Dede put her hand on Sierra’s arm. “You’re here now. You don’t have to do it all alone anymore. You’ve always been so independent.”
“Is that a nice way of saying stubborn?”
Dede squeezed Sierra’s arm. “Yes.” Dede shared a smile with Sierra and a moment of remembrance for all the memories they shared where they clashed or disagreed. Not in anger, but in that natural way young girls want to prove themselves to their mothers. “It’s that inner strength and determination that will see you through this, too.” She gave her daughter a reassuring smile.
Heather pressed her lips together. “What about your house? Your life in Napa?”
Sierra scoffed. “There’s nothing left. Rebuilding could take years. The insurance might not even cover it. And my boys can’t be displaced and their lives left up in the air that long. I don’t have the luxury of waiting to see what happens up in Napa. I need to have a plan to get things back to as normal as possible for Danny and Oliver. That means finding a job, a new place to live, and getting them back in school and on a routine.”
“I guess it makes sense, I just didn’t think you wanted to move back here, that you liked your life up there away from us.” Heather shrugged one shoulder, a hint of pain in her eyes.
Dede brushed her hand down Heather’s back. Maybe she had missed her sister and wished she’d moved back sooner.
“I’ve wanted to move back for a long time. David didn’t want to leave his job and connections he had up there. It was a good job with great benefits, so I couldn’t really complain. I understood why he didn’t want to give that up.”
Heather’s eyes went wide. “Really? I didn’t know all that.”
Sierra tilted her head. “It doesn’t matter now.”
Heather frowned. “I guess it doesn’t. Not anymore.” Sadness clouded Heather’s usually bright eyes.
David’s death had had a huge impact on all of them. Dede missed him. And more than that, she, along with Amy and Heather, wished David, Sierra, and the boys had lived out the promise of a happy life together everyone wants when they get married and start a family.
“Anyway, we’re here now, and we’re going to stay.” Sierra went to pick up the basket she’d left in the entry. “I’ll take this upstairs, then come back for the clothes Amy bought us.” She settled the basket against her hip. “I’ve got more things in the car.”
Amy headed for the door. “On it. We’ll get you settled in no time.”
Dede hoped everyone would settle into this change in their lives.
The girls had always been close but competitive with one another. Amy and Heather had both seen Sierra’s life up in Napa from the outside looking in, only seeing what they wanted to see and thinking she had an ideal life. They admired her for it and were jealous because of it.
Heather had the child, but not the loving husband.
Amy had the loving husband—at least for now—and children, but still thought the grass was greener in Sierra’s world.
From a distance, things may seem greener, but look closer and you’ll find the weeds.
Dede hoped the girls would set aside comparisons and past hurts and insecurities and come together now to help Sierra and the boys start this new chapter in their lives.
Chapter Five
Sierra stood with her sisters on the porch, hands braced on the railing. She stared out across the yard to the wide pasture beyond that belonged to the Moore family and her thoughts turned to Mason. She remembered the last time she’d seen him. Husband number four’s funeral. Poor Charles. Dead of a heart attack far too young. Mason came to pay his respects to her mother at the house. He’d done the whole cordial neighbor thing, saying hello, asking about the family, making sure everyone was well.
He and David had once been close friends. And that day, as they reminisced about the past, David jovial and teasing, most people watching them might’ve thought that closeness remained. Not her. While Mason joined in, he didn’t have the same enthusiasm or level of engagement David displayed. Mason held back and didn’t rise to David’s teasing about the new lady in Mason’s life.
Carrie. Christie. Something like that. Sierra didn’t really pay attention because she didn’t want to know.
She hadn’t been able to keep her gaze from straying to Mason when he was in the same room. She watched him as he actively avoided her. Not that it was hard when she was rushing around trying to keep her then three- and five-year-old in line. David opted to socialize anywhere the kids weren’t demanding his attention, which had left her frustrated and looking like a frazzled maniac.
When she finally got a second of nearly a private moment to speak to Mason, he’d kept it short, asked about her, the kids, then gracefully departed with an “I’m happy you’re happy,” and walked away like they hadn’t been friends for years. The whole time they talked she’d been assailed by memories. Them riding horseback out to the creek, racing across the fields on the way home. Summers out at the pond sitting on the dock talking, teasing, and having fun. Watching the Fourth of July fireworks in the pasture his dad set off every year. Holiday parties. Summer barbecues. School events. Though he was two years older than she, they still managed to see each other a lot.
When her sisters were running late for school, she’d rush out to the road, hoping to hitch a ride with him. He never said no. Not to the ride to school or when she showed up in his barn asking to go horseback riding. Mason always saddled a horse for her and let her ride. Most of the time, he went with her. Sometimes when he could tell she just wanted to blow off steam from a bad day, a fight with her sisters, or an argument with her mom, he’d let her go alone, but he’d always watch her from the stables to be sure she never got hurt.
And in the end, she’d treated him badly one night at a bar by holding back what she really wanted to say in an awkward exchange that ended with mixed signals and hurt feelings.
