The Gin Lover's Guide to Dating: A sparkling and hilarious feel good romantic comedy

by Nina Kaye

  ‘Right.’ I nod. ‘Of course. I understand. Well, I’ll leave you to enjoy your night.’

  I don’t wait for an answer. I simply walk off and return to the bar, my misery having reached a new low. As I pick up some dirty glasses from the bar counter and put them in the glass washer, I look up and see Anya scuttling back to the group, and towards Tom, who listens to her intently. Fleeting glances flash from both of them in my direction. Tom then leans in confidentially to the rest of the group and they all finish their drinks quickly and get up to leave. As they file down the steps and out of the bar, they each nod politely, saying their goodbyes.

  All, that is, apart from Anya, Tom and Stella, who avoid eye contact. Sharon is last down the steps, and as she passes me, she can’t help having one last dig.

  ‘Good luck with the new job, Liv.’ It’s clear she’s referring to my current predicament, rather than my fictitious communications role.

  Her callousness is razor sharp. For the first time in decades, I feel tears start to prick at my eyes. I blink them back furiously.

  ‘Good. The second beast is gone.’ Reyes joins me behind the bar a few minutes later with a tray of empty glasses from another table. ‘Are you OK, Chica?’

  ‘You know what, Reyes?’ I sigh in defeat. ‘I honestly don’t know if I am. I can’t do this anymore. I’m losing myself, and I can’t bear it. I’m going to go and tell Aaron that I’m quitting.’

  ‘Liv, you can’t.’ Amir, who has just joined us, looks at me in alarm. ‘Don’t let those bastards win. Don’t let the beast win. They’re not worth it. You’re better than all of them – put together.’

  ‘He is correct. Please do not leave, Chica.’ Reyes pleads with me.

  ‘Sleep on it, at least.’ Amir squeezes my shoulder.

  ‘Sleep on what?’ a voice intrudes on our little triangle.

  We turn to see Aaron standing behind us. He’s eyeing us curiously.

  ‘Aaron… good timing.’ I sigh again. ‘I need to talk to you about—’

  ‘The gin distillery visit next month.’ Amir cuts me off and gives me a warning look. ‘We were just discussing the visit Reyes and I are going on. We thought that it might be good for Liv to come too. Help her build up her knowledge. Because she’s not expecting to work here for long, she doesn’t want to waste the hotel’s money, but I said she should sleep on it before making a final decision. Right, Liv?’

  Reyes gives my hand a little squeeze, urging me to play along. I can’t bear to let them down; not tonight anyway. I’ll discreetly hand in my notice tomorrow, when they’re not around.

  ‘Yeah, that was it.’ I try, and fail, to hold Aaron’s gaze. ‘Just don’t want you investing in me when I won’t be around for long.’

  ‘Really.’ Aaron’s eyes narrow as he scrutinises us one by one, obviously unconvinced.

  ‘Yes, Mister Gardiner.’ Reyes nods affirmatively. ‘This is true. We think this will be good for Liv also.’

  Aaron watches us intently, but we stand firm, sticking to our story.

  ‘In that case, I agree,’ says Aaron. ‘Liv, you will join the gin distillery visit. And as you’re doing that, you may as well complete the formal hotel staff training programme. That will keep you out of trouble.’

  I blanch. For a second, I wonder if Clara’s been reporting back to him, then I realise he’s just being his usual graceless self.

  ‘OK… thanks, Aaron.’ I’m unsure what to say. ‘That’s… great.’

  ‘What I actually came down to say to you motley crew…’ Aaron’s still regarding us with a thread of suspicion ‘…was that, as it’s quiet, you can all get off early. I’ll ask Clara and one of the staff from The Library bar to cover till close.’

  I look at my watch and see that it’s only 10.30 p.m. The thought of an early night has never been more appealing.

  ‘Mister Gardiner,’ Reyes gushes, ‘this is very generous of you. Muchas gracias.’

  Not knowing how to respond to this outpouring of gratitude, Aaron gives Reyes an awkward nod.

  ‘You can put your timesheets through for the usual time,’ he says over his shoulder, already on his way out the bar.

  As soon as he’s gone, Reyes turns to me.

  ‘Now, Chica. We are going to solve this. Tonight. Amir, you are in?’

  ‘Sure am.’ Amir gives Reyes a knowing wink.

