Sisters and Secrets

by Jennifer Ryan

  Sierra didn’t need to ask why Oliver wanted his father to have his favorite truck. He’d wanted his father to remember him wherever he went.

  It broke her heart.

  And as sad and overwhelmed and lonely as she’d been those first few weeks, she’d also felt extremely guilty. Her mind spun a million things she wished she’d said to David. They carried on a hundred imagined conversations in her head that she wished they’d had in person. Ever present was the nagging feeling that the distance and silence she felt from David those last few months leading up to his death were fraught with his indecision. And she didn’t even know the questions he pondered. She’d catch him about to say something to her, then he’d stop himself and turn away or say something mundane about dinner or Danny’s homework. Once he’d even commented on the weather when it had been warm and sunny for days so there wasn’t much to say about it.

  Why didn’t I just ask him what he wanted to say?

  She’d asked herself that question a thousand times.

  She’d been scared of the answer, afraid that her suspicions were true. Either he was having an affair, or he simply didn’t want her anymore.

  There’d still been love there, especially for their children, but they hadn’t truly connected in a long time. They went through their days and lived together, but the intimacy in their relationship suffered. They didn’t put their relationship ahead of everything else.

  And frankly, at the end of a long day, she hadn’t been all that receptive to his needs. Switching from mom to wife when she walked through their bedroom door hadn’t been as easy as flipping a switch.

  She saw the marriage suffering, but she hadn’t made a real effort to fix it. She blamed the distance he put between them, the sneaky way he’d shut down his computer screen when she walked into his office and covered by saying he was done with his work email, and the way he explained away overnight trips he had recently started taking when his company had never asked him to travel in the past.

  She made excuses for him. He didn’t have a lot of time to himself. Neither did she. She got it. Maybe he shut down his computer because he didn’t want work to interfere with their home life. Maybe his company really did need him to visit a customer here and there to make them happy or seal a deal. Maybe he snuck away to recharge so he could be better for them. Lord knows, she’d thought about a weekend retreat, maybe a few days with her sisters in Carmel and a long day being pampered at the spa where Heather worked.

  He didn’t mean to snap at her, he’d had a long day.

  He didn’t want to miss Danny’s soccer game, but work needed him to be out of town.

  Dinner out wasn’t an option because he had a call with a client and would be home late.

  “The last thing I wanted to do after the funeral was pack up his office and go through his things. I took what they sent me and put it in the garage. He was gone and I missed him and I was angry he left me and the boys. I know that’s terrible to say because it was an accident, but that’s how I felt. I had two little boys who missed their father and grieved for him and I blamed him for taking that last-minute trip instead of being home with us.”

  Her mom leaned over and squeezed her hand. “Grief is a lot of different emotions all balled up and tangled into a mess. Don’t fret over the fact your marriage wasn’t perfect. Whose is? People make mistakes, they tell lies, they drift apart, but all that can be forgiven when there’s love. Maybe you two hadn’t gotten to that point in the particular valley you found yourselves in at the time of his death, but that doesn’t mean that whatever was going on couldn’t have been fixed. You just didn’t have the time to do it. That’s not your fault, Sierra. And yes, it’s a shame you had doubts and suspicions about your husband. I wish he was here to answer your questions and account for that money. But he’s not. But that doesn’t mean you can’t get some answers another way.”

  Sierra cocked her head. “What do you mean?”

  “Ask Mason to help you.”

  The answer surprised her. “What can Mason do?”

  “He’s a divorce attorney. He has investigators who uncover everything the opposing spouse is hiding, including hidden bank accounts and such. Perhaps he can figure out why David took out the loan and what he did with the money. If it’s sitting in a secret bank account, that money belongs to you. It would go a long way to getting you back on your feet.”

  Sierra hadn’t thought of that. But the idea gave her hope that maybe she could recover the money, or at least part of it, and that she could use it to help take care of the boys.

  Although asking Mason for help sounded easy, it was anything but.

  A long time ago . . . A lifetime ago, they’d had a moment. There’d been a spark. But she was with David. She’d chosen him.

  And maybe a time or two she’d asked herself if she’d made the right decision.

  “Sierra.” Her mom snapped out her name like it wasn’t the first time she’d said it.

  “Huh. What?”

  “I said you could go over and see him tomorrow. Take the boys. You know how much they love to see the horses in the pastures. An up-close look might take their mind off everything else going on.”

  “I can’t ask him to look into their father’s past with the boys right there.”

  “Be discreet, of course, but ask Mason all the same.”

  “Maybe I’ll call his office and make an appointment.”

  Dede rolled her eyes. “You’ve known him since you were thirteen. You don’t need an appointment.”

  Sierra sighed. “Mom, it’s been a long time since we were friends and neighbors. I’m asking him to do something that isn’t exactly his job. I think approaching him with the request as a business arrangement—”

  “Pishaw. This isn’t business. It’s a friend asking a friend for help.”

  “It’s a business transaction. I don’t expect him to have his investigator do the work for free.”

  “I’m not saying you shouldn’t pay him, but you don’t have to make the request so formal.”

