Sisters and Secrets

by Jennifer Ryan

“It seems it was a long time coming. Like it was inevitable. I can’t explain it.” Sierra checked to be sure Danny and Oliver were still upstairs with their cousins and out of earshot. “He told me he loves me.”

  Amy did the eye roll thing again. “Of course he loves you. He loved you when you were dating David.”

  That stopped Sierra’s heart and set off an alarm. Mason told her he had had feelings for her for a long time, but what did Amy know about it? “What are you talking about? We were friends, but there wasn’t anything romantic going on.”

  Amy held her hands up and let them drop. “I guess it doesn’t matter if you know now, but Mason told me one night before you got engaged to David when we were all out that he wanted to tell you how he felt about you.”

  Sierra put the pieces together. “And you told him not to say anything.”

  Amy shrugged. “You were with David.”

  Anger flashed inside her. She couldn’t believe Amy could be so callous about this. “Was this before or after I confided in you that I wasn’t sure a life with David was what I wanted?”

  “Before. After. What does it matter now?” The question sounded like a plea for Sierra to drop it.

  Maybe it didn’t matter now. Not after all this time. But still, she needed to know. “When did you tell him I didn’t have feelings for him?”

  “It wasn’t exactly like that. I just never told you he had feelings for you and made it clear that you and David were solid.”

  Her stomach dropped. “But you knew differently. I told you David and me, we were fine, but I felt like the relationship wasn’t as strong as it should be.”

  “You mean you felt like David loved you but wasn’t in love with you.”

  She didn’t remember saying it like that, but the description fit. Even now, looking back, it seemed exactly right.

  Amy shrugged. “Some people don’t get the love of their life.”

  “You did. Rex is crazy about you.”

  “Mason is crazy about you.”

  Sierra thought so, but appreciated that her sister saw it, too. “I’ve never been happier.”

  “Everyone has second thoughts when faced with the rest of their lives with one person. Sounds like with Mason, you don’t have any.” Amy tried to make her focus on now and not what happened then.

  Sierra wouldn’t let her get away with it. “Exactly. Yet you kept quiet about the fact that I had second thoughts about David because of my feelings for Mason and that Mason had feelings for me. Why?”

  “You picked David. It worked out fine. You had two kids and a good marriage. Now you’ve got Mason. It even looks like he’s been waiting for you all this time. Lucky you.” It didn’t sound like Amy was really happy for her.

  “What was it really, Amy? Why keep the secret?” She really wanted to understand why Amy would keep her and Mason apart for no reason.

  “Everything was always so easy for you. You had two great guys who wanted to be with you. David wanted to marry you. After years of just being friends, out of the blue, Mason decides he has feelings for you. While I believed him, I thought that maybe it was possible he didn’t want to lose you to his buddy, but he also didn’t want to give you what David offered: marriage, family, a good life. So I kept it to myself because I didn’t want to see you give up all those things I thought you wanted. You were ready for them. At the time, Mason was married to his job.”

  Sierra had to admit, that was true. Mostly. She still wondered, if given a chance, like they had now, would Mason have married her back then? Would they have been happy all this time?

  “He could have told you about his feelings no matter what I’d said back then. It’s clear now, the two of you are meant for each other. Is that because you’re both ready for each other now because you know what you don’t want?”

  Maybe.

  “I’m sorry if you think I purposely set out to hurt you. I didn’t.”

  Sierra wasn’t so sure about that. Amy could be selfish. “It’s hard for me to hear that maybe if I’d listened to my heart I’d have been happy with Mason all this time.” Maybe David would have been happier with someone else, too.

  And then she heard what she’d just said and sighed. “I don’t mean that.”

  She’d chosen David instead of going to Mason and telling him how she felt. She was responsible for her choices and her life.

  Amy touched her hand, trying to make amends for not telling her Mason had feelings for her. “You and David made a good life together. You had the boys. David’s death was a tragedy, but now you and Mason have a second chance at forever.”

