“I see it in everything you do, Mason. I let my anger get the better of me earlier despite the fact you’d made it clear you had news for me about David.”
“Does this mean we’re still together, that you’re not going to leave me?”
She placed her hands on his wrists and leaned into his palm. “I don’t want to lose you. You and the boys are the only good things I have in my life. I love you.” She did. And she trusted Mason. “But I don’t know what comes next with all this.”
“I want to help you through it. I’m here for whatever you need.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“I appreciate that.” Unable to look him in the eye and say the next part, she stared at his chest. “I’m just not sure that I can stay here and see Heather and Hallee and not tear open this wound every time I do.”
He nudged her face up so she’d look at him. “Don’t let her take away your happiness again. If you leave, and we can’t be together, I don’t know . . . somehow it feels like she wins.”
That was the last thing Sierra wanted.
“But if you truly can’t live here, then I’ll go wherever you want to go.”
Stunned by his words, she met his gaze with her wide-eyed one. “Mason. You can’t leave your home and your law practice for me.”
“Why not? I love you. What good is a job and a home if you aren’t with me and I’m alone and unhappy?”
They’d wasted a lot of time trying to build a life without each other, always feeling like something was off or not quite right. They were missing each other and the deep, true love they shared. She didn’t want to let go of the way she felt right here, right now, standing with the man who not only would say he’d give up everything to be with her, but meant it.
“Ever since you came back, I spend my days desperate to see you. I think about you all day, to the point I’m distracted on calls and in meetings and people think I’ve lost my mind. I have. And my heart. Over you. I think about the life we could have together. I think about the boys growing up at the ranch with the horses. I think about us being a family and you and I having more kids.”
“Kids?”
“One. At least. Two if you’re up for it. However many you want. You can quit your job and be with the kids. Or keep your job. Cut your hours. Take a different job. I don’t care. Settle all this other stuff the best you can and be happy with me.”
She knew it wouldn’t be easy to live with what happened, but she’d find a way, so she could be happy with him. “Okay.”
“Really?” Genuine surprise filled his voice. “I thought I’d have to do a hell of a lot more convincing.”
“Why? No one has ever loved me the way you do. I want the boys to grow up with a man like you to look up to. I want a husband who thinks my happiness is the most important thing in the world. I want to show you that the love you give me is appreciated by loving you the same way. I want to be ridiculously happy. And maybe part of being happy is letting go of the past and the people who have hurt me.”
“I’m not sure you’ll really be happy without your sister in your life.”
“I don’t know if I’m capable of forgiving her. I know I’ll never trust her again.”
Mason frowned. “Are we good?”
“Yes. When I got home tonight, my emotions were raw and all over the place. I was angry and hurt and just a mess. But I pulled into the drive and saw your truck, and though I didn’t want to feel anything, a spark of joy burst because you came to see me even after I ignored you. You didn’t give up.”
“Never.”
“Then I saw you with the boys and it was so obvious that you love them. You owned up to what happened and told me the truth about what you knew even though you didn’t want to paint a picture of how my husband and sister betrayed me right here at my home, right under my nose, even though I knew they’d been together.”
Mason rubbed his hands up and down her arms. “It makes it harder and more real to know the details.”
“Yes, it does. It’s all part of the same betrayal. I can’t escape what happened or how it’s changed my perspective of the past and how I feel about David, our marriage, and my sister. Nothing is the same. I’ll need time to come to terms with all of it. But I don’t need time to evaluate how I feel about you. That is so clear in my mind and heart. David’s death, the fire, they’ve taught me that time is precious. I don’t want to waste any more of it or give anyone else a chance to interfere in our lives again. I love you. I want to build a life with you. I won’t let anything or anyone come between us again.”
“Then let’s make it happen.”
“Okay.” She didn’t hesitate to go after what she wanted.
Mason stared down at her with a smile that lightened her heart when she thought nothing would today. “Okay. Where do you want to start?”
“I could really use a hug.”
“Come here, sweetheart.” Mason pulled her in to his chest and held her close.
She slipped her hands around his sides to his back and hugged him close.
“Best thing that’s happened all day.” Mason kissed her on the head.
She loved that he tried to make her focus on the good. Right now, she had the best in her arms. And she wouldn’t let him go, not for anything.
“It’s late. You’ve had a hell of a day. You must be tired. I don’t want to let you go, but . . .”
“Don’t.” She leaned back and stared up at him. “I don’t want to lie in bed alone all night with my head spinning.”
“Come home with me. I’ll hold on to you.” That’s exactly what she wanted him to say and do. “I’ll make sure you’re up and home before the boys wake up. Tomorrow, we’ll figure out the rest.”
“As long as it begins and ends with you and me, I think we’ll be okay.”
Mason kissed her softly. “My whole world begins and ends with you.”
That beautiful statement wiped away any and all lingering doubts trying to creep in and spoil this reconciliation. Sierra let all the bad get washed away by the wave of love she felt for him.
