A Statue for Jacob

by Peter Murphy

  Some reporters had already made their way up to court, and once again there was an influx of clerks and interns from other courts, as well as assorted lawyers and members of the public. The level of interest wasn’t quite as high as it had been on the first occasion, but the case was still a draw for those who enjoyed the thrill of a good courtroom brawl. Sam and Arlene sat behind me and we settled down to wait.

  Mary Jane Perrins arrived with Jordan seconds before the hearing was due to begin. I had no doubt that she had been regaling the assembled journalists outside court with yet another lurid account of Sam’s movie career. She was dressed in a frumpy brown blouse and beige slacks, her hair short and hanging down loosely at the sides. She presented a striking contrast to Sam, who, as ever, was immaculate in her light grey business suit and moderate heels. All right, I’m biased, but I’m still right about that. There was no sign of the other three residents of Boston, Massachusetts, who were allegedly also trying to join as plaintiffs. Jordan said not a word to anyone as he edged his way past Dave Petrosian to sit next to me in counsel’s row. While I was taking all this in, Judge Morrow was taking the bench and Maisie was asking counsel to state their appearances. All three of us stood at the same time, Jordan to my immediate right, and Dave to his, but I was determined to stick my oar in the water first, just to remind Jordan who was in charge.

  ‘Good morning, Your Honour. Kiah Harmon for the lead plaintiff, Samantha van Eyck, who is with me in in court, and about 2,000 other plaintiffs who have so far joined in this class action.’

  ‘Good morning, Miss Harmon,’ Judge Morrow replied.

  ‘Jordan K. Leslie, Your Honour, with the law firm of Schumer Berthold & Morris, representing Mary Jane Perrins and three other plaintiffs.’ He actually sounded irritated that I had beaten him to it. ‘Mrs Perrins is in court.’

  ‘Good morning to you too,’ Judge Morrow replied. ‘I know it’s not the practice to say good morning in all courts, Mr Leslie, but if you should visit us more often, you’ll find out that in the Claims Court we like to start out with a pleasantry or two in the morning.’

  Jordan flinched. ‘Excuse me, Your Honour. I didn’t know that. Good morning.’

  Dave flashed me a grin.

  ‘Good morning, Your Honour, Dave Petrosian and Ellen Matthews for the United States. Your Honour, the government doesn’t have a horse in this race, but we stand ready to assist the court with legal submissions if required.’

  That, of course, had to be the government’s official position. The government can’t officially get involved in arguments about who is going to represent plaintiffs. But unofficially, the government often has an opinion on that subject. It makes the government lawyer’s life easier to have stability and competence on the other side, and a lawyer of Dave’s ability and experience understands that very well. His short written response to Jordan’s motion was on the face of it a model of detachment, but somehow managed to give the impression that the United States was more than satisfied with the status quo, and Maisie had dropped me a hint that Dave had been even less diplomatic behind the scenes. It was one of a growing number of things I was grateful to him for.

  ‘Good morning, and thank you, Mr Petrosian,’ the judge replied. ‘Well, Mr Leslie, I believe this is your motion. You have the floor.’

  Dave and I sat, leaving Jordan to face Tomorrow.

  ‘Yes, Your Honour, thank you. Your Honour, it’s our position that this important case needs the attention of a real law firm.’

  ‘Excuse me?’ I exclaimed involuntarily, rising to my feet. ‘Your Honour, would you please instruct Mr Leslie to avoid making personal attacks on opposing counsel?’

  Jordan actually snorted.

  ‘Typical. Your Honour, it’s been my experience that Miss Harmon takes everything personally. But this is not personal. It’s –’

  Tomorrow cut him off at the knees.

  ‘Mr Leslie, when I mentioned the pleasantry of saying good morning to each other in court, I was not meaning to imply that saying good morning represents the full extent of the civility this court expects of counsel. Whatever your experience of other courts may be, when lawyers come to the Claims Court, we expect everyone to be civil to each other throughout the hearing.’

  ‘I apologise, Your Honour.’

