The Line That Binds

by Carolyn LaRoche

  "I'll follow behind in the car," Vivian said as they closed the doors to the back of the ambulance.

  Two hours later, she sat in a hard, plastic chair while a nurse hooked up an i.v. to her husband.

  "I still don't understand why I have to stay the night." Antonio glared at the nurse.

  "Doctor's orders," she replied, cheerfully, finishing her business and practically skipping from the room.

  "You don't have to give everyone a hard time, do you?" Vivian asked, reaching for Antonio's hand.

  He waved his free hand, indicating the small room. "This whole thing is stupid. There is nothing wrong with me."

  "Right. Besides four stitches and a concussion, you're just dandy."

  "I'm only staying here one night."

  Vivian shrugged. "Sure. As long as the doctor agrees."

  Her phone chimed an incoming text from Tony.

  How's Dad?

  Vivian: Looks like he is staying the night. You okay?

  Tony: I'm fine. You don't have to rush.

  Vivian: I will be home in an hour or two, once I'm sure your father won't harass everyone who comes in here.

  Tony: Okay. I'm glad he's all right. I was scared.

  Vivian: Me too, baby. Me too.

  She tucked her phone back in her purse. "That was Tony. He was just checking on you. Your little accident scared him."

  "Tell him I'm sorry." He picked at a thread on the scratchy hospital blanket. "I just keep fucking everything up."

  She squeezed his hand. "This too shall pass."

  "You go on home and get some sleep. I don't like Tony being home alone all night."

  "You sure you don't want me to stay a little longer? It's only nine o'clock."

  "Nah. The meds they gave me downstairs are making me sleepy." He yawned. "I'll be asleep by the time you get to the car."

  Vivian leaned down and kissed his cheek. "Don't you ever scare me like that again, you hear?"

  He reached up and cupped her cheek. "I love you, Viv. Don't ever give up on me, okay?"

  Her eyes burned a little from unshed tears. "I will always have your six, baby. You know that."

  Antonio nodded. "I am a lucky man. The luckiest."

  Vivian kissed him once more than picked up her purse and left, feeling like she'd left a piece of her heart in that bed.

  On the way home, her phone rang. Grabbing it, she answered without looking at the call screen, fully expecting it to be Tony checking in.

  "Hello?"

  "Hey, is everything okay?"

  "Eleanor! I'm so sorry. I completely forgot to text you and Mari. Antonio slipped in the shower and whacked his head pretty good."

  "Oh no! Is he all right?"

  Vivian turned down the road that led to their house, grateful to almost be home. "I just left the hospital. They are keeping him overnight for observation. The fall gave him a concussion and four stitches to his eyebrow."

  "The hospital! Do you need anything?" She could hear the panic in Eleanor's voice.

  "No. He's fine. I'm fine. They just want to watch him because of the concussion. He'd had alcohol before he slipped so there is some extra concern."

  "He's been drinking more than usual, hasn't he?"

  Vivian sighed. "Yes. And I don't know what to do about it. I'm hoping this trip to the hospital makes him see what I've been trying to tell him."

  "It might be what he needs to show him he needs to stop."

  Vivian pulled in to the driveway. Tony had turned the porch light on for her, thankfully. Their yard always felt so dark at night with the nearest street lights two houses away on either side. "I hope so. I'm going to go inside now and crawl into bed. I'm exhausted. I'll text Mari real quick before I pass out."

  "I'll do it. You go to bed. I don't sleep much these days so it will give me something to do."

  "You know you can come here and stay if you want to. I can't imagine being alone all the time."

  Eleanor let out a heavy breath. "It's the hardest thing I've ever done aside from saying good bye to my husband on his death bed. But, it's my new normal, and I've got to figure out how to live with it. You go on inside now. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

  "Okay. Thanks for checking in. I'm sorry I forgot to call you."

  "Good night, Vivian."

  The call disconnected and Vivian tucked the phone back into her purse before leaving her car. The sidewalk was slick so she moved slow. After what felt like forever, she finally made it to the door and went inside.

  "Mom? That you?" Tony called from his bedroom.

