The Secret History of Hatty Ha Ha ... Begins

by S M Mala

  ‘Jake this isn’t the right time,’ she said, trying to take the letter out of his hand. Murray managed to pull it away from her grasp. ‘I didn’t want you to upset your father.’

  ‘What is this?’ asked Murray as he reached over for his glasses, perching them in the end of his nose.

  He started to read and his mouth dropped open.

  ‘Can I have that back?’ Caroline said anxiously and Jake noticed she was scared.

  ‘This is why you turned your back on Hatty? Because your mother didn’t want her to be involved in your life?’

  ‘It’s her suicide note to Aunt Caroline!’ shouted Jake. ‘Why didn’t you tell me about it? I know what you said about mum not wanting Hatty to come and live with us but-’

  ‘It isn’t even her handwriting!’

  ‘It is!’ said Jake grabbing it out of his hand. ‘I recognise it!’

  ‘What the fuck have you done?’ Murray shouted angrily at Caroline as he swung his legs out of bed. ‘Are you intent of killing everything I love?’

  Jake saw his father shaking violently as he grabbed his chest.

  ‘Shit dad, get back in the bed!’ screamed Jake. ‘Where’s the nurse?’

  ‘Explain to Jake what you’ve done Caroline? Explain it now!’ shouted Murray, collapsing back in the bed as Caroline started to cry.

  ‘I didn’t want him to get further involved in your nasty little set up, to get pulled in, especially marriage,’ she sobbed. ‘I was doing this for you Jake, only for you.’

  ‘What did you do?’ Jake stepped closer to her unsure of what she was saying.

  ‘You stupid bitch! You faked this to hurt my son and Hatty,’ Murray said breathlessly. ‘You stupid evil bitch!’

  After the nurse came back and sedated Murray, Jake went to find his aunt to confront her. His body was shaking furiously as he realised the whole thing was a lie and this only made him feel physically sick. He ran to the bathroom in his room to throw up but the retching made him feel worse.

  He began to cry and wished he was dead, knowing he’d been set up by someone he loved. Sitting on the floor, he closed his eyes and noticed one of Hatty’s hairbands on the side with strands of her long hair. Slowly getting up, he went into the bedroom to find all of Hatty’s belongings were neatly packed in a case. It was as if every trace of her had disappeared. Taking the hair band, he put it around his wrist, realising he was living in a nightmare.

  ‘You’re going to have to take some responsibility for this!’ snapped Caroline as Delores glared at her outside Murray’s room. ‘You told me it would be a good idea!’

  ‘I didn’t expect you to give him the letter to show Murray,’ she hissed. ‘What did he say?’

  ‘He collapsed before he could get hold of me,’ she mumbled, choking on her sobs. ‘And Jake? The look on his face. He’ll never forgive me.’

  ‘It’s what you wanted.’ Delores felt power over the woman. ‘Are you sure you wanted to stop Jake or did you have Murray on your mind?’

  ‘What did you say?’

  ‘Caroline, I see the way you look at him. Is it because he doesn’t want you that makes you stick so closely to Jake?’

  ‘Not all of us stay with a child hoping the person who they love the most will love them back!’ spat Caroline as Delores recoiled. ‘You hate Hatty and you told that child to her face. What sort of woman are you?’

  ‘You made your own mess so sort it out yourself!’ snapped Delores.

  ‘You better make up something fast as I’ll tell Murray exactly what you told Hatty before she went missing!’

  ‘I didn’t-.’

  ‘Oh yes you did. You were so drunk, you can’t even remember!’

  ‘And don’t shed your bloody crocodile tears Caroline!’ Delores hissed back. ‘You virtually started this and I’m surprised you’re not toasting her death.’

  ‘Probably because you started first!’

  Jake sat in the security room and looked through the footage again and again. When he got to the section where he and Hatty were making love, he held his breath. She looked so happy and he remembered her stroking his back and the long kisses. Jake copied the section on to a USB before deleting it, not wanting anyone to see them together.