  “Mom. Let me handle it my way.” If she even asked him. Seeing him again . . . Well, he might not want to see her at all.

  Her mother conceded with a wave of her hand.

  Sierra went on, “Besides, depending on the cost, I may not be able to afford his services.” Mason was one of the best divorce attorneys around. Wives loved it when he stuck it to their husbands. Husbands loved that he kept their wives from taking them to the cleaners.

  She knew Mason. He’d always been fair-minded, honest, and a great negotiator. He’d settled more than one dispute between her and her sisters back in the day.

  She wanted to believe he’d been a little more on her side than her sisters’, but that might be her teenage heart locked in a crush on the boy next door talking.

  “You know I’m more than happy to help you through this difficult time.” Dede hadn’t exactly taken her exes to the cleaners, but she’d come out of every divorce with a hefty payout. She could afford to help Sierra. But she had taught her girls to be independent and never rely on others when you were perfectly capable of taking care of yourself.

  Well, Sierra had taken that to heart, unlike Heather, who sponged off Dede all the time.

  “I appreciate you letting us stay here until I find a job and a place of our own, but I need to take care of the rest.”

  “Sierra, honey, I love you. It’s never been easy for you to accept financial support, but I want to help. I have the means.”

  “I know. I appreciate it.” But it made her feel guilty and a little bit like she couldn’t take care of herself and the boys on her own when she’d worked so hard to do that alone this past year.

  The possibility of discovering what David did with that money gave her hope that she might get out from under at least part of the debt. “If I can’t afford to pay Mason for the investigation myself, I’ll let you know, so long as it’s not too much.” If she found the money, she’d have no trouble paying her
mom back.

  “Peace of mind is worth the cost.”

  Careful what you wish for. “What if I discover something I don’t want to know?”

  “Sometimes knowing the worst is still better than being in the dark. Maybe it will allow you to put your relationship with David to rest. You deserve that, honey. Then you can move on with a clear heart and mind.”

  She hoped so, because the questions swirling in her mind sometimes grew quiet, but they never went silent.

  Right now, though, Sierra settled into the sofa and finished her tea and thanked her lucky star to have a mom who loved her and welcomed her home with open arms.

  She soaked up the warmth of home, her mother’s steady and familiar presence, and knew that though things may be difficult the next days, weeks, and months, she and her sons had a roof over their heads, the love and support of her family, and everything, eventually, would be all right.

  Chapter Seven

  Sierra leaned back against the hood of her SUV and watched Danny and Oliver playing on the playground at their new school. She’d gotten them enrolled and taken them to meet their new teachers. They were hesitant at first about a new place and new people. She saw it in their little faces when they realized that leaving their old life behind meant losing friends and the familiarity of all they’d known.

  Since the fire most of the families they’d known had also scattered to find new homes while they dealt with the aftermath of losing everything. They all had to start over.

  She explained that to the boys just before setting them loose on the playground. They seemed to get it, but it didn’t make it easier. And she wished they didn’t have to learn so many hard lessons or suffer so much tragedy in their young lives.

  “Look at me, Mom!” Oliver plopped down on the slide and whooshed down, his feet hitting the thick pad at the bottom before he jumped up, gave her a huge smile, and ran to climb back up to the platform and do it again.

  For the first time in a long time, her heart felt lighter seeing the boys simply play and have fun.

  Amy pulled in next to her car in her white minivan. The side door slid open the second the car stopped and P.J. and Emma leaped out and ran to the playground.

  “I want to slide, too.” Emma climbed up the wide steps behind Oliver.

  P.J. grabbed a swing, scooted into the seat, and pumped his legs to get going. Danny took the swing next to him. It only took a second for them to see who could fly higher. Their smiles and delight as they tried to outdo each other made Sierra grin.

  “We used to be them.” Amy copied Sierra’s pose against the front of the SUV with her arms crossed as she stared out at their four kids playing together.

  They were them. Competition and trying to one-up your siblings never changed. At least in Sierra’s experience. As the oldest, Amy always wanted to be the best at everything. She wanted to have everything first.

  “How are you, sis?” It had been a long time since Sierra had a good long catch-up with her sister. Dinner the other night had been fun, but they spent most of the evening trying to corral the kids and get them to eat.

  “Good. Great.” That was Amy’s way of saying “Fine” when she didn’t really mean it.

  “I got the boys enrolled in school. Oliver and Emma are in the same class, but Danny is with Ms. Franks’s class.”

  “She’s good, but Ms. Simms is better. She knows how to command the classroom. She pushes the kids. Their test scores are higher than the other teachers’ classes.”

  That might be true, but Ms. Franks seemed kind and understanding of what Danny had been through. She’d promised to focus on making sure Danny felt accepted and found new friends so he settled in and felt welcome. She understood that was important for kids starting over at a new school. If he didn’t feel connected to school, he wouldn’t put the work in to getting good grades.

  Sierra let it go because convincing her sister that good grades weren’t the most important thing was pointless. She wouldn’t change Amy’s mind.

  “Does P.J. like his teacher?”

  Amy scoffed. “No. He hates her. He thinks she’s mean. He hates all the homework.”

