Ties That Bind (Club Risque Book 3)

by Poppy Flynn

  He was saved from having to make that decision when Trinity, herself, performing her preliminary evening checks in her role as assistant manager, stopped in the doorway of the suspension room and brought what had started to become a rather awkward silence to an end.

  "Good evening, Master Baku."

  "Good evening, Trinity." Logan smiled politely, aware of the look Luanna slanted him from the corner of her eyes at the honorific.

  "I'd like you to meet my companion, Luanna." He gestured towards her. "Luanna, this is Trinity. She's the club's assistant manager."

  Luanna recognised the unusual name. In person, Trinity reminded her of a pixie. She was tiny, both in her petite size and her diminutive height. Next to her, Luanna felt like a hulking Amazon. She could barely be an inch or two over five-foot tall, and her short, spikey hair was dyed a bold red and suited her delicate heart shaped face and pointed chin. Her eyes seemed huge amidst her delicate features and were a startling silvery colour, but there seemed to be a deep, entrenched sadness ingrained in their depths, despite her sweet smile. Still, she was stunningly beautiful, and Luanna judged her to be somewhere in her late twenties.

  Trinity smiled and inclined her head but didn't make any move to shake hands. "Nice to meet you, Luanna. I hope you're enjoying your tour."

  Luanna returned the greeting, aware that despite the other woman's managerial role, the feeling in the room had shifted to a distinct deference towards Logan. She wasn't sure exactly how she felt about that, except that it was yet another thing that made her uncomfortable. Was she allowed to speak or was she just to wait until she was addressed? What was the protocol here? She found herself irritated and short tempered at the lack of knowledge. And what was with the names?

  As if he read her mind, Logan squeezed her fingers and said, "I wouldn't normally introduce you by your given name, but since Trinity deals with the administrative side of things, she would know your details, anyway. Many members and guests choose to use a pseudonym, for the sake of anonymity. I am mostly known as Master Baku, though admittedly, that's a name given to me rather than chosen. It comes from the word kinbakushi or 'bakushi' in its shortened form, which is one of the titles given to a rope master.

  Luanna nodded her understanding. Of course, Trinity must also be a pseudonym, she realised.

  "Master Micah has requested a moment of your time, Master Baku. Perhaps I could be of some assistance to Luanna while you are indisposed?"

  Logan sighed. He really didn't want to leave Luanna while on this first visit. Especially with the huge amount of quiet ambivalence she was displaying, but as one of the four co-owners of the establishment, he couldn't deny his manager's needs. Of course, that wasn't something he could easily explain to Luanna. His ownership of the club was rapidly becoming a sticky issue. One that had the capacity to blow up in his face if he didn't address it soon. But now wasn't the time or the place.

  "Thank you, Trinity," Logan acknowledged. "I'll be as quick as I can."

  Luanna bristled at the exchange and the fact that the entire discussion had seemed to sideline her completely. No one had addressed her directly, and no one had asked her opinion, just arranged things around her and expected her to fall into line. It rankled.

  "You're not happy," Trinity observed as Logan left the room.

  Luanna laughed humourlessly. "I was hoping it wasn't that obvious."

  "Maybe I can help you feel more at ease. Aside from being the assistant manager here, I've worked as a club sub for a long time now."

  "That means nothing to me, Trinity. I have no idea what a 'club sub' is. I guess that's half of the problem. I don't know enough about any of this."

  Trinity observed Luanna carefully then closed the door to the suspension room and indicated a large, comfortable chaise longue, which obviously doubled as both bed and aftercare provision, in order to keep extraneous furnishings to a minimum.

  "A club sub is an experienced submissive, usually unattached, who chooses to help out around the club," she informed as she curled up in the corner of the seat, her body angled towards Luanna. "Anything from supporting new members, answering questions, helping out in demonstrations or escorting out of town guests to being available for scenes or dungeon monitor duties. I know how daunting it can be to come into the lifestyle from a position of ignorance."

