It’s a female’s voice, but not one I recognize.

  I spin around, wiping any remaining beer remnants from my face. “Excuse me? Do I know you?” The strawberry blond hair, short stature, and freckles do not ring a bell.

  Her baby blue eyes look upset. “I can’t believe you don’t remember me.”

  Contrary to popular belief at my school, I’m not an asshole, and she is making me feel terrible that I don’t recall.

  “Aria…” She trails off as if waiting for me to pick up some sort of hint.

  “Aria…Aria…” And then it clicks. Aria Hunt. We grew up together and had the same babysitter, Nina Phillips. “Aria Hunt.” I let a surprised breath out of my mouth.

  She nods, her blue eyes glistening. We spent much of our childhood together until about the age of eight. Aria used to chase Bo around like he was some prize to be won. Bo always said she had cooties. Now I know it was because Bo had already figured out his preference.

  “I haven’t seen you since…” She trails off.

  “Nina’s funeral.”

  A sad look tak
es over her face. “I heard about Bo. I picked up the phone a million times to call you but couldn’t ever figure out the right words…and then one day I just stopped.”

  Bo’s death is always an uncomfortable conversation topic. “You want a drink?” I ask, hoping to change the subject from Bo to something more pleasant.

  “Heck yes!” She pumps her fist in the air. She is more of a nerd than I remember.

  I chuckle softly to myself then pour us both cups of the amber-colored liquid. After handing one to her, I motion toward the haystacks that are conveniently placed everywhere. “Wanna sit?”

  She follows me to the closest one.

  “So, tell me, what have you been up to since I last saw you?”

  She scrunches her nose like she’s deep in thought then takes a sip of her beer. “Let me see, I haven’t seen you since I was eight years old. A lot has happened…I don’t even know where to start.”

  “How about this—are you dating anyone?” I’m not sure where the question comes from…or why I even care.

  “No, actually.” She sighs before taking a long swig of beer. “I was recently dumped.”

  “You too?” I tap my cup against hers as a cheers and then swallow a gulp. Technically we are still together, but Maddy is making it more of a reality every single day that she prefers her space.

  “What happened?”

  “She cheated on me. Found a newer model.”

  My beer goes down the wrong tube out of surprise, causing a coughing spell. “She?”

  Aria remains calm and collected, even grinning back at me. “What? You didn’t know? I’m a lesbian.” She chugs the rest of her beer then.

  “But you chased Bo around like a cat in heat our entire childhood!” I choke out.

  “I knew he was different, like me. I wanted to be his friend, Parker. Just his friend.”

  I shake my head, digesting it. “I really had you pegged as another unrequited love case.”