Under a Different Sky

by Iler, Lindsey

  “You going to do something?” I yell.

  “I’m not out on the ice, Kovac.” He shrugs, and a wicked grin slips onto his face. “This is your ice. Teach him what’s allowed.”

  Has he just given me permission to do what I think?

  I nod several times, pick up my stick, and skate to catch up to number seven. He’s clapping his stick on the ice, signaling his teammate to pass the puck to him.

  This is going to hurt, but fuck it. My shoulder lowers and slams into his back, smashing him hard into the boards.

  Immediately, angry whistles blow, and I smirk down at the cocky son of a bitch. “Hook me again, motherfucker, and it’ll hurt worse next time.”

  I don’t wait to hear the ref’s explanation of my penalty. I know what I did, so I skate back to the box, slowly and happily. My team holds out their gloves, and I smack them as I pass. They’ll play shorthanded for two minutes, but they know it’s worth it. I doubt number seven will be pulling anymore shit on me for the rest of the game.

  I sit inside the plexiglass jail. The crowd cheers louder and rises to their feet. Beckett races the puck down the ice and shoots. It sneaks right past their goalie, and the crowd grows wild. It’s contagious. No matter how much I despise the guy right now, I celebrate and turn towards the crowd.

  Ten rows up, Hannah sits next to Nicole. It’s like the crowd moves in slow motion around her. We’re stuck in time, watching each other. It’s not supposed to be like this. She isn’t supposed to make me feel this way.

  “Kovac!” someone yells.

  I search for the penalty clock. Shit. One more glance shows Hannah laughing and gesturing with her hand for me to get my ass out on the ice.

  With a tight score, we go into the second part of the third period hungry for the win. When the buzzer calls end of game, the scoreboard reads four to three, and electricity rolls through the rink.

  After slapping hands with the opposing team, our team leaves the ice. Beckett’s in front of me, and as he passes Hannah, he bends down to whisper something to her. She smiles.

  I hate he’s making her smile, and then I hate myself a little bit more because I shouldn’t want to be the one who brightens her days.

  “Nice game, Nick,” Nicole says before focusing her attention on Kellan.

  Being the last one off the ice, I stop dead in front of Hannah, knowing no one is here to watch us.

  “Good game, Nick,” she whispers shyly.

  I lean forward, placing my head close to hers. “You know what I don’t like?”

  “What’s that?” She audibly swallows.

  “That he gets to make you smile like that.” I turn, our noses almost grazing each other.

  “Nick.” My name is breathy as it releases from her minty mouth.

  “I know I’m not supposed to, but I do, Hannah.” I stand to my full height and look down at her.

  Well, shit. I guess I said that out loud, now, didn’t I? Something about this girl makes me want to say what’s on my mind, even when I know I should keep that shit buried deep inside.

  “What do we do with that, huh?” Her blue eyes twinkle. She likes what I’ve said.

  “I’ll see you at O’Connell’s,” I say.

  “How do you know I’m going? Maybe I have plans with Beckett.”

  My finger skims her palm, and I smirk when she shivers.

  “Nick.”

  “Hannah.” I try to say her name as seriously as she says mine, but I can’t stop the laugh. “I’ll see you in a little bit, okay?”

  “And then what?” she yells as I walk towards the locker room.

  When I turn, her hands are out to her sides, this delirious expression on her face like she has no idea what this means. That makes two of us. “Honestly, I don’t know, but I’d really like to find out.”

  As usual, I’m the last person to leave the locker room after the game. I prefer it this way. In the quiet is when I can think about how I played, and live in those last moments of the game alone. There’s no noise, and the lights are low. I sit on the bench, and let it settle into its place.

  “Lock it up, Kovac!” Coach hollers.

  “Coach?” I stand. “Your daughter—”

  “Is a good girl with an awfully big heart.” He talks over me, glaring at me like he’s daring me to overstep. There are no words for me to follow that up with, so I nod.

  By the time I arrive at O’Connell’s, every light is on, and music booms from inside. A few of my teammates are hanging out on the front lawn.

