Wicked Game

by Michelle Betham

  He flicks the card between his fingers again, and I watch as his eyes follow its every move. “Do you want this back?” he asks, and I shake my head, watching as he tears the card in half, and in half again before slipping the pieces into his pocket.

  “I’m sorry, Kari. Sorry that I hurt you. Sorry that I made you do …”

  “You didn’t make me do anything, Noah. I wanted it to happen. It’s just now, knowing why it happened, your motives – that hurts, that’s all.”

  “I love you, baby. Don’t ever forget that.”

  “You said it would make us stronger. Remember? You said we could control this.”

  He looks right at me, his eyes burning into mine.

  “You were wrong.”

  *

  “Have you spoken to Noah?” Jenna asks.

  I look up from my laptop. “I saw him this morning, but I’m not ready yet. To talk.”

  “You are going to, though? Aren’t you?”

  I rest my elbow on the desk, my chin in my palm. “I don’t know. Right now, I can’t think past the next few hours.”

  She gets up and comes over, perching herself on the edge of my desk. “What happened, I can’t pretend to understand, but … you and Noah, you’re too good together to lose it all.”

  I don’t say anything, I’m not getting into this with her. She only knows half the story, if she knew the rest she’d understand how complicated things really are. What she wouldn’t understand is why I still think about Joe Millar the way I do, even after everything that’s happened. Everything I now know.

  “I can’t make any promises right now, Jen. One day at a time, okay?”

  She smiles and gives my hand a squeeze before going back behind her own desk.

  “Do you like him, Kari?”

  “Who?” I sigh, because I’m really not in the mood for this conversation. For any conversation.

  “Joe.”

  “Of course I like him.” More than I should. “I don’t have to become a member of his fan club though, do I?”

  The phone ringing mercifully brings that short conversation to an end and I pick up, desperate for the distraction. “Ostberg Willow Events, Kari Ostberg speaking.”

  “Kari, it’s Joe.”

  His voice rings through my head, deep and low and achingly sexy. And I hate how he does this, how he can turn me into something I don’t want to be with just a couple of words. This is what I’m fighting. And I’m already exhausted.

  “What can I do for you, Joe?”

  “I need a dinner event planning. I’ve got some very important clients coming over from Sweden and I want to bring them to Noah’s. Seeing as our dinner last Friday was so cruelly cut short, I haven’t yet had the pleasure of tasting his – from what I’ve heard – unique take on Scandinavian food, but I liked what I saw when I was there, and I can’t think of a more suitable place to entertain these associates of mine. Would it be possible to book the entire restaurant for an evening? A week night. I was thinking next Tuesday?”

  I take a breath, and swallow hard. This is the first time I’ve heard from him in days – since that night in the restaurant, when he’d promised to leave me alone. But I always knew that wasn’t going to be the case. That he hadn’t meant it. I was expecting this, but I still don’t want him to do it. I still want him to leave us alone, to let me and Noah try and pick up the pieces of our now-fragile marriage without his shadow casting a darkness over us. I need him to leave me alone, because I’m vulnerable. I’m confused. And I’m scared, that if I see him again …

  “I’ll have to talk to Noah.”

  “I understand. But it really would be the perfect place to entertain these clients, Kari. To show them how someone as talented as Noah explores his American-Scandinavian heritage through food, and it never hurts to spread the word, does it? These clients could bring more customers to his door. We could help each other.”

  I leave a couple of beats before I speak again, because I really don’t trust him. The fact he promised me one thing, and then chose to ignore that promise, that tells me I’m right, not to trust him. And after everything that happened last Friday night; everything I heard, I trust him even less. And yet, his voice is sending shivers racing up and down my spine, my head’s suddenly clouded with memories of him fucking me, it’s like every time I hear him speak, see him; every time he’s near me he flicks an invisible switch that forces me to think about him this way. Like he’s making me want him. And it’s working.

  “Like I said, I’ll have to talk to Noah.”

  “Okay. Can you let me know as soon as possible? I’m back in the UK this afternoon, maybe we could catch up?”

