Under a Different Sky

by Iler, Lindsey

  She goes to step away. I wrap my hand around her wrist, stopping her. Our eyes lock, and hers brighten with the pleasure of me pulling her into my chest. With my arms around her waist, I lean down and kiss the corner of her mouth, whispering, “I could love you.”

  “A could like that can get me through just about anything,” she says.

  I love the way she swings her arms over my shoulders, clutching her hands together. We’re in the middle of our own little dance. Her eyes twinkle to tell me she’s where she belongs. No words are needed.

  The speakers crackle, drawing our attention to the ceiling. As a song starts to play, the volume grows louder. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Peter slipping behind the counter. He dips his chin.

  The song is about a guy who can’t stay away from a girl. I know this feeling all too well.

  “What are you doing?” The humor in Hannah’s voice makes me laugh. I start to sway even more. “Oh my god! Are you dancing?”

  “You don’t think I can dance?” I playfully tug the ends of her hair.

  “Show me your best moves.” Her tongue sticks out of the corner of her mouth, licking the skin.

  I grab her hand, spinning her around several times. She giggles the kind of laugh that could cure anyone’s blues. My chest warms as a smile takes over my face. I walk backwards away from her, and her head moves back and forth. She’s a completely different animal right now, untouched and let loose, like the cage is open, and she’s been released into the wild. Her hands reach towards the sky, swinging in all directions.

  I’ve never seen her look so...

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” She stops dancing. Her arms lower to her sides slowly, and her radiant, clear eyes are directed right at my lips.

  “Thank you for today.” I hurry to her, holding myself steady with my hands on her hips. “Just, thank you, for everything.”

  My mouth swoops down to capture hers, my hand slipping to her back to hold her in place as I put a little pressure into the kiss. Her fingers mix into the back of my hair, massaging my neck as my tongue slips against hers. A tingle of excitement races through me when her other hand slips beneath my shirt, her fingernails digging into my abs.

  “We should stop,” she says between our lips.

  I’m greedy when it comes to Hannah, not allowing her lips to drop from mine. Kissing her floods my senses. Nothing else matters when she’s showing my lips the attention they crave from her.

  “Really, we should stop.” She twists against me, giving me no choice but to drop my arms.

  We have a foot or two between us when the metal doors slam.

  Around the corner comes Nicole and Kellan, hand in hand, trailed by several guys from the hockey team and a few girls. I’m not surprised Beckett is missing.

  I glance at Hannah who’s widened the space between us. Damn if that doesn’t hurt.

  “What are they doing here?”

  “I figured you may need a distraction today. How about a little boy vs. girl action?” She smirks, pleased with her plans.

  How can she turn it off so fast, like we weren’t wrapped up in each other moments ago?

  Kellan skates onto the ice, Nicole gripping tight to his arm, so she doesn’t fall on her ass. We give each other a handshake.

  I glance at Hannah and then Nicole. “You think you girls can keep up with us boys?”

  “I have tits. I can distract a blind man.” Nicole lets go of Kellan’s arm and skates like a five-year-old. “See, I got this.”

  “Oh, hell yeah, this is going to be fun.” He grins as he watches her stumble.

  Kellan and I bump fists before I head towards the exit to get my own skates.

  Hannah is hot on my heels. There’s no need to look back to see her. She’s there.

  “What are you doing?” she asks.

  “Grabbing you girls some helmets.” I raise my hand at Peter, gesturing to the equipment room where he keeps extras. The room is dusty and smells like moth balls.

  The metal door closes behind me with a loud clang. Glancing over my shoulder, I do a double take. Hannah’s followed me in here. She leans against the door, hitching her foot on the wall behind her, looking cute as hell.

  “Do you mind that I’ve invited them?”

  The apprehension in her voice has the wheels in my brain whirling awake. What a loaded question. I walk forward, stopping right in front of her, and hold up the helmets. She grins when I drop them, and my hand takes her face, holding her in place. Her uneven breathing thrills me like nothing ever has before.