  “Kovac!” one yells, but I don’t stop.

  As I walk through the house, crowds of people want to talk to me and pull me in every direction to get a small piece of my time. It should feel like a win, but it doesn’t. I don’t need their praise or their attention.

  I need to find her. Something comes over me, this sudden urge hits me, to stand in front of Hannah and let it all out. Every single thought I’ve had over the past week. The feelings have built slow enough that I didn’t realize they were there until they practically struck me right in the chest.

  Hannah Barnes doesn’t know it yet, but that girl owns me.

  “What took you so long, man?” Kellan blocks the door leading to the backyard, where I’m certain Hannah must be. Over his shoulder, I see a fire blazing, glowing embers floating into the night sky.

  “I know, I hung back for a minute.” I glance around his large body to try to find Hannah. “I’ll catch you later.” I pat him on the shoulder and squeeze past him.

  On the deck, I scour the back lawn. She’s nowhere to be found. At the last second, before I give up and head inside, I spot the blondest hair turning the corner of the house. I jump the rail and head to her. Without a single thought, I grab her arm and pin her to the house, captivated by the warmth of her body.

  Her eyes widen. The press of her body against mine sends a shock through my system. I want to devour her, take every last inch of her she’ll give me.

  She tugs on my shirt, pulling me closer, and everything goes quiet. The music silences in the distance. The roar of the fire no longer crackles in the cool air. All that can be heard is us, together, and just like that, everything changes.

  “I’m going to kiss you, and once I do, everything is going to change.” I glance down at her chest. It lifts and falls with every heavy breath. “Are you ready?”

  “I’m not ready. Not yet.” Her voice is weary.

  “I’m going to kiss you at some point, Hannah Barnes, and I sure hope you’re ready for it when I do.” I circle my thumb over her cheek, and it heats.

  “Do you want to get out of here?” she asks, scanning the yard. “I don’t want to be here right now, and I think we should talk.”

  “Let’s go.”

  Like two criminals, we race to my truck. I open the door for Hannah, which earns me the sweetest smile. I slow my pace, thinking about what happened against the house.

  Once I’m behind the wheel and start the engine, her heavy sigh fills the car.

  “You okay?” I ask, turning to see her hands gripped tightly together.

  “This thing, are we wrong?” Fear and excitement shine in her eyes.

  “Being near you, Hannah, it’s the first time in a long time I’ve felt alive.” I pull onto the main road, and without a second thought, drive to my house. My parents are gone, and there is no way in hell I’m going back to Coach’s house. He’s way too observant, and I’m not ready to face him and the reality we are in.

  Nothing has even happened between us, other than a small amount of words spoken, but the desire is there, pressing down on my heart, making itself known.

  “Your parents home?” She stops in her tracks when we get out of my truck.

  “Nope, just us.” Her eyes shifting to my lips spark this animalistic urge to swoop her up and carry her ass inside. “We can stand out here if you want, or we could go inside?” I glance over my shoulder at the front door. “How about it?”

  “I’ll come inside, but w
e’re going to talk. That’s all.” She steps forward, taking my hand.

  “Whatever you want.” I unlock the front door and guide her through the living room.

  Her steps are small and filled with uncertainty. She follows me upstairs and perches on the edge of my bed, like it will bite her if she gets comfortable. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Hannah nervous, ever.

  I pull off my shirt and grab gym shorts from my dresser. Her eyes widen. Oh, shit, it’s second nature, and now I’m standing in front of her half-naked, ready to drop my pants.

  Her fingers rub against each other like they’re trying to control themselves. Does she want to reach out and touch me? The thought of her being nervous makes me smirk. Her eyes scan up my legs, to my bare chest, and stop on my lips. She bites down on her own, and I can’t help but notice the pink hue on her chest.

  She’s losing it. There’s a power in that, an exhilaration that’s hard to ignore. I need to remember to lose the shirt more often.

  “I never noticed...” she whispers, moving her hands down to her sides. “I mean, I noticed. I just never...”