  ‘We go to the pub,’ Reyes commands.

  ‘What? No, Reyes.’ I protest. ‘I appreciate the gesture, but I’m so tired. I just want to curl up in bed, and forget about everything.’

  ‘Which is exactly why you must not do this.’ Reyes faces me straight on, grabbing me by the tops of my arms and shaking me slightly. ‘You must not forget. You must feel this pain; and then you must discard it. We will do this with alcohol, with talking and with laughter.’

  ‘I know she talks nonsense, generally.’ Amir earns himself a dirty look from Reyes. ‘But I have to agree with her. You need to deal with this, otherwise it’s going to destroy you. Plus, we need a chance to convince you to stay, before you sneak in here and resign tomorrow without either of us knowing.’

  ‘You’re good.’ I give Amir a look of resignation.

  ‘The very best.’ He gives me a wink.

  ‘Well, things can’t get much worse.’ I shrug. ‘I guess it can’t do any more harm to drown my sorrows: given that I have failed in my career, and now I have no friends either.’

  ‘This is not true, Chica,’ Reyes scolds me. ‘I tell you when you start, that we are amigas, yes?’

  ‘Umm… yes, but I thought you were just being nice.’

  ‘Nah, Liv.’ Amir shakes his head. ‘Reyes doesn’t pretend to be friends with anyone. She’s one straight-talking beeatch.’

  ‘I am this,’ Reyes agrees enthusiastically.

  ‘And you can add another friend to that list too.’ Amir pulls me in for a hug. ‘Truly. We’re the real deal. Not like those arseholes that were in here earlier.’

  ‘Thanks guys.’ I blink furiously as I feel my eyes start to sting again. ‘I think I believe you already. In all the time I’ve known that lot, I’ve never had a conversation like this with any one of them.’

  ‘So, forget them. They’re yesterday’s news.’ Amir grins at me. ‘Now let’s get out of here and get juiced up.’

  Chapter 12

  Half an hour later, we’ve decamped to a nearby pub, just off Mayfield Road – a low-key traditional-style Scottish drinking den. Although it couldn’t be more different from my usual haunts, it’s actually quite comforting and appealing tonight. It has rough stone walls, a huge open fireplace sporting a welcoming warm amber glow, and a small wooden bar that’s crammed, primarily, with malt whiskies.

  The bar staff greet Reyes and Amir like old friends, adding to the homely feel of the place. From their chat, I can tell this is obviously the ‘local’ of the staff from the hotel. Reyes buys a round of drinks, and we take a seat at a wooden table near the fireplace.

  ‘How are you doing, Chica?’ she asks me, while taking a first sip from her pint.

  ‘I’m not sure how to even begin to answer that.’ I sigh, my head in my hands.

  ‘You have been hiding secrets, yes?’

  I look up. At first, I’m unsure how to take Reyes’s question, my ego and sense of judgement now so battered I almost slip again into defensive mode. Thankfully, my logical faculties are still intact. I study Reyes and Amir’s concerned faces, and realise this is just a language thing: the true meaning of her words having been lost in translation.

  ‘Yes…’ I let out another monumental sigh. ‘I guess I have, to protect my pride and my dignity.’

  ‘Tell us about it, Liv,’ Amir encourages me. ‘I know that might be hard. You haven’t known us for very long. And judging by the company you’ve been keeping, I suspect trust is probably a bit alien to you just now. But please, trust us. We have no ulterior motives. We’re just concerned friends.’

  Amir’s words flood over me like a warm, comfy
blanket. I so badly want to share, after everything that’s gone on. His comments about trust are so accurate: I have had far too much faith in my ‘friends’ from McArthur Cohen. But I also held quite a lot of myself back, for fear of being judged, of not fitting in, of being rejected. Deep down, I probably sensed that it wasn’t real friendship, but I never allowed those thoughts to the surface. The way Anya could ‘forget’ to include me in things, the way Stella would evade me when things got uncomfortable, the way the group operated generally. None of it suggested true lifelong friendships, but I clung on, because it was a world I so badly wanted to be part of.

  ‘Liv?’ Amir prompts me.

  ‘Oh… err… sorry.’ I drag myself back to the present. ‘Was just distracted by something you said.’