  Exactly.

  This time, she’d go for what she wanted and not settle for anything less than a truly happy life.

  Amy traced her fingers along the gray lines in the marble countertop. She glanced at the front door for like the tenth time, her gaze turning worried as she waited for Rex to return.

  This talk with Rex was long overdue. With Amy’s ingrained need for everything to be perfect, she had to be worried about this going well and making sure she said and did the right thing to make this better. Despite still being a little pissed Amy kept things about Mason from her, Sierra covered her sister’s hand on the counter, stopping her nervous motions before she wore a hole in the stone. “You and Rex want to work this out, which means you will. He wants you to be happy, Amy. We all do.”

  “Don’t you think I want to be happy?”

  “I think you need to figure out what makes you happy now. Things change. What we thought we wanted before kids, after kids, at the beginning, somewhere in the middle, at the end, it’s not the same as when we started. Allow yourself to let go of what’s not working and find something that makes you feel fulfilled again.”

  “That seems easier said than done.”

  Sierra squeezed her sister’s hand. “Talk to Rex. Figure out what that looks like together.”

  Amy nodded, then met Sierra’s gaze. “I really am sorry. I should have told you what Mason confided in me. The truth is, I was jealous for no reason. You know I had a thing for him back in the day, but he never looked at me the way he looked at you.”

  “You mean the way Rex looks at you,” Sierra pointed out.

  Amy found a genuine smile.

  Sierra knew Amy’s other secret. “You would have preferred Rex and Mason both wanting you.”

  Amy always had to be the center of attention. She gave Sierra a mischievous grin. “I wouldn’t have hated it.”

  Sierra let it go. She didn’t want to fight with Amy or resent her for a past she couldn’t change.

  “How about you get Rex back and I’ll keep Mason and we both just be happy for each other?”

  Amy nodded, relief in her eyes. “Deal.” Though her eyes clouded with worry as she looked toward the front door again.

  “Kids! Let’s go.” Sierra picked up the tote bag by the front door that Amy had packed with sweatshirts and snacks for her kids. Just in case.

  No doubt Heather had everything the kids would need for dinner and a movie tonight.

  The four kids rushed down the stairs and headed for the front door just as Rex walked in. “Hey. What’s all this?”

  P.J. as the oldest led the way. “We’re going to Aunt Heather’s. Bye.” He hugged his dad and ran out the door.

  Emma followed up with a hug for her dad. “Bye.”

  Rex let Emma loose, gave Danny and Oliver a pat on the head as they passed, then focused on Amy. “You’re taking the kids over to your sister’s?”

  Amy held her hands clasped together in front of her. “Sierra’s taking them for a couple of hours so we can talk.”

  Rex stared at his wife for one long moment, then turned to Sierra. “No Mason tonight?”

  “He’s got dinner with a client.”

  “He told me he’s head over heels for you.”

  “I feel the same way.”

  “Good for you guys. I hope it works out.”

  “Thank you, Rex. With everything that’s
happened over the last year, it’s nice to have something good in my life. He makes me happy.”

  “You deserve it.”

  “Are we going or what?” Danny yelled from the porch.

  “And that’s my cue to get going.”

  Amy hugged her and held on for an extra moment before Sierra headed to the door.

  Rex gave her a quick hug. “Thanks for taking the kids.”

  “No problem.” She turned to Amy. “I’ll have them back at nine.”

  Rex walked into the kitchen to get something out of the fridge. With his back turned to them, Sierra mouthed, You’ve got this, to Amy, gave her a big thumbs-up, and headed out the door to take four little rascals to dinner.

  She hoped Mason’s investigator helped her resolve her issue with her deceased husband and she could let the past go and move on.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  It took ten minutes to get all the kids to agree on a movie, but Heather and Sierra got them settled in Heather’s big bed.

