by Harley Stone
Naked. Army-crawled. Across the bedroom floor of a man I’d known for a week. While my son slept downstairs. That was the position my life choices had put me in.
I’m so going to hell for this.
Reaching the fabric, I snatched it up and started to put it over my head. The front fell open like a vest, because it had been ripped apart. Okay, I vaguely remembered that, too.
What were we? Animals?
It wasn’t like I had an abundance of clothing that he could just rip apart. But now that I thought about it, the memory of him literally ripping off my shirt sent little flickers of fire straight to my nether regions. Yes, apparently, I was an animal. In heat, even. Trying desperately to ignore my body’s reaction, I spied my shorts across the room and set out at a slow, quiet pace to retrieve them. I’d almost made it when the bed shifted.
I rolled, angling toward the space beneath the bed, but Kaos’s head popped down right in front of me, blocking my path and ripping a surprised scream from my throat.
Eyes wide, expression confused, he stared at me. “Um, what… What’s goin’ on, angel?” he asked.
Since I couldn’t very well say I’m army crawling naked across your floor, I replied with a super intelligent sounding, “What do you mean?”
The side of his lips quirked. “You… you’re naked. And lying on my floor. Is something wrong with my bed?”
It was a perfectly reasonable question, but answering it would require admitting I’d previously been in his bed. I was kind of hoping he was too drunk to remember last night’s activities. “Aren’t you hungover?” I asked.
He cocked his head to the side and studied me like I was a complicated puzzle. “It was good booze and I’m a big guy. I’ve got a bit of a headache, but it’s not too bad. You?”
“I uh… same.”
“Want me to get you some ibuprofen?”
I was trying to sneak out of his bedroom after sex, and he was still being sweet and trying to take care of me. Maybe I could use that to my benefit. “No. Thank you. But if you would please turn around for a minute, so I could get up…”
His eyebrows rose. “You want me to turn around?”
If my face got any hotter, it would combust. “Yes. Please.”
“You realize I’ve seen and touched every inch of your beautiful body, right?”
Did he have to be so blunt? “Yes, but that was last night.”
“And…?”
“It was dark. It’s daytime now. I’m shy.”
His eyes narrowed, and I got the feeling he hadn’t fallen for my explanation, but he turned anyway. I bolted for my shorts. Scooping them up, I jumped to my feet, but my head rebelled. Leaning against the wall, I took a few measured breaths, trying to keep from throwing up all over his floor. Finally, the room stopped spinning long enough for me to slide my shorts up and hold my shirt closed.
“Can I turn back around yet?” Kaos asked when I stopped moving.
I nodded, realized he couldn’t see me, and answered, “Yes.”
When his gaze landed on me, I caught a hint of disappointment in his eyes. “You’re leaving.” It wasn’t a question, and he sounded resigned. Good. He must have come to the same conclusion I had.
“Yes. It’ll only take me a few minutes to get our stuff together, but I… I think that’s for the best.”
His eyes widened and he shoved himself up to his knees, giving me a world class view of the most impressive body I’d ever laid eyes on. He was hard—everywhere—and it was almost impossible to look away. “What are you talking about?” he asked.
I didn’t understand his sudden confusion. “Dylan and I are leaving… going back to Elenore’s.”
“Like hell you are,” he replied.
Shocked, I stared at him. The part of me that hated confrontation and wanted everyone to be happy and live in peace kept trying to point out that Dylan and I should stay. After all, Kaos had done a lot for us, and we owed him. What had he said about that last night? Oh yeah.
“I don’t know why society teaches girls to be grateful when boys act like decent human beings.”
I couldn’t stay because I felt indebted to him. I’d gone down that road before and knew it ended in a big, fat dead end. I wouldn’t let another man control my life. Not ever. Not even someone as good and incredible as Kaos. Squaring my shoulders, I summoned every ounce of resolve I could muster, and said, “Thank you very much for letting me and Dylan stay, but it’s time for us to leave now.”
“But… why?” he asked, stepping out of bed and reaching for his discarded sweats. “You wanted last night to happen. We both did. You made it perfectly clear you weren’t too drunk, or I never would have—”
“I know. I know what I said, and I don’t blame you.” I backed up another step toward the door.
“So, you’re just gonna… leave?”
Another step. I was almost to the door. I nodded. “It’s for the best. I need to take a step back and think about everything that’s happened.”
His expression fell. “I see.”
I hated that look on his face almost as much as I hated the pain in my chest. But there was no help for it. I knew what I had to do.
Turning, I fled from his room.
15
Kaos
TINA AND DYLAN were leaving.
When they’d moved in, there’d been no discussion about an exit plan. Nobody knew how long they’d need to stay with me, but I’d assumed it’d be a few months. At least until the divorce was final. They’d only been under my roof for a week, barely enough time to get to know them, and now Tina looked like she couldn’t get away from me fast enough.
I couldn’t let them leave now.
Not like this.
Was she really that ashamed of what we did last night? Why? We were consenting adults finally scratching a relentless itch…
And who the fuck was I trying to kid? What we shared was a hell of a lot more than an itch. Being with her once hadn’t scratched anything.
