She sighed. “That’s not what I mean.”
They’d agreed when they decided to have children that she’d quit her job and be a full-time mom. They’d wanted their children to come home to a parent after school and not be stuck at some day care for hours. Financially, it made sense, because day care would have eaten up most of her salary anyway.
Amy didn’t mind giving up the job. She just never expected taking care of the kids and the house would take up every waking moment and not leave her any room for herself.
She expected Rex to feel pressure as the sole breadwinner, but she never expected him to feel burdened by it, or that he’d think she didn’t appreciate how hard he worked for them.
Rex threw up his hands and let them drop back to his sides. “You resent me for going to work. Then you resent me for not spending enough time with the kids and not paying attention to you. Well, I resent that you use my job as an excuse to make me feel guilty for not being here. I resent that you make your life and the kids so busy you don’t have time for me. I resent that you think you and the kids have to be doing something for everyone to see instead of just hanging out together as a family. I resent that when I asked you to spend more time with me, to go out on a date, you volunteered to babysit your sister’s kids instead.”
Exasperated, she spit out the obvious. “She needed my help.”
“She wanted an evening alone with the guy she’s seeing. Great. Good for her. But if you had told her we had plans, she would have hired a babysitter or picked a different day. Better yet, you could have called the sitter to watch all the kids and made time for me.”
“Four kids for one sitter,” she scoffed.
“Why not? You have it in your head that you’re the only one who can handle four kids. You’re the only one who can volunteer in the classroom or organize the bake sale or 5k charity run. You’re the only one who can do everything at school and home and for our kids. I’m really not sure what you need me for anymore.” Rex stormed past her and slammed the bathroom door. A few seconds later, he turned on the shower.
They were home alone for the first time in months with at least an hour before the kids returned and instead of falling naked into bed, they were fighting.
Amy couldn’t remember the last time they made love.
She kind of remembered it had been a pity fuck because she’d been tired but felt like she owed him because it had been so long.
And that was a terrible thought and way to show her husband she loved him.
Now, Rex couldn’t be bothered to even notice her standing in front of him naked underneath only a towel. It was like he didn’t even see her that way anymore.
He thought she didn’t need him.
Well, she needed him to see what she was going through.
It wasn’t that no one else could do all the things she did; it was that she didn’t know what she’d do if she wasn’t doing those things.
She thought she’d be so happy being a mother.
And she was, except she didn’t want to be just a mother because . . . what would she be when her kids didn’t need her anymore? They were already getting so big and independent.
She micromanaged their lives, frustrating them because they wanted to do things their way and make their own decisions. Over the last year, she’d seen them trying to rebel against her rigid control. She didn’t want her kids to resent her the way her husband did.
With her mind swirling with thoughts and feelings too overwhelming to deal with all at once, Amy dressed quickly, swept her hair into an easy ponytail, and did something she never thought she’d do—she left. She didn’t let the guilt get to her that she hadn’t said good-bye, leaving Rex to deal with the kids when they returned from breakfast. She didn’t let herself second-guess her decision or turn around to do the responsible thing instead of the selfish thing.
It wasn’t selfish to take care of herself.
She needed a day. A little time to think without the kids asking her for a million little things or feeling Rex’s silence and the distance he kept building between them with his resentments.
She didn’t smooth the comforter before leaving their room. She didn’t even peek into the kids’ bathroom to see what kind of mess four kids left after brushing their teeth. She walked right past Emma’s and P.J.’s rooms without even a glimpse to see if their beds were made, toys tidied. Nope. She didn’t bother to clean up the living room. She sent her sister a halfhearted silent thank-you for cleaning the kitchen, though the hasty job had left a few crumbs on the counter and the floor needed to be swept. She ignored everything, grabbed her purse and car keys, and left the house, her mind set on what she wanted to do today. And none of it involved cleaning up the mess in her life.
* * *
Heather had everything set up—last minute with little notice—thanks to a phone call from Sierra, when Amy walked in the spa steaming as much as the sauna. She tossed her purse on the counter, folded her arms on top of it, and blurted out, “My husband is an asshole.”
“So glad I don’t have one of those.” The lie came easily, but it sent a wave of regret through Heather’s system.
Amy tilted her head the way Sierra did sometimes, making Heather wonder if she had the same mannerism. “Are you really?”
It took her aback for a second. She’d longed to make a life with Hallee’s father, but she’d known from the start she probably would never get what she really wanted, even if she deluded herself into thinking somehow, some way it would work out like magic. But magic wasn’t real. “Um, I thought we were talking about you.”
“Right. Today is about me. I want the works.” She waved her hands in the air to encompass everything she was asking for but had no clue what that included.
Heather rolled her eyes. “I pulled off a full day of pampering for you. And you can use my employee discount, too.”
“Really?” Tears glistened in Amy’s eyes. “That’s so nice.”
