The Erotica Handbook

by Emily Baker

  Some people are into feet.

  Think about like this, a mailing list subscriber could be worth hundreds of dollars to you over the next few years. If they buy all your stories and leave great reviews they could be worth thousands. And all you wanted to offer these people was a free short story!? Tsk tsk.

  You can do better than boring. I believe in you. Come up with something so interesting, so unique, that readers find themselves having to subscribe. They want the hook so bad they’ll register a brand new email just for you.

  Back matter magic

  This is the most effective marketing method in erotica. Back matter is that advertising you find at the end of the book. You write a short little paragraph which is basically, “If you enjoyed this story, then check out my other stuff by clicking this link.”

  You can put your book cover in as a photo. Just right-click the image on your Amazon product page, copy it into your Word document and shrink it until it’s nice and small. Covers with sexy people are better for back matter because you’re not trying to stand out in a sea of search results. You’re just trying to hook a reader who has enjoyed your previous writing.

  Presto. That’s it. That’s back matter. If people like your writing they will buy more of your stories. This is why you need to write as many stories as possible. Sometimes people will click though from your back matter advertisement and then buy your entire catalogue. Congratulations you just caught a whale.

  You can also put a link your email list in your back matter.

  Bundles are the key to riches

  Once you’ve written four stories, put them all together in a buddle. Give the bundle an interesting name. Your bundles should be grouped by niche, though I have seen several successful bundles that were totally random. If people like your writing and the niches are somewhat similar, then they won’t care, all they want is the discount.

  Bundle pricing is most effective at 50% off. So if you’ve got four stories at $2.99 then your bundle should at most $5.99. Make it clear to the customer they are getting four stories for the price of two. People love deals. There is an entire psychology around putting items on sales. A lot of retailers will always have sales going on because sales are effective. A sale gives the buyer permission to purchase the item because they think they’re saving money and they think they have a limited time to make the decision.

  Every once in a while you should drop the price of your bundle to 60% off for a limited time only. Make a few days and blast it on Twitter and Facebook if you are using these. This is called a Kindle Countdown Deal. You can activate them by clicking the Promote and Advertise button, then click the option above the Free Book Promotion.

  The reason bundles are so important is because they can turn a $3 sale into a $6 sale. Double your money.

  Keyword wizard

  Amazon says you get seven keywords to advertise your book, but that’s not really true. When you think of a keyword, don’t think of a single word like “milf.” What Amazon actually gives you is 400 characters to play with.

  So instead one of your keywords being “milf” it’s better if you use a keyword like “milf erotica stories.” A keyword like that only takes up 20 characters. So if you have seven of them you would only be using 140 of your 400 available characters. So make longer keywords. You want to use phases that people might put into the search engine. “milf erotica stories for women who like having sex with young men.” That keyword is 65 characters. But if you had seven of those you’d be over your limit.

  Get creative. You’ve got 400 characters to play with and you should maximize your space because every word in your keyword entry can trigger a search result. In other words, the reason you want to use phrases like “milf erotica stories” is because when someone searches for either “milf” or “erotica” or “stories” then your book will appear in the search results.

  The competition for these keywords is pretty ruthless so get creative and your book will stand out.

  The most profitable keywords I’ve found are: Erotica, milf, lesbian, gay, stories, erotic, sex, teen, men, women, billionaire.

  Obviously the competition for those keywords is insane. If you just use those words your book will never see the light of day when it stops appearing in the “new” listings.

  The best keywords are the ones that are an accurate reflection of your story. So in our story example about Molly and the delivery boy, we might use keywords like journalist, politics, delivery boy, etc. But don’t forget to make it clear that your book is erotica, because remember, the worst thing you can do is deceive the reader.

  An easy method to generate keywords for your story is just to open up a search engine and pretend you are a random person who is very interested in the specific book you just wrote, but this random person has no idea your book exists. All they know is the subject. So what might they enter in the search engine to find this book?

  “Erotica stories about delivery boys having sex with single mothers.” Maybe. Who knows?

  Just type a bunch of random entries and go with whatever you like. Your keywords are not set in stone. It only takes Amazon a few hours to update their keywords so you can do this multiple times per day.

  What I recommend is selecting a list of keywords, trying it out for a week, then if sales are flat, swap out all the keywords with new ones. See what happens. Just keep testing until you’re happy.

  But whatever you do, don’t get trapped in the paralysis of analysis. It’s not worth spending weeks perfecting your keywords when you could use that time to be writing more books.

  More products will increase your income faster than better keywords.

  Thesaurus

  In this section you will find sexy synonyms for commonly used erotica words. It’s important to vary your word use or your reader will get bored. If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “What’s another word for hard?” then this section is for you.

