The Secret History of Hatty Ha Ha ... Begins

by S M Mala

‘I’m nearly six foot.’

  ‘Me too!’ she said, sniggering louder.

  ‘Listen I’m three quarter of an inch off hitting it and-.’

  ‘Dat three quarter inch make a difference to Gina Glory Glory,’ Hatty hollered.

  ‘Whereas you’re about four foot ten,’ he said smugly as she stopped laughing.

  ‘Me short so what? Five foot and a quarter of an inch!’ she said defiantly. ‘Nearly six foot when me come to tink of it.’ She laughed again and he thought she was funny and found himself laughing.

  ‘Hatty Ha Ha, you’re a crazy lady,’ he smiled. ‘So about Philip?’

  ‘He’s the son of your daddy’s best friend as if you didn’t know,’ she said sheepishly and turned away. Jake swore she was blushing. ‘And he’s perfect in every way.’

  ‘You like him?’

  ‘He’s a good man,’ she mumbled.

  ‘You want him?’

  ‘No!’ she snapped and looked at him. ‘I wanted to borrow something off him.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Like mind you own business,’ she said and Jake realised he was a little bit pissed off.

  She liked the strapping good looking black guy he’d seen around town and the estate.

  ‘He’s very handsome if you like your men large, muscular and the colour of molasses.’

  ‘As opposed to nearly six foot, slim and the colour of milky tea?’ she laughed.

  ‘So you like him?’

  ‘I don’t find him attractive.’

  ‘You don’t like men?’ he said, realising it could be the reason she wasn’t falling for his charm.

  ‘What do you mean?’ she asked quizzically, startling herself. ‘You want to know if I’m a lesbian?’

  ‘Are you?’

  ‘Would it matter?’

  ‘It’d fit into place,’ he smiled and looked at her. ‘Are you?’

  ‘I’ll tell you what I am,’ she said, getting up quickly taking the plastic bag and putting it into her satchel. ‘I am grateful for your sandwich and sip of water but I’m not happy you spied on me again. If you want to come here then warn me some way or another so I can keep out of your way. Now if you’d excuse me, I have to get back home to revise as I have a week left before my exams. If I don’t pass it my aunt and your father are going to kill me, okay?’

  Jake let his eyes travel up her body to her face, knowing full well what beauty was hidden beneath her clothing. Something deeply stirred in his gut and loins when he realised what he’d really like to do to the funny girl standing in front of him.

  ‘Why can’t I come when you’re here?’ he eventually asked, as he noticed she was staring hard at him. ‘Just as friends?’

  ‘Because I think you might get too excited,’ she smirked, quickly glancing down at his crotch and shaking her head. ‘Boys!’

  Hatty walked away as he sat there trying to control the stiffening between his thighs.

  After dinner, Jake walked around the grounds with a bottle of beer. Since coming back from seeing Hatty, he was restless and wanted to speak to her again. This evening she wasn’t sitting on the porch before dinner. He walked past the kitchen and headed towards the house where she lived.

  All the lights were switched off. There was no sign of her.

  Disgruntled, he went back towards home and went down the side towards the beach. That’s when he heard Delores and his father talking quietly on the balcony.

  ‘She’s doing it on purpose,’ he heard Delores say as Jake stepped closer so he could see what was going on. Murray was stood overlooking the sea. Delores sat on the edge of a chair. ‘I know she’s going to fail again.’

  ‘Hatty will pass this time,’ Murray gently said. ‘I don’t think she wants responsibilities.’

  ‘When I was her age, I was teaching as well as looking after her. That’s responsibility!’ snapped Delores.

  ‘You had help and it was an amazing thing you did.’

  ‘What am I going to do? I can’t watch her waste her life away.’

  ‘She’s happy.’

  ‘Doing what? Playing in the mud then disappearing for hours on end? Murray, she’s not responsible enough to know what she wants.’ Delores buried her face in her hands. ‘Sometimes it’s too much for me to cope with.’

  ‘I’ve told her if she doesn’t like teaching in two years then I’ll put in a good word to you about letting her do something else,’ Murray gently said.

  Jake immediately knew his dad’s tone of voice when treading on egg shells.