“Oh god. You’ve really lost it if you’re crying over a discount.”
Amy sucked in a steadying breath. “You know me. I love a coupon.”
Heather rolled her eyes. “Me, too.” These days it was all she could do to get by on her salary and keep her growing little girl in shoes and clothes. Recently she’d been looking into preschools. She nearly choked on the monthly cost. She’d had a wonderful sitter these last few years at half the cost, but soon Hallee would need to be in a class, working on her primary skills before she hit kindergarten.
Heather reminded herself the exorbitant childcare costs wouldn’t last forever but would diminish over time, especially when Hallee spent most of the day in public school and only a couple hours in day care until Heather picked her up after work. But that was a few years off.
She wished she had a husband and could work part-time or even be a stay-at-home mom. She’d love to give Hallee a brother or sister. She’d considered doing it on her own. Why not? She’d been doing just fine with Hallee. Of course, Hallee’s father had provided financial support until recently. Now everything was different . . .
She stopped that train of thought and focused on her emotionally drowning sister.
“Come with me. I’ll get you set up for your massage. That will relax you and maybe you’ll start thinking more clearly about the amazing life you have with Rex and the kids.”
Amy’s shoulders sagged. “It is amazing. Most of the time. But lately . . .”
Heather hooked her arm around Amy’s skinny waist and drew her away from the counter and toward the massage room. “Give yourself a break. There’s no contest for raising your kids with the most skills and talents. So what if they can’t play an instrument or score a million soccer goals? No one cares if they don’t make the swim team.”
“I don’t want them sitting around the house staring at a screen all day.”
“They’re barely home at all.”
“You sound just like Rex.”
She didn’t want her sister to think she�
��d taken sides. “Do you like doing all that stuff with the kids? Do they like it?”
Amy stopped in the massage room, turned, stared at her, and shrugged.
Her sister without words didn’t compute. Amy had an answer for everything.
Heather took Amy’s purse and set it on the chair. “Strip. Climb on the table. Put the sheet over you. Lie there. Think of nothing. Do nothing. Allow yourself to be quiet and still. Take it in, Amy, and see if you can let things go.”
“I won’t let Rex take the kids from me.”
“From what Sierra said, he wants to spend more time with all of you.”
“He was talking to Mason.”
“I’m sure that was nothing but two friends catching up.”
Amy’s bottom lip wobbled. “I’m not so sure.”
“Mason knows both of you. If anything, he’d try to talk Rex into making up with you. Everyone knows you two are meant to be together.”
“I used to think so, too.”
“You’re best friends. You love each other. He makes you laugh and you spoil him. You two just work like it’s supposed to.”
“It used to be so good and easy.”
Heather hugged Amy. “You’re tired, sis. Take a breath. Relax. Things will get better. You’ll see.”
Amy sighed. “I hope so.”
Heather couldn’t help herself. Ever since she’d seen Mason, she couldn’t stop thinking about him. “How did Mason look?”
“Good. It’s Mason. He always looks great. He doesn’t have two wild kids and an upset spouse to deal with.”
“Do you think he wants a wife and kids?” Hope filled her heart and made it beat faster. She’d really love a real, grown-up relationship. Mason had always seemed the strong, steady, reliable type. She needed some of that in her life.
Amy found a halfhearted smile. “He sure looked like it earlier.”
Heather had heard he’d been spending time with Sierra’s boys lately, teaching them to ride and watching them when Sierra worked late. He and Sierra had always had an easy kind of friendship.
Mason might have always been the guy next door, but now Heather saw him in a whole new light. She wanted more than a friend in the successful lawyer. She wanted love. Uncomplicated and real and out there for everyone to see.
Maybe then her family would see that she’d grown up and found a real partner, a legitimately good man.
Wouldn’t it be amazing to live on his sprawling ranch, have more kids with him, and have the security being married to a man like him would give her?
She’d thought a lot about Mason since their chat at the mailbox. Maybe she needed to spend more time at her mom’s place and “accidentally” run into him again.
Maybe she’d ask him out on a date.
Heather tried to persuade Amy out of her glib outlook. “Rex doesn’t want a divorce. You guys will work this out. He’s your forever.”
And maybe Mason could be mine.
With that thought in mind, she left her sister to her massage, went back to work, and started thinking up ways to put herself in Mason’s path. If she wanted a different kind of life, one with a sexy, rich husband, then she’d have to go after it.
It would be so different from her last relationship.
Of course, she got Hallee out of that wild time, where rational thought and consequences meant nothing compared to what she wanted and how she felt in the arms of the man of her dreams.
God, how she missed him. And hated him. And wished for him, even knowing how bad they were for each other.
She couldn’t help loving him.
She’d always love him.
But she needed to move on. And this time she’d play it smart and get what she wanted for Hallee and herself.
A second chance at love.
And no one would keep her from having it.