  At this age and especially during this difficult time the last thing Sierra wanted was for the boys to hate school. With so many years left to go, she didn’t want them turned off and checked out because of a bad experience. Sierra believed school should be fun and engaging, not just a chore.

  “Danny and Oliver liked their teachers. Once they make some friends, they’ll settle in.” And having their cousins around at school would be a help, too.

  “Of course they will. They’re kids. They’re resilient. What about you? What are you going to do now that you’ve decided to stay?”

  “I’ll start with a job and go from there. I checked a few apps this morning, but none of the postings seemed quite right.”

  “We don’t always get what we want. You’ll have to settle for what you can get.”

  Very supportive.

  Sierra turned slightly and hid the eye roll. “How’s Rex?”

  “Busy as ever at work. When he’s not working, he’s golfing. He says he needs his downtime.”

  “We all do.”

  Amy huffed out a breath. “I’d like to know when it’s my turn.”

  “Don’t you have some time when the kids are in school?”

  As a stay-at-home mom, Amy should be able to carve out a little time for herself.

  “You’d think, but no. I spend Monday, Wednesday, and Friday volunteering at Emma’s classroom for two hours. Tuesday and Thursday in P.J.’s. When I’m not in the class, I’m working on organizing the school events, attending PTA meetings, cleaning house, picking up and dropping off Rex’s dry cleaning, doing the shopping, paying the bills, and running all over after school for dance class, swimming, music lessons, baseball, and art classes. Not to mention helping with homework and school projects. You’ll see, this school is no joke. It demands all your time.”

  Sierra understood that homework and projects did take a lot of a parent’s time. “Why do teachers assign things the kids can’t do mostly on their own? Isn’t the point of it for the kids to do the work, not the parents?”

  “Right?”

  “Maybe you should cut back on the extracurricular activities.” Sierra wanted her kids to have the opportunity to do whatever they wanted, but they needed downtime, too. Overextending their schedules strained her schedule. Sierra liked balance.

  It sounded like Amy had scheduled away all her children’s free time.

  “They’re important to building their character and making them well-rounded individuals. It will help later in life.”

  “Yeah, but it’s driving you crazy.”

  “You sound just like Rex. He thinks some of the stuff is too expensive and that the kids don’t even like it.”

  Sierra asked the obvious question. “Do they?”

  Amy scoffed. “They don’t know what’s best for them.”

  That wasn’t an answer.

  She went on, “You should see Emma in her little bat costume for her dance recital. She’s so cute.”

  Sierra got it. The pictures would look great on Amy’s social media. Everyone would comment and Amy would feel like a good mother.

  Sierra tried again. “What do you do for fun?”

  “I live for my wine o’clock.”

  Sierra laughed under her breath. “Your what?”

  “That half hour every night after the kids go to bed and I clean the kitchen and have a glass of wine and soak up the quiet.” The absolute need for that half hour shone in Amy’s eyes, but the sadness that shadowed it struck Sierra as a red flag that something deeper was going on with Amy.

  “Where’s Rex while you’re enjoying your glass of wine?”

  “Upstairs reading books to the kids.”

  Aw. “That’s sweet.”

  A wistfulness replaced the sadness. “Yeah. He always makes time for the kids. Bedtime has always been his time with t
hem because he’s at work all day.”

  “That’s really nice. I’m sure they love spending that time with him.”

  Amy nodded, her eyes going soft. “They do.”

  If Sierra read things right, Amy wanted that kind of time with Rex. Something wasn’t quite right in Amyland.

  “Is everything okay between you and Rex?”

  Amy snapped her head toward Sierra. “Of course it is. You know how it goes. You have kids and it’s all about them. Rex is busy. I’m busy. But we’re great. We’ve got everything we ever wanted.”

  Be careful what you wish for.

  The thought popped into Sierra’s head because on the surface everything did seem fine with Amy. But Amy tended to focus on the surface and not look deeper. Everything needed to appear perfect to her sister, even when the undercurrent was sucking her down.

  “If you want me to watch the kids one night so you and Rex can have a date night, I’d be happy to do it.”

  Amy sighed. “I’d have to check with Rex to see what his schedule is like, but thanks.”

  “Anytime.” She really meant it. She didn’t want to see what happened to her and David happen to Amy and Rex.

  Amy said, “And I can watch the kids if you have an interview or something you need to do.”

  “I appreciate that.” Though Sierra felt reluctant to add to Amy’s packed schedule. “Mom said she’d help, too.”

  “You’ll find Mom doesn’t spend a lot of time sitting around the house. She’s got her gardening club, tennis, lunch dates, hiking club, pinochle, not to mention the country club socials she attends.”

  “Is she working on husband number five?” Sierra gave Amy a mischievous grin and tapped her elbow to Amy’s.

  Amy rolled her eyes. “God, I hope not.”

  “Why? She deserves to be happy. No one likes to be alone.”

  “She’s got her friends.” Amy sighed. “And her admirers.” A grin tugged at Amy’s lips, but she stopped it before it turned into a real smile. “Losing number four hurt her.”

  Sierra’s heart clenched. “She really loved him.”