  "Yeah."

  "Dad doing okay?" He appeared at the top of the steps, concern etched in tiny lines on his young face.

  "He'll be fine. Just being his usual pain in the butt self, hassling the nurses and such."

  Tony walked halfway down the stairs and sat on one of the steps. "It's my fault, isn't it?"

  "What?" Vivian looked up from the shoe she was untying. "No. Why would you think that?"

  "Because I picked the fight over the trash. If I'd just done it after school like I was supposed to, none of this would have happened."

  "Listen to me, son. This was your father's doing, not yours. That fiery Italian temper is all his."

  "I know. It's just, I left the trash full on purpose because I knew it would get him upset. I'm just so mad at him lately. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be angry at him but I can't seem to help it. After the fight, the guys on the team—"

  Vivian knelt on the step in front of Tony and lifted his chin with her fingers so he'd have to make eye contact. "They don't know anything about our life. You have no reason to listen to any of them. Your father is a good man going through a hard time. We love him in good times and in bad, right?"

  Tony nodded. "Yeah."

  She leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "You're a good boy, Tony. The very best. You make us both proud, you know that, right?"

  He nodded again. "Yeah." Tony used the rails to pull himself up. "I've got some homework to finish."

  "I'm going to bed. It's been one heck of a long day."

  "Good night, Mom." He walked up the stairs.

  "Good night, baby. Love you."

  "Love you too," he called back from somewhere in the upstairs hallway.

  Vivian checked all the door locks then climbed the stairs to her bedroom. The blanket on the bed where he'd tossed it made her smile. That man would be the death of her before it was all done and over.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Eleanor

  The sound of the doorbell echoed through the empty house making her drop the pan she was washing into the sink. It was after seven pm and she wasn't expecting anyone. The last time she'd got an unexpected visitor—

  Eleanor grabbed her phone on the way to the door, in case she needed to call for help.

  The bell rang again, followed by rapid knocking. She contemplated just dialing 9-1-1 but took her chances by looking through the glass next to the door instead.

  "Eleanor! Come on, girl! Let us in, it's freezing out here!" Vivian's muffled voice carried through the door.

  Eleanor turned the knob and yanked the door open. "You scared me! I was about to call the cops."

  Vivian and Marietta rushed past her, each one carrying bags and stomping their feet against the tile.

  "Hey, that's snow. When did it snow?" Eleanor pulled the door open again and looked outside. Tiny white crystals floated through the air, highlighted by the dark sky above.

  "When was the last time you left this house?" Vivian asked.

  Eleanor shrugged. "When we went shopping the other night, I guess."

  "It's worse than I thought." Marietta set her bags down and took off her winter coat.

  "What's all that stuff?" Eleanor pointed to the bags Marietta had put down.

  "Supplies." Marietta picked them up and walked toward the kitchen.

  "What is she up to?" Eleanor asked Vivian.

  Vivian wrapped an arm around her shoulders and
steered her toward the kitchen. "We knew we could never convince you to go out so we brought the fun to you."

  "What kind of fun?" Eleanor eyed her friend suspiciously.

  "We're having a junk food party!" Marietta had dumped her bags out on the counter. Chips, various types of chocolates, ice cream with a variety of toppings, and chocolate chip cookies were all spread out.

  "Junk food party?" Eleanor asked.

  "You said you aren't sleeping at night so Mari and I decided to come over and keep you company. I brought wine and nacho dip." Vivian set her bag on the counter top. "Oh, and some Bailey's Irish Cream to make special Mommy milkshakes."

  "Mommy milkshakes? It's like ten degrees outside." Eleanor rubbed her hands up and down her arms for emphasis.

  "Oh, don't worry. These will warm you from the inside."

  "You wouldn't rather be home with Antonio?" Eleanor asked.

  Vivian held up her hands in surrender. "I need a break. Just to regroup. Between his nightmares, the drinking, and the hospital stay, I have no idea how to help him."

  Eleanor picked up the nacho dip and bag of chips and took it to the table. Grabbing some plates, she went and sat down. "I wish there were something I could do or say. I know it's because of Gary. Unfortunately, I'm pretty useless these days myself. I just ramble around this big, empty house where everything reminds me of the life I used to have, feeling sorry for myself."