  “Allowed yourself too long to appreciate it.” I move toward her.

  “Right.” Her chest rises and falls rapidly, like she has zero control of herself.

  “And what about now? Are you going to allow yourself?” My last step brings me to her feet, and I straddle one leg while standing above her.

  Her chin lifts, and her hair skims over her back. “It’s probably not a good idea.”

  “Sometimes the bad ideas are the ones that change our lives, Hannah. Let me change everything.” I lean down, inching my lips closer to hers. “I know you said you didn’t want me to kiss you yet, but...”

  Hannah leans back, inviting me to follow her. Her hands run the length of my ribs, bringing goose bumps over my skin. She grips my biceps and squeezes, urging me on. As I hang suspended above her, I take a second to think. This will change everything. There is no going back. As that settles in, I wonder what it will be like for her. If anyone finds out, the girl who’s hooked up with her dead best friend’s boyfriend will be labeled a slut, while I’ll skate away being the lost boy, unsure of his actions.

  I know what they’ll think.

  Can I put this girl through that?

  I slowly back away and immediately hate myself for depriving me of her lips against mine.

  Hannah dances around me, standing between me and my dresser.

  “You can’t do that. You can’t come in and then pull away. This is hard enough as it is, Nick. I want you, and there’s a pound of shame laying on my shoulders for that, but it doesn’t take it away,” she says. “When you’re close, I want to...” She looks out the window into the woods behind our house.

  “You want to, what?” I glide my hand up and down her arm, playing with fire, prepared to be burned. Her skin is soft.

  “Kiss you. Touch you.” Her eyes move to mine. “That’s wrong, right? I shouldn’t be feeling this way.”

  Tears made up of guilt and desire pool in her beautiful, blue eyes. My chest cracks open right in front of her, and I brush them away before they hit her cheeks.

  “If you’re wrong, then I’m wrong, Hannah.”

  Like she’s clearing the cobwebs from her mind, she shakes her head and watches me. For what, I don’t know. A slip in my demeanor? Something, anything to give her a reason to stop this before it goes any further?

  “Maybe this isn’t what we think it is. Maybe this attraction we feel is our minds way of helping us move along in our lives.” She points between us, her voice in a panicked hurry. “This thing could be nothing at all.”

  “There’s only one way to find out.” I reach around and cup her ass, lifting her onto my dresser. My hands rest comfortably on her hips, like they’ve always belonged, exploring the perfect curve.

  It isn’t slow or steady. Our lips touch for the first time, and it ignites an inferno between us. Her back against the wall, she wraps her legs around my waist, pushing her heels into my ass to bring me closer. My free hand tugs her hair, clutching her to me. Her tongue swipes along mine, and a desperate hunger releases inside of me.

  Suspended in time, I’m not sure how long we’re there. Hannah pulls back first, but too greedy, I capture her smiling lips again. This time I break the connection.

  “We just did that, then,” Hannah whispers, licking the lips mine had just touched.

  “We did.” I can’t hold back my grin.

  “Do we regret it?” She rests her warm hand on my stomach.

  “Depends, Hannah.” I grip her waist, my fingers dipping into the top of her jeans. “Are you going to let me do it again?”

  “I think I’d really like that.” She cups the back of my neck and pulls me in. Her lips brush mine, and I pick her up, wanting to be closer to her.

  Holding her tight, I lower her onto the bed. Her hair is so soft, tangled in my fingers, and she smiles so innocently at me. If she’d let me, I’d never stop. With small kisses along her jaw, I raise up, brushing my nose against hers.

  “It’s not nothing, is it?” she whispers.

  “No, it’s not nothing,” I whisper back.

  How can I be so ashamed of myself and beyond turned on, at the same time? I push everything away and remind myself we aren’t doing anything wrong.

  Hannah brushes a hand through my hair, while the other runs up and down my rib cage. I close my eyes, resting my head on her forehead. Her soft hand cups my cheek, and she kisses me.

