by S. E. Law
“It’s whatever,” I rub one of my eyes with my fingers. “But true. I don’t know what she wants. I thought things were going well, but this entire week has been weird.”
“Have you tried talking to her?”
“Yeah, of course,” I answer immediately. But then I furrow my brow because why is Nancy asking me that. “What do you mean talking to her?”
“Well, have you asked Tammy what she wants? Have you told her what you want? Do you know what you want?”
I fall back against my seat, thinking about what I’ve just heard. The alcohol sloshing around in my brain isn’t helping.
“No, we haven’t spoken about what happened.”
“Well, there’s your first problem!” Nancy laughs like I should have seen this was the problem from a mile away. “Talk to your girlfriend, see where the two of you are at, and then you can come back and talk to us if you still need help.”
“Such a simple solution. I’m surprised you didn’t think of it yourself,” Robert adds. I press my lips into a line because I know Robert’s being sassy. Either way, it’s definitely time for me to get back home. If I’m going to have this majorly important conversation about the future of my relationship with Tammy, I need to be well rested.
“Okay, I’ll do what you two say. I need to get home,” I stand up, feeling dizzy almost instantly. “First, I’m going to call myself a taxi, head home, and get some sleep. Be at the top of my game for tomorrow.” I don’t know if all of my words are coming out the way I think they are coming out, but I’m leaving regardless.
I start to gather my things and notice that Nancy and Robert aren’t making any moves to leave.
“Are you guys coming?”
“No,” Robert shakes his head. “We’re going to hang out a little bit longer. You’ll be able to get home fine on your own, right?”
“Yeah, I’ll have one of my guys come pick up my car later. Enjoy yourselves.” I leave Nancy and Robert to whatever the two of them are doing. This night was planned as something between the two of them. I’m going to need to get a straight answer out of him about this.
But that’s a problem for another day.
I go outside and wait for the car I called. It arrives quickly. I hop into the car, and we are on the way to my apartment. Pulling out my phone, I look at the last text I received from Tammy. I know I said I would wait until tomorrow to talk to Tammy, but I’m in a talking mood now, so I call her.
“Come on, Tammy. Pick up,” I mumble.
The phone rings and rings until it goes to voicemail. As I listen to her message, I think about what I want to say. The beep happens, and I no longer have time to think. I’ve got to talk.
“Hi, Tammy. I know it’s late, but I wanted to say hi. There’s something we need to talk about. We’ve needed to talk about this for a while. You felt the tension. Let’s talk about it. Also, I love you, so there is that. I want you to know I do want you in my house, in my life. I’m worried you don’t want to be with me anymore because of all the bullshit. Because you blame me for the thing with your parents. But I love you, so don’t leave. Please. Call me back, or I’ll see you tomorrow. Hanging up now.” I exit the call, stuffing the phone into my pocket. Looking outside, I can see we’re almost at my house.
The driver pulls into the parking lot to drop me off at the front door.
“Thanks for the ride, man,” I say while pulling out a tip. I hand him quite a few bills. I think it’s a lot because he gives me a huge smile.
“No problem. And good luck with your girl. I’m sure it’ll all work out.”
“Thanks,” I drunkenly salute him before heading upstairs. The plan was to take a shower when I got home, but instead, I go straight to my bed and flop down on top of it, coat and all. The drinking got to me a lot more than I expected, and all I want to do now is sleep. I’ll wake up before Tammy gets here and make myself presentable.
I just need a little baby nap is all. A quick shut-eye.
I don’t know how many hours later it is when I wake up, but there is light streaming through my windows.
“Shit,” I groan, turning myself over in bed. I sit up, and there is instant pain.
“Fuck!” I am hungover. Jesus Christ! How much did I drink last night? I rub my hand over my forehead, willing this god-awful pain to go away, but it’s punishment for all of the stupid mistakes I made last night.