  ‘You did what! You know as well as I do it’s ultimately up to you!’ snapped Delores, standing up and marching towards him. ‘She’s now going to make sure she doesn’t succeed and will stay put on this island forever!’

  ‘She’ll then be twenty four. She has plenty of time to find out what she wants to do. If Hatty wants to stay here then that’s fine as long as she’s happy,’ he said calmly. ‘And her personal trust doesn’t come into play until she’s twenty five. By then we can advise her on what to do.’

  ‘That bloody money!’ barked Delores. ‘Can you imagine what she’s going to do with it? I bet she asks to buy that old house. Mark my words Murray if she does, you better say ‘no’!’

  ‘I won’t sell the house to her,’ he laughed and shook his head. ‘I can’t, can I?’

  ‘Why don’t you knock it down?’

  ‘You know why and let’s not forget she’d never forgive me if I did.’

  ‘It’s not a good place. It’s dangerous and-.’

  ‘I’ve made sure it’s safe. There are barriers around the edge and she never goes there, never ventures that far. She never wants to. I wouldn’t let anything happen to her.’

  ‘It has bad memories,’ she said quietly. Jake was curious about what happened there. ‘For all of us.’

  ‘And she’s the only one who had good memories there.’

  ‘I want her to go back to London to work or even Europe. She refuses to budge. I don’t know why she wants to stay here. It’s not right.’

  ‘Delores,’ he said gently. Jake noticed the softening in his father’s face as he looked at her. ‘If you want to go back, I don’t mind.’

  ‘I want to stay here with you,’ she quietly replied, looking at him. ‘This is my life.’

  ‘And this is hers. If she’s happy doing what she’s doing just be grateful she’s here.’

  ‘I’d be more grateful if she sat still and became a good teacher than trying to make out she’s a work man.’ Delores then let out a groan. ‘She’s wearing men’s boots with steel toe caps. She looks ridiculous! Yesterday, she tripped over her feet when she was running because she forgot to tie the laces. The child is wearing size 6 boots when her feet are only a size 4. She might be a young woman but she behaves like a hobo.’

  Jake tried not to laugh at the comment.

  ‘Have you ever asked her what she really wants to do?’ his father gently asked.

  ‘Have you ever got a really straight answer from that child?’

  ‘She’s a beautiful young woman not a child so stop treating her as one,’ Murray said gently.

  Jake got the distinct impression it was Delores who was constantly finding fault with Hatty.

  ‘And that’s another thing,’ hissed Delores. ‘I asked Philip what he and Hatty were up to and he said he’s sweet on her.’

  ‘You’re joking!’ laughed out Murray. Jake noticed his father seemed genuinely surprised. ‘Philip must’ve been really stuck for something to say.’

  ‘I know that boy is lying. They’re up to something.’

  ‘Philip and Hatty have been thick as thieves since she came to live on the island. He’s a lovely young man and thinks the world of her. I know she’s in safe hands with him, whereas other young men, well they can think again,’ said Murray. Jake seemed to notice his father was bemused. ‘If Hatty needs a friend, Philip’s there for her. He looks after that wayward girl but other boys, they have different ideas.’

  �
��And she’s not exactly helpful with the attention she attracts,’ moaned Delores. ‘She knows if they ask my permission to take her out I have to go through you.’

  ‘She’s being thoughtful and considerate, don’t you think, in this modern day and age?’ laughed Murray.

  ‘And the ones I say ‘yes’ to you don’t approve of and on the rare occasion you say ‘yes’-.’

  ‘To the sensible ones.’

  ‘Once a year,’ Delores huffed. ‘Hatty then gets annoyed and refuses point blank!’

  ‘She can’t just go with anyone,’ he said and Jake could hear his father’s stern tone. ‘I have to make sure they’re right for her.’

  ‘No one’s good enough that’s the problem, Murray!’ Delores snapped

  ‘I’m not going to let any jock get hold of my girl.’

  ‘Who’s your girl?’ interrupted Jake, seeing the pair of them startled as he strolled up onto the balcony. ‘Are you talking about Hatty Ha Ha?’

  ‘It’s Hatty and you shouldn’t call her that,’ scolded Delores as she walked towards him. Jake looked at his father then at Delores before he smiled. ‘It’s people being mean.’