  "Do you, though; do you really?" Luanna queried earnestly as she perched primly on the edge of the low-slung couch.

  Trinity tipped her head on one side and considered the other woman. She could see Luanna was struggling, sensed that she was close to bolting.

  Of all the owners, Trinity was incredibly fond of Logan. He was dependable, honourable and consistent. You always knew exactly where you stood with him, and above all, he really, truly cared about all of the subs he encountered, whether in scenes or just within the club, in general. Unlike some of the Doms who could sometimes come across as arrogant or imperious, Logan was a gentle soul. They had scened together many times in the past, far too many to count, but they had never had sex. He was one of those Doms who truly understood BDSM on a more spiritual level. There were plenty who indulged in their thrills and expected intercourse as the finale. She didn't blame them; that was the norm. None of them would push the issue, because they were all still good, decent men who abided by the codes, but Logan, more than anyone else she knew, had the ability to separate the two with a far more intellectual insight. He deserved a little happiness, and if Trinity could help with that, then she was more than willing to give it a try, even if it meant opening up a little more of herself than she would normally consider.

  "I rarely discuss my own journey into the lifestyle," Trinity disclosed quietly, "Only Micah knows the gist of it, and only then, because he's the psych profiler."

  "Please," Luanna held up a hand to stop the other woman, "I don't want you to tell me anything you're not comfortable with. If you say you know how I feel, then I believe you."

  Trinity smiled, a huge, genuine smile. Yes, she liked Logan's Luanna. Most other people would be hanging onto her every word with baited curiosity, impatient to hear the story they knew was there but which she never mentioned. The fact that Luanna wasn't made it easier to tell.

  "When I was seventeen, I met a man whom I fell very deeply in love with. I was young and impressionable and foolish." Trinity sighed, and her eyes took on the glazed appearance of someone looking far back into the past.

  "He was older than I was and didn't want a 'relationship'. He had all kinds of reasons, and I acknowledged and accepted each and every one of them. And at the time, even I knew I was too young for him."

  Luanna felt the tug of understanding and compassion.

  "We became good friends. Close friends. For over two years, we were 'mates', drinking buddies, dinner companions, event escorts."

  Luanna felt her stomach clench. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear how this sweet, fairy-like girl had been hurt, but she knew instinctively that she had, and whatever she was about to hear was the source of the shadowed sadness that haunted Trinity's silver eyes.

  "When I was nineteen, I guess he decided I was old enough, mature enough, to take things further, and instead of being just friends, we became 'friends with benefits'. As naïve as I was, I took it to be a sign that he was ready to move things forward, even though he was completely up front about the fact that he still wasn't ready for a relationship."

  Luanna sat back on the chaise and made herself more comfortable but made no comment, simply maintaining what she hoped was a companionable silence.

  "For almost three and a half years, we maintained that same 'non' relationship. I made myself available to his every beck and call. I loved him so very much, and I thought if I was everything he wanted me to be, if I left him alone when he wanted his privacy, if I didn't pressure him with my own desires, if I played it cool and let things trip along just the way they were, then one day, he'd realise that we were actually in a relationship, even if he hesitated to call it one."
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br />   Trinity curled her bare feet up underneath her, and her distant eyes turned a cloudy grey and shimmered with moisture.

  "The day he said he had something to tell me was the day I thought he'd finally realised we were something more than just 'fuck buddies'. It had been almost four years, after all."

  Luanna frowned and bit her lip, and Trinity's eyes hardened and flashed lightening instead of the rain Luanna had feared.

  "Instead, he told me he had met someone. Not just met someone; he was getting engaged. This man, who had so many reasons for not wanting a relationship, whom I had given so many years of my life to in the hope of eventually receiving something more, was calling to tell me he was marrying somebody else. Just like that."