  Marietta opened the cookies and sat down with her. "Have you considered moving?"

  Eleanor shook her head. "This is the only home Jameson and Jackson have ever known. How do I take that away from them now? They've already lost so much."

  Vivian pulled the blender out of the cabinet underneath the island and started scooping ice cream into it. "Maybe they'd be okay with it? I mean, if it makes you sad, maybe it makes them sad too."

  Eleanor swirled a chip around in the dip. "Maybe."

  Marietta patted her arm. "There's no need to decide tonight. Tonight, we eat, drink, and act like we just don't care about anything."

  Vivian finished shoving things into the blender and hit the switch. "Oh crap!"

  Ice cream and milk and frozen fruit shot straight into the air, landing on her head and coating the ceiling in a fruity, chocolately mist. She jabbed at the buttons over and over but the blender wouldn’t turn off. Finally, she just yanked at the cord, pulling it out of the outlet.

  "Uh, Viv? Did you maybe forget something?" Marietta asked, her body shaking with laughter.

  "Scooping the ice cream off the ceiling makes the shake smoother," Vivian snapped. "I saw it on T.V."

  Eleanor looked at her two friends, the mess on the counter, and the chocolate ice cream dotting the ceiling and lost it. She laughed so hard her stomach ached and her face hurt.

  Marietta joined her. Vivian shot them both the evil eye, her hands on her hips and a scowl on her lips.

  "Oh, come on, Viv. It's freaking funny and you know it!" Marietta said, between gasps for air.

  "Go ahead, have your fun at my expense. There's nothing funny—" A large blob of ice cream let go of the ceiling and landed on Vivian's head. Little chocolate rivers ran through her bangs and down the sides of her temples. A third stream followed the contours of her nose, running to the end and dripping onto the front of her shirt.

  Eleanor laughed so hard she slipped off her chair. She lay there on the floor, tears running from her eyes as the laughter just kept coming.

  "Even you have to know that's funny," Marietta said, as round two overtook her as well.

  Vivian stuck out her tongue and caught some of the ice cream as it dripped from the end of her nose. "Mmm…tasty."

  This made Eleanor laugh even harder.

  "Oh yeah? Let me try." Marietta reached up and swiped at one of the chocolate streaks on Vivian's face with her index finger. Licking it off she moaned exaggeratedly. "Oh, that is good." Marietta snort-laughed, setting them all off this time.

  Vivian grabbed for a towel and started wiping at her hair and face, smearing the now sticky substance all over herself. Eleanor lay curled up in a ball on the floor, laugh-crying and Marietta laughed harder every time she looked from her to Vivian and back.

  Eventually, they all calmed down enough to breath normally. Eleanor rolled on to her back and looked up at her ceiling. "It looks kind of rustic farmhouse. Think anyone will know it's chocolate ice cream or should I actually attempt to clean it?"

  Marietta lowered herself to the floor and stretched out on her back next to Eleanor, pointing at a cluster of splatter marks. "I don't know. It kinda looks like the big dipper to me. And over there is the little dipper."

  Vivian tipped her head back and looked up. "No. I think it looks like blood spatter. Arterial. See the shape?"

  "Girl, you been reading too many crime novels." Marietta pointed up again. "You don't see that? The big dipper, I tell you."

  "You girls are too much. This is the best I've felt since the night Gary died."

  "Even though you might have to have your ceiling painted?" Vivian asked.

  Eleanor shrugged, from her position still on the floor. "Eh, that's what I have sons for. And those sons will be home in a few days for winter break."

  "It will keep them out of trouble for a couple days." Marietta sat up.

  Eleanor pulled herself up into a sitting position as well, leaning against the back of the kitchen island. "Thank you for being the best friends a girl could ever have. Not everyone would go to such great lengths to cheer me up."

  Vivian's face turned bright red. "It was an accident!"

  "Sure it was," Marietta said.