  Hallee’s eyes drooped as sleep crept in, but she fought to stay awake. Heather would come back in ten minutes and move her to her crib. For now, she let her daughter hang with the big kids. She looked adorable tucked up against Oliver’s side as he lay on his back, one knee bent, his other leg crossed over it, swinging.

  Danny and P.J. lay down the center, their heads at the foot of the bed. Emma lay across from Hallee and Oliver, with her own little bowl of plain popcorn because she didn’t like it salty or drenched in butter.

  Sierra tapped Heather’s shoulder. “Adult beverages in the kitchen.”

  Heather stared at all the kids. “Look at them. We need to do this more often.”

  “So long as you don’t mind washing melted butter off your bedspread and sleeping in popcorn crumbs, sure. Let’s do this again.” Sierra chuckled, but the nostalgia and joy in her eyes said she loved the sweet scene just as much as Heather did.

  “We used to crawl in Mom’s bed together and watch movies.”

  “It’s been a minute since we did that.” Sierra cocked her head and narrowed her eyes. “Is that a Metallica T-shirt sticking out under your pillow?”

  “Yeah. David turned me on to them. Remember?”

  Sierra’s eyes went soft. “He loved them. I surprised him for his thirtieth birthday with tickets. We drove to San Francisco to see them play with the symphony. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile so wide or enjoy something so much.” Sierra stared at the shirt for a long moment, nostalgia and sorrow in her eyes before she turned and headed down the hall, her head downcast.

  Heather sympathized with her sister. David left a hole in all their hearts. Deeper in some of them.

  She took in her little girl one last time, so happy to be included and trying so hard to keep her eyes open, then followed her sister to the kitchen.

  Sierra handed her half a glass of wine, because kids.

  Heather clinked her glass against Sierra’s. “To late-night movies with the ones you love.”

  Sierra sipped, then turned solemn. “The boys slept in my bed for a month after David died. I’d turn on a happy cartoon to chase away their sadness. Some nights, we’d all talk like Scooby-Doo and laugh. Other nights, we sat quietly and just let the tears fall and held each other. I can’t tell you how it heals my heart to see them in there with their cousins happy and laughing. They’ll remember nights like these just like I remember you, me, and Amy sleeping in our blanket forts trying to scare each other with wild ghost stories.”

  “You used to scare the pants off Amy with Franny Fright.”

  Sierra busted up laughing. “One of my best stories.”

  “I hope you haven’t told the boys that one.”

  Sierra shook her head. “The ones I told you and Amy were far too scary for them. Instead, I made up cute little rhymes about Franny as a mischievous witch. Maybe when they’re older I’ll tell them the really scary ones. I’ll be sure Amy is around when I do.” The devilish smile died quickly.

  Heather read the heavy sorrow her sister carried. “How are you doing? Today is so hard.”

  Sierra took a seat at the table and stared into her wine. “I can’t believe David has been gone a whole year. It seems my every other thought this past week has been about this day. I knew it was coming, and still, I find myself unprepared to deal with my thoughts and feelings. I miss him. I’m angry he’s gone. I wish he was here to see how much the boys have grown. I think about what he’s missing all the time. It goes by so fast.”

  “I know what you mean. Sometimes I look at Hallee and I feel like I can see her growing right before my eyes. She does so many new things, all faster than I can really take them in, and I think if I don’t pay attention, I’ll miss it myself.” Her father missed it all. Heather wished she could change that, but it was impossible. It wasn’t all Hallee’s father’s fault. Heather took the blame for her bad decisions and regretted all the way to her soul that Hallee paid the price.

  But she hoped to find a good man to love them. Someone who would love being Hallee’s dad. She thought about Mason. She hadn’t really stopped thinking about him. But being a single, working mom left little time to pursue a guy who didn’t even know she was interested in him.

  “I can’t believe it’s been a year. I can’t believe we lost the house, everything of his, and we started a whole new life here.”

  “Maybe, in some ways, it’s better that way. A fresh start for you and the kids. From what you said over dinner, you love your new job and the kids are settling in at school. You said they seem really happy here.”