  Trinity laughed bitterly. "He told me that I was special, that we'd always be the closest of friends, and I believed that, too, for a while. Grasping at straws maybe. Anyhow, his new fiancée didn't like that idea. After six years of being by his side, of never being acknowledged as anything more than a friend, he didn't even bother inviting me to his wedding. Not that I would have gone, I don't suppose. No, that would have been too much of a torture," she mused quietly as if she were talking to herself. "There I was, in limbo, after all. No official break-up because we'd never been an official couple, no provocation, no furious argument or bitter words. No big fight to get my teeth into and ease my heartache with some justifiable anger where I could vent my frustration and play the woman scorned. No packing up the parts of our lives that had overlapped, because there were none. No friends coming over to see if I was okay or to cheer me up. No closure. Just nothing. Six years of my life, all boiled down to…nothing.

  Trinity was silent for a moment. Then she shook her head and looked at Luanna with something akin to surprise.

  "Sorry, I digress, I didn't mean to go quite so far into it." She frowned. "Maybe I just needed to get it off my own chest. You're a good listener, Luanna." Trinity smiled.

  "But back to the point." She took a deep breath. "The reason he gave for marrying this woman was that they were so in tune with each other. Physically, emotionally. She was into BDSM. She mirrored his sexual needs, his need for kink. Needs he'd never even bothered to mention to me, even though we'd been lovers for years. I felt so damn inadequate, even though I'd never been allowed the opportunity to prove otherwise. I'd been a virgin, after all, and everything I knew about sex, I'd learned from him, but I hadn't been enough of anything to him for him to bother teaching me what he needed in return."

  Trinity closed her eyes, inhaled a long, deep breath then let it out slowly. And it was as if she was physically purging herself.

  "Anyway," she went on, matter-of-factly, turning her eyes to Luanna. "The upshot was that I decided to find out for myself exactly what it was that I'd been thrown over for. It was scary, exploring this lifestyle on my own with no one to bounce my fears and trepidation off of. To try to work out if it was something I was exploring for myself or if it was something I was doing because subconsciously I thought it would make me more attractive to a man who, despite everything, I was still in love with. Thank God for Master Micah!"

  She levelled a serious look at Luanna. "If you have doubts of any kind, you should talk to Micah. He helped me to see that I have an inherently passive and compliant personality and that was why I had allowed myself to be used the way I had. Surprisingly, the lifestyle suited me. It allowed me to indulge my submissive nature but ultimately be in control of that character trait, so I avoid being taken advantage of all over again. I am what is known as a service sub. I take the greatest pleasure from feeding the needs of others, whatever those needs might be. The lifestyle provides a positive outlet for me, and the psych profile made me realise that I'm susceptible to being exploited in that respect. BDSM provides me with a safety net that prevents that from happening in my day to day life."

  Trinity's words were a complete eye opener. For the very first time, Luanna understood that she finally viewed Logan's chosen lifestyle in a more positive light. Not that she had ever meant to see it negatively, but there had been so much that was at odds with how she lived her life that she had become bogged down in a slightly discouraging perception. It was certainly true that she had struggled to see past the generalities imposed by societal norms.

  Maybe she had a compliant nature as well, because she had certainly knuckled down to what society had expected her to be—forcing down any of her true desires, avoiding anything and everything that she thought might be viewed critically, even just simple nights out with friends. All in order to be seen as a mature and responsible adult; to be the perfect mother and not a teenage whore who'd opened her legs one time too many—even if it had only been one time—and had gotten caught out.

  Leaning forward, she raised her hand and squeezed Trinity's shoulder. "Thank you for telling me your story. It's helped me see things in a different light, and I'm truly grateful for that." She hesitated then plunged ahead with the thought that was foremost in her mind. "He didn't deserve you, Trinity. To throw away that kind of unconditional love; he really didn't deserve you."