  Vivian leaned over the counter and looked down at Eleanor. "So, El, I was wondering—"

  "You can use my bathroom. There's tee shirts and leggings in my dresser."

  "Thanks, girl." Vivian left the kitchen and headed up the stairs.

  Eleanor turned to Marietta. "She's not telling me everything, is she?"

  "About what?"

  "Antonio. What's really going on with him."

  Marietta sighed. "Ricky says he's losing it. Got into a fight at Tony's ball game, and then there was the whole bar fight and falling in the shower thing. Did she tell you about the dream he had where he nearly tried to kill her?"

  "What? Are you serious? No, she didn't tell me about that."

  "Yeah." Marietta stood up and grabbed a towel to start wiping up the mess. "She woke up with him kneeling on her chest. Vivian rolled and threw him to the floor but he had no idea what had had happened when he woke up."

  Eleanor grabbed the edge of the counter and used it to pull herself up off the floor. "Poor Vivian. Poor Antonio. He needs help."

  "You know how they are. He doesn't want to go because he doesn't want anyone to know he's struggling. Damn men and their ridiculous egos."

  Eleanor pulled a towel from a drawer and wet it then started wiping up the mess with Marietta. "How's Ricky doing with everything?"

  "About how you'd expect. Working a lot. Bottling it all up. The usual."

  Eleanor rinsed her towel in the sink and watched as the water rinsed the brown fluid away. "I don't know which is worse, pretending it never happened or accepting that it did."

  Marietta wrapped an arm around her shoulders and squeezed. "I don't think there is a right answer to that question."

  Eleanor dropped her towel in the sink, turned around and leaned against the counter. "Christmas is in a week. I haven't even put up a tree. I've barely bought gifts for anyone but the twins. Nothing feels right without Gary."

  Marietta turned and leaned against the counter as well. "Mama said the whole first year is the hardest because of all firsts. Just get through this holiday season as best as you can. No one expects you to be Susie Homemaker right now. The boys will understand."

  "I don't want anything else to be different for them."

  "That's the thing, though, El. It is different now and they have to work through that, same as you."

  Eleanor rubbed her hands o
ver her face. "I'm just so angry all the time now. I want to know why Gary? Why did this happen to our family? He was a good, honest cop. We are good people. We do all the right things. I just want to know why."

  Marietta leaned over and rested her head on Eleanor's shoulder. "I wish I had those answers for you. I'd give anything to be able to put your heart at ease."

  "I don’t think my heart will ever feel anything but sadness ever again."

  "I know it feels that way now—"

  "He was part of me. And now it feels like I've lost a limb. A piece of my very soul is gone." Eleanor wiped at her eyes. "And, now I'm crying again."

  Eleanor crossed the room to the refrigerator. She opened the door and grabbed a half full bottle of wine. Popping out the cork, she brought the bottle to her lips and drank. The cold liquid burned as it passed through her esophagus, matching the permanent ache in her chest.

  When the bottle was empty, she set it down on the counter.

  "Feel better?" Marietta asked, laughing.

  "Not really, but give it a minute."

  Marietta motioned to the table and chairs. "Why don't you sit over there and pig out on junk food while I finish cleaning up this mess. If Vivian ever gets back down here, we can watch a movie or something."

  Eleanor laughed a little. "She will be awhile. Gary had that double shower head arrangement installed when we redid the bathroom. It's life altering."

  "Ha. Now I know this whole thing was on purpose then."

  "Thanks for coming over tonight. I get so lonely here when the twins are gone."

  "My house is always open to you. Ricky works so much lately, I'm alone most nights anyway."

  Eleanor shrugged. "Like I said, I really have to learn to do this on my own. It would be a whole lot easier if I'd had some say in it or at least a little warning, but I didn't so, I just keep muddling along. Gary worked nights. I should be used to it anyway." She held up a chocolate chip cookie. "Thank God for wine and cookies to help me though it."

  Vivian appeared in the doorway, her hair wrapped in a pink towel. "Holy crap, Eleanor. Why aren't you in that shower all the time? If I lived here, I'd never leave."

  Eleanor looked at Marietta. "Told you it was life altering."