  ‘And before you proceed any further, you should know that Miss Harmon has appeared regularly in this court for a number of years, and that the court has the highest opinion of her work, in this case as well as in many others.’

  I looked up gratefully at Tomorrow and thought I saw the trace of a smile cross his face.

  ‘Of course, Your Honour.’

  ‘Good. Then, why don’t we try this again? Take two…’

  ‘Yes, Your Honour. It’s our position that this important case requires the attention of a number of lawyers, backed up by paralegals, and therefore needs a law firm that has such resources available. The law firm of Schumer Berthold & Morris is such a firm. If we take over as lead plaintiffs we will have at least three attorneys working on the case, of whom I will be one. We will also have extensive support staff committed to the case.’

  Jordan glanced in my direction rather tentatively.

  ‘And, Your Honour, just so everyone’s clear, this is not intended to be personal or uncivil in any way, but I think I’m right in saying that with the exception of one investigator, Miss Harmon’s full team is present in court this morning: one attorney and one secretary. That’s all she has.’

  ‘Plus an intern,’ I added.

  ‘Plus an intern,’ Jordan said. ‘Fine. It’s just not enough. Your Honour, this is a complex case, and one of great historical importance, and it needs a full, detailed investigation. My firm has the resources to do that, and we are prepared to take over immediately, so that no time has to be lost.’

  Contemplating my reply to this advocacy for a ‘real’ law firm to take over, I couldn’t help remembering that in the beginning, when I was thinking about whether to take the case, I’d been preoccupied with the question of resources myself. I would have been delighted if there had been some law firm out there – preferably not Jordan’s firm, obviously – prepared to come in with me and throw resources at the case. I’d been expecting a massive, labor-intensive paper case of the kind more suitable to a big firm. But in fact, that wasn’t the way it had worked out. True, there were a lot of plaintiffs now, but their details were on the computer and Arlene kept them updated regularly by email; they were no problem, even if many more joined. We had not been submerged in paper. Actually, the problem was not that we had too much paper, but that we didn’t have enough. It had become clear to me some time ago that our original vision of a massive family-wide search for evidence was not what was needed. The family had been interrogating each other about documents for more than 200 years, and nothing had come of it. The family-wide search was too blunt a weapon. We needed a smaller, more focused search. The problem was that we didn’t know where and how to make that search, but I was convinced that if we could find out, we would have more than enough resources to carry it out. Since reading Isabel Hardwick’s declaration, and talking with Arya about it, I felt sure that this was a case that in the end would turn, not on many documents, but on a very few.

  ‘According to her brief,’ Judge Morrow was saying, ‘Miss Harmon has local counsel to assist her in Los Angeles and Salt Lake City. Is that right, Miss Harmon?’

  ‘It is, Your Honour,’ I replied.

  The judge nodded.

  ‘All right, thank you, Mr Leslie, I’ve got your point. Miss Harmon, what do say about all this? Does this case need Mr Leslie’s resources?’

  ‘No, Your Honour, and I’m afraid Mr Leslie’s argument betrays his lack of familiarity with the case. This isn’t a huge document case, and it doesn’t need some kind of huge investigation. The van Eyck family did all that many years ago, and that’s not what this case
is about. The documents we’re looking for are few in number, and we’re closing in on where to look for them.’ I admit, I crossed the fingers of one hand behind my back as I said this. ‘Once we have that information – and we expect to soon – we don’t anticipate any problem in terms of shortage of manpower or womanpower. As Your Honour has pointed out, we have local counsel and in fact there are other attorneys within the van Eyck family we can approach if we need to. That’s cheaper than getting Mr Leslie’s firm involved, because the family lawyers don’t charge the family any fees.’

  ‘All right,’ Judge Morrow replied. ‘So you’re telling me that you’re confident that you can handle this case with what you’ve got?’