  “This day started out as shit, but you’ve made the impossible, possible.” My breath hits her cheek, and she follows the tilt of my head, chasing a kiss I’m not going to give her yet.

  “And what’s that?” Her arms find a place around my waist, tugging me close. The way she juts out her hips closer to mine tells me we need to get out of here before we go too far. Her leg hikes around mine, and she uses the heel of her boot, holding me hostage against her body.

  There are worse places to be.

  I tighten my grip on her hips. My large hands cover enough space that my thumbs run dangerously close to the curve where her hips meets the gap between her thighs. I press one thumb to her center, and she releases a moan that torments me in the best kind of way.

  She’s as unpredictable and eager as a summer storm coming over the lake. She has no control, and I’ll admit, to know she has to touch me sends life to my cock.

  “They’re going to wonder what’s taking us so long.” Am I seriously going to be the responsible one, when I can feel her body heat radiating onto me?

  The girl is ready to go, and we may have fooled around, kissed a whole lot, but we’ve never taken it any further. Not because I haven’t wanted to. Every time she’s in front of me, I imagine what it will feel like to bury myself inside her.

  I lost my virginity to Mia, and since her death, I’ve driven my dick into face-less girls like a Houdini act, a disappearance into an oblivion to help scratch out the world around me. I never wanted any of those girls. Except her. Hannah’s different. She’s not going to be an itch to scratch, like all those other hook-ups were. With her, I am certain everything will change again, because one time with Hannah will never be enough.

  “You’re right.” She slips her leg down mine, releasing her hold on me.

  I hate to leave this small space, to go into a world where she and I aren’t us. Out there, we are only Nick and Hannah. I can’t stand it.

  She grabs the door handle, but before she can open it, I put my hand over hers.

  “Thank you for taking the ache away, for flooding my mind with something else, even for just a little while. You can say what you want and you can put on a brave face, baby, but I know none of this is easy for you.” I cover her heart with my hand. “You being who you are makes it easier for me to get through this.”

  “You got those helmets?” Kellan bangs on the door, his loud voice echoing around Hannah and me.

  We jolt apart, like we’ve been bitten. Hannah’s eyes widen in surprise, but her goofy grin says something completely different. She’s loving this.

  I inch close to her, resting my mouth on her ear. A shiver runs through her shoulders, and she eliminates the remaining space.

  “Do you get off on us almost getting caught or something?” I whisper.

  “It has its perks and appeal.” Her finger tips my chin down, and she stands on her tiptoes. When her lips touch mine, warmth filters through my body, but it’s gone too soon. Damn, this girl can make everything around me feel so damn easy with one dreamy glance.

  Hannah pushes me back and opens the door, holding two helmets. Kellan peeks his head into the room, looking around to see what’s going on.

  “You wanna grab those, man, or stand there with your dick in your hand all day?” Kellan flicks his hand towards the helmets at my feet. “Nicole doesn’t have much more left in her legs, so we better get this game going.”

 
; “I think you’re just afraid we’ll kick your boys’ asses!” Hannah shouts, her voice fading as she walks away from me.

  What I wouldn’t give to tell everyone to hit the fucking road, so Hannah and I can continue whatever was happening in here.

  “So, are we playing hard, or going light on these girls?” Kellan asks.

  I step out of the equipment room. “What do you think?” I chuckle, smacking the back of my hand on his chest.

  *****

  “Okay, we get it!” Nicole yells. She tosses her stick, and it slips across the ice, banging against the boards. Next goes the helmet.

  Kellan skates to her, skirting around her several times. “What’s wrong, babe?”

  “You guys are hockey players. We get it. You’re fucking good. You couldn’t have let up on us a little bit?” She crosses her arms over her chest, pouting.

  I check over my shoulder and see Hannah’s helmet resting between her hip and her arm. Now if she’d lose all of her clothes, she’d shatter every fantasy I’ve ever had. A playful, entertained smile flashes at me.

  “I think the girls have had enough!” I yell, whirling my finger in the air to signal it’s time to wrap it up.