“Daydreaming about our hunky neighbor?” Amy bumped her shoulder, bringing her back to the here and now. A mischievous grin tilted her lips, and an I-know-I’m-right look lit her eyes.
“I never heard whether or not he got married.” Of course he didn’t invite her after . . .
“They broke up before they ever set a wedding date.” Of course Amy knew. She was hooked in to the Mommy Grapevine in this town.
No doubt every single mother wanted a sexy, successful husband, and the last time Sierra saw Mason he certainly fit the bill to a T.
Heather fell in beside Sierra, leaning the opposite way on the railing and looking at her sideways. “I saw him at the mailbox yesterday when I visited Mom. He looks good.”
Amy leaned back and met Heather’s gaze. “Did you score a date with your dream guy?”
Heather tried to contain a soft smile as her cheeks pinked. “We had a nice conversation.”
“I bet.” Amy took on a far-off look. “We all had a mad crush on him at one point or another.”
Sierra eyed Amy, surprised by her admission. Maybe it was inevitable back then. Amy and Mason were the same age and in the same high school class. But Sierra spent the most time at his place because she loved to ride.
Heather stared down at her feet. “As usual, he was nice. Hallee loved him.”
“I think every female who sees him falls a little in love with him.” Amy patted her heart, her eyes wistful with a touch of mirth.
Heather didn’t let it go. “He’s a good guy. I could use one of them.”
“He’s definitely a better choice than the deadbeat dad you picked.” Amy sometimes didn’t know when to keep her thoughts to herself.
Heather glared. “He wasn’t a deadbeat dad. You don’t know what happened, so shut up.”
Amy held her hands up in surrender. “Okay. Touchy subject. Got it. But one of these days you’re going to have to spill the beans about your baby daddy.”
Heather bounced off the railing and headed for the front door. “Leave it alone.” She walked in and slammed it behind her.
Sierra would have gone after her, but she wanted a little while longer out on the porch in the peace and quiet of a beautiful starlit night while the kids watched a Disney movie. “You shouldn’t badger her about Hallee’s father.”
“Don’t you want to know who it is?”
“I’m curious, but I also know it’s none of my business.”
Amy bumped shoulders with her again. “Come on. You know you can’t stand not knowing. I think she keeps it a secret because she had a one-night stand and doesn’t even know the guy’s name.”
“Why not just say that then?” It would suck not to know. People would judge. But in this day and age of swipe right Sierra bet there were a few thousand kids out there with moms who didn’t know their hookup’s real name.
“Too embarrassed. Who wants to admit that?” Amy stared up at the night sky. “Maybe the guy is married or a serial killer.”
Sierra laughed. “A serial killer who left Heather pregnant and alive? There’s a few holes in that scenario.”
“Maybe she slept with one of her friend’s boyfriends and now she can’t say anything because she doesn’t want to lose her friend.”
Sierra shrugged. “Whoever it is, he isn’t in the picture. Maybe she doesn’t say anything about him because she and Hallee are better off on their own. Maybe the guy turned out to be a real shit. Maybe he hit her. Maybe he’s a total loser with no job and no prospects and Heather did the grown-up thing for her kid and shut him out so she didn’t have to take care of two children.”
Amy frowned. “You’re better at this than me. That sounds exactly like the kind of guy Heather used to like, only out for a good time, sponging off others, and never taking anything seriously.”
Sierra could imagine it. “She discovers she’s pregnant and grows up fast. You have to be an adult sometime, and expecting a baby will put your life into a whole new perspective.”
Amy braced her hands on the rail, much like Sierra stood. “Poor Heather.”
“What about me? I’m a single mom to two boys. I’m outnumbered.”
“Yeah, but you’ve always had your shit together. Heather’s a dreamer, always looking for someone to take care of her and looking in all the wrong places.”
“We always took care of her.”
“What are big sisters for? I’m still helping her out. I watch Hallee when she’s sick and can’t go to day care. I’ve come through with the school treats for holidays, taken her late-night calls when Hallee is sick and she doesn’t know what to do, and generally been her go-to help the last few years you’ve been away.”
“I’ve taken my fair share of what-do-I-do phone calls. Though she hasn’t done much of that since David passed.” A lot of people stopped calling, asking her for things or her time. They didn’t want to bother her. They didn’t know what to say to the widow. “Well, I’m back and happy to help with the load.” She wanted to be part of her sisters’ lives in a real way now.
“I’m surprised you came back.”
Sierra glanced at her sister. “Why?”
“You seemed happy up there, just you and David and the kids living your picturesque life.”
“Napa Valley is beautiful, but expensive.”
“So is Carmel.”
True. But Napa lost its shine. Carmel still held a wealth of happy memories and you couldn’t beat the beautiful valley and gorgeous beach. “There’s too many memories and nothing left up there. You know?”
Amy pressed her lips tight. “Yeah. I know. I’m real sorry, Sierra. It sucks that you lost your husband and your home all in one year. One’s bad enough, but both.” Amy shook her head in dismay.
Sierra changed the subject. “How’s your hunky husband? How come he didn’t stop by? And don’t give me that shit about him working late.”