  “That won’t be necessary, and I’m sure you’ll be tired after your flight. I’ll get someone to call you.”

  “I’m only flying from Amsterdam, Kari. I don’t think jet lag is going to be a problem.”

  “I thought you were in San Fransico?”

  I hate that I even knew that. That I needed to know where he was, that I found that information out. I’ve given him something now. I’ve let him know that I was still thinking about him, and I can’t believe I did that; can’t believe I told him that.

  “I was.” He doesn’t even sound surprised, that I went to the trouble of finding out where he was. Because he knew I’d do that? “Until yesterday. Now I’m in Amsterdam, and in a few hours I’ll be in Newcastle. I look forward to speaking to you soon, Kari.”

  I hang up, and Jenna looks at me. “Was that Joe?”

  “He wants to book Noah’s for a private dinner next week. He’s entertaining some Swedish clients of his. I said I’d speak to Noah, but, I didn’t think we were taking on any work for Joe just yet?”

  “Why wouldn’t we? If he’s putting work our way, why wouldn’t we take it?”

  So many reasons. So many fucking reasons.

  “And it shouldn’t be a problem, should it? Booking out Noah’s? We’ve used the restaurant before, he’s okay with private hire. Mainly because he charges us royally for the privilege. Something I don’t think will be a problem for Joe Millar.”

  “I’ll still have to check with Noah, see what he’s got going on next week.”

  “Do you want me to do it?”

  “Why? Because you don’t think I can handle talking to him?”

  “That’s not what I meant, and you really need to stop being so defensive. You don’t seem to want to talk to Noah at the minute, so, I was just trying to be helpful, that’s all.”

  “I know,” I sigh, sitting back in my chair. “I’m sorry … anyway, it doesn’t look like I’ve got much choice now, does it?”

  I jerk my head towards the door as Noah walks through it, hands in his pockets, his short hair mussed-up, as usual. He’s been raking his hands through it, I can tell.

  “Hey.” He looks directly at me, he quite obviously isn’t giving up.

  “Do you guys want some time alone?” Jenna asks, and I shake my head. “Okay … listen, Noah, while you’re here, we’ve just had a call from Joe. He wants to book your place for a private dinner next week, if that’s possible? For some Swedish clients of his. What day is he looking at, Kari?”

  “Tuesday.” My eyes lock with Noah’s, and he gives his head just the tiniest shake, something I’m not sure Jenna would have noticed. She wasn’t meant to.

  “It’s a busy week next week. I don’t think that’s going to be possible.”

  “Yeah, but, you can double-check, right?” Jenna asks, and Noah breaks our stare and smiles at her.

  “I can check. Yes.”

  “Great. Thanks … Look, I’m going to give you guys a few minutes, all right?”

  “Jenna, you don’t have to …”

  “I need to speak to Caron anyway. I’ll return with coffee.”

  I watch her leave before turning my attention back to Noah. “Shouldn’t you be at the restaurant?”

  “They can manage without me for a couple of hours. And just so you know, I have no intention
of letting Joe Millar anywhere near my restaurant again.”

  “How much did you tell him, Noah?” I get up from behind my desk and walk over to him. “Did he know, why you wanted him to sleep with me?”

  He looks at me, and I can tell he doesn’t want to talk about this, neither do I, but we’ve really got to try and start making sense of this mess. And even though his eyes are filled with a sadness and regret he deserves to feel, I hate seeing it there. It makes me sad, too.

  “I told him I’d put my marriage at risk,” Noah says quietly, not breaking the stare. “I told him I needed to fix it, I really needed to do that, and that’s when I told him what we – what I wanted to do …”

  “And he offered up his services, just like that?”

  Noah looks at me again, and that sadness clouding his eyes is killing me, it tears me apart, but I can’t just pretend this didn’t happen. That he didn’t do what he’s done, I can’t forget that. I can’t forgive him, not yet.

  “He’d already told me, about the parties he organises …”

  “You two were remarkably open, considering you barely knew each other.”

  He looks at me, but I give him nothing. He wants this to be easy? It isn’t going to be.

