“I think we need to get home, and you need to get some rest before we get to the bottom of this, Annalise,” Hyacinthe said mysteriously. Her frown lines were giving her worry away. Annalise did not like secrets, but as Hyacinthe helped her stand, she spilled the contents of her stomach again. It would be a fight for another time.
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX
Tamara's body moved with the man she knew she could love. The love was on the tip of her tongue as his musk began to transfer onto her body with the way they were entwined. They moved together like two parts of a whole, on a bed of gentle waves. Their sighs were like beautiful music she had never heard before. This was the contentment she had been working towards, and she arched her back in longing as his lips grazed her collarbone.
The man suddenly got up on his knees, looking down at her so she could see his whole face. Tamara had expected to see her mate, truly her mate now, Isaiah, and not the dark hair that hung over his face and the hint of stubble he had been growing, since the last time she had seen him.
Roman was the one looking down at her, like she was some goddess, a mesmerized smile plastered to his face.
Tamara gasped, sitting straight up in bed, a cold sweat covering most of her body. She looked to her right to find that Isaiah was there, snoring and half hanging off the side of the bed. Sometimes, he was a real animal when he slept.
Luckily, he didn't wake up as she tried to calm her unsteady heartbeat and think about what the hell kind of dream, she had just experienced. She and Isaiah had sex four times now, and it was great. There was a connection between their bodies which was undeniable, and she was certain it was eluding to something. In fact, she found herself wondering if she might be growing a baby inside of her, the next heir to the throne. It wouldn’t be long until she would find out, experiencing those very first signs. It would make the pack so happy, and the pressure would finally be off their backs about that. She certainly hoped she would have that good news soon, especially for her father, and maybe for all their sakes, it would be a boy. It would be a boy to take over the pack, and it would be someone she and her father could enjoy fishing with and roll around in the mud with. Yeah, a boy would be fun.
But here she was, having some sex dream about Isaiah's brother, Roman. She had not seen Roman at all since his punishment was officially doled out, but her thoughts had been inadvertently on him the entire time they had been apart. The look that had been on his face, and the way he had acted, broke her heart in an irreparable way. He had been her best friend, and she wanted so badly to trust him if she came to his emotional aid. He couldn't handle it, though, and it would be cruel to stick herself and Isaiah in his face right now. But maybe it was that pain spilling over into her dreams.
Surely, she had no such feelings to return to Roman. Orson had been the only man she had ever loved, and that had quickly faded the more she understood what kind of monster he was. No, she could not have any attraction for Roman. It had to be remorse.
Tamara got out of bed and reached for her clothes, tugging them on and pulling her hair up out of her face. She needed to get that strange image out of her head and move on before she blurted something so stupid out to Isaiah, at a time when things might finally begin to work. They had the bedroom down, so maybe it was time to get more than that.
They had been trying, but it was a little awkward. They had been stiff with each other after the first two sexual encounters, not knowing how to bridge that gap between friends and lovers, as if they were the most inexperienced couple they had ever met. It would have been pitiful to view on the outside, but they were having growing pains, that was all.
She went into the kitchen and began to make breakfast, knowing how Isaiah loved it when breakfast was waiting for him when he woke up. She made sure to cook extra bacon and sausage because that man liked his meat a lot. And he needed it too, to maintain that physique of his and all the running he did. If she couldn't find him these days, she knew where he would be, out running. He was doing it at least twice a day. It was probably why he was still in there sleeping like a baby.
Everything was plated and on the dining room table, even two plates sitting out for their guards, when Isaiah came out of the bedroom with the yawn of a lion and only a pair of baggy shorts clinging on for dear life, with each stretch of his body. Seeing him like that made her hormones run wild, but she knew she needed to quell that if they were going to take the next step. They had to get out of the sex phase to get into something more. Not that she wouldn't enjoy something from time to time still, but there had to be more.
“I smell breakfast,” he said in his morning caveman voice. Despite the fact that Tamara could tell he was still half asleep, his hair was perfect as if he had never been in bed at all. She envied him in his flawlessness sometimes. She was a good-looking woman, but she still had to work for it; put in some effort.
“You would be correct. It’s waiting on the table for you. Yours is the plate with all the extra meat.” Lacy and Hector walked in as well, making their way over to the food like a couple of zombies in need of flesh.
They had a good breakfast, starting to feel a little like a strange kind of family there together. Isaiah woke up more with each bite he took, and it became clear that he had plans for them today.
Tamara didn’t bother putting on anything fancy as Isaiah led her towards the house of a good friend of her father's; a woman named Cate. She was one of the oldest members of the pack and had bred six members who ranged in age now from 16 to 35. She and her husband lived a quiet lifestyle now. Isaiah had thought Cate could help them out with something for the wedding; the dress. Tamara had wanted something simple, and Cate was great with sewing. It was a good idea until she thought about the fact that it was so close to Roman’s house.
Sure enough, as they approached, she could see him off in the distance, pacing around his own house like he was lost. Tamara was debating... debating whether or not she should even ask Isaiah if it was alright to go over there. She felt like she had left some things undone and unsaid, and she didn't know if she could handle that, knowing the way he was reacting to everything. He was alone, and she didn't want him to feel that way.