  The words I’ve listed aren’t all exact synonyms, for example triceps is not technically a synonym for arms but I’ve listed it to help you build more diverse sentences.

  The thesaurus is broken it down into three sections, Nouns (body parts), Verbs, and Adjectives.

  Nouns (body parts)

  abdomen

  belly, abs, bay window, beer belly, belly, bowels, breadbasket, corporation, front porch, gut, guts, insides, intestines, middle, midriff, midsection, paunch, pelvis, pot, pot belly, potbelly, solar plexus, spare tire, stomach, tank, tummy, venter, viscera

  arms

  appendage, bender, biceps, boulders, branch, cannons, fin, flapper, flipper, forearm, guns, handle, hook, muppets, noodles, pipes, prong, pythons, shoulder, stump, triceps, upper arm, weapons of mass destruction, wing

  breasts

  apples, assets, bazongas, bazookas, bean bags, blinkers, bombshells, bongos, boobies, boobs, bosom, bra buddies, bra stuffers, breasticles, bumps, bust, busters, cannon balls, cans, chest, chesticles, coconuts, cones, congas, cupcakes, fog lights, fried eggs, front, fun bags, gazongas, girls, globes, gourds, grapefruits, gum drops, hand warmers, headlights, honkers, hoohas, hooters, hot cakes, humdingers, hush puppies, jugs, kazongas, knobbers, knockers, ladies, lady lumps, love melons, love muffins, mammaries, mammary glands, mams, meatballs, melons, milk cans, milk fountains, milk shakes, mountain peaks, nipple, orbs, pair, peaches, pillows, plums, pokers, pumpkins, rack, sandbags, shakers, snuggle pups, spark plugs, stacks, sweater meat, tatas, teat, teats, tits, titters, titties, torpedoes, twin peaks, twins, udder, udders

  cum/semen

  baby batter, baby gravy, boner brew, cock cream, cocktail sauce, cream, cream of some young guy, dampness, dew, drain babies, drip, ejaculate, elixir, face paint, flix, flood, flow, goo, ice-cream, jelly fish, jism, jissom, jizz, joy juice, juice, liquid love, load, love potion, love sauce, man chowder, man mustard, man seed, man yogurt, milk, moistness, nectar, nut butter, nut nectar, penis pasta, pole milk, protein shake, sap, sauce, scum, secretion, seed, skeet, source, sperm, s
plooge, spooge, spore, spunk, squirt, stream, swamp, swimmers, tear, teardrop, throat babies, torrent, trouser gravy, wad

  chest

  beefcake, block, bod, body, build, bulk, bust, chassis, column, core, figure, form, frame, physique, rib cage, ribs, shape, stalk, stem, thorax, torso, trunk, upper body, upper trunk

  legs

  calf, column, flank, foreleg, gams, groin, hamstring, hind leg, hip, hock, leg part, limb, loins, part, peg, pins, pole, quadriceps, quads, shin, stake, stems, stilt, stump, support, thigh, tree trunks

  penis

  anaconda, baby maker, basilisk, beef thermometer, bone, boner, boom stick, chopper, chubby, cock, dick, dong, erection, flute, fuck pole, gut wrench, hard-on, johnson, joystick, kielbasa, knob, love muscle, love steak, love truncheon, main vein, man muscle, manhood, meat, meat stick, member, monster, morning wood, one-eyed monster, organ, package, pecker, peter, phallus, pink cigar, pipe cleaner, pizzle, plonker, pocket rocket, pork sword, prick, rod, salami, sausage, schlong, shaft, skin flute, stiffy, tent pole, third leg, tool, trouser meat, trouser snake, tube steak, twig, unit, wang, weapon, wiener, willy, winkle, wood, yogurt slinger

  pubic hair

  bird's nest, fur pie, hairy chest rest, spider's legs, vagina sweater, magic carpet, minge moss, stripper stripe, trouble triangle, cat fur, frilly taco, muff scruff, squirrel tail, pusstasche, black box, crash pad, badger's armpit, bush, carpet, fluff, forest, rain forest, fuzz, grass, growth, grove, lettuce, mound, nest, netherhair, pubes, rug, short and curlies, stuff, thatch, crotch toupée, briar patch, furry jungle, wiener coat, landing strip, minge, muff, garden, brillo pad, happy trail, treasure trail, floss

  vagina

  abyss, axe wound, baby cannon, bean, bearded clam, beaver, beef curtains, box, bush, castle, cave, chamber of secrets, cherry, clam lips, clit, cock sheath, cooch, coochie, cookie, cooter, cooze, cum dumpster, cunny, cunt, dick pocket, face hugger, front bottom, gap, gash, gut locker, hole, holiest of holes, honey pot, hoo-ha, juice box, kitten, kitty, labia, lady parts, lesbo lure, love box, love mitten, minge, moose knuckle, muff, muffin, ocean, pickle jar, pink bits, pink taco, pit, pleasure pit, poontang, pot hole, pussy, pussy cat, rabbit, rain forest, rosebud, sausage wallet, slit, snapper, snatch, sour pot, sperm swallower, starfish, strange, sugar walls, trim, twat, vajayjay, venus fly trap, vertical smile, vulva, whispering eye, wishing well