  ‘I understand.’ Amir smiles at me sympathetically. ‘Obviously, you don’t have to tell us anything at all. But if you want to, we’re here, we’re listening and we have your back – one hundred per cent. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s absolutely fine. We can talk about what’s going on with Reyes’s make-up instead.’

  ‘What is with my make-up?’ Reyes’s hands fly up to her face in alarm; she starts rubbing outwards from her under-eyes with her index fingers. ‘It is my eyeliner, yes? It is OK now?’

  ‘See, that could be a fun conversation instead.’ Amir gives me a wink.

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with your make-up.’ I put Reyes out of her misery. ‘He’s just winding you up.’

  Reyes turns on Amir in indignation.

  ‘Amir! What do I tell you? You are not funny. You are just a little man.’

  ‘Thanks for stating the obvious.’ Amir chuckles.

  I glance from Amir to Reyes in amusement, able – for a brief moment – to forget my woes, and just be thoroughly entertained by how they spark off each other. It’s hard not to be drawn to their humour and warmth, and most of all, their openness. This creates an inner conflict for me. On one hand, my damaged ego is protesting: urging me to retreat into the emotionless robotic persona I’ve used to protect myself for so long. But, my overriding instinct – like I’ve never felt before – is to trust these two people, and to share my pain and shame.

  ‘How about I do you a deal,’ I say to Amir. ‘You stop tormenting Reyes, and I’ll tell you what’s been going on.’

  ‘Deal. No question.’ Amir’s attention is immediately fixed on me, the mischievous glint in his eye melting again into an empathetic and encouraging concern. ‘So, what’s been going on?’

  ‘Yes, Chica, please talk with us,’ says Reyes.

  ‘OK…’

  I pause and take a deep breath, alongside a deep satisfying swig of my gin and tonic, which Amir has clearly ordered as a double to help me get through this. The sharpness of the liquid on my taste buds is like a catalyst for action. It’s time to talk.

  ‘So, as you’ve clearly figured out from the events of this evening,’ I say. ‘I was in quite a different job before. Just several months ago. I was doing really well. I had my whole career mapped out. I was unstoppable… or so I thought…’

  I relay the whole story: the sudden loss of my job; the way Sharon treated me; the string of unsuccessful interviews; the story I fabricated about having an amazing new job; meeting Aaron and reluctantly taking on the bar job; even my financial woes. They simply listen quietly; respecting the silence when I falter and encouraging me when I manage to get going again. As I talk, I’m acutely aware of Dylan’s words…

  ‘If you’re not careful you’re gonna turn into a right snob.’

  I search Reyes and Amir’s faces nervously, wondering if that’s what they’ll think of me. Now that they know the full story, will they consider me to be just like my ex-colleagues? I’ve told them that I loved that world I was part of; that I think bar work is below me – the job that they both do. Why wouldn’t they think I was a snob? I’m starting to wonder that myself.

  I sit back, emotionally drained, and take another long swig of my drink. I’m relieved to have been able to talk openly to someone other than Dylan, but I’m anxious about the reaction I’ll get. The wait, although only seconds long, feels long and heavy.

  Amir is the first to speak.

  ‘That’s one hell of a roller coaster you’ve been on in the last few months, Liv. I’m not surprised you feel the way you do. That’s enough to blow a bloody great hole in anyone’s confidence; though not everyone would be big enough to admit it.’

  ‘I am agreeing with Amir.’ Reyes nods decisively. ‘This is very difficult time for you. You do not have family to help you?’

  ‘No. I don’t have a relationship with my mum, and…’ I hesitate, realising that although I’m opening up, I definitely don’t want to go down this route. ‘I just… I feel like a total failure.’

  ‘Why do you feel this?’ Reyes asks.

  ‘Because I’ve failed. Simple as that.’ I look at her as if this is obvious. ‘I was basically sacked, I can’t get a new job, and my ex-colleagues think I’m a loser.’

  ‘No way are you a loser.’ Amir shakes his head in rejection of my statement. ‘Look at what you’ve achieved in your life. Way more than me, that’s for sure. You’ll get back on track. You just need to rebuild your confidence.’

  ‘How do I do that?’ I massage my temples wearily.

  ‘I know how you can do this.’ Reyes touches my arm. ‘You must care about more than work – and money. You must not let other people decide if you have success. You must create your success. Not just from work and money. Why do you think that only work and money are important?’