  After I thank everyone for coming, they glide off the ice and take off their skates. This was the perfect distraction. It’s okay to think about Mia’s loss and missing her, but on days like today, I don’t want to. Her absence is too much, and whether it’s wrong or right, sometimes I want to forget I ever lost someone like her.

  “We’re going out to the cemetery later,” Kellan whispers as we slap hands, and he pulls me close, pounding his fist on my back once. “I know you haven’t been yet since...” His words trail off, and he backs away. “I’m not saying you have to go, but if you want to.”

  “Thanks for that.” I pat him on the shoulder. Nicole waves goodbye.

  As everyone leaves, I’m lost in thoughts of Mia. I haven’t been to her grave yet. The day of the funeral, I raced from that damn church so fast, you would’ve thought my dick was on fire. It’s not something I’ve been able to face. I saw her in that coffin. I witnessed the town’s tears. Seeing her name etched onto the marble will rip everything open again.

  “You good?” Peter’s gravelly voice breaks the spell of my memories. His eyes follow mine to the door, like he’s able to see what I do.

  I shake my head, snapping myself out of the funk I’ve been dragged into. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

  “That girl out there, she’s not Mia.” He clicks his tongue. “Never met Mia though, so my words don’t mean much.”

  “What are you trying to say, old man?” I scoff, turning to face him.

  He lifts his coffee-stained mug to his lips, taking a sip. “Today’s Mia’s birthday. Hannah told me when she made her plans. That girl is tenacious. She refused to let me close for the day. I’m missing my granddaughter’s dance recital for this.” He chuckles, and his eyes skim to the rink. Hannah is gathering the helmets. “I’m sorry for whatever it is you’re feeling. These days are never easy. Every January 29th, I miss my Barbara like it’s the first year without her. It gets less painful, and from what I know about Mia, she’d want you to be happy and to live your life.”

  Peter leaves, and moments later, I head across the ice to where Hannah’s lying in the center, staring at the ceiling.

  “What are you doing?” I say, standing over her.

  “Just thinking.” She holds out her hand and tugs me down beside her.

  “Today sucks,” I blurt.

  Hannah curls into my side, laying her head on my chest. “It doesn’t matter how much I tried to mask it for us. It still hurts, the missing her part.”

  She tickles my chest, running her fingertips over it in different patterns. My hand spreads out over her lower back, drawing her closer. A comfortable silence surrounds us. Hannah always understands what I need, and feeling the way I am, this is exactly what I need today.

  “What do you think Mia would say about us, if she could see us together?” I’m not sure why I ask, especially today of all days. It’s something that’s been weighing on my chest pretty damn bad.

  “She’d hate it,” Hannah says matter-of-fact.

  I sit up, forcing her to do the same, stunned by what she’s said. She plays with her fingernails, distracting herself from looking up at me. The color drains from her hardened face.

  Anger rolls through me. “Why would you say that? Don’t you think she’d find some sort of relief in knowing we’re okay, even if it’s with each other?”

  “I don’t know, Nick. Maybe that’s just you trying to make yourself feel better about us.” She takes a deep breath, and a single tear rolls down her cheek, breaking what I have left of me.

  “Don’t cry.” I wipe her cheek, cup the side of her face, and lower her head to my chest.

  “I miss her, but I miss you when you’re missing her.” She laughs hysterically with disbelief. “That sounds so shitty, right?”

  “Let’s get out of here, go back to my house, and watch a movie or something, anything to distract my mind,” I suggest, running my hand down her back and grabbing her hand.

  We walk out into the sunlight on the shittiest day since Mia’s death. A heavy burden comes with our reality. By the time we pull into the empty driveway, neither of us has uttered a single word. I’ve listened to her breaths and watched her wipe away tears. Hand in hand, we walk into my house and up to my bedroom.