  Then he saw the part where she was sobbing alone on the floor and his heart wrenched seeing her in such a state. He touched the screen as she got up and walked away. Jake copied everything until the final shot of her walking to the kitchen.

  He hadn’t spoken to Gina knowing Philip had tried and was met with screams and hysteria. Then he wondered where Hatty’s shoe was and stood up to see if it was in the room. He ran out into the kitchen, bent over and it was still under the counter. Reaching out, he took it and held it firmly in his hand, going back into the office and transferring all the footage from the past twenty four hours.

  ‘Are you alright Mr Logan?’ the manager asked, her face etched with pain. ‘I’m so sorry for your loss.’

  ‘Yeah,’ he said half-heartedly. ‘I’m sorry too.’

  He woke to find his body shaking before he realised he was in an ambulance. A medic was sitting with him and then he saw Delores, his heart sinking.

  ‘We’ll be home soon. There’s hardly any damage to the place,’ she said sympathetically. He couldn’t say anything, he was too tired. ‘You need to rest.’

  ‘Jake,’ he said wearily.

  ‘He’s on his way.’

  The ambulance parked up and he was stretchered out but not before he noticed the damage to the land. Then saw the smouldering ashes of his offices. Immediately he tried to sit up as Delores pushed him gently down.

  ‘It was struck by lightning and there was a fire. Luckily the wind didn’t push it towards the house. My place is still standing and we can sort out the land later,’ she said.

  He looked towards the bush Hatty hacked down and started to cry.

  Slowly he drove, all the time keeping his eye on Barney, who sat on the back seat. The dog was acting as if he knew something had happened to Hatty. Jake saw the sad expression and guilt stabbed at him, knowing he’d made a mistake.

  As he drove into the estate, he glanced at the simmering ashes of the offices and some of the uprooted trees. He then noticed Hatty’s herb garden was still surrounded by its fence and he remembered when she used to fling Barney over the side.

  Jake laughed before crying again.

  He stopped the jeep and let Barney out. Instead of running around, the pooch walked slowly towards the front door and waited. Jake got out and let him in as he watched Barney walk into the study, realising he was going to seek solace in his favourite place. Carrying his bedding, he put it down as Barney waited. The dog, stepped in, curled up and lay with its head on his paw.

  ‘I know,’ he said, stroking his head. ‘She loved you very much. Wherever she is, she’s watching over you.’

  As he walked into the house he realised it was dead.

  There was no sound and he grasped it was Hatty who filled the place with noise and life but now there was nothing.

  Delores soon started to sort out the place and a day later, everything that needed to be done had been, other than the offices. Murray had arranged with Philip for the staff to use an office in town. She knew he didn’t want to see or speak to anyone. His silence was maddening but he was grieving, where she felt elated for the first time in years, trying to hide her happiness from everyone’s eyes. It was only Jake who’d glare at her but she could see he was undergoing his own inner turmoil, especially as he was refusing to speak to his aunt.

  Delores felt her life was back on track for the better.

  He followed her down the road, knowing where she was going. Seven days after the hurricane had hit the island, Jake waited to speak to Gina. There seemed to be a spring in her step as she walked towards his father’s offices in town.

  ‘Hello,’ he said, stepping out and seeing the shock on her face. ‘You’ve been a little bit difficult to track down.’

  He noticed
her wide smile appearing and wondered if that was down to Hatty not being around anymore.

  ‘I’ll be late for work and-.’

  ‘Where’ve you been hiding?’ he asked, smiling but wanting to shake her to find out what Hatty had said.

  ‘Mummy upset to ‘ear Hatty dead,’ she said bluntly. ‘She tink she in da sea wid Simon.’ He’d not thought about that and shrugged. ‘And Murray? How Murray?’

  ‘Heartbroken.’

  ‘And ya?’

  ‘What did she tell you the last time you saw her?’ he quickly said, unable to discuss his feelings with anyone, let alone her. ‘How was she?’

  ‘Hatty? Talkin’ nonsense. She look so lost, cryin’ about ‘ow ya not want ‘er,’ she said, narrowing her eyes. Jake blocked out what he was feeling as he stared back. ‘Den she walk off an’ it the last time me see her alive.’