  Trinity gave a sad smile. "Maybe. Probably. Didn't change the way I felt about him, though. The important thing is that I realised my own worth, I like to think positively and believe that he did me a favour. Who knows how many more years I might have allowed that situation to go on for, always shoving aside my own wants and needs, never making any demands, never telling him how I felt or what I really wanted from him. That's on me."

  She cleared her throat and sat up a little straighter. "That's why I know that the important thing for you and Logan is to communicate. Talk about all the things that worry you, the things you don't understand. Talk to Micah, forget the fact that he's the manager here, and take it from me that he really is a fantastically insightful psychologist. And don't make any decisions based on your first visit here. Whether you love it or are petrified by it, the first time is always overwhelming. Give things time to settle, get your own thoughts and desires straight, and come back again before you decide whether or not this is for you. But make sure you talk it all through. With Logan, with Micah, with any other friends you have in the lifestyle. Come and talk to me, if you want to, but whatever you do, don't try to second guess your way through this, because that will never work."

  And that, Luanna thought to herself, was exactly what she had been doing.

  Chapter 9

  Trinity's words had clearly struck a chord. Logan didn't know what she had said, but he was certainly grateful for it. When he'd returned from his meeting with Micah, somehow expecting the worst, he had instead found Luanna a great deal more relaxed and far more positive than she had been all evening. Of course, he should have known that Trinity would find her way to the heart of the matter. She was special, and Logan was extremely fond of her. When they had first met, five years before, Logan had held out a brief hope that they might become more, but it had become clear, very early on, that she'd been nursing a hopelessly broken heart and her soul wasn't ready for another relationship. Still wasn't now, if he was honest with himself, and that had always upset him, because she deserved to be happy, to be loved for the beautiful person that she truly was, both on the outside and, more importantly, on the inside.

  He wasn't surprised when Luanna asked if they could go home, fairly soon after he got back to her, but things didn't have quite the same feeling of doom that had been creeping insidiously into their evening.

  She surprised him even further as they drove the dark streets back to her home when she said, "I'd like to go back to the club next week, if that's okay with you."

  "I'd love to take you again," he replied with honest conviction as he tried to calm the way his heart jumped at the declaration. "But I have to admit that I'm a little surprised. I really didn't think you enjoyed yourself that much."

  "I wasn't prepared for it," Luanna revealed truthfully. "I didn't want to second guess myself and talk myself out of acting, so I jumped in without much thought. In r
etrospect, that was just as much of a mistake. I was overwhelmed and undereducated. I didn't know what to expect or what to do. I wasn't sure how to act or whether I was allowed to speak or not. There were vibes and protocols I didn't understand that were unfamiliar to me, and all that made me uncomfortable and withdrawn. Trinity made me see things in a different light. She told me to give it a second chance, because the first was always overwhelming. She made me realise the importance of talking through how I feel about everything." She turned to look at Logan as he pulled up in front of her apartment block. "We do need to talk."

  Logan switched off the engine and turned to her before she could get out of the car. "I'm always here for you to talk to about anything. Whatever it is, no matter how big or small, whether it involves the lifestyle or just us or anything else that you need to get off your chest. If nothing else, I hope you believe that, because communication is everything when it comes to BDSM. A happy, healthy D/s relationship can't work without it, and I honestly believe that the same goes for any other intimate relationship."

  They walked hand in hand into her little flat, a new peace between them, and fell onto the couch together. The talking would wait until tomorrow.

  "I won't deny that I've wanted to photograph you in suspension as my Shibari model, from almost the very first time I met you. I thought you would make the perfect canvas."

  "What, no fancy Japanese name for a model?" Luanna joked.

  "Nope. They're just called the model or the canvas."

  "Well, I think I prefer to be called a model and not addressed as a piece of stretched parchment!" she teased.

  Logan smiled indulgently and leaned forward from where they were curled up on the couch, surrounded by a mountain of jewel toned cushions, and gave her a lingering kiss, the movie they'd put on to watch muted and forgotten.