  Like a frenzy, we fall into this black hole. Nothing can pull us apart. We kiss. We touch. This connection, to feel close to someone, is something I hadn’t realized I’d missed so much. There’s a frantic energy passing between us, a desperation, like we’re using each other to overcome something. It has nothing to do with Mia, and everything to do with the two of us.

  “Nicholas!”

  I must be hearing things, because that sounds a lot like my mom’s voice.

  “Nick?” Hannah whispers against my lips. I’m pushed off her and fall to the mattress. Thinking she’s playing around, I grab her hips to tickle her. “Nick, your mom!”

  At the mention of my mom, I glance around the room and see her standing in the doorway. To my mother, I probably look like a scared deer, eyes wide and unsure of which direction to go to avoid destruction.

  “This isn’t what it looks like,” Hannah explains as she lunges from the bed.

  I can’t help but smirk. “Really? That’s what you’re going with?” I laugh, rolling off the mattress.

  “Mrs. Kovac, I’m so sorry,” Hannah begs. “We didn’t have sex.”

  Now, this makes me and my mom laugh.

  Hannah smacks my stomach. “This isn’t funny, Nick.”

  “Oh, it’s hilarious. Did you just say sex to my mom?” I search her face for a slip in her demeanor. Of everything this girl could’ve said, and she chooses those words. Like my mom didn’t catch me laying between her legs. I can’t stop snickering like a school girl.

  “Hannah, relax. I’m just surprised to see you two, whatever you were doing.” My mom walks over and cups Hannah’s red cheeks as she stares at the floor. “It’s okay, sweetie.”

  “You probably think I’m a horrible person, don’t you?” Hannah’s eyes beg my mom for some sort of confirmation.

  “Any girl who can make my son smile like that”— she jerks her thumb at me— “can’t possibly be a horrible person. Now, maybe next time, you give us a heads up if you’re going to have her over. How about that?”

  “Sure thing, Mom.” I wave her off, and she snickers as she leaves my room.

  Once we’re alone, my eyes go to Hannah’s profile. I’ve never noticed the slight imperfection of her nose, or the way her eyes sparkle.

  “You okay?” I grab her hand and spin her towards me, walking backwards until the back of my knees hits the mattress, and I’m forced to sit. She stands between my legs, our fingers tangled together.

  “Your mom just
saw us making out, Nick. How do you think I’m doing?” She shrugs. “I’m awfully embarrassed.”

  “You heard what she said. You aren’t a horrible person.” I try to pull her back down to the mattress. She keeps her feet planted on the floor.

  “Then why does it feel like I’m breaking some kind of unwritten rule?” She pushes away, and I immediately miss her touch. “It was one thing when no one saw us, but we’re going to have to leave this room eventually. I don’t even know what this is. No one out there will be able to understand if we don’t even know what we’re doing.”

  “I understand that, when you’re with me, I feel a little less alone. I understand when you touch me, that gaping hole in my chest closes a little bit. You’re right, we don’t know what this is. You may wake up tomorrow and realize you’ve made a huge mistake, but I don’t want to let you go just yet, Hannah, so please don’t ask me to.” I stand, panic rising in my chest. Whoa! Where did that come from?

  “I just need some time, Nick.” She comes up to me, places her hand on my stomach, and kisses my cheek. “Can you give me a ride home?”

  “Yeah, of course,” I whisper as she starts for the door. I capture her wrist and spin her back into my arms. My hands tangle in her hair like they like to do, and I kiss her. It’s soft and sweet, and far too quick. When I pull away, a sad smile forms on her lips.

  Everything has changed, and it’s bound to be messy.

  Chapter Eleven

  Hannah

  Nick doesn’t call all weekend. I shouldn’t be upset. After all, I’m the dumb girl who told him I needed time. This isn’t a complete lie. Time to figure out if I want to be that girl is much needed. I’m not even positive why I’m so worried about it.

  He’s using me to get over her. I’m the rebound for Mia.

  What the hell was I even thinking?

  “You better get up, Hannah.” My mom knocks on my door, jarring me straight back into reality. “Your dad’s leaving soon.”