  The silence between us, this journey to figure out how we are going to navigate our unexpected relationship, is beginning to kill me. Mia died. There isn’t anything any one of us could have done. She’d been sick and we watched her body give up on her. It is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

  Close second to that is denying what I’m feeling for Hannah. We started out so hot and heavy, like one touch ignited this world of flames. Neither of us saw it coming. There is no way to tamp down that kind of affection. She saved me from myself when everyone else seemed far too happy to let me slip away. Hannah has stood toe to toe for me.

  It’s hard to have any guilt for falling for Hannah. I meant it when I said that I could love her.

  Hannah stands in the middle of my room, her arms at her sides, defeated as hell and emotionally beaten up.

  “Hannah.” I whisper her name like it’s a god damn prayer, and I haven’t been to church in years.

  Tears rolling down her cheeks, she runs to me, tossing her arms around my neck, and wrapping her body around mine. With ease, I catch her, holding her close. One hand finds a home in the back of her hair, pushing our lips together in a frenzy.

  I walk us to the bed and lower us. Perfectly in place between her legs, I kiss her face, following the wet trails.

  “You asked once when it happened, when you stopped being her best friend and became something more to me?” I swallow the lump in my throat. “I gave you some bullshit reason, that I’ve always seen you, but that’s a lie. When Mia was alive, she was all I ever saw.”

  Damn, my eyes are fucking watering. Am I really going to cry right now? I wipe my eyes and hold my weight on one elbow to free my other hand. A gasp escapes Hannah’s mouth when I grip her face, running the pad of my thumb over the softest skin on her cheek.

  “Why are you saying this?” Her tears stream faster, and I realize my confession hurt her.

  “I loved having you around early on. You swooped in for me because you promised Mia you would. She was so worried about what would happen to me when she was gone.”

  “That’s not the only reason,” she whispers, stretching to swipe her sleeve across her eyes.

  I press my finger to her lips. “Shhh, it’s okay. I just need you to know the truth. It was that night in my basement, when you covered your heart with my hand, like you instinctively knew exactly what I needed. That first kiss is when I knew you were going to change my entire world.”

  “I hated myself then, for crossing the line with you,” she admits. “I knew I shouldn’t have, but
you looked at me like I was capable of fixing everything, and I couldn’t stop myself.”

  “The thing is, and I don’t think I realized it until today at the rink”— there’s a long pregnant pause as I prepare myself to say what I need to say— “that there isn’t a world where we are only allowed one true love. I had Mia, and now... I have you, Hannah.”

  “Stop, just stop.” She closes her eyes, tears escaping through the small cracks in her eyelids.

  “Hannah, open your eyes.” I kiss one, then the other. They flutter, and she sniffles back her cry.

  “You don’t love me,” she says matter-of-fact, like the thought of me actually loving her is so painful she can’t fathom it.

  “I didn’t think I’d ever feel this way again. I sure as hell wasn’t planning on it happening so soon. You can bet you were a complete surprise to me, but that’s sort of the point. It’s all been a surprise. All of this. Losing her. Finding you.” I don’t recognize the panic in my voice and turn to look at the rain pelting the window.

  “I know,” she whispers, brushing her fingers over the wetness on my face.

  How did those sneak past my defense?

  I lower myself enough to touch my lips to her. The kiss is slow and agonizing. It’s just her and me. No one else is present. We allow everything else to fall to the side for this one moment. When her hand reaches around my neck, I sit us up, ridding her body of her shirt. She does the same with mine as I unhook her bra, holding it tight in my grip above her head as I lay her back down.

  She gasps as we come bare chest to bare chest. Her hardening nipples make me ache to put my mouth around one and then the other. She purrs like a kitten when I lower myself and do just that, unbuttoning her jeans while I’m down there. They slide from her body so easily, along with her black panties. I look at the floor, covered in her clothes, and smile at her, wistfully.

  “Nick.” At the sexy drawl of her voice, I harden.

  As if she knows, she slips her hands into the waistband of my pants and slides them down my legs, using her feet to discard them. I reach between our bodies and run my thumb over her slit, feeling a warmth that only persuades me forward. I cover her body with mine, resting on my elbows, and locking my eyes on hers.