She’d have to deal with what she knew about David and Heather, but she didn’t have to do it alone. Mason would stand beside her. He’d hold her when she needed it. He’d love her through the bad and fill her up with nothing but good.
If he could do that for her today of all days, she bet he’d have no problem making her happy and feel like she was wanted and needed like she did right now every day for the rest of their lives.
She didn’t want much, but she refused to live another day without love and trust.
Mason made her feel safe.
He had her back.
He’d lift her up when she was down just like he’d done for her today with his open honesty and heartwarming love.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Heather stood next to the stove in the late-morning light lost in thought until the high-pitched whistle of the teakettle broke into her reverie. That’s when she realized the other sound she heard was someone pounding on the front door.
She turned off the stove and headed for the loud knocks, ready to send whoever it was on their way.
Her mother stood on the stoop, dark circles under her bloodshot eyes. She’d pulled her silver-streaked brown hair back into a sleek bun, which had the effect of making her look even more tired. “If you slam that door on me, you will regret it.”
Heather checked the urge to close the door on the inevitable scolding and refrained from rolling her eyes. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be home judging me?”
Dede brushed right past her and stood in the living room. “After what you’ve done, you deserve a good talking to from your mother.” She glanced into Hallee’s room. “Where is she?”
“Day care. I needed some time alone.”
“I bet. Your sister is really angry. I taught you better than this.”
This time, Heather did roll her eyes. “Please. Four husbands. Don’t tell me you never strayed.” Their l
ives growing up had been a revolving door of men coming and going. Dede tried to be discreet with the dating, but they knew what was going on.
“When I was done, I left. I never cheated. I never went after someone who wasn’t available. David wasn’t free to love you. He had a wife and a family. He was bound to them. No matter how it happened, you knew that and you participated in ruining that marriage.”
That hurt, but deep down Heather knew it was true.
“He degraded you. He made you his dirty secret, knowing you two would never really end up together, not with so much standing in your way.”
Harsh!
“And you went along with it.”
Because I loved him. I thought the time we had together would be enough.
Heather had dreamed about the beautiful life they’d share raising Hallee, knowing it was only a figment of her imagination. Nothing but wishful thinking.
She’d worked so hard to suppress her feelings about Sierra’s family, so she could wallow in their love.
Naïve. Stupid. Callous. Scared. Selfish.
She called herself all those things and more. She knew it couldn’t last forever, but she never expected things to end with David’s death.
“You were the other woman. Not his woman.”
Her heart ached knowing that was true, too.
“You don’t know what we had.” No one understood how David made her feel, what they shared when they were together.
“Sex isn’t love, Heather. It’s a thrill. It’s temporary.”
She knew that all too well. Because the second David walked out the door and went back to Sierra, she felt his absence. All the wonderful feelings inside her dissipated and she wondered if he’d be back. Did he care? Did he really love her? Was the regret in his eyes because he had to go or because he hated himself for cheating on his wife?
“David was married to Sierra. That’s a bond not easily broken.”
Heather had felt it. Though David was with her, in the back of his mind he was thinking about Sierra. He worried about what would happen if they got caught. He feared losing his boys.
“He had no trouble breaking his vows.” That wasn’t exactly true. After that first time, she had to push. Every time she asked him to come visit, she had to coax and tempt him. But still he came to her every time.
She’d felt a sense of power in that.
He’d been drawn to her. But he’d also been pulled back by Sierra and the boys.
“So it’s true. You went after him like you did with Mason.”
She resented how that made her sound. “It wasn’t like that with either of them. I didn’t know about Mason and Sierra. And David and I had a connection.” It had been fragile and tenuous. She’d been careful to never give David an ultimatum because she feared he’d choose his life with Sierra and the boys. Where would that leave her and Hallee?
Exactly where they were now. Alone.
Her mom shook her head in dismay. “Maybe there was something good between you. I hope David didn’t betray his wife and children for nothing. But you can’t honestly believe the relationship could hold up to a divorce and the two of you being together after you both destroyed your relationship with Sierra. Did you think she’d happily allow the boys’ visitation with their father here with you, the woman who stole her husband and tore her family apart? What do you think the boys would think of you? Of their father? How would they deal with seeing their mother upset and sad and hurt?”
“I never dreamed things would go so far. Hallee was a surprise and a blessing I never expected. The relationship became so much bigger than David and me. But none of that matters now. He’s dead. We’ll never be together again.”
“It matters a hell of a lot to Sierra. It will matter to those boys and Hallee when they learn the truth. Maybe you can delude yourself into thinking it all ended with David’s death, but it didn’t.”
“I don’t think that. I’m just saying that I don’t get to be with him anymore. He’s gone. Sierra got all the sympathy when he died, but I lost him, too. I loved him. I grieve for him. Hallee will never know her father. She won’t have a single memory of him. The boys will. Sierra does. But I’m not allowed to have my feelings or express my grief or even share my memories with anyone.”