Then again, maybe it had. I’d had chicken pox as a child, and I remember it itching like the goddamn devil. Scratching didn’t bring relief. It only broke open the sores and made me bleed. A fitting analogy since I stood there staring at the spot where Tina had just stood, feeling like she’d opened one of my veins and left me for dead.
She hadn’t even looked me in the eyes.
Last night was the best goddamn night of my life, and I refused to let her label it a mistake.
Unfortunately, there was a hell of a lot more caught up in this mess than me and Tina. Dylan was a huge consideration, but I knew that kid was firmly on Team Kaos. I just had to figure out how to win his mom over. First, I needed to report the situation, though. Grabbing my cell phone, I called Emily, hoping like hell she was awake.
She answered on the third ring. “Mornin’ Kaos. You’re up early.” She sounded way too chipper for the kind of day I was having
“Mornin’. Hope I didn’t wake you.”
“No, I was already up. What’s going on? Is everything okay?” she asked.
“No. I… um… I fucked up, and I don’t know what to do now.”
“Just a second.” In the background, I heard her muffled voice, followed by the sound of a door. “All right. You have my undivided attention. Tell me everything.”
Confessing I’d gotten drunk and slept with the woman I was supposed to be protecting wasn’t exactly on my bucket list. It made me feel like a fucking rookie taking my first tumble with a puck bunny who turned out to be the team owner’s daughter. My ass would be on the chopping block, and I’d look like one hell of a motherfucking cliché. But this was no random tumble, and I needed Emily to understand that, so I laid it all out for her, glossing over the sordid details.
“It was consensual?” Emily asked.
I about dropped my goddamn phone. Apparently, some of those details were necessary after all. “Of course, it was consensual. What the fuck do you think I am?”
“Calm down, Ka
os, it’s nothing personal. I had to be sure.”
Which made sense but was still pretty damn offensive. “We were drinking, but neither of us were past the point of consent. We both wanted it,” I assured her, but there was no way in hell I’d disclose that Tina had demanded I fuck her. Some details were sacred. “What I need to know is how the fuck do we get her to stay?”
Emily blew out a breath, sounding a little too resigned for my liking. “We don’t.”
“But that asshole’s still out there gunnin’ for her. She and Dylan are safer with me.”
“Is that the only reason you want them there?” Emily asked, her voice full of challenge.
“No.” I probably should have said more, but what I felt for Tina and Dylan had nothing to do with Emily, Ladies First, or the club. This was personal, and I wanted to keep the details close to my chest.
“I see,” Emily said. “That’s quite the predicament. Regardless, I’m glad you called to let me know she’ll be going back to Elenore’s.”
“What?” Hadn’t the woman been listening to a damn word I said? “She can’t go back. Matt’s still out there.”
“Tina can go wherever she wants. She’s not a prisoner, and you’re not providing government-mandated protective custody. Our services are one-hundred percent voluntary, and if she wants to go back to Elenore’s, that’s her right. Hell, if she decided to go back to Matt, there wouldn’t be a damn thing we could do about it. We offer a service, Kaos, not a prison cell. She’s lived in one of those long enough.”
Goddamn, that hit hard. “Yes, she has, but this is different. This is for her own safety. Can’t they stay somewhere else? With you and the prez?”
“We don’t have room at the house, and we’re rarely home. They’d be alone most of the time, which is what we’re trying to avoid. It’d make more sense for them to stay at the fire station, but Tina’s already made it clear how she feels about that.”
“There’s gotta be someone else who can take them in.” This was my fuckup and I refused to put them in danger because of it.
“I know your heart is in the right place, but if you try to force her to stay, she’ll never forgive you.”
“Force her?” I repeated, hating the very way the words tasted. “I would never force her to do shit.” There had to be another option. An idea came to me, and I hurried to my closet to grab a bag. I’d pack a few days’ worth of clothes and sleep in my Escalade in her parking garage. After this morning, she might not want my protection, but she was sure as shit going to get it.
“Last night wasn’t a mistake, was it?” Emily asked. Before I could figure out how to answer that, she added, “At least, not for you. You love her, don’t you? You love both of them.”
I’d only known them for a week, so even thinking about love was asinine, but I didn’t hesitate. No use lying. “I do. I know it doesn’t make any damn sense, but they’re…” Everything. The entirety of my whole fucking world had somehow been reduced to two people, and the idea of watching them walk out of my life was tearing me apart. “I can’t lose them, Emily.”
“I’m sure this move is only temporary,” she assured me. “Give Tina some time and space. She’s a smart, responsible woman. I’ll call and check on her later to see if I can’t angle her toward a more reasonable path. Regardless of how she feels about you, I’m confident she’ll do what’s right to protect Dylan.”
That wasn’t the motivation I was looking for. Sure, she and Dylan would always be safe with me, but I wanted her to stay for more. To stay because she couldn’t stomach the idea of being away. Like all good Greek spawns, I’d taken philosophy in college, and a Socrates quote kept tugging at the back of my mind. ‘Sometimes you put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.’ Matt had kicked down her walls and taken her prisoner. She’d escaped and built a fortress around herself.
If I was going to win her over, it’d take a hell of a lot more than a battering ram.