  ‘I… err… because…’ I stumble to reply.

  ‘You’ll no’ fit in, so don’t bother yer backside tryin’.’

  I try to push the unwelcome inner criticism away, unwilling to share the depths of my inner dysfunction with my new friends.

  ‘I…err… guess… it must have been drilled into us in school.’

  ‘Then, this school is as useful as chocolate in a teapot.’ Reyes throws her arms up in frustration.

  ‘You mean: as useful as a chocolate teapot,’ Amir corrects her.

  ‘That is what I say, Amir.’ Reyes throws him a sideways look. ‘Why you always repeat me?’

  I share an amused smile with Amir, who just shrugs, shaking his head.

  ‘Chica.’ Reyes takes my hands and looks me straight in the eye. ‘You must find something more in your life. You must live for more than work and money. And you must understand how important friends are. Real friends. You should not be alone with this.’

  ‘I’ve not been completely alone,’ I say. ‘There’s a guy I know; I went to school with him. He… well, he sort of hangs around. Does the tough-love approach. That’s quite hard to stomach sometimes, though.’

  ‘He is stalking you?’ Reyes looks at me with consternation.

  ‘If he is, I can have him dealt with.’ Amir sits up in his seat boldly.

  ‘Little man. Please.’ Reyes laughs loudly, causing me to choke on my drink in amusement. ‘I will be dealing with this stalker better than you.’

  ‘All right.’ Amir puts on a mock-offended tone. ‘Just one height-related joke per night please. You’ll give me a complex.’

  ‘No, sorry, you both misunderstand me.’ I put my hand up, trying to control my giggles. ‘He’s not an actual stalker. He’s just… someone from my past who never went away.’

  Just as I say this, my phone starts to ring. Wondering who could possibly be calling me at 11.15 p.m., I pull my phone out of my handbag. As if he’s psychic – it’s Dylan. I consider ignoring the call, but then think better of it.

  ‘Dylan, hi. Everything OK?’

  ‘Where are you?’ he asks, in place of a greeting.

  ‘I’m in the pub with my workmates from the hotel. Why? Is everything all right?’

  ‘I came to your bar to see you, but some silly cow with a poker up her arse looked me up and down, and said you’d finished early.’

  ‘You met Clara then.’
I smile gravely.

  ‘She’s a right piece of work,’ Dylan complains. ‘You weren’t wrong there.’

  ‘Dylan, why are you still out at this time? Are you not working tomorrow?’

  ‘Got the day off. Long weekend for me. Ch-ching! Where are you? I’ll come join you?’

  ‘Err…’

  I try to think of a reason to put him off. My workmates apparently think he’s a stalker; I’m not sure I want to bring these two worlds together at this moment – but what to say?

  ‘We’re in the Granby Tavern.’

  ‘Ah… returning to earth.’ Dylan sounds pleased. ‘That’s my girl. I’ll have you back in the Broken Arms before you know it.’

  I’m left staring at the phone in disapproval, as he cuts the call without saying goodbye. I look at Reyes and Amir.

  ‘That was… my stalker. He’s coming to join us.’

  ‘Right.’ Amir looks perplexed. ‘So, not an unwelcome stalker. Is he actually someone you’re secretly in love with?’

  ‘Definitely not.’ I shake my head firmly.

  ‘Then he must be… a friend?’ Reyes looks as confused as Amir.

  ‘Well, yes… but maybe closer to an annoying big brother… dishes out a little too much tough love… oh, Dylan, that was quick. Hi.’ I’m caught off guard as Dylan suddenly appears at our table. ‘You look smart.’

  I take in his suited and booted attire. It’s not a look I’ve seen on him before – his workplace not having a dress code and his preference being for hoodies and jeans. It suits him. He actually looks quite handsome.

  ‘Thanks. Pints, anyone?’ Dylan asks, before I can even introduce him.

  ‘We’re on Tennent’s – cheers, mate.’ Amir signals for himself and Reyes, earning a thumbs-up of approval from Dylan.

  He looks at my glass. ‘Gin and tonic, Squirt?’

  ‘Yes. Please.’ I sigh, embarrassed at his use of my childhood nickname in front of my workmates.

  Dylan, oblivious to his error, heads to the bar to order the drinks.