  “I asked him – I asked him how involved he was, at those parties, with what went on … I wanted him to be the one, Kari. I felt comfortable with him. I thought you would, too.”

  “And now? How do you feel about him now?”

  He lets a few beats pass before he speaks, but it’s a rhetorical question. It needs no answer. “I just want him gone.”

  “You brought him into our lives, Noah.”

  “Baby, if I’d known …”

  “You couldn’t have known, but the circumstances … you should’ve been more careful.”

  “I won’t let him take you from me, Kari.”

  “You think that’s why he’s here?”

  It’s why he’s told me he’s here, but I still don’t know what to believe.

  “He wants something. And thinking back, to the way he …”

  He leaves that sentence hanging, drops his head and rubs his neck.

  I turn around and go back behind my desk. “This is too crazy. I can’t get my head around it, any of it.”

  “We need him to leave, Kari. I don’t trust him.”

  “Neither do I. But what can I do? Jenna knows I slept with another man, she knows about that night. She doesn’t know that the man I slept with was Joe.”

  “Tell her.”

  I look at him with wide eyes. “Tell her? Jesus, Noah, how many more people do we want involved in this mess? No, I won’t tell her.”

  “Why not? Because telling her means she’ll want rid of him too?”

  I get up and go back over to him. “This is complicated enough without dragging our friends into it. And I don’t appreciate you accusing me of wanting to keep him around. I don’t. I want him gone just as much as you do, but even when that happens, that doesn’t mean we’re okay. Right now, we are so far from okay.”

  “But we can fix us, Kari, I know we can.”

  “Why is he here, Noah?”

  He frowns, but given everything else that’s happened, I can’t be certain he’s not still lying to me. “Because he wants you. That’s the only reason …”

  “No. No, I don’t think that’s it. I think there’s something more.”

  “And I don’t know what the fuck that is, Kari. Okay? I just know that I want him gone. And he doesn’t get the restaurant. I take it you’ll let Jenna know that.”

  He turns to go, slamming the door behind him and I lean back against the desk and drop my head, closing my eyes.

  I want this to be over just as much as he does, and yet, I’m speaking the words, I’m saying I want Joe gone, but I’m not sure that I do.

  I don’t want Joe Millar to go.

  I don’t …

  Fifteen

  The knock at the door disturbs my reading, and I look at the time. It’s almost nine 0’clock, the only people who would call this late would be Leo and Jen, and even they’d usually call first, despite only living across the road.

  Placing my Kindle down on the table beside me I get up and head into the hall, and I know I should check first, before I open the door, but I don’t. And I should’ve done, should’ve given myself the option to ignore whoever was there, I should’ve done that. Because I can’t ignore him now, he’s on my doorstep, tall and handsome and everything I need to stay away from.

  “How do you know where I live?”

  “Like I told you, Kari. I will do anything I have to to find time alone with you.”

  “You’re not welcome here. This is my home.”

  “Noah’s at the restaurant, right?”

  I don’t answer him.

  “Please. Can I come in? I just want to talk business.”

  “Then maybe I should get Jenna over here. She’s my partner, after all.”

  “I think we can manage without her, don’t you?”

  His eyes lock on mine and I find myself standing back to let him in, and I’m angry and frustrated at myself for giving in so easily. But he’s casting that spell again, filling me with his poison within seconds.

  “We both know this isn’t a business call, Joe.”

  “And yet, you still let me in.” He moves a little closer, the strong smell of his cologne filling the air. The same cologne he wore that night. The night he first touched me. Fucked me. “Why did you do that, Kari? Why did you let me in?”

  I don’t know. I’m struggling to work out why I do so many things these days, since this man invaded our lives.

  “I can’t keep doing this, Joe. I can’t keep lying to people, to Jen, she’s already starting to pick up on the tension; the way I behave around you … I can’t keep doing this.”

  “Doing what?”

  “I’ve just told you … Jesus!” I start to walk away but he grabs my waist, pulls me back around, my body slamming against his. The force with which I hit him knocks the breath out of me, and I hold onto him to steady myself, I look at him. I want him to go and I want him to stay; I want to hate him, but I can’t.

