The Trials of a Modern Paladin 1

by Kevin Culp

  “Well, I graciously accept your thanks, but can I at least make you a meal, and if you don’t have a place to stay, get you a room for the night?”

  “I would be extremely grateful for that, thank you.”

  I tried to hand her another coin, but she stopped me and refused. That small pocket on the bag felt like an entire duffel bag full of these coins so I had tons of money. If that really was Archaeus’ backpack then that side was full of platinum, the other side was full of gold, and the main part of the bag had all the items and materials we had found but still hadn’t sold or used. It was basically just a backpack that could carry a lot more than what it should be able to without weighing a ton.

  The girl ran off seemingly starting to cook, and suddenly, the two girls from the corner sat beside me at the bar, “Wow, you really are a noble gentleman aren’t you? Handsome and extremely generous to boot,” said the first girl.

  The second girl got very close to me, hugging her breasts to my biceps on my other arm, and said, “You know my friend and I were just talking about how lonely we were feeling this evening, and I’m sure you could provide some good company to remedy that.”

  My heart was racing. I don’t think I have ever had any women come on to me this strong. Sure it was a dream and even here apparently I had to be muscular, handsome, and throwing around money to make it happen but still. These girls weren’t bad looking either I’m not sure that my nerd heart could take it even in a dream.

  I tried to play it casual and cool, “well, I’m quite famished, so how about you ladies join me for a meal and a drink, and we can see where things lead?”

  The girls both looked disappointed, and the first said, “Aw, that’s too bad. I’m sure you know how to treat a girl right. Let us know if you change your mind.”

  The girls walked off. I wanted to stand up and stop them, but I at least knew better than that. I was confused. I pulled up my notepad and saw the issue.

  “Well, I’m quite famished, so how about you ladies join me for a meal and a drink, and we can see where things lead?” Was written in bold red followed by the line “Archaeus is a romantic waiting for love,” and then the line, “I apologize, you ladies are beautiful and seem very nice, but I’m going to have to decline.”

  There was also a diplomacy roll there which was pretty impressive, so I guess that’s why they were polite and left so quickly. This was pretty awful though when you think about it. I just got forcibly rejected by my tabletop character in my own dream. Who else has ever experienced something like this? I mean, doesn’t your fantasy character always get the girl when he wants to.

  The bar girl Christina came back carrying a bowl of something with steam coming off the top and had a shy smile on her face. Her gaze followed the two girls walking back to the corner. She clearly had heard our exchange.

  She beamed at me when she sat down the bowl and said, “This is my famous beef stew. It’s my mother’s recipe.”

  When she put the bowl in front of me, I suddenly realized just how hungry I was. For a dream, it really was making me feel quite famished.

  The stew was delicious. It had a thick salty broth, with hearty chunks of meat, potatoes, and a variety of vegetables. I ate it all very fast and didn’t even realize she had sat down a small chunk of bread next to it along with a fresh glass of water. I chowed down the bread and took a drink.

  It wasn’t until I was finished that I noticed Christina watching me anxiously. “This was some of the best stew I’ve ever had,” I commented. “The bread was also very fluffy and delicious, thank you.”

  She smiled and said, “Oh it was nothing, but I appreciate the compliment. Would you like me to show you to your room?”

  “Yes, please.”

  I went and grabbed my bag from my earlier seat and followed her upstairs. I guess this tavern also sort of functioned as the town inn as well, which was pretty common in tabletop game settings. The corridor up top had about five doors in it which I’m guessing were mostly guest rooms, though I assumed they lived up here too. She brought me to the first room on the right, opened the door, and handed me the key.

  “Please, just let me know if you need anything. I’ll be downstairs for a little while longer, and after that, I’m in the room right next door.”

  “I will certainly let you know. Thank you for everything, Christina.”

  She blushed a little as she turned and walked away, and I stepped inside the room.