I needed to prove myself as an ally and convince her to carve me out a door.
Promising Emily I wouldn’t do anything stupid, I disconnected the call, threw on a T-shirt, stuffed a few days’ worth of clothes into my bag, and headed downstairs. Tina’s bedroom door was open and she was inside, frantically stuffing clothes into a suitcase. The sight made me want to freak the fuck out and dump her bags so she couldn’t leave me.
But that wasn’t what she needed.
So instead, I set my pride aside and slipped into the room. “Hey, need some help?” I asked.
She startled and then stepped back like she expected me to attack. I held perfectly still and waited. When my words finally registered, her brow furrowed. “You… you want to help me?”
“I’m not gonna lie, Tina. I like having you and Dylan here. This past week has been great. Probably the best week of my life.” I shook my head, chuckling. “I know that sounds like some bullshit line, but it’s true. Hangin’ out with you and Dylan, helpin’ him with his homework, buildin’ fuckin’ blanket forts, sitting down to dinner like a family… that’s all shit I never even knew I wanted for myself, but I’m sure gonna miss the hell out of it.”
Her eyes softened marginally, but she stayed the course. Still watching me, she opened another dresser drawer and started transferring the contents into her suitcase. “You’re a good guy, Darius. Any woman would be lucky to have that with you.”
Any woman but the one I wanted, apparently. “Then why are you leaving?” I asked.
She blew out a breath. “Because I’m messed up, but I’m not… I don’t wanna be a whore.”
Huh? That was out of left field. “Did I do something to make you feel like one?” I asked.
She closed the drawer and deflated. Taking a seat on the bed, she faced me. “I’m not even divorced yet. I’ve only known you for a week, and I… We… That’s not the kind of woman I want to be.”
There was more to the story. There had to be. “Something happened to you, didn’t it?”
She snorted and looked away. “Stuff happens to everyone.”
I approached her slowly, sliding to my knees on the floor at her feet, making it clear through my body language that she held all the power. “Tell me. Please.”
The remaining fire went out of her eyes and her brow furrowed. Minutes ticked by, but I didn’t move. Didn’t ask for more. She fidgeted and opened her mouth a few times, but nothing came out. Finally, she seemed to come to a decision and nodded. “Okay. Remember how I told you our dad wasn’t around?”
Afraid to speak and make her withdraw again, I nodded.
“Mom… Mom was a struggle. At the time, we were living in Pomeroy. Are you familiar with the area?”
I shook my head.
“It’s a small town of about fifteen hundred people. Approximately thirty miles west of the Idaho border.”
“By Spokane?” I asked, trying to picture it in my head.
She wrinkled her nose. “About a hundred miles south of Spokane. In the middle of nowhere. Anyway, Mom had a lot of boyfriends.” Her eyes glistened, and she looked away, blinking. “Boyfriends probably isn’t the right word. She slept around. A lot. Everyone in the town knew it. People would always point at us and whisper. School was… bad. It’s hard to make friends when your mom has slept with everyone’s dad. When she died… people said she deserved it. They called her accident karma.”
And Tina had been a teenager at the time. A teenager without a dad who’d just lost her mom. “Some people just suck ass.”
She shrugged. “They were hurt. She hurt them. My mom wrecked homes and destroyed marriages. It was like she was on a mission to prove relationships were just a big farce.” She blew out a breath. “I hated her for what she did to families. For what she did to me and Elenore.”
“Under the circumstances, I’d say your hate was understandable, angel.”
She frowned. “You called me that last night, when I was most definitely not behaving like an angel.”
&n
bsp; “I think you’re a bit hard on yourself.”
Again, her eyes glistened. She looked away, sniffling. “Can you blame me? Do you know what it’s like to hear people call your mom a whore? I couldn’t even argue with them. Instead, I vowed to be different. I made all these promises to myself… no sex until marriage, one husband for the rest of my life, no kids out of wedlock. I had all these great plans… all these ways to make sure I’d never turn out like my mom. My kids would never have to hear anyone call me the village bicycle.”
Shit, that was harsh. I wanted to reach out to her—to comfort her—but didn’t dare.
“Living with my uncle wasn’t much better. He was so mad at mom for everything that he kept us at an arm’s length. By the time I went to college I was so lonely.” Her voice sounded hollow. “Pullman was more than an hour away from Pomeroy. There were almost thirty-thousand students on campus. People didn’t know about my mom. It was… freeing. Then along came Matt, acting so sweet and caring, and I just wanted to be normal. I lost sight of all those promises I’d made to myself and let him lead me away from my dreams. I lost myself. And now, here you are. I’m not even legally divorced yet, and we… God.” She ran a hand through her hair and met my gaze. “I can’t lose myself again. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
Understanding, I nodded, even as my world crashed down around me at her words. “Socrates once said, ‘The greatest way to live with honor is to be what we pretend to be.’ You are an angel, Tina. Matt clipped your wings for a time, but he can’t keep you from flying indefinitely.” The entire situation was fucked, and I had no idea how to fix it, but I had to try. Cupping her face in one hand, I said, “I’m not trying to change or cage you. I love you the way you are, and I want to help you fly.”