  He’s trouble I don’t know about.

  Danger I can see but have chosen to ignore.

  He’s wrong, on every level. A threat to everything I am.

  A mistake.

  He scares me; terrifies me, and I want him all the more because of that.

  “Noah told me, what he said to you. The conversation you had.”

  “He needed my help. I gave it to him.”

  “He asked you to fuck his wife, to ease the guilt of his own betrayal, and you were okay with that?”

  “I wasn’t there to judge him, Kari.”

  “You lied to me. All along you knew the truth, and yet, you came here, and you continued to lie to me.”

  “And I’m sorry, for doing that to you, you didn’t deserve it.”

  “No. I didn’t … Who are you, Joe?”

  I keep asking that question, and I know I may never get a straight answer, but I’ll keep asking. One day he might crack and tell me.

  One day …?

  “I didn’t do what I did with any intention of it going further than that night. You have to believe that, Kari.”

  “I don’t have to believe anything.”

  “What goes on at my parties; as long as everyone’s willing – as long as everyone knows what’s going on …”

  “But I didn’t know, did I? I didn’t know the truth. The reality. You knew. Noah knew. I knew nothing.”

  “He didn’t think you’d ever have to know. And like I said, Kari, I wasn’t there to judge him. Or you.”

  I look at him, tilting my head slightly, but he keeps his gaze steady. Stoic, even. “What is it, huh? Do you …? I don’t know – get some kind of kick out of fucking other men’s wives?”

  “Only if those men are watching,” he murmurs, his voice vibrating against my skin as his mouth touches my neck,
and I close my eyes and grip his shirt tight. I’m falling, and I hate myself, every inch of me is screaming don’t do this!

  I ignore the warning.

  When he pushes me back against the wall I don’t fight him. When he kisses me deep and dirty I let him, I wind my fingers in his hair and I press myself against him and I remember what my husband did; the ripple effect his betrayal has caused, this isn’t my fault. It’s his.

  Pushing me down onto the stairs he rips the belt from my jeans, yanks them down over my legs, and I lie back, gasping quietly as the air hits my exposed skin. His hands grasp my thighs, his mouth brushing my hip bone, his breath warming me, I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t …

  But I am.

  I bury my fingers in his hair as his head dives between my thighs; as he spreads my legs wider, touches me in places he has no right to go to again. But I’ve given him permission, I’ve let him back in, and no one’s watching this time.

  Arching my back, I groan quietly as his tongue flicks back and forth, he knows exactly what to do; how to make me crazy in a heartbeat. He takes me to the very edge of fucking heaven and then he pulls away. And the cry that leaves my body is brutal, but he silences it by kissing me. I taste myself on him and it calms me. As he pushes inside me I feel his beautiful toxin flood my veins, he’s taking me back to the edge of that precipice, keeping me there for as long as he can, and I don’t fight him. I take it all, every thrust, every kiss, every touch of his fingers on my skin, he’s consuming me in every way and I’m so fucking fine with that.

  He slides a hand onto the small of my back, pushing my hips hard against his as his cock slams into me, his quiet groans of pleasure causing goose bumps to break out, and the pounding of my heart banging hard against my ribs is painful, my breath ragged, my throat sore as I try to breathe out. And then he slows down. Everything suddenly becomes calmer. He drops his head and watches as he pulls out of me, before pushing back inside, his fingers digging into my thigh, gripping me tight. And it feels like we stay there forever, our bodies joined, moving as one in a calm, unified rhythm, we seem to fit together perfectly. And I feel nothing but an almost ethereal peace engulf me as holds me, skin against skin, he’s warm and hard and when he finally comes it’s a raw, emotional release, his cries echoing off the walls of my hallway. He reaches down to touch me, and it takes just the slightest brush of his fingertips before I’m crying out too, clinging onto him as my body convulses beneath his, my hips bucking up, and he lowers his hand to my bottom, keeping me pressed against him until I’m done. Until we collapse on the stairs, exhausted and spent.