“Brick?” The bedroom door opens up and reveals Tammy. She looks beautiful standing in the doorway. I’ve never felt so happy to see someone, even with the nails scraping in my head.
“Hey.” I stand up and immediately feel sick. I rush to the bathroom and throw up last night’s contents. I feel Tammy behind me, holding onto my back.
I finish puking up my guts and take the glass of water that Tammy already has in her hands for me.
“Thank you.”
“Of course.” She looks at me for a few seconds before putting her hand on her mouth and rushing over to the toilet. It looks like it’s her turn to puke. I gather her hair and hold it back as she aims for the bowl. When she’s done, she takes a drink from my glass of water before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.
“I think we need to talk,” she says, looking me directly in the eyes.
“I agree.”
24
Tammy
Brick and I are sitting across from one another at the kitchen table. After we cleaned up from our joint puking session, we went straight here. It felt like the right space to have this much needed conversation. I spent so much time avoiding this very moment, and now that it’s here, it is every bit as uncomfortable as I’d imagined. The air between the two of us is thick with all of the awkwardness.
“So,” Brick starts. “I’m guessing you got my voicemail?” Looks like we’re going right for the gut immediately. No playing around.
When Brick initially called, I couldn’t bring myself to answer, so I shoved my phone even farther away. Like I said, I was avoiding talking to Brick with everything in me. But this morning, I knew I had to listen to the voicemail before coming back. The second I heard Brick talking about tension and needing to speak with me, I cut it off. I wasn’t ready to hear what he had to say. I was so worried it was going to be something I wasn’t ready to accept, and now that we’re sitting across from one another, I am barely able to talk.
“I did,” I nod.
“So what do you have to say?”
Maybe I should have listened to the whole voicemail. I could have gotten all of my tears out right then and there and possibly have been able to have this conversation with a lot less pain in my heart. But since I didn’t, I’m about to cry like a big baby.
“If it’s what you want,” I shrug. It’s not like I can force him to be with me. The big news I have could sway him, but I want Brick to want me for me, not because of other factors. If he doesn’t want me, then what’s the point?
“What do you want?”
“Does it matter what I want?!” My words come out louder than I expected. I don’t want to be mad at him, but I can’t help myself. What I can help is how loud I’m being, so I bring my voice down. “I can’t force you to do something you don’t want to do. How can I say no?”
“Tammy, what are you talking about?”
Why is he acting like this? He’s the one who called me. Does he not remember the voicemail? He sounded rather drunk, but he’s also the one who brought it up, so he must remember it.
“You want to break up, right? I heard what you said – we need to talk, the tension. Clearly, this isn’t working for you. I can go stay with Mamie; she won’t mind. It’s fine. It really is.” I’m about to start crying, and I really don’t want to. I stand up, ready to leave, but Brick grabs my hand.
“You didn’t listen to the voicemail.”
“I told you, I did.”
“No, you didn’t,” he shakes his head. “Not the whole thing.”
“Why does it matter?” I ask him. Tears are streaming down my
face. This is why I wanted to be out of here, so I wouldn’t be a total mess in front of him. “The point was evident in the first couple of seconds. I didn’t need to hear the rest. Can’t you just let me leave?”
Brick sighs and turns my hand over in his. He looks down at it, his thumb rubbing into my palm.
“Play it.”
“Brick, I don’t want–”
“Please, Tammy. Listen to it.” I don’t think Brick is going to let me go until I listen to the whole message. And the longer I stand here, the more all of this shit hurts, so I might as well. I don’t know why he’s insisting, but I’ll do what he wants.
Brick doesn’t let go of my hand, so I use my other one to take out my phone. I go to my voicemails and bring my phone to my ear, listening to it. I hear what I heard this morning, the part that broke my heart. I get ready to hear the actual devastating blow. I take in a shaky breath to prepare myself.
But that’s not what I hear.
