But Amy would say no one appreciated all the fuss and bother she put into everything.
Dede had tried to tell her to relax and stop taking on so much. Of course, her oldest wouldn’t listen. She had to be right about everything.
And maybe she got that from Dede, too.
Heather, on the other hand, just wanted to be with her little girl and soak up Hallee’s bright smiles and joyful giggles. She loved being a mother. And yet, for all the happiness Dede saw in Heather when she and Hallee were together, Dede sometimes caught moments when that joy was replaced by a look of deep sadness and regret Dede wished she understood.
But Heather had always liked her secrets. As a kid she’d spy on Amy and Sierra. She knew which one of them ate the last of the cookies without permission. As a teen she knew who snuck in late. Heather relished knowing her sisters’ secrets and letting you know she knew.
She loved sneaking around and listening in when she shouldn’t. Those little things she knew were fun.
But withholding the name of Hallee’s father—and not letting everyone know—seemed to wear on Heather. Still, she refused to divulge the information. And things didn’t quite add up. She said the man knew about Hallee but wanted to remain in the background. In the beginning, he provided for Heather and Hallee, but lately it seemed evident by the number of times Heather asked to “borrow” money he wasn’t even peripherally involved in their lives anymore. And that sadness she saw in Heather seemed to grow.
Dede didn’t mind helping her daughters out when they needed it. But Heather relied on it a little too much. Her fault for spoiling the baby of the family.
And poor Sierra. How much could one young woman take? David had died tragically and unexpectedly nearly a year ago and now she’d lost everything in that devastating wildfire.
Dede barely heard from Sierra these last many months since David’s death. She hadn’t wanted to pry or seem to hover. Sierra thought herself capable and invincible. Dede agreed. But even someone as strong as Sierra could only take so much.
Though she suspected Sierra would come home to evaluate her options, the vulnerability she’d heard in her daughter’s soft voice when she called asking to come home had made Dede’s heart ache. It actually made her pause and think about all the times Sierra swore she was okay, she could take care of . . . whatever, but maybe she’d just been putting on a good front. Sierra always stood on her own two feet, ready for anything. But though she got through it, Dede wondered if she’d let Sierra down by not noticing that deep down Sierra needed her help and support.
Not this time.
This time I’m going to make sure Sierra feels safe and protected and that this new beginning is what she truly wants.
Because Dede suspected Sierra had settled in the past for what she thought was enough instead of reaching for what she really wanted.
Amy came up behind her and glanced out the front windows. Her two children, P.J. and Emma, ignored the plate of sliced apples slathered in almond butter in front of them. Instead, they devoured a second cupcake each.
“Mom, seriously, you couldn’t have gotten something better for them to eat?”
“You don’t have to be the sweets police all the time. A cupcake once in a while doesn’t hurt. And I’m their grandmother. It’s my job to spoil them.”
She’d made the cupcakes for Danny and Oliver, hoping something sweet would make them feel welcome. They hadn’t visited since they stayed a couple of days after David’s funeral. The time before that had been during her own husband’s funeral. She never thought to have that in common with her daughter, but life happens. Tragedy strikes. She wanted to give her grandsons something good to associate with visits with her, something besides death.
And all kids love cupcakes.
“I’m trying to teach the kids to make healthy choices.”
Dede shrugged, wishing Amy would loosen her rigid control over her kids. “You can feed them quinoa and kale all you want. When they’re here, let them be kids instead of organic-health-nuts-in-the-making and enjoy the simple pleasure of a sugar rush.”
Amy turned to P.J. and Emma, who’d been avidly watching to see if Grandma won this argument. “Put the cupcakes down and eat the apples.”
Loud and upset groans punctuated the kids dropping the treats and pushing the plate of apples away.
Dede rolled her eyes. “Moderation, Amy. Teach them that, so they can find balance and not feel like you’re taking things away from them.”
“You never let us gorge on cupcakes before dinner.”