“I asked him to give me tonight with you and Heather. It’s been too long since it was just us with Mom. Plus, he’d be the odd man out, so he was happy to steer clear of the estrogen party.”
“The boys would love to see him.”
Amy nodded, her lips pressed tight. “They miss their dad.”
“Every day. I try to be there for them and give them what they need, but I know there’s a huge hole in their hearts and lives without him here with them.”
“Have you thought about dating again?”
It had been almost a year. And Sierra really hated being alone. “Who has time to think of such things with two kids and a job? It’s all I can do to keep up with them, work, the house, the bills.” And dating after all these years seemed scary. She was out of practice. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d even flirted.
Amy grew quiet for a long moment. “Don’t lose yourself taking care of everyone else. You deserve to be happy, too.” With that, Amy walked back into the house to check on the kids, leaving Sierra alone on the porch.
As she looked out across the land and saw a glimpse of light across the way that could only be a light from Mason’s place, Sierra felt as alone as she’d ever felt after David’s death and wondered how long she’d feel this way before she did something about it.
Chapter Six
Sierra peeked through the ajar door into the boys’ dark room and smiled at them sleeping. Her mom had redecorated, swapping out the neutral “guest-room” quilts for blue-and-red-striped comforters. She’d added stained wood toy boxes at the foot of each twin bed. The comforters and toy boxes were for the boys to keep when they moved into their next home. They’d get to take something familiar with them, instead of another round of entirely new things.
New was fun and exciting to a point. Then, you just wanted to be around the things that made you feel comfortable, that made you feel like you belonged there because they were your things. You saw them, surrounded yourself with them and the memories they held.
With the boys settled for the night and happy to be here with their family, Sierra headed downstairs for the talk she knew her mother wanted to have about what came next.
She found her mom in the living room on the sofa, feet tucked up beside her under a blanket, and a mug of tea in hand. Sierra rounded the sofa, picked up her mug off the table, sniffed the fragrant apple cinnamon tea that reminded her of Big Red gum, and sat in the corner of the sofa, facing her mom.
“It can’t be easy to go through what you’ve been through this past year. Losing your husband . . . Well, I never thought you’d go through something like that so young. I know the fire took everything you owned, but you still have what’s important. Those boys. Your family.”
“Really, that’s all that matters, Mom. Getting the boys to safety . . . It was scary.” Even now, thinking about it made her heart race. “For a little while there, sitting in the car, surrounded by the heat, caustic smoke, and flames so close . . . I really thought . . .” She swallowed back the fear and took a sip of tea to calm her nerves.
Dede leaned forward and put her hand on her thigh. “You made it out. Now what? You as much as told Heather you’re planning to make a life here. Is that what you really want?”
Sierra sighed. “I don’t have many options.”
“That’s not an answer.”
Sierra had made up her mind the second she called home and knew that’s where she belonged. “Yes. I want to live here. I think the boys would be happy here. Going back to Napa . . . Well, there are too many memories.”
“Good memories that make you sad, or memories you want to escape?”
Leave it to Mom to dig deep.
“If we still had the house, I’d want the boys to be there, so they’d have an easier time remembering their father. But without the house, there’s only the ghost of him and our life there. It’s going to be a long time before everything’s rebuilt. I’ve been told it could take more than two years. That’s too long to make them wait. I don’t want them to settle in here then uproot them again. It’s too much. We’re staying put.”
“Okay, that’s settled. You’ll enroll them in school here, find a job, and once the insurance
settlement comes through, you can buy your own place and start fresh.”
“I’m afraid the insurance settlement won’t be enough for me to buy a house here. At least not right away.”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s the outstanding mortgage and—”
Her mother eyed her over her mug. “And?”
“Before David died, he took out a large loan.”
One eyebrow shot up. Her mother carefully asked, “Were you having financial difficulties?”
“No. Everything was fine until he took out the loan.”
Questions lit her eyes. “What did you use the money for?”
“I didn’t use it for anything. I only found out about it after he died.” Her gut tightened just thinking about that huge sum and the daunting task ahead of her to pay it off.
Dede sat up straighter. “You have no idea what David used the money for, do you?”
“No.”
“An investment of some sort?”
“Not that I could find.”
As always, her mother went the direct route. “An affair?”
Sierra shrugged and tried to stave off the ache in her chest and the anger that wanted to surge. “That would have been my guess, too, but I can’t find any evidence of one.” She couldn’t prove it one way or another. Which left her in a constant state of wonder and suspicion and second-guessing everything she knew and thought about her husband.
Sure, they’d had their problems.
But she didn’t think they’d had secrets.
She’d been wrong.
“Did you find anything in his office when you cleaned it out? In any of his papers?”
“After he died, I glanced through the boxes that arrived from his office.”
“You didn’t clean it out yourself?”
She shook her head. At the time, she simply couldn’t deal with the mundane task. Not when she had two heartbroken kids at home missing their father and wondering if she’d die, too. Oh, the questions they’d asked. Hard questions like Where did Daddy go? Easier ones like Can I put my toy truck in his casket?
Sisters and Secrets Page 4