“Isaiah, you go ahead and talk to her. You can see me from her porch, right?” Tamara whispered nodding towards Roman, who she could feel was looking at her from a distance. Isaiah's shoulders visibly dropped in a sigh.
“Yes, go ahead. Don't be too long. I will be right here if there's any trouble.” Tamara nodded and walked quickly towards Roman before she could change her mind, or he could take off running like a coward. It wouldn't have surprised her, with the way he had been, had he tried. He just stood still, watching her approach.
“I am not supposed to be alone with you.” That was the first thing he said to Tamara. She just rolled her eyes.
“Not that it matters, but Isaiah is right over there. We are not alone. Now, please, stop being so defensive and talk to me. I don't like the way we left things, and I am worried about you. How am I supposed to focus on what I am doing for the pack if all I can do is think about if you’re alright?” Tamara realized how that came out after she said it. It was accusatory and shallow, almost teasing him to think there could be something when there wasn’t.
“You really want the truth out of me, Tamara? Because you better be sure you're ready to hear it,” he said, pressing his hands deep into his pockets. Tamara nodded, not understanding what could be such a big deal. He was angry, he was hurt, she expected those things. What she didn't expect was the way what he said next made her feel.
“The truth is that it's killing me. Every day I sit or wander alone. I have no brother to confide in anymore, and my best friend is gone now too. I am not allowed to be with her. And now I think about things like what I am going to do when you announce you are pregnant with the heir or when you walk down the aisle to him. How am I going to be expected to watch that? But if I don't, I can't be considered a part of the pack anymore. I would have to leave, which
would be even worse. I have to know you're okay. But you know what the worst part is about all of this, Tamara?” he asked it, pain cracking his desperate voice. Tamara could tell he was trying to get some message across, something she had never known he was holding inside. “The worst part is that I thought you knew. I always thought you knew that I had feelings for you. I watched your father parade you around in front of Isaiah for nothing to ever come of it, and I was there for you through thick and thin. I looked out for you at every turn! I gave you every compliment I could give AND MEANT IT! I knew you had feelings for Orson, so I let it go. When he broke your heart and you grew up, I thought when you were done holding out hope for him. I thought you would remember I was right here for you. I never saw a scenario where you didn't choose me.”
Roman walked away with that, the strain turning to the hint of tears in his voice. Tamara was shocked. She hadn't known at all, or at least she hadn’t noticed. She couldn't get his words out of her head. It was like a constant echo, even as she laid back down in bed that night.
Tamara’s mind should have been on the lovely dress Cate was making her or on the man next to her she was going to marry and have children with, but instead, she was having flashbacks, racking her brain for those moments she hadn’t cataloged properly with Roman.
***2000***
“I can’t believe she hasn't changed yet, maybe she's not a werewolf at all,” one of the little girls teased as the older and bigger kids circled Tamara. It was like a scene from her worst nightmare coming true. She was right though, and she should be turning. She should have turned at least once. It wasn't like there weren't late bloomers in the pack, though, but she was not part human. She was purebred, and it seemed to be unacceptable that she hadn't had it happen yet.
“Please, just leave me alone,” she told them, feeling scared like she never had before. She was usually pretty tough, not showing any vulnerabilities. She knew better than that, but this was different. She was up against some of the toughest kids in the pack, and they could easily turn and rip her to shreds if they wanted.
“Get away from her.” Tamara turned to see one of the Young boys approaching, ordering them to back off. “I said, step away!” he yelled louder, a growl coming with it as well. She had known Roman and Isaiah Young since she was 3 or 4, but since starting school, she had gotten closer to them, especially Roman. They were in the same class. He had come to save her, but it was unexpected. The Young family were the rulers. Purebred wolf or not, she didn't feel like she was on their level, even if they played together sometimes.
The crowd parted, and Roman came to take her hand, making her feel much safer. They wouldn't dare attack her if she was with him. “You won’t bully her anymore,” he told them with an authoritative tone. She didn't think a small boy like him could have that kind of voice. “Or else she will become bigger and faster than all of you and rip your throats out when she turns.” Tamara tried not to giggle at that. Of course, she would never do that, but it had the bullies running scared.
Tamara looked to her savior and smiled. “Thank you for saving me.”
“Just know I will always be around if you need saving.”
Tamara had believed it to be a silly little boy sentiment then, but was it really?
***2008***
Tamara had pulled out all the stops tonight, trying to catch the attention of the boy who had once kissed her and made her feel worthwhile. There was a wedding going on. It didn't happen often in the pack since mating was more traditional.
Tamara had gone into the city to buy a dress with her allowance; a navy-blue number with no sleeves that hugged the curves. Strangely, they had only developed the year before, like a gift. She knew she looked good, and she judged it by the way some of the eligible bachelors had. Even the not-so-eligible ones were looking at her as she walked in. Feeling more confident than she had in a long time, she spotted Orson in the crowd, talking with a couple of the guys.