  ‘Did you see her dead?’ he quickly added.

  ‘Body wash away. Maybe it come back, maybe it don’t,’ she said and glared at him. ‘Ya hurt her Jake an’ she was crush! Ya did something good!’

  Gina laughed out loudly.

  ‘You’re disgusting, do you know that?’ he grabbed her arm and wanted to shake her. ‘Hatty was right about you. You’re a filthy little slut and I know you fucked your own brother. If you dare bad talk her so help me god, I’ll tell everyone what Hatty told me!’ he seethed, seeing the fear in Gina’s eyes. ‘Your brother’s diary is safe with me.’ His little lie had her nearly fainting but he didn’t put his hand out to stop her falling, he watched her pained expression and enjoyed causing it. ‘And if I find out you had anything to do with Hatty’s disappearance-.’

  ‘She not disappear! She took ‘er own life. She mad an’ now she dead!’ the woman spat. ‘An’ it all down to ya. Ya did it to her!’

  Jake had hardly spoken to anyone except Barney. His mind had been made up to leave the island as soon as he could and never to return. The only person he needed to tell was his father. Still he found it stressful on hearing that the hurricane had taken its namesake off the island and away from Murray Logan for good.

  ‘We all grieve in different ways,’ said Murray, once again looking better as he sat up in a chair in his room. Barney was sitting on the bed watching them talk. ‘Take Barney for example. He’s being quiet knowing his real owner isn’t around so I let him stay with me. I know he’s been with you.’

  ‘I’m not grieving,’ said Jake sharply to his father. ‘She’s gone. Nothing to it.’

  ‘I see,’ Murray said, staring hard at him. ‘You’re over her?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said, looking away.

  ‘That’s very quick,’ his father replied. He noticed he was agitated. ‘Seven days and you’re over the death of the woman who you told me you loved and wanted to marry. I wish I’d taken what you had when Eloise and your mother died.’

  Jake just glared at his father for a moment, furious with his comment before turning away.

  ‘Caroline went a few days ago. I’ve not spoken to her and I’ve no intention of until I’m ready,’ Jake said sharply. ‘Philip told me he’ll never forgive me and when Hatty’s body turns up, he’s going to kill me. I hate so many people on this island at the moment, especially Delores, I can’t stay. Get rid of her.’ Jake noticed how harsh his voice sounded as his father examined his face. ‘She’s a bitch and you know it. I’m surprised she hasn’t thrown a party to celebrate Hatty’s death!’

  ‘Maybe you both want to make it a joint one?’ Murray harshly responded. ‘You know what, you’re right. Go back to New York and start your job. Forget about this place and move on with your life. Hatty would’ve wanted that for you, as she just wanted you to be happy, that’s what she said. ‘I just want Jake to be happy’.’

  Jake stood up, marching towards the door and slamming it shut before going into his room. He stood by the door and felt the tears running down his face but he wasn’t crying. The pain was deep inside his soul and he knew running away was the only way he was going to cope.

  Anything to take away the unbearable pain he didn’t know how to deal with.

  Delores watched Jake walk out of the house and wander around the garden that same day, wondering if he was going to tell his father about the kiss. She already decided she would say he came on to her and that moment something hit her.

  There was a slight recollection saying it to someone else.

  Then she remembered she’d told Hatty.

  Delores gasped and put her hand over her mouth, staring at her home from the kitchen window. Something else flashed back. It was Hatty crying her eyes out. She recalled saying something to her but she couldn’t fathom what it was. Then she realised whatever it was, Caroline had heard and something made her shiver. Putting a tray together, she noticed how her hands shook thinking about that night.

  Composing herself, she carried the tray to his room and noticed he was staring out into the garden.

  ‘I expect to see her,’ he said with a faint smile. ‘Doing a cartwheel or upsetting Barney. Something but she’s not coming back, is she?’ There was a pained expression for a moment. ‘Even when she went off to Spain, I knew she was going to come back but this time, she’s not.’