“Unless it was a party or holiday. You know, there’s a time and place for everything, including letting kids be kids.”
Amy needed to ease up in every part of her life. She was wound so tight, she was bound to snap and unravel. Dede pushed because she didn’t want to see that happen. Amy needed to have some fun and relax. No one could be that anxious and obsessive about things and not suffer some consequences.
Amy clearly swallowed a retort when the front door opened. Her eyes went wide at the sight of Sierra and the boys standing there. “Poor thing. She looks worn out.”
Of course Sierra heard the not-so-subtle stage whisper.
Instead of responding to Amy’s comment, she simply said, “Hello, Amy,” and stroked a hand over Danny’s head, nudging him inside with his bundled blanket, backpack, and several overflowing plastic bags. Like a mini vagabond, he held his precious few belongings.
Oliver followed his brother in, his arms not quite as full, but still the five-year-old held what little belonged to him, including a cute stuffed brown puppy.
Dede rushed to greet them and make them feel welcome. “Oh my, you boys have grown so much.”
“I have to pee,” Oliver announced.
“The bathroom is this way.” Amy held her hand out toward the hall.
Sierra smiled down at her littlest. “Go ahead. Aunt Amy will take you. Say hi to Grandma first.”
Oliver gave her a shy smile. “Hi, Grandma.”
Dede brushed her hand over his dark head. “Hey, sweetie. I’m so happy you’re here.”
Oliver glanced at the cartoon on the TV. “Motel TVs are hard.” With that, he ran after Amy to get to the bathroom.
Danny looked up at Dede. “The remotes are weird.” He leaned into her for the hug she wrapped him in.
“Well, soon your mom will have a new place for you to live maybe with a TV easier for you to use. Until then, I’m so happy to have you here with me.” She released Danny, noting how much he reminded her of his father. “Your room is up the stairs. Second door on the right. You’ll find a surprise on the bed for you and Oliver.”
Danny gave her a smile, glanced briefly at his mom for an approving nod for him to go ahead, and he dashed up the stairs with a speed Dede could no longer achieve in her advanced age. But it did her heart good to hear him squeal with delight when he found his gift.
His shouted “No way!” made Sierra raise an eyebrow.
“I got him and Oliver new tablets. The nice boy at the electronics store said they’re exactly what kids are using these days.”
“Mom, you didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to give them something familiar. They lost everything, and you said it was the one thing they were missing the most.”
“They read these online graphic novels and the newest one came out last week and they’ve been dying to see it.”
“There you go, they’re reading.”
“Oh, they play their fair share of games and watch videos, too.” Sierra hitched up the laundry basket she carried under one arm before it slipped off her hip and she dropped it.
“Your room is ready upstairs. Set your stuff down. Take a breath. When you’re settled, come down for lunch . . . or a cupcake.”
Sierra smiled. “Thanks, Mom.” Weariness shadowed her eyes. “It’s been a long few weeks.”
“And now you’re here, where help is just a request away.”
Momentary relief
shone in Sierra’s eyes.
“I set up an appointment with the elementary school for tomorrow morning at ten. They have a terrific after-school program you can look into when you find a job and are back to work. Until then, I’m happy to watch them after school while you go on interviews.”
Sierra nodded. “I’ll see what I can find and what makes the most sense.”
Dede put her hand on Sierra’s shoulder. “There’s no rush, Sierra. Take your time. Figure out what’s best for you.”
Sierra raked her fingers through her long dark waves. “I’ve just been trying to get through each day and do whatever needs to be done right now.” That was Sierra. Make a list, check the box, keep moving forward. “I haven’t had time to really process.”
“Then take the time.”
Sierra set the basket on the floor and hugged her. “Thanks, Mom.” She held on like she hadn’t done since she was young.
Dede teared up and held on to her little girl who had grown up and had the problems to show for it. This couldn’t be fixed with a bandage and a kiss on the owie. No, this required thoughtful planning and a lot of hard work to create a new life for her and the boys.