I look down at him as he slurs his way through sweet words of love, telling me he wants to be together, that he wants me, words that make my heart beat as fast as a cheetah runs and swell until it hurts.
“Brick,” I breathe.
“So, has you answer changed?”
“Mm-hmm,” I nod. I throw myself into his arms, resting my head on his chest. “So you really love me?” I heard it a week ago at my parent’s house and again in Brick’s drunken voicemail, but one more time couldn’t hurt.
“I do. I should have said it sooner, but I guess I’m an idiot.”
“No, you’re not.” I pick my head up and frame his face with my hands. “I’m the idiot. I’ve been letting myself get all freaked out in my head, and here you were, ready to love me.”
“Do you love me?”
“Of course I do! I should have said it too, I guess. That’s why I’m the idiot. I’m sorry. I’ve caused you so much trouble.”
“I wouldn’t say that.”
“But it’s true, Brick. Maybe trouble is the wrong word, but things aren’t the same.” I blew into Brick’s life like a tornado, upending it. He would never admit it, but I’ve definitely disturbed whatever ecosystem he had going. His life before the night he caught me and his life after are two completely different things. Of course, the same could be said for me. And with all of that change comes a whole lot of questions.
“What about my dad? Did he ever get around to quitting?” My parents haven’t tried to call me all week, and I didn’t try to call them. There were many reasons for the three of us to talk, but no one was willing to be the one to pick up the phone. I’ve forgiven them because they’re my parents, but I don’t feel like it’s on me to begin the mending process.
Spending time with Mamie is what allowed me to see that they are the ones who should apologize. Maybe I owe a mild sorry for the lying, but their reaction far surpasses what was appropriate. I don’t think my parents are bad people, but I do let people walk all over me. It’s part of how I ended up working with someone like Abigail for so long without saying anything. I can’t have myself falling into those old patterns again.
Which is why, whatever answer Brick gives me about my dad and his position at Brick Productions, I can live with it.
Bricks looks uneasy with my question, the tiredness coming through in his eyes. He rubs the back of his neck.
“You can tell me. I won’t be upset.” The unease doesn’t leave his face. Bad news will make me feel a little sad, but I won’t freak out on him or anything. “I promise, Brick. I can handle it.”
“Your father hasn’t been a good employee for some time. We really have tried everything with him – retraining, classes, other employees mentoring him, giving him additional supervisors. Hell, I’ve even tried to teach him a thing or two, but nothing has worked. George is just stuck in his ways.” That does sound like my father. He’s a good man, but there are some areas in which he will not change.
“I’m sure you’ve tried.”
“Maybe it was foolish of me, but I kept George around for as long as I did because of my feelings for you. Robert was none to pleased about it, but he let me do it. Now, though, I think we’ve reached the end of that. There’s no way for us to move forward as if nothing has happened. Something has to change.” I wrap my arms around Brick because I understand.
“If you can’t have him work for you anymore, it’s okay. You shouldn’t have to keep my dad on just because of me. I get it. You have a business to run.” He smooths my hair down, kissing the top of my head.
“We’ll figure it out together.”
“Really?” I look up at him.
“Not everything is dollars and cents. It’s why I worked with George for so long before I considered firing him. I’m not sure what we’ll do exactly, but somehow, we’ll land on something soft for your dad. I promise.”
I can’t believe he still wants to help my father on at his company after everything that happened between the two of them. Brick really is a softie underneath it all.
I bring my face to his, pressing our lips together. He’s warm and soft, and I love the way he feels against me. I breathe him in, getting drunk on his scent. His hands wrap around my back, pulling me into his lap. He manages to balance me while keeping us from falling off of the chair.
We break apart, and I lovingly caress his cheek. Then I remember how we started off our morning.
“Why were you in the bed with all of your clothes on this morning?”
“Um…”
“And what made you sick?” Brick looks a little embarrassed. He looks down at the ground before bringing his eyes back up to me.
“I may or may not have had a little too much Scotch last night.”