  ‘The consultant is coming to see you this afternoon,’ she said flatly, wanting to ignore any mention of Hatty’s name. ‘They’ve run the tests and now we can find out how to make you better.’

  ‘I meant what I said,’ Murray replied. ‘About us not being together anymore, nothing changes that.’

  The comment stabbed at her heart as she put down the tray and looked into his eyes.

  ‘I know,’ she said plainly, hiding her pain. ‘But you need someone to look after you and as Hatty was supposed to do it and she’s not here, it’s up to me until you get better.’

  ‘This, more than anything, has made me see life’s too short and cruel,’ he said wistfully. ‘I think I deserve better than that.’

  Jake stood outside his father’s room and listened to what was said. It made perfect sense Delores got drunk the day of the hurricane and made advances on him. He wanted to laugh, realising his father had made a wise decision but he couldn’t.

  Quickly he ran out of the house, into his jeep and drove off.

  ‘You have to let me in,’ he said into the intercom.

  The gates were trashed but still he didn’t want to cause more damage by pushing them over.

  ‘No,’ Philip replied bluntly. ‘I’m fixing the house.’

  ‘I have things in the house. I need to get them.’

  ‘Jake, this is not a-.’

  ‘At the end of the day I loved being there with her and I have a right even if you don’t agree!’ he snapped at Philip.

  The door opened and he walked in, stopping for a moment, realising she wasn’t inside and took a deep breath. Then he looked up and saw Philip glaring, stony face.

  ‘Let me go into my room and take anything that’s left,’ he said tiredly as Philip stood for a moment shaking his head. ‘I’m going to leave the island but I need my things. I’m not going to take anything else.’

  The large man stood aside as Jake walked in and looked at the mess downstairs, before walking up the staircase and going into the room he first used, when he moved it.

  The place was covered in debris and any clothes he had were wet and smelt rotten. He opened the cupboard doors. There was nothing worth taking as he went to the side table, smashed against the wall and pulled out the drawer.

  Then he saw the butterfly she’d given him on Valentine’s Day and remembered how happy he felt. Gently he picked it up and put it in his pocket, walking out. He stopped at the spare bedroom, where her things were and desperately wanted to touch something. Jake walked back down and saw a few workmen silently fixing the damage.

  ‘If you ever find the diary Simon wrote, can you keep it in a safe place?’ he said gently to Philip, who was avoiding eye contact. ‘If Gina’s going to tell us what Hatty said before she went, then it’s the only bargai
ning tool I have.’

  ‘Don’t worry about her,’ Philip quietly replied. ‘I know what to do to make her talk. If I find the diary, I’ll keep it safe. Not for you but for Hatty’s sake, to show she wasn’t lying about anything.’

  ‘Philip can we-.’

  ‘Go back to New York and leave us all in peace.’

  Jake shook his head and walked out then stopped, seeing the path to the fresh water pool. He knew he had to say goodbye and this was the perfect moment. Walking through more debris, he stopped as soon as he got to the grass.

  Nothing had changed.

  It was still perfect other than bits of twigs floating on the surface. Jake took off his clothes and swam in the water for a few moments. He went up to the rock where they made love and touched it before kissing it gently.

  ‘There’ll never be anyone else other than you. I love you Hatty and I’m so, so sorry.’

  Thirty seven

  Jake buried his pain in work and women. When he got back to New York, all he focussed was making the best out of the bad situation and writing a personal account of the tragedy, omitting the death of Hatty. The final count, a few months later, was twelve dead, one missing, presumed dead. All the names had been mentioned except the thirteenth person.

  Harriet Angelica Harris.

  Jake didn’t know why his father was so adamant at not releasing her details but he felt relieved at not seeing it in print. He knew from Louisa it was on the lips of everyone on the island but he never delved too deeply into what happened there. A block had been put on that small part of his life with the intent of moving on.

  And move on he did.

  He was already occupying the bed of two of his work colleagues and a host of other women who came his way. To him, it was easy to make love again, to share in something physical. If he felt pain then he’d drown it out with alcohol or drugs. That was a simple solution.

  It was in the early hours of the morning, the hurt would hit home.