  ‘I thought it was because she’s a bit mad they call her Ha Ha Hatty but Hatty Ha Ha sounds nicer because she’s got a funny laugh,’ sighed Jake, taking a swig from his bottle as his father flashed a warning glance and then looked at Delores. ‘What she done now?’

  ‘Nothing that concerns you,’ Delores sharply replied, quickly glancing at Murray.

  ‘The problem is she doesn’t know what she’s doing,’ mumbled his father as Delores tidied up the cushions on the chair. ‘And these boys who treated her badly when she was younger are sniffing around her like a pack of wolves.’

  ‘I’ll sort it,’ said Delores quickly.

  ‘I can talk to her if you like,’ smiled Jake. ‘Give her a few pointers on how to ward them off.’

  ‘Are you going to tell her to stop talking to the opposite sex? That would be rich coming from you,’ laughed out Murray. ‘I’m surprised you’re here tonight. Been stood up or are you tired from lunch?’

  ‘Jake, you have to watch yourself,’ scolded Delores. ‘You seem to be causing quite a stir on this island and people do like to talk.’

  ‘I’m having fun!’ he shrugged.

  ‘With Gina Morgan and who knows who else?’ glared Delores, shaking her head. ‘You play with these girls and you’ll get your fingers burnt especially with her. That young woman is out for all she can get.’

  ‘I can handle it,’ he said, walking around the balcony, admiring the view. ‘Personally speaking, I’m surprised anyone would get the come on from Hatty. I mean, she doesn’t exactly make herself look nice.’ Jake could see Delores glancing at his father, who smiled to himself and shook his head. ‘The men must be mad to be interested in her.’

  ‘I’ll bid you both good night,’ Delores said quietly as she walked off the balcony and around the side of the house.

  There was silence for a few moments.

  ‘And whose benefit was that for?’ smiled Murray, walking up to his son and patting his shoulder.

  ‘So this Philip likes Hatty. And why do the boys ask Delores for permission to ask her out? This isn’t the middle ages. Then how comes you say ‘no’ anyway?’

  ‘So you were eavesdropping?’

  ‘Interested, that’s all.’

  ‘The last man who asked Hatty out nearly got his nose broken not to mention the marriage proposals.’ Murray let out a massive laugh. ‘She gets upset if anyone shows an interest then moans she’s never going to find anyone. The thing is, she thinks they want to know her because they’re interested in me. That girl doesn’t realise they want to get to know her because she’s a beauty.’

  ‘Hatty? She’s okay,’ he said, imagining her lying naked on the grass while he humped her then caught his father looking at him. ‘Quite pretty. She doesn’t want to get married. She wants to be a spinster like her aunt. Other than this one guy, who refuses her, point blank.’

  ‘And she told you all this?’

  ‘Sure did.’

  ‘She talked to you? That’s interesting,’ he mumbled. ‘Did she say who this man was?’

  ‘No but for her to stay single would be a waste.’

  Again, a vision of Hatty naked in the pool flickered in his head. He realised his father was glaring at him.

  ‘Oh no Jake, don’t you dare go there! I don’t want you upsetting Harriet. She’s not like the girls you’re used to. That girl is far too naïve for you,’ laughed out Murray. ‘Just leave well alone.’

  ‘How good a friend is Delores to you?’ Jake asked, looking into his father’s eyes, knowing the warning was only spurring him on.

  ‘She’s been there for me in times of need and that’s all you need to know,’ he replied, taking his glass of scotch and leaning over the balcony as Jake followed.

  Murray stood up straight and turned to admire the house.

  ‘Why did you make this your base when it could’ve been anywhere else?’ Jake stood beside his father.

  ‘It’s very peaceful and cut off from the outside world,’ he replied, taking in a deep breath. ‘And you can smell the sugar from the plantations, so the air is sweet.’

  ‘As well as the women,’ added Jake, watching his father turn to look at him.

  ‘I’ve seen you Jake. I know exactly what you’re up to.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Son, I know you have an eye for a pretty girl so you can’t tell me you haven’t noticed Hatty being ‘quite pretty’.’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he shrugged, taking a large swig from his drink, trying to hide his guilty expression.