Tamara strutted up, catching every set of eyes in the group but his, until they made him look. “Hi,” she said with a sly smile.
“What are you doing here?” Orson asked, not giving her the reaction, she expected. Maybe he didn't want to appear needy in front of his friends or something.
“I was invited, just like you,” Tamara told him sassily, her hand on her feminine hip.
“I mean over here, Tamara.” His angry tone took her aback, but she wasn't going to give up that easily.
“I thought I would ask you to dance.” She shrugged, trying not to come off desperate. The other guys were actually drooling at the sight of her. Surely, he had to say yes.
“I thought we talked about this, Tamara. It's time to find someone else to dance with.” Orson shook his head and turned away, ignoring her entirely. What had she done that was so wrong that she wasn't even worth the time of day anymore? She wanted to run far away and never come back.
Tamara turned, ready to run away and cry when she gasped, stopped by another Young dressed to the nines, his dark hair combed back, like in an old movie. “I’ll dance with you.” It was Roman with a shy smile on his face. He held out his hand, but Tamara wasn’t in the mood.
“Thank you, Roman, for coming to my rescue again, but I think I need to be alone.”
Roman nodded. “For what it’s worth, I think you look absolutely beautiful.”
***Present Day***
Those were the memories that ran through Tamara’s head for the next few days. She was trying to make sense of what Roman had said to her and how she could have possibly missed his feelings. She had never been paying attention. Every time she needed him, he was there, and even when she didn't know she needed him. She had made such a mistake by being so rude to him before; getting him in trouble with Isaiah.
Her heart ached for old times, talking at their spot and just being Roman and Tamara. But now, it was too late. She didn't see how she could ever make it up to him or have that again, considering the sentence. It was to be that he would never be alone with her again. She doubted that would suddenly go away after a few years of marriage, she didn't think she could wait that long, anyway. But that’s when it came to her; a letter. A letter didn't violate anything. She would write it and send it and let Lacy drop it off for her. It was the least she could do.
Dear Roman,
I am so sorry for the pain I have caused you, and I realize now I have been a little blind. Can you ever forgive me? I don't know how we are going to get through this marriage or anything else and still make it out as friends. I miss you. I miss our talks and our walks together. I miss the way you always came to save me. I hope we can rebuild some semblance of what we had and maybe the faith that Isaiah needs to have, in us.
Feel free to write back and send your letter with Lacy.
Love,
Tamara
CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN
Dear Tamara,
I am so grateful to hear from you. I feel like a complete ass for the way I have been acting about everything. I know that making it work with Isaiah is important to you. I have to learn to respect that, even if it hurts. I miss you as well, but I am not sure what we will be allowed to have in the future. I hope that our hearts can tame, to accept, what fate desires for us and that until then, I can be more civil. I am happy to communicate with you at all, even if it is just on paper.
Love,
Roman
Tamara was glad to have received a letter back, and she saw an opportunity. She quickly scrawled back her own answer and handed it off to Lacy before going to meet Isaiah at the door. They were to meet with a newly mated couple in the pack; one of the hybrids and one of their own male pack members, to see how they were doing. They were the first successful relationship to come out of that merger.
Isaiah seemed to be excited about the idea of using them as an example, to make sure everyone got along from there on out. Tamara was proud of him and how things were turning out for him as the pack leader. She couldn't say anything was going her way. The
y were still trying, and there was no woman in her way with Isaiah any longer, but that awkward phase outside the bedroom was hard to get past and into any romance. Candlelight dinners turned into silence or small talk, and any time they were happy, it felt like they were best friends again. Not that it wasn't nice, it just wasn’t what she expected for a man she was saying ‘I do’ to in just a couple of months.
Hand in hand, they made their way to the small cottage that held the new couple. They looked nervous to be seeing the alpha and his mate. They were just happy with each other not wanting any attention. “We are just thrilled that this union is happening. It is going to mean a lot for the other hybrids that chose to stay with the pack; knowing how you can all get along and be an important part of the pack,” Tamara said, placing her hand comfortingly on the hybrid’s knee. She smiled, and it looked like she relaxed a bit.
“I am just so happy for the pack that we have some of them. Mating was going to be such a problem, we were running out of viable women, but this helps. I am so glad to have found her,” the pack member, Lucien, gushed. It was very sweet, seeing them together. Tamara hoped that would be her and Isaiah one day and that Roman could also find that with someone. Though, a strange pang hit her at the thought that she couldn't explain.
“So, how is everything going? No one is giving you any trouble, are they?” Isaiah asked in a threatening tone as if he would take care of anyone causing problems for this experimental couple.
“Actually,” the woman, Bren, began, “we do have some good news. Lucien and I are going to have a baby!” She rubbed her stomach possessively, and Tamara could just make out the small bump she hadn’t noticed before. She tried to be happy for them, but she was wanting that for herself; certainly, it should have come already. That would be the second couple in the pack pregnant, and before the alpha and his mate. The pressure was all-consuming, and she was beginning to buy into it; really wanting to solidify a family for herself. So, when was she going to get it?
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