  ‘Completely confident, Your Honour. In addition, I would draw Your Honour’s attention to the fact that we only have a little less than three weeks left to complete initial discovery, as Your Honour ordered. At the conclusion of that time, Your Honour will rule on the government’s motion for summary judgment. If you allow another law firm in now, they will need all of that time to get up to speed, we will have to help them as best we can, and you take away all the remaining time we have to look for documents.’

  ‘Thank you, Miss Harmon. Incidentally, Mr Leslie, your motion refers to three other residents of Boston, Massachusetts, in addition to Mrs Perrins, but they don’t seem to be present today.’

  ‘That’s correct, Your Honour,’ Jordan replied. ‘They weren’t able to make the trip from Boston.’

  ‘I see,’ Judge Morrow said. ‘Mr Leslie, do you intend to pursue the second ground of your motion?’

  This, of course, was what the press was waiting for.

  ‘I do, Your Honour,’ Jordan replied.

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  ‘Your Honour, Mrs Perrins further submits that it is inappropriate for a woman who has appeared in the kind of motion picture in question to represent this old and greatly respected American family in this historic litigation.’

  Jordan paused, understandably not quite sure how to address the detail with Judge Morrow. Tomorrow didn’t respond, and I had the distinct impression that he had no intention of helping Jordan out, so Jordan started to thread his way delicately through the cloud of judicial silence.

  ‘Obviously, we don’t ask that the court view this motion picture in open court… (silence). I don’t know whether the court has had the opportunity to view it privately in chambers… (silence). But it’s our position that the court must do so in order to fully understand what we’re dealing with here…’

  Eventually, Tomorrow seemed to react. He reached across his desk and held up a DVD.

  ‘This is what we’re talking about, Mr Leslie, is it? Revenge of the Zombie Cheerleaders?’

  There was a certain amount of chuckling and sniggering around the courtroom, including some from Dave and Ellen to my right, from which I deduced that they had felt it to be their duty, as the government’s lawyers, to scrutinise the evidence, even if they didn’t have a horse in the race.

  ‘Yes, Your Honour.’

  ‘Would you like to hear my opinion about it?’

  I heard Jordan swallow hard.

  ‘So, I take it that Your Honour has viewed it?’

  ‘How else would I have formed an opinion about it, Mr Leslie?’

  ‘Indeed, Your Honour, of course. And yes, both Mrs Perrins and I would be most anxious to hear Your Honour’s opinion about it.’

  For the first time, Mary Jane Perrins, who had been sitting motionless behind Jordan, with her hands clenched tightly on her lap and staring fixedly ahead somewhere into the distance, ventured a slight movement, a nod of the head. I sensed Sam tensing up behind me.

  ‘Very well,’ Judge Morrow said. ‘Hear it you shall.’

  He passed the DVD between his hands several times before replacing it on his desk, folding his hands, and leaning forward to address the courtroom.

  ‘A very wise judge,’ he began, ‘once declared that he wasn’t sure whether he could ever define hardcore pornography, but that he knew it when he saw it. That seems to me to sum it up perfectly. Pornography, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder, and as the beholder I have to consider what I have beheld. In my own opinion, this movie has no claim to be considered a masterpiece. It’s unlikely that Revenge of the Zombie Cheerleaders will challenge Schindler’s List or the Godfather trilogy for a place in the pantheon of the classics of the art of cinematography. Nor did it offer Miss van Eyck much of a vehicle for her talents as an actress, which I’m sure are far greater than depicted in this film.’

  Tomorrow paused for effect, looking around the courtroom.

  ‘But in my judgment, it comes nowhere close to pornography. It’s the kind of titillating stuff you can find anywhere these days, on cable, and even occasionally on the networks – or at least, that’s what I’m told. Apparently, there’s a market for it. I’m not sure why, or what the market is, but I guess there must be one since they spend so much money making such films. But the real point is this: this movie may not be a work of art, but I’m sure it’s the kind of thing many young actors and actresses do when they’re starting out on their careers. There’s no reason for Miss van Eyck or the van Eyck family to be embarrassed by it, and it certainly gives Mrs Perrins no basis for questioning Miss van Eyck’s competence and suitability to represent the family as lead plaintiff in this litigation. I find that suggestion to be far-fetched and insulting, and frankly, it is regrettable that the court’s time has been wasted on it. Indeed, with all due respect to Mrs Perrins and the three absent residents of Boston, Massachusetts, the phrase “get a life” springs to mind. Accordingly, I reject that ground of the motion.’