“Whose fault is that?” The snap in her mother’s tone conveyed her anger all too well.
“It’s my fault. And David’s.” She wasn’t the only one who did the wrong thing. “We did this.” She combed her fingers through her hair and pushed the wild waves back. It made her momentarily think of the way David would do the same thing a second before he kissed her with a passion and desperation she’d never felt with anyone.
She didn’t know why he went behind Sierra’s back. She didn’t care. She had just wanted him. If she could give him what Sierra couldn’t, it somehow made her feel like she was the better woman for him.
But he’d never chosen her over Sierra. Not in a permanent way.
When she asked him when they’d finally be together, he changed the subject, distracted her with sex, or simply said he needed more time to figure out a way to tell Sierra that didn’t mean he’d lose his boys.
But that was never going to happen.
Revealing their relationship meant the destruction of others.
And now that’s exactly what happened.
Sierra hated her. Her mother was disappointed and angry with her. When Amy found out, she’d take Sierra’s side. Mason had looked at her with such contempt she still felt the impact of it even now.
Heather folded her arms around her middle, wishing her mother understood. “I never meant to hurt Sierra. I didn’t want to break up her marriage. I only saw that David was unhappy.” She reconsidered. “He was restless. I felt the same way. None of my dates ever gave me the spark I felt when I was with David. He was kind and funny and paid attention to me. We kept it friendly at first, but I wanted more. And then all of a sudden, teasing turned to serious flirting and the line blurred until I couldn’t see it and I found myself in David’s arms. I thought I’d get everything I wanted.”
“You thought you’d get what your sisters had. A loving husband. Children. A home.”
As shameful and deluded as it was, Heather had allowed herself to think that sometimes. “I wanted all those things.”
“Well, you got them. Of course, the husband belonged to someone else. The child didn’t have a full-time father. And the home didn’t include you all happily living together.”
“Right. I got what I deserved. Believe me, I know. The guilt eats at me every day. But Hallee doesn’t deserve to pay for my mistakes.”
“She suffered from day one. It was always going to end this way. You had to know that. Or were you okay giving up your family for a man who’d cheat on his wife?”
She hated that her mom put it that way, but reality slapped her in the face.
Dede didn’t wait for an answer Heather didn’t really have. “Do you think David would have felt that way? That he didn’t care what Sierra, his boys, the rest of the family thought about what you two had done?”
“Obviously he cared. He didn’t leave her. He tried so hard to hide what we’d done.”
Dede’s head tilted to the side. “Did you two stop seeing each other before he died?”
Damn. She hadn’t meant to let that slip.
“When I told him I was pregnant . . .”
Dede nodded, filling in the blanks. “Reality hit. He couldn’t hide what you’d done anymore. He knew it would eventually come out. He stopped sleeping with you.”
Raw pain pinched her heart. “Yes. He said he couldn’t do it anymore. He promised to support us, but all the love and affection disappeared. When he looked at me, it was like he regretted every second of our time together.” And it broke her heart even now to remember it.
“Guilt is a heavy burden. He wronged Sierra, his boys, even you. And you willingly participated with him. You could put Sierra out of your mind, but he couldn’t.
Not when he had to go home and face her and his children and their life.” Dede frowned. “Didn’t you see the toll your affair was taking on him?”
“Yes. Of course I did. I told him everything would be okay. That he didn’t have to stay with Sierra if he wasn’t happy.”
“But he didn’t leave her. What ate away at David was that he wanted things to work out with her, right?”
She pressed her lips tight, not wanting to confirm it. Not wanting to feel the hurt that he wanted Sierra more than he wanted her.
“There was no way to fix things. Once she found out about us, she’d leave him.”
“And you’d be there to pick up the pieces. I’m surprised you didn’t tell her yourself.” Her mom leveled the accusation with such conviction.
Heather glanced out the window at the blooming flowers, not feeling as cheerful as them by a long shot.
“You thought about it,” her mother answered for her. “Wow. How selfish can you be?”
Very.
But it didn’t mean she didn’t feel for Sierra, that she didn’t feel guilty and rotten about herself for what she’d done. It didn’t mean she didn’t regret her choices at the same time she cherished her memories of David and that she got Hallee.
“Why does she get everything and I’m left with nothing?”
“Nothing? You have this house. You have Hallee. What have you left Sierra with? A cheating husband. Questions about how he really felt about her and their marriage. She can’t even grieve the man she loved because of his betrayals. She has to put on a good front for the boys. She has to preserve his memory for them because she doesn’t want her children to know what a bastard their father was to their mother. She has to find a way to tell them they have a sister. That means a talk about how their father had sex with her sister and produced a child. Can you imagine?”
Yes. Because she’d have to have that same discussion with her daughter someday.
“She has to face the whispers and stares from others when they find out the children are all siblings and that her husband cheated on her with her sister.”
“I’m the one who will get the worst of that.”
Sisters and Secrets Page 23