Not this time.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Mason slid the papers his investigator gave him yesterday into his briefcase and wondered how he was supposed to break the news that they contained to Sierra. He wished she hadn’t asked him to look into that damn loan, but he couldn’t bring himself to refer her to someone else. Everything had been so great between them. He didn’t want anything to mess it up. He didn’t want to be the messenger who turned her suspicions into reality and ripped open a wound that might never heal.
David was gone, but the ripple of his mistakes continued to lap at Sierra’s life, causing more grief and trouble than she deserved.
David’s betrayal would tear a hole in Sierra’s heart, make her rethink everything she thought about the man she married. She’d second-guess every detail of their marriage.
Was it real?
How long had David been lying to her?
What did she do now with the information?
What happened when her family found out?
He wished he could keep the revelations to himself and save her the heartache and mess this would create in her life.
Selfish?
Yeah.
It took him this long to finally get the woman of his dreams. They had a real shot at a life together. He wanted it. Bad.
He wanted to marry her. He wanted to be a father to her boys. He wanted to create a life and family with her by his side.
They could be so good together.
They would be, because he wasn’t going to let David tear them apart from the grave.
“Hey. The boys are waiting to go down to the stables to ride.” Sierra walked into his home office, her gaze going directly to the folders in his briefcase.
He closed the lid and turned all his attention to her and held his hand out. She took it without hesitation, smiled sweetly, then went up on tiptoe when she got close and kissed him. He poured everything he was feeling into the kiss. He wanted her to know how much he loved having her here. He wanted her to know how deeply he cared about her.
He loved her.
He loved her boys.
He suspected she loved him, too.
The night they made love for the first time, he’d felt it in the way she gave herself over to him, the way she held him, the way she made him feel.
He wrapped her in his arms and held her close, needing to feel her warmth and the way she snuggled into him whenever they were alone like this.
She looked up at him, her gorgeous brown eyes inquisitive. “Did you have a lot of work to catch up on this morning?”
“Not more than usual.”
“Are you working on a particularly upsetting case?” She studied him, probably seeing the worry about what he knew about David but hadn’t told her written all over his face.
“All my cases are difficult, which is why I’m so happy to have you and the boys here to make my day better.”
“I’m happy here with you, too. More than I thought possible.” Her candor surprised him.
“You mean that.”
She rubbed her hands up his chest. “Can’t you tell? We spend practically all our free time here.”
He loved that they’d made themselves at home. Last night, they’d showed up with shopping bags. The kids did their homework at the table while he and Sierra made dinner. He wished they could do that every day.
“I wish I could spend more nights with you, but . . .”
She needed to be home with the boys. They stole a couple of hours alone this week when Dede took over bedtime with the boys while he and Sierra had a “date.” They’d been in each other’s arms burning up the sheets. Until she had to go home to her kids.
He took a chance and asked a bold question, knowing he might be pushing things too far too fast. “You feel at home here, right?”
She narrowed her gaze and stared at him. “Yes. Of course. Why? Are the boys making too many messes?”
He shook his head. This wasn’t going the direction he wanted. “They’re fine. They’re kids. Messes come with the territory and they’re really good about cleaning up the best they can.” He held her hips and tried to get her t
o understand. “Do you ever think about staying here?”
Her smile dimmed. “I wasn’t planning on going anywhere.”
Mason shook his head. “No. I mean, do you see yourself living here. In this house. With me.”
Sierra’s hands clamped onto his arms. “We haven’t been together that long.”
“We’ve known each other since we were teens.”
“I know. But . . .”
“But what? We’re great together. The boys love it here. You love it here.”
Her head tilted back and she stared up at the ceiling. “I’m still dealing with the house up in Napa and figuring out what we’ll do next.”
“Fair enough.” He put one hand at the back of her neck and tilted her head back to look at him. “But have you considered making us more permanent and making this your home?”
The wobbly smile and nervous laugh gave him hope. “Mason, I would never presume to think that’s what you want.”
“That’s exactly what I want.” He squeezed her hips. “Have you thought about us long term?”
It took her a second to work up the courage to say, “Yes.” The shy smile bloomed into a pretty blush on her cheeks. “We’ve always been friends. At one time, I thought maybe we could be more. But that was a long time ago. Now that we are together, it’s . . .”
“What?”
“So much better than I imagined. We have this easy way about us. It’s like everything is as it should be. I find myself leaving here and wishing I was still with you. I can’t wait to see you every day. I think about you constantly.” She brushed her hands up his arms. “When I watch you with the boys . . .” Her eyes turned dreamy and so sincere. “You’re wonderful with them. They really love you. The longing and missing their father I always saw in their eyes has dissipated. Don’t get me wrong, they still miss him and wish he was here, but now they have you to do things with them and show them how to be good men when they grow up. You filled a void in their lives. And in mine, too.”
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