  The judge glanced down at his notes.

  ‘As for Mr Leslie’s first ground, I accept that Miss Harmon is more than able to handle this case as lead plaintiff. Her work, both in written motions and oral argument, has been of her usual high quality and she has access to help when she needs it. There is no need for the intervention of a bigger law firm, especially when such a firm would have a very limited time to get up to speed. I’m encouraged to hear that this case is coming down to few rather than many documents, and I hope that means that both sides will be ready for the next hearing in just less than three weeks from now. For the reasons I have given, the motion filed by Mrs Perrins and the three absent residents of Boston, Massachusetts to be substituted as lead plaintiffs is denied, as is the motion for Mr Leslie’s law firm to be substituted in as lead counsel.’

  From behind, I felt Sam’s hand squeeze my shoulder. Judge Morrow departed the bench in his usual brisk manner, and Jordan was out of the courtroom almost as quickly, again without a word to anyone. Not so Mary Jane Perrins, who remained in her seat as if transfixed, apparently unaware that Jordan had gone. I turned to Sam and Arlene, and we had a quick hug, after which we said goodbye to Dave and Ellen, who seemed very satisfied with the outcome, and made our way towards the door of the courtroom. The press would be lying in wait for us outside the courthouse, but I felt sure that Sam wasn’t going to be too bothered by them now. Then, as we were closing in on the door, we felt a sudden rush of air, and Mary Jane Perrins appeared as if from nowhere, in front of us, blocking our exit.

  ‘You brazen hussy,’ she snarled at Sam.

  For a moment, we were all too startled to respond. Arlene recovered first. Holding Sam back with her arm, she placed herself right in front of Mary Jane, almost in her face, and from where I stood, Arlene’s several inches of extra height looked intimidating. Mary Jane took half a step backwards towards the door, but kept her arms folded defiantly across her chest.

  ‘Jealousy is such a sad thing in a woman, Mary Jane, don’t y’all think?’ Arlene said after staring at her for several seconds.

  ‘Jealousy?’ Mary Jane retorted. ‘What reason do I have to be jealous of her?’

  Arlene laughed.

  ‘Well, hun, they ain’t never
gonna put your sorry ass in a Zombie Cheerleader movie. You can bet the farm on that. Now, you could get the lead in a remake of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, I grant you that, but in a movie where you have to show off your feminine charms? I mean, give me a break, hun; it just ain’t gonna happen, and I bet it’s eating you up inside.’

  Mary Jane seethed quietly for a while, and you could see it building.

  ‘How dare you?’ she exploded eventually. ‘How dare you talk to me that way? You have no idea of my reputation in this family. I can –’

  ‘I know exactly what your reputation is, hun,’ Arlene continued, unperturbed. ‘You know how I know? Because I talk to people on the phone all the time, and I hear all about your reputation. And what I hear is, that y’all take the prize for Best in Show in the Pain in the Ass category, and it’s a long way down to second place.’

  ‘I’m going to –’

  ‘And don’t even think about trying to put the frighteners on me, Mary Jane. I’ve faced down the Texas mafia, hun, crazy guys with dogs and shotguns playing Willie Nelson on the sound system, so I sure as hell ain’t gonna be shaking in my boots on account of the likes of you.’

  ‘You –’

  ‘So why don’t you take the judge’s advice and get y’allself a life?’

  ‘You –’

  ‘And you can start by picking up y’all’s broomstick and flying y’all’s sorry ass home to Boston, Massachusetts.’

  Mary Jane stared at Arlene for some time then abruptly brought her hands up to her face, burst into tears, turned around and bolted through the door. We stood together silently for some time.