  It was a tiny room maybe ten feet long in both directions and very basic. It had a bed and a small nightstand with an oil lamp on it which was already lit. I sat on the bed, and it was actually more comfortable than what I would have expected. Then, I put my backpack next to me.

  I opened all the pouches and started to take inventory. I had almost 1000 platinum and gold each, enough for a commoner to live like a king, though to Archaeus it was really just spending money as most of his money stayed at his home. I reached in the big pouch and started pulling things out to take inventory. As I pulled items out one by one, their names flashed through my mind.

  +3 Keen Adamantine Long sword

  +3 Lightsteel Breastplate of Minor Fortification

  +3 Ring of Protection

  +2 Amulet of Natural Armor

  +4 Cloak of Resistance

  +4 headband of Charisma

  +2 Belt of Physical Attributes

  Wand of Cure III 31 charges

  Scroll of Blessing

  Scroll of Forced Polymorph

  Diamond (value 6000gp)

  Unidentified Rod

  Hmm, that last item was unidentified. I seem to remember finding a rod that Lyra had been unable to identify, and I put it in my bag. Pretty much all of this equipment was decent, but it was second rate compared to what I normally used. I had kept them since they had been randomly found and could serve as backups to my equipment if necessary. I wish I still had all the gear that Archaeus normally wore, but this was still exceptional equipment to most. The diamond was for material components of abilities I had but could double as currency. I couldn't use the scroll of forced polymorph, but I didn't think it was worth enough to bother selling.

  I decided to try the stuff on.

  I put on the breastplate first and was very shocked. For a giant piece of metal on my chest, I could barely feel the thing. It wasn’t heavy and didn’t feel like it restricted my movement at all. The headband actually turned into something more like laurels when I put it on, I guess to match the look.

  After putting on the belt, I don’t know how else to describe it, but I just felt better, you know. Stronger, healthier, faster you name it. The cloak didn’t seem to feel much different, though the amulet made my skin all over feel a little more calloused. The ring almost made me feel like a bubble boy but in a bubble that I could feel but not see.

  I knew I shouldn’t waste charges, but I decided to see if I could try out the wand. I poked myself a few times but nothing happened.

  “Maybe I need to be hurt,” I thought aloud.

  Obviously, it wouldn’t hurt anyway since I was dreaming, so I pulled out my sword and got ready to make a wound. I held it against the top of my arm and pulled it across quickly.

  “OH WHAT THE HELL THAT HURTS!!!”

  Blood went everywhere, I had only intended to make a little cut, but apparently, I didn’t know what I was doing. I poked at it with the wand a bunch but nothing happened. A knock came from the door.

  “Is everything okay in there?” It was Christina.

  I opened the door and said, “Ow I’m sorry, but I hurt myself do you have a rag or something I can hold on my arm.”

  I showed her the wound and then put my hand on it and followed her as she quickly led me downstairs. I felt a warmth and could have sworn I saw a light come from it. The pain receded as I followed her.

  She picked up a rag and looked at me with a worried expression on her face. “Let me see it.”

  I held out my arm to her but didn’t look. I had seen enough
blood for one evening. She rubbed her hands over my forearm. I was kind of shocked at how soft and cool her hands were. They felt nice over my bare skin.

  “Uhhh... Where is the wound?” She asked.

  “What do you mean, it’s on the back of my arm?”

  “I saw it earlier, but it’s gone now.” Christina sounded confused.

  I looked at my arm and sure enough, there was no wound nor was there any blood where the wound had been. I looked at my other arm confused, wondering if I had somehow forgotten which arm I cut, but it was clear of wounds too.

  That’s right paladins have healing hands. I must have used it while we were walking down here and not realized it.

  “Sorry, I completely forgot that I could heal myself.”

  “How could you forget you can heal yourself? Are you some kind of cleric?” She looked puzzled

  If this wasn’t a dream, I would seem crazy right now in this kind of world just forgetting I could heal myself. I guess I should try my best to cover my basics with this girl to explain the weird stuff so she doesn’t hate me.