Dede had done it after each of her divorces. It wasn’t easy to face things alone. To know that your children were counting on you for their happiness and the stability they needed.
Sierra carried the load well, but it would take time for her to find solid footing again when so much was up in the air right now. Once she found a job, settled with the insurance company, sold or rebuilt her place up north, and found a new place here to make a home, she’d find happiness again.
Sierra slipped free and went to the sofa, leaning over to hook her arms around P.J. and Emma. One at a time, she nuzzled her nose into both their necks. “Not even a hi, Auntie.”
“Hi, Auntie,” they said in unison, both giggling.
“You better save me a cupcake.”
“Mom won’t let us have any more.” P.J. fell back into the sofa with a dramatic sigh.
Emma looked up at Sierra and snagged a handful of her long hair. “It’s so pretty.” She brushed a lock against her cheek.
Sierra smiled down at her and tugged Emma’s caramel-colored straight hair. “You got the better color. Mine’s just plain brown. Yours is shot through with sunshine.”
Emma beamed.
Amy led Oliver back into the room and went right to Sierra and hugged her. “Look how skinny you are.” Amy squeezed Sierra’s middle. “Two kids and I still haven’t lost the baby weight.” She stepped back and rubbed her hand over the barely there belly pooch.
Sierra had a matching one, even if her sister was kind enough not to point it out.
Dede saw it as a badge of honor. A sign your body had done something amazing. And it had. Her daughters had created life and given her beautiful grandchildren.
Amy rolled her eyes. “The last ten pounds are the worst.”
Fit. Toned. Amy worked out and ran after her kids nonstop. But Amy always found fault in something about herself. Dede worried that sometimes Amy put too much pressure on herself for no reason, battling her insecurities by trying to be perfect all the time.
Sierra looked her sister up and down with a frown. “You’re right. You’re fat. More cupcakes for me.”
Amy pursed her lips. “I’m sure you’re ready for something better than sweets and takeout by now.”
“You have no idea. I never thought I’d say this, but I miss cooking.”
Amy shrugged. “It’s all I can do to get a decent meal on the table some nights. The kids’ schedules are so packed. Dancing. Baseball. Swimming. Music lessons.”
“Stop signing them up for everything under the sun,” Dede remarked. She didn’t understand why Amy thought the kids needed to be occupied every second of the day. It left no time for them to be creative and use their imaginations without it being a planned activity.
“They enjoy it. And it makes them well-rounded kids.”
“So does riding their bikes with their friends on the street and playing in the backyard.” Dede wrapped her arm around Oliver. “Head up the stairs and find your brother. There’s a present up there for you.”
Oliver carried his bundle of things and ran up the stairs.
Amy sighed. “I wish I had his energy.” She turned to Sierra. “How are they doing after the fire and everything?”
“They miss the house and are sad we moved away from their friends. They’re heartbroken that all of David’s things are gone. It’s like they lost him all over again.” Sierra took a second to compose herself. “They seem to have an easier time getting through the day and accepting whatever we have to do in the moment. To be honest, they were getting bored and restless. Living in a motel room lost its shine about four days in. They just wanted to go home, but they knew there was no home to go back to and that made it even harder. The uncertainty about what we were going to do got to them. And me.” Sierra shifted from one foot to the other. “I had to make up my mind and get them settled either up there or here. Long term, this seemed like the best choice with you all here.” She let out a huge sigh. “No more moving around every couple days.”
“I’m happy you’re back.” Amy brushed her hand down Sierra’s arm. “It’ll be nice for the kids to spend time together. And Mom won’t be rattling around this house all alone.”
Dede took exception to that. She had a very full life. “I’m not alone. I have my clubs and friends. There’s something to be said about being solely responsible for only yourself.” She’d finally learned after four marriages how to be alone and be okay with it.