  Verbs

  climax

  blow one's load, bust, bust a nut, come, cream, cum, ejaculate, explode, get off, jizz, juice, nut, orgasm, pop, shoot a wad, shoot off, splooge, spooge, spurt, unload

  desire

  aim, appetite, aspiration, burning, compelled, covet, crave, craving, demand, desperate, die over, dream, eager, fall for, fancy, hanker, hanker after, have eye for, have need of, have the hots for, hunger for, impatient, infatuation, insatiable, itch, long for, longing, lust after, make advances on, need, obsession, partial to, passion, require, set heart on, smitten, spoil for, sweet for, take a liking to, take a shine to, take to, thirst, turned on, urge, want, wish, wish for, yearn

  sexual intercourse

  bang, banging, barge in, birds and the bees, boff, boink, bone, bonk, boof, breach, breed, bump and grind, bump uglies, bury the bone, bust in, charge, coitus, copulation, couple, do it, do the deed, do the nasty, drill, enter, exchange flesh, facts of life, feather beg jig, feck, first base, fool around, fornication, frack, frig, fuck, fucking, get a piece, get busy, get it on, get laid, get lucky, get some, get stuffed, go all the way, go in, go to bed with, gore, grand slam, hanky panky, have an affair, have sex, home run, hook up, horizontal monster mash, hump, impale, infiltrate, insert, intimacy, invade, jab, jump someone's bones, knock boots, lance, law, lovemaking, make an entrance, make babies, make whoopee, makin' bacon, making a deposit, marital relations, mate, nail, nookie, paddling the pink canoe, pierce, pin, play hide the sausage, play on all fours, plow, plug, poke, pop in, porking, pound, probe, procreation, puncture, quickie, rail, ram, relations, reproduction, ride, roast the broomstick, rock the trailer, roll in the hay, root, rut, score, screw, screwing, second base, shag, slam, sleep with, spear, spike, stab, stuff, take someone to bed, the beast with two backs, the horizontal mambo, third base, thrust, tie the true lover's knot, tumble, wind the clock

  squirm

  arc, bend, bow, buck, coil, contort, convulse, corkscrew, curl, curve, entwine, fidget, flex, flounder, grind, heave, intertwine, jerk, jiggle, jolt, lash, loop, ooze, pivot, pull, recoil, revolve, ripple, rotate, shake, shift, slide, snake, spasm, spin, spiral, squiggle, stir, strain, struggle, surge, swell, swivel, thrash, throb, turn, tussle, twist, twitch, waggle, warp, whirl, wiggle, wind, worm, wrench, wriggle, write, zigzag

  touch

  attract, bear hug, bite, blanket, blow, brush, bump, burrow, cage, caress, cherish, choke, claw, clinch, cling to, clutch, coddle, compress, conceal, constrict, contact, contain, cover, cradle, cram, crush, cuddle, dab, dandle, delve, dig, drag, draw, ease, edge, embrace, encase, encompass, enfold, engulf, enshroud, examine, explore, feel, feel up, fiddle, finger, flick, flip, fondle, force, frisk, get fingers on, grapple, grasp, graze, grind, grip, grope, guard, handle, hold, hold close, hold tight, huddle, hug, inspect, jam, jerk, jostle, kiss, knead, lap, lay a hand on, lick, lock, make off with, manhandle, manipulate, massage, maul, meet, mold, muzzle, nail, neck, nestle, nibble, nick, nip, nurse, nuzzle, palm, palpate, pat, paw, peck, pet, pinch, play around, pluck, ply, poke, polish, press, probe, pull, quash, ram, rasp, ravish, rub, rub hands over, scoop, scrape, scratch, scrub, scrunch, seize, sense, shave, sip, slitter, smack, snag, snap up, snuggle, sooth, spank, spread, squash, squeeze, steal, strangle, stretch, stroke, suck, swaddle, swipe, tag, take, take in one's arms, tap, taste, throttle, thumb, thump, tickle, tongue, touch lovingly, trace, trail, try, tug, twiddle, twirl, twist, veil, wedge, wrench, wrest, wring, yank