“What happened?” I picture him sitting alone in his apartment drinking that old-as-sin Scotch, all because I tortured him with my silence.
“Robert decided it would be a good idea to take me to a bar, and I thought it would be a good idea to drink copious amounts of alcohol.”
“You did not!” I playfully slap his shoulder. Brick has never been drunk around me. I would love to see him with his inhibitions thrown to the wind.
“I’m starting to realize it was all a bunch of bad ideas. I try not to have many of those, but last night wasn’t one of my best nights.”
“I know what you mean.” Even though I had a fun time with Mamie last night, the cloud of my uncertainties regarding Brick had hung over the entire evening. I just hope I wasn’t too much of a downer.
But I don’t want to think about that right now. Right now, I have a whole host of questions for my boyfriend.
“What are you like when you’re drunk?” I ask, booping his nose. He wrinkles it, amusement coloring his face.
“I’m really quite boring.”
“Oh, that’s a lie.” I rest my hands over his shoulders. Brick keeps me from falling by placing his arms around my lower back. I’m sure we look rather cozy.
“No, it’s true. All I do is get a little talkative. I become an oversharer, which is no fun for anyone.” Oversharer? Now that is something I would like to see.
“And what about you? How do you get when you’re tipsy?”
“I’m a daredevil. I do things I would never do when sober. Mamie has been able to convince me to do some stupid shenanigans after some wine.” I don’t drink a lot often because of the stupid shit I have done because of alcohol, mainly in my college days. I’ve really mellowed out and gotten an understanding of how to handle my liquor since then.
“Oh, I am going to have to see that one day.”
“Only if I get to meet loose-lipped Brick.” He chuckles at my little nickname for him.
“Deal.” We kiss to seal it, a brief one. I let myself look at him for a few seconds, just look at him. The gorgeous, perfect, amazing man who has fallen in love with me. ME! I can’t believe it. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to fully wrap my head around what is happening. I find it absolutely crazy that little ‘ole unassuming Tammy Thompson is about to
embark on a life with Brick Barrister.
“Do you really love me?”
“Yes,” he smirks. “I wouldn’t have said it if it wasn’t true.”
“I know, I know. I was just checking. I like to hear you say it. Also…” I trail off. There’s a second bit of news I have to tell Brick. I had been dreading it before, but now, I’m kind of excited.
“Wait a second. Why were you puking this morning? Similar circumstances?”
“Not quite,” I shake my head. Brick narrows his eyes. He tries to figure out what it could be, but I doubt he’s going to guess it.
“Food poisoning?”
“No, not that.”
“Empathetic puker?”
“Brick,” I swat him. “You’re not going to guess it. Can I tell you?” He lets out a long sigh. I know he’s the type of guy who doesn’t like to give up, so we could be here for hours while he lists all kinds of possibilities. Even then, I’m almost positive he wouldn’t guess the truth.
“Fine, okay. What is your great big secret?”
“My big secret is that I am expecting,” I reveal. I put on a big smile, bringing my hand down to my belly. “Well, we are expecting would be a better way to put it.”
Bricks cocks an eyebrow, looking confused. I’m not sure he fully understood what I said.
“Brick, I’m pregnant,” I repeat, saying it this time as plainly as I can. If I have to explain it further than that, we might have an actual problem.
“Oh my goodness!” His eyes are wide as he processes this information. “Holy shit!” A smile starts growing on his face. “We’re going to be…” he trails off.
“Parents,” I finish his thought for him. “We’re going to have a baby!”
Suddenly, I’m in the air as Brick spins me around in a circle. I hold onto him tightly, the two of us smiling and laughing, full of joy.
Halfway through a spin, Brick stops.
“Do you think we should move to the house full-time?”
“I don’t know, Brick. I’ve never had a kid.”
“Our kid is going to have all of the space they want. I’m talking miles, acres! They’ll be perfect because you are perfect.”