  “Actually, I’m a Paladin, but my memory is very hazy right now hence all the confusion. I recently fought a powerful mesmerist that messed with my mind and can’t get a grip on everything at the moment.”

  “Well, I’ve never met a Paladin before, but I understand that you haven’t known me long enough to confide in me with what’s going on.”

  I didn’t even have to look at my notepad to determine that response was probably due to something that would say Archaeus doesn’t lie. I couldn’t very well tell her though that I’m actually just a nerd from another world in this tough Paladin guy’s body that I made up.

  “I think I just need to get some sleep and hopefully I’ll feel better. I’m sorry to worry you.”

  “It’s no problem at all. I’m sure it must be difficult for all of your thoughts to be so unclear. I hope you are better tomorrow.” Her smile showed her concern.

  We walked back to my room together, and she got me a new sheet and blanket and cleaned up the blood. As bad as I feel about it, I really am making this poor girl earn that platinum piece.

  I focused on my “notepad” and started to scroll through it. Apparently, I had managed to land a critical hit on myself while cutting my arm. I don’t know how the hell that happened. As expected, I had used healing hands and healed myself. When I was attempting to use the wand, it was just saying over and over “Wand use training requirements not met.”

  “Man, I should have read that before I tried to chop off my arm.”

  I laid down in bed still fully clothed. I had been staring up at the ceiling for about fifteen minutes before I realized I never took off the breastplate but still didn’t feel uncomfortable. I know in game lightsteel medium armor counted as light armor so you could sleep in it, and I guess that’s translating over here.

  Lying in bed, all I could do is sit there and wonder at what was going on. This was definitely the craziest dream I’ve ever had, and I kind of felt like I had missed my opportunity to make the most of it because I’m sure when I fall asleep here I’m going to wake up and have to go to work. Getting to be Archaeus though, even if for only a little bit in a dream, was kind of exciting. As I thought this, my eyes grew heavier and in a short amount of time I drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter 3

  “Man, I’m tired,” I wined. It must have been really bright outside because even with my eyes closed I was seeing orange.

  At this point, I’m sure I’m late for work, but that was a nice dream. How cool would it have been to really get to live as Archaeus?

  I sat my feet over the side of the bed without opening my eyes. I guess I had gone to sleep without even taking my shoes off, but something still didn’t feel right. It took me a moment to realize what was off. The distance from the bed to the floor was shorter than it should be.

  I opened my eyes.

  All that I saw was a small wooden room with a single nightstand on my side and a burnt-out oil lamp. This was the room that I had been in when I fell asleep in my dream, so I must still be dreaming. I stood up and turned around to see a shuttered window.

  I opened the window.

  I saw a small town with nothing but woods to my left and farmlands in every other direction. People were working in the field and busy in the street. A girl looked up at me from the street and waved.

  “Good morning, I’m about to go get some fresh food for lunch if you want to join me?” She smiled. It was Christina looking like she was about to head out.

  “I’ll be right down.”

  I shoved all the money, scrolls, wand, and rod into my bag and latched it shut. I was still fully clothed so I put on the backpack and walked downstairs.

  It was much busier than it had been last night, probably about ten customers or so sitting around eating with just one grumpy old barkeep. I just walked straight through and went outside.

  Christina was standing just outside, waiting for me off to the side of the street. She looked prettier than I remembered, but ironically had a bit more of an Amish look than I had seen on anyone yesterday. She had her hair done up with a white bonnet in it, wore a simple black dress that almost looked like a traditional summer dress, and shoes that appeared to be simple black slippers. Several empty burlap sacks were in her arms.

  “You look like you are feeling better this morning, Sir Velnir?”

  “Yes, thank you for all your help. Things are much clearer this morning.”

  “I like your armor. It’s very pretty, but it looks expensive.”