Oliver’s little feet pounded on the hardwood upstairs seconds before he shouted down to them. “Mom! Look!” He held up his new tablet.
Sierra smiled for the first time since they’d arrived. “Awesome!”
Oliver ran back to his brother and Sierra turned that smile on Dede. “Thanks, Mom.”
“You’re welcome, sweetheart.”
“Mom took care of keeping the kids occupied. I took care of the basics.” Amy pointed to the bags of clothes sitting one after the next going up the first four steps. “I got three outfits for each of you, plus a couple basics. Socks. Underwear. I know you’ll do a big school spree soon, but I thought you’d like something to tide you over.”
“Amy, you didn’t have to do that.” Sierra’s eyes glassed over at her sister’s generosity.
Amy took it in stride. “Of course I did. I just hope I got all the sizes right. I can’t have you wearing a Tweety Bird sweatshirt to school drop-off.” Amy wrinkled her nose, hip cocked; she wore her designer yoga pants and workout top that made her look chic and casual.
Sierra looked like she’d just stepped off an eight-hour bus ride with no air conditioning and a dozen screaming kids from Disneyland.
Someone knocked three times, then opened the front door. Heather walked in with Hallee. The eighteen-month-old toddled next to her mother in a pair of purple tennis shoes that lit up around the bottom with every step.
Emma scrambled over the back of the sofa.
“Hey, we don’t do that,” Amy scolded.
That didn’t stop Emma one bit. She ran for Hallee, took both her hands, and helped her walk into the living room area. Hallee smiled up at her older cousin and babbled some nonsense.
Heather sidestepped the laundry basket Sierra had left in the entry and stopped short of hugging Sierra. “Hey, sis. How are you?”
Dede wondered why Heather didn’t embrace her sister, but she didn’t say anything.
Sierra glanced at Hallee. “Look at her, Heather. She’s walking.”
“You were right. It goes by way too fast. Before I know it, she’ll be dating bad boys with rock T-shirts and leather boots.”
“So she’ll take after you,” Amy teased. “I’m guessing that’s the description of the father-who-shall-not-be-named.”
Of course Amy was teasing, but the menacing tone and mocking grin only made Heather glare at her older
sister.
Heather dismissed Amy and turned to Sierra. “Where are the boys?”
“Upstairs glued to the new tablets Mom got them.”
“How are they doing?”
“It’s been hard, but they’re resilient. Once they’re in school making new friends, I think they’ll be happy here.”
“This isn’t just a visit to figure out what to do next? You’re staying for good?” Heather’s surprise and disbelief mixed with a hint of disapproval didn’t set off anything obvious in Sierra, but Dede wondered why Heather might not want her sister moving home.
What was with her odd behavior?
A bad day? Feeling that Sierra would get all the attention instead of her for a while?
Dede hated to admit that as a romantic at heart she’d sometimes gotten caught up in finding love and spending time with the men in her life, leaving the girls to jockey for her attention. She’d sometimes been selfish and distracted.
Sierra became self-sufficient early on. She reasoned things out and solved her own problems. She knew what needed to be done and got to it.
Amy turned into a perfectionist, hoping Dede would notice how excellent she was at everything. She craved acknowledgment and accolades for making things pretty, or getting the best grades, or having the perfect family.
Admittedly, because Heather was the youngest, Dede always found time for her. Sierra and Amy picked up the slack when Dede wasn’t around. Basically, Heather thought anything and everything she wanted would be handed to her.
“The fire put a lot of things in perspective. It’s been hard since David’s death, trying to do everything on my own. The expenses . . . the bills piling up . . . I feel like I’ve been treading water for so long. The boys need to get back in school. And I’m tired. I have no time to myself.” Sierra’s eyes filled with defeat. “I need some help. Or at least to know you guys are around if I need you. Over the last year, I’ve lost friends simply because I didn’t have time for anything but work and the kids.”
Sisters and Secrets Page 3