  ‘Why do you choose to play around with Gina when you know Hatty sits on the porch at the same time every evening? And believe me you’re not concentrating on Gina Morgan.’

  ‘I think Hatty’s cute and a little strange,’ he honestly replied. ‘You never mentioned her until the day I arrived. How comes?’

  ‘What do you mean?’ asked his father sheepishly.

  ‘You told me about Delores, and that’s because I briefly met her in New York a few times, but you never said anything about Hatty.’

  ‘I said she had a niece.’

  ‘But not Hatty. And she’s not really her niece at all. Delores is more like her nanny.’

  ‘Have any woman you want on the island who’s willing to have you but please leave Hatty alone.’

  ‘You’re not Hatty’s dad are you?’ Jake said, taking a deep breath realising his lust might be illegally misplaced.

  He felt sick at the thought he might never get the chance to experience her.

  ‘Jacob Louis Logan what a thing to say!’ shouted out Murray in utter alarm. ‘She’s not biologically related to me in any way or Delores. I love her like a daughter as I’ve known her since the day she was born.’ Jake noticed something flicker in his father’s face he’d never seen before. ‘She has no living blood relatives and she needs people to do good by her, not bad.’

  ‘I’m just asking because you seem a little protective, that’s’ all,’ Jake replied, feeling the embarrassment of his question burn shamefully on his cheeks, as well as his wicked thoughts.

  ‘Maybe I’m protecting you from her, has that ever crossed your mind?’

  Three

  As much as she tried to not let it bother her, Hatty was upset at not seeing a glimpse of Jake the following week. He didn’t appear in the evening to touch up Gina, who she noticed was constantly flashing her regular dirty looks when she walked past. Hatty decided to turn it around and concentrate on revising but was finding it hard to focus.

  On the day of the exam, after leaving the examination room and knowing for the first time she’d made a proper effort in answering the questions correctly, she walked into town to see her friend Louisa, Philip’s sister. She worked at the local television station.

  Hatty waited for her to come to reception wh
ile flicking through a magazine then looked up to see her friend walking towards her. She was smartly dressed and had a pair of glasses perched on the end of her nose.

  ‘Hatty you could have at least worn a dress to come to town!’ exclaimed her friend before laughing. ‘But you’re not wearing dungarees so I appreciate the effort.’

  ‘You’re the one who buys me dresses and I think I look nice for me,’ laughed Hatty, standing up looking down at her white baggy linen trousers, matching vest and sparkly wedge flip flops. She gave her friend a massive hug. She noticed Louisa had straightened her hair into a bob and her ebony skin glistened against her perfectly straight teeth. ‘You lost weight.’

  ‘It’s love.’

  ‘It’s your boss,’ Hatty hissed, dragging her out. ‘And you should know better as he’s over forty and a married man.’

  ‘I can’t help it. I love him!’ sighed Louisa, grabbing Hatty’s arm and marching her down the road. ‘I thought we’d go to the marina for lunch.’

  ‘How long have you got?’

  ‘How long do you need?’

  They sat after lunch laughing.

  ‘And you’re sure you passed this time?’ said Louisa, sliding her glasses on top of her head.

  Hatty waved a place mat in front of her face to cool down.

  ‘I actually answered some questions and I think that would mean I passed.’

  ‘Delores is going to tar ya rass if ya fail.’

  ‘Well, Mister Murray said if I was no good at being a teacher in two years, he’d tell her to let me do something else,’ Hatty said brightly, only to be met with a disbelieving look from her friend. ‘What?’

  ‘Do you think Murray Logan could convince Delores to reconsider something she’s set her heart on for you?’ Louisa laughed. ‘And what are you going to tell them? You want to work with wood?’

  ‘I’m very good. Plus my boxes and bowls sell well in the market,’ she whispered.

  ‘Delores is going to beat ya black and blue when she find out where ya go on Sunday mornings with my brother,’ hissed Louisa. ‘Selling to tourists! Oh, can ya imagine da shame she feel!’

  ‘It’s money and she never gives me any so I have to make my own.’

  ‘And how long are you going to be doing this for? Until you’re fifty!’