  Adjectives

  big

  astronomical, colossal, considerable, copious, cyclopean, elephantine, enormous, extensive, fat, full, giant, gigantic, ginormous, goliath, great, heavy-duty, hefty, herculean, huge, hulking, humongous, husky, immense, jumbo, large, leviathan, mammoth, massive, mighty, mondo, monumental, monster, mountainous, ogre, oversized, packed, sizeable, strapping, substantial, super, titan, titanic, tremendous, vast, whale of a, whopping

  hard

  adamantine, broad, calcified, concrete, dense, fat, firm, fossilized, frozen, hardened, impermeable, impervious, impenetrable, iron, ossified, petrified, rigid, rigidified, robust, rocklike, rocky, solid, solidified, stiff, stiff as a board, stony, strong, sturdy, substantial, swollen, taut, thick, tough, unbending, unbreakable, unyielding, wide, wooden

  naughty

  amoral, animalistic, arousing, bad, bawdy, coarse, debased, debauched, degenerate, depraved, devilish, disobedient, epicurean, erotica, evil, explicit, filthy, forward, foul, foul-mouthed, hard-core, heavy, hedonic, heinous, hot, immodest, immoral, impish, improper, impure, indecent, lascivious, lecherous, lewd, loose, lustful, mischievous, moving, nasty, obscene, off-color, offensive, perverse, perverted, playful, profane, pornographic, racy, rank, rascally, raunchy, raw, risqué, rough, salacious, scandalous, sensuous, sexual, sexy, shameless, sinful, smutty, steamy, suggestive, taboo, tactile, voluptuous, vulgar, wicked, x-rated

  strong

  able-bodied, all-powerful, almighty, ambitious, athletic, authoritative, beefy, big, brawny, broad-shouldered, built, bulky, burly, callous, capable, commanding, compelling, competent, controlling, decided, decisive, determined, dogged, dominant, driven, durable, earnest, enduring, energetic, firm, fixed, forceful, formidable, hard as nails, hardboiled, hard-nosed, hard-shelled, headstrong, heavily built, herculean, hulking, in control, inflexible, influential, mighty, motivated, muscly, muscular, obsessed, obstinate, persistent, persuasive, portly, possessed, potent, powerful, purposeful, reinforced, resolute, resolved, robust, rough, rugged, serious, sinewy, single-minded, solid, sound, stable, stalwart, stark, staunch, steadfast, steady, steely-eyed, stern, stone-faced, stout, strapp
ing, strict, strong-willed, stubborn, sturdy, substantial, tenacious, thickset, tough, unbending, unwavering, unyielding, weighty, well built, well-founded, well-made

  intelligent

  able, accomplished, acute, alert, apt, artistic, astute, brainy, bright, brilliant, calculating, capable, class act, clever, comprehending, cool, creative, deep, egg-headed, enlightened, exceptional, expert, formative, genius, gifted, hot stuff, hotshot, imaginative, ingenious, inspired, intellectual, inventive, keen, knowing, knowledgeable, leading-edge, masterly, original, originative, penetrating, perceptive, phenomenal, productive, profound, prolific, quick, quick-witted, rational, resourceful, responsible, scholarly, sharp, skillful, smart, stimulating, superstar, talented, virtuoso, visionary, well-informed, wise, witty

  wet

  clammy, damp, deluged, dip, doused, drenched, dribble, dripping, drizzle, drowned, humid, misty, moist, moisten, moistened, muggy, oozing, permeate, saturated, slippery, slobber, slop, soaked, soaked to the skin, soaking, sodden, soggy, sopping, soppy, spill, squirting, teary, water-logged, watery, wringing-wet

  pleasurable

  adorable, adventure, agreeable, amazing, amiable, amused, animal, animating, appealing, arousing, astonishing, astounding, awesome, bliss, breathtaking, brilliant, buzzed, carnal, charming, delectable, delicious, delight, delightful, dramatic, dynamite, ecstasy, engaging, enjoyable, entertaining, erotic, excellent, exciting, exhilarating, extraordinary, eye-popping, fabulous, fantastic, far-out, fleshly, gratifying, great, groovy, hair-raising, heavenly, hectic, hitting the spot, impressive, incredible, inspiring, intoxicating, intriguing, joyous, magnificent, marvelous, mind-blowing, outstanding, overwhelming, paradise, peachy, phenomenal, physical, pleasant, pleasing, prime, provocative, refreshing, relish, rip-roaring, satiating, satisfied, satisfying, savory, sensational, sensual, something else, spine-tingling, staggering, startling, stimulating, stirring, stupendous, suitable, super, superb, surprising, swell, terrific, thrilled, thrilling, titillating, too much, tremendous, unheard of, wild, wonderful, wondrous