  “Oh ya, this was the only armor I still had with me, but I like it as well, and it’s light and easy to move around in.”

  “Well, you really do look like a Paladin now, just looking at you is awe-inspiring.” Her smile was very sincere.

  “Thanks, I’m just trying to get my bearings. Shall we go?”

  She started walking down the street, and I caught up beside her. It really wasn’t a very big town. As we walked, Christina narrated the buildings we walked past. There were about ten or fifteen businesses, of course, all the fantasy staples were included, blacksmith, alchemist, and tanner, as well as, about the same amount of houses. The rest of the villagers were farmers and lived in houses in the fields surrounding the towns.

  We didn’t walk very far, just outside of town to the first farmhouse we came across. When we got there, we went to the barn and walked right in.

  “Uncle, are you here?” Christina called.

  “Yeah, let me just finish shoveling out this stall, and I’ll be right there.” The sound of a rough gravelly voice came from the back.

  The man came in to view and wasn’t what I’d expect. He was short and had a fiery red beard with a shaved head. He looked like he had probably been pretty muscular at one point but let himself go. He wasn’t completely deflated, and I’m sure he probably did physical labor all day long working on a farm, but it was immediately obvious he was a shadow of what he once was.

  “Ah, and who’s this strapping young lad with you? Did you finally find someone to marry? I suppose he doesn’t look too pathetic.”

  Christina blushed heavily and looked down, embarrassed. “Uhh… No, uncle, this is Sir Velnir. He’s a noble Paladin from a distant land. He stumbled into our tavern last night after some kind of mishap, and I helped him out.”

  “So what he thinks that because he’s some noble paladin that means he shouldn’t take your hand in marriage when it sounds like you were a big help to him in a time of need?”

  Christina blushed some more, and I stepped forward offering a hand. “I’m sorry sir I should have introduced myself. You can just call me Archaeus. Christina has been a savior to me, and we both know how beautiful she is, but I’m sure she deserves someone much better than a muscle head like me.”

  The man gave me a quizzical look, but then laughed and shook my hand, “I like you, hopefully, you stick around for a while and we can whip you into shape so you’re a m
an Christina deserves.”

  I decided to humor him a bit, “Wouldn’t that be a dream.”

  Christina cut in, still blushing and flustered. “Anyway, I need some more potatoes, as well as, green beans, corn, squash, and pretty much whatever else you can give me. Give us all you can. I’m sure this muscle head Sir Velnir can carry it. Also, when is the next time you are butchering a cow because we are running low on meat?”

  He loaded us up on vegetables and gave us a sack of flour, but he said that Christina would have to find another farm to get meat from this time. He loaned us a wheelbarrow but told us to bring it back when we were done.

  We walked back to town in silence, that was finally broken by Christina. “My uncle jokes a lot because I’m 19 and still unmarried. I’ve had plenty of offers but really just want to stay working in the tavern with papa, which I couldn’t really do if I got married. He couldn’t afford to hire the help he would need honestly.”

  “I think it’s nice that your uncle jokes with you like that. Where I’m from, it’s pretty normal for a family to joke with the girls about marriage, but it’s all just in good fun.”

  “I guess you’re right. It just gets annoying.”

  “It’s great that you care about helping your dad and looking after him.”

  “Unfortunately, he’s been pretty perpetually stubborn and grumpy ever since my mom… Sometimes, I think it would do him some good to find someone new, but that makes me sad too.”

  About that time, we reached the tavern. I set the wheelbarrow outside and started carrying in the food and setting it behind the bar. Christina got to work almost immediately cleaning all the vegetables.

  Once I finished bringing everything in, I brought the wheelbarrow back to the farm and dropped it off outside the barn. On my way back, I decided to take a look around town. The first building I saw was simply named Gadrick’s place. I’m pretty certain that’s the place that the stranger told me I might find a map last night. I decided to go inside.