  “They are. Part of that comes from being around family. They love it when Mom wakes them up with tickles in the morning. Riding the horses has really given them a sense of accomplishment and confidence.”

  That was interesting. “So they spend a lot of time with Mason.”

  “Several nights a week if Mason doesn’t have any late-night meetings. He loves having the boys over. His horses like the exercise. Danny is in love with this mare named Goose.”

  The name made Heather smile. “After the bird or Top Gun?”

  Sierra chuckled. “I’ll have to ask Mason.”

  “I bet Hallee would love to see the horses.”

  “You should bring her over tomorrow afternoon. Mason takes the boys riding after lunch on the weekends.”

  “Do you think he’d mind if I just showed up?”

  Sierra waved that away. “Not at all. We’ll all be there.”

  “So it’s like old times. You and Mason picked up where you left off.” She’d always thought it weird that her sister was better friends with Mason than most of the girls she went to school with.

  “In a lot of ways, it seems that way. He’s been so great with the boys. They’ve really come out of their shells around him. I can see how much they miss their dad and Mason is so good about being that guy in their lives who teaches them things and shows them how to be a good man. They need that. They love him.”

  “I wonder if he thinks about getting married and having kids.”

  Sierra picked up her wine glass and said over the rim, “He’s hinted at it,” before taking a sip.

  “I wonder why he and his fiancée broke things off.”

  Sierra shrugged. “People break up for lots of reasons. Mason’s been career oriented for a long time. He wanted the relationship to work, but in the end his feelings weren’t deep enough. Relationships only work when both people put everything into it. I’m sure you know how that goes.” Sierra set her glass back on the table. “Any hope for you and Hallee’s dad getting back together?”

  Heather gave her the truth. “At one time, I dreamed it could all work out. He’d marry me. We’d raise Hallee together and be happy that we had each other. But . . .”

  Sierra’s hand covered hers on the table and Heather swallowed the lump in her throat. “But what? What happened? Why doesn’t he visit you and Hallee? Why isn’t he in her life?”

  Everyone always wanted to know
who he was, not why he wasn’t here. The why tore her apart. “Not everyone gets to keep the love of their life.” She was never meant to have Hallee or her father. But she’d loved him with her whole heart and didn’t regret the time they shared, only the consequences.

  Sierra sat back in her seat. “I’m sorry you lost him, Heather.”

  They sat quietly, both of them thinking about what they’d lost, the pain and sadness a match, though they’d experienced it all in different ways.

  Heather had to live with the choices she’d made, taking what she wanted when she knew it would be impossible to keep and cause so much pain despite the unbelievable joy and love she’d felt and the wonderful gift she’d gotten out of it.

  She’d been selfish.

  She’d loved and lost and had no one to blame but herself for how it ended. She didn’t know heartbreak could hurt this much and cut so deeply.

  Tears glistened in her eyes but she didn’t let them fall. She didn’t expect Sierra to comfort her. Not today. Not on the day she’d lost her husband, the boys’ father, the man she thought she’d spend the rest of her life with and had to learn to live without.

  Heather understood that kind of pain and wouldn’t make this about her.

  She didn’t deserve that selfish indulgence.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Amy couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this nervous about talking to her husband. If she didn’t get this right, it could mean the end of them, their marriage, the family their children knew.

  The urgency of the situation tied her stomach in knots.

  She and Rex needed to fix this. Now.

  Amy needed to be brave and figure out what she really wanted.

  Rex sat at the counter with a glass of water, the gold band on his left hand softly tapping against the glass. He did that all the time. The habit sometimes drove her crazy.

  Every tap seemed to mark another second of silence.

  So she started. “I don’t like the way we’ve been treating each other lately.”

  He shifted on the stool and stared at her over his shoulder but didn’t say a word.

  She moved into the kitchen and stood across from him